


Dark Paradise

by lovesafragilelittleflame



Series: Hopeless Kingdom [3]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:01:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 186,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28792110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesafragilelittleflame/pseuds/lovesafragilelittleflame
Summary: {Hopeless Series - Part Three} Hollywood and the mafia never mixed well together. That is, until mob boss Edward Cullen married the actress of the century. Now everyone wants in on the action. AU/AH
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Series: Hopeless Kingdom [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/950964
Kudos: 10





	1. Million Dollar Man

DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

**_ Dark Paradise _ **

_You got the world, but baby, at what price? Something so strange, hard to define. It isn’t that hard, boy, to like you or love you. I’d follow you down, down, down; you’re unbelievable. If you’re going crazy, just grab me and take me. I’d follow you down, down, down; anywhere. One for the money, two for the show. I love you, honey; I’m ready, I’m ready to go. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Million Dollar Man**_

**_…Dark…_ **

**BPOV**

Sitting on the counter, I kept my eyes away from the steamed glass shower door. Instead, I focused on the bowl of oatmeal in my hands, and actively avoided picturing my very naked husband as he washed himself. _Yes, definitely not thinking about that._

As had become our tradition the last couple months, I woke up a few minutes after he got out of bed, scrounged around the house for something to eat, and met him back in the ensuite as he got ready. Morning Edward was one of my favorite Edwards. He was gruff and sleepy and usually half naked.

Every morning I sat on the counter and we shared whatever breakfast I had. Edward shaved and I ogled him. He got dressed in his typical suit and I thought about how much fun I would have taking it off of him later.

It had been about three months since I had been back in Chicago for good. Three blissful, stress free months after what would undoubtedly be the most stressful year I had ever had. Planning and executing a Super Bowl halftime show alone was one thing, doing it on top of a high-profile award season was completely insane. Somehow, I pulled it off. All while winning Best Picture at the Academy Awards. On top of a handful of others. That still felt like a dream, despite the statues I had downstairs.

Needless to say, I was exhausted by the time I got back home with Edward. Edward, who calmed me down after every breakdown, who convinced me I could do it all in the first place. Finally, we had some peace and quiet again.

Edward sauntered out of the shower, taking his time wrapping a towel around his waist. I was fairly certain he did it on purpose, just to taunt me. “Good morning,” he said, giving me a quick kiss before he started covering his chin in shaving cream. Before he started, I held out a spoon full of oatmeal for him.

“What are you going to do today?” he asked me as I watched his hands skillfully run the razor along his chin.

“I’m going to grocery shop,” I said confidently.

“Grocery shop?”

“Yes. People go to stores and buy food to cook. _Grocery shop_.”

“When was the last time you went grocery shopping?” Edward asked as politely as he could. It wasn’t an insult as most people would probably take it. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I personally went grocery shopping and didn’t have the food delivered to me.

“I don’t know. Maybe when I was eighteen or nineteen?” Growing up, I did a lot of the grocery shopping for Renee and Charlie. Things had to still work the same, right?

“You can just order it like we usually do, Bella,” he told me with a smirk that told me all I needed to.

“I think I can handle grocery shopping. It’s very… domestic. That’s what I’m all about these days, you know.” Once my life calmed down and I had time to recuperate from everything, I realized I had never really stayed in one place too long. Never got fully settled, or in a daily routine. The longest I stayed in one place was the island with Edward, but even then, after about a year I started working again.

I wanted some normalcy and domestication. A normal day for a stay at home wife probably consisted of going to the grocery. “So… do you know where the nearest grocery store is?”

Edward shook his head at me but didn’t say anything about my inexperience with the grocery stores in the area. “My mother goes to one about ten minutes away. Ben will take you there.”

We were quiet for a while after that. Edward focused on shaving and I watched every movement he made, fascinated by the way I could see the muscles in his arms move with every twitch of his wrist.

The aging process has been very kind to Edward. He was still young, of course, but I had known him for nearly seven years and he had gotten more attractive as time went on. It wasn’t fair in the slightest, but it was true.

Edward pulled me out of my haze, shoving the spoonful of oatmeal that I had hovering in front of my mouth into his. “It’s not polite to stare.”

“It’s not polite to tease, either.”

Edward rinsed his face, freshly shaven and too handsome to bear. He came to stand between my legs, spreading them just far enough for his hips to slide in place between them. Strong hands pulled me to the edge of the counter, pressing us chest to chest. My bowl of oatmeal clattered to the counter.

“You know I’d do anything you asked me to. I’m the farthest thing from a tease,” Edward growled against my neck, his lips feasting upon my skin. The warmth of his breath, the smooth wetness of his tongue, and the silky smoothness of his neck all had me gripping his back, pulling him as close as possible.

Before I could say anything, Edward’s phone started ringing from the bedroom. We let out matching groans of frustration. Edward ignored the ringing and instead quickly finished getting ready.

I followed him out of the bedroom, retying the belt on my robe from where Edward had nearly undone it.

“I’ll have to meet you at the benefit, is that okay?” Edward asked, coming out of the closet in a crisp, grey suit. _Fuck, that man in a suit…_

Benefit. Focus. “Yes, that’s fine,” I sighed. I would rather cut off my own hand than go to this benefit, but it was fine.

“You don’t have to go, Bella.”

“Well I can’t let them know I don’t want to go. It’s fine. I’ll meet you there,” I said with more confidence. “You’re going to be late, and I have grocery shopping to do.”

_…Dark…_

My shopping cart was full of everything that caught my eye in the store. There were just so many _things_. Apples, always delicious. Bagels, why not? There were seven different kinds of flavored water in the cart, and two different kinds of rice because I had no idea what the difference between them was.

As I was standing in front of what seemed like a million spices, I heard my name being called. Looking over toward the sound I saw Esme walking over, rather begrudgingly, with a blond woman I had never seen before.

_Fan-fucking-tastic._ Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ben tense up as they approached.

“Esme,” I said with a smile. Esme wrapped her arms around me in an awkward hug that I knew was only for appearance’s sake.

“Bella, this is Maria Sanders, we’ve been friends since grade school,” Esme said, a fake smile on her face.

I looked over at the blond woman, surprised to see a pleasant, kind smile on her face. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Isabella. Esme has told me wonderful things about you.” It took a lot of willpower not to scoff at that. “I even caught your Super Bowl performance this year, it was wonderful.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” I responded, pleased that this woman already seemed to like me more than Esme.

“Esme and I were just talking about how we were about $20,000 short for our Children’s Hospital fundraiser this year. Such a pity.”

Mob wife small talk. I could handle that. “Oh? I’d be happy to donate and make up for it, if there’s still time?”

“Edward already made a very generous donation, dear. About a month ago at a Sunday dinner.”

Ah, a subtle dig at the fact that I hadn’t been to Sunday dinner in months. Edward went sometimes, but usually only once a month. Esme knew why we stopped going, everyone knew. Edward hated the way she treated me, and I hated it too. It was understandable if she just didn’t like me, but that didn’t mean she had to be outright rude.

“Oh, well _I_ haven’t,” I said, giving Maria my best smile and ignoring the glare from Esme. “All of my charitable donations go through my foundation. I’ll have them get in contact with you.”

Maria pulled out a card from her purse and handed it to me. “Oh, how wonderful! Thank you, Isabella. It was lovely to run into you.”

“It was nice to meet you, too, Maria,” I replied honestly. It was. She seemed more genuine than Esme. She was still friends with Esme, someone I knew I couldn’t really trust, so I had to keep my distance from her. But, the run in could have been much worse.

“I’ll see you tonight, Bella,” Esme said as she retreated. It sounded more like a threat than a friendly parting.

Leaning against the cart, still in front of the spices, I pulled my phone out to text Edward.

**I hate grocery shopping.**

My day may have turned to shit, but at least Edward would get a laugh out of it.

_Ditch the grocery and come have lunch with me at the office._

There was no shame in admitting defeat to a grocery store. Plenty of people simply ordered their groceries probably. Plus, lunch in his office usually meant Edward was too busy to leave, but still wanted some company.

Ben and I left my cart by the spices and got out of the store as quickly as possible. I stopped at home and grabbed a few things, including my laptop. It was still early. I figured after lunch I could work in Edward’s office for a little while before I had to get ready for tonight.

I stopped and got us a couple of sub sandwiches on the way to his office. I carried the sandwiches and Ben had my other box in his arms. Bypassing Edward’s secretary with nothing more than a smile, I let myself in his office. He was on the phone, so I had Ben put the box on the small coffee table in the corner and sat, waiting for him to be done.

Watching Edward do basically anything was a bit of a turn on but hearing him all authoritative on the phone was especially so. He was gruff and commanding. Too sexy for his own good.

“What’s in the box?” Edward asked before he even set the phone back on the receiver.

Standing, I pulled out the Oscar _reputation_ won for Best Picture, and the Grammy it won for Album of the Year. As always, just seeing my name engraved on the plaques gave me butterflies in my stomach.

The Grammys had been delivered a few weeks ago. At the Oscars, they added your name plate to the statue right in front of you and you left with it. The Grammys took a while longer to actually get delivered.

“I was thinking maybe you should keep these here,” I shrugged. Standing in front of the shelves he had in the corner, most filled with books or other random trinkets. It was obvious he didn’t care about them, I could see Esme or Alice coming in and decorating it for him.

“Bella, those are yours. Keep them in your room at home.”

Shaking my head, I put some of the random trinkets in the box and made a spot for the two statues. “None of that would have happened without you. I like them here,” I said, standing back and looking at them amongst Edward’s things.

Edward gave me everything. He never let me use any of my own money anymore. He pieced me back together after my incarceration, and so long ago after the shooting. It always seemed like he did more for me than I did for him. Whenever I brought it up, he said I took care of him more than I thought, just by being there for him, but I always felt like it wasn’t enough.

The awards were my small way of saying he was everything to me; that I would do anything for him and give him anything he wanted.

Strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind, and Edward’s chin rested on my shoulder. “Have I mentioned how much I love you today?”

“Maybe once this morning.”

“Hmm. Terrible oversight on my part. I really fucking love you.”

After we ate I settled myself on the couch in Edward’s office while he worked and did some work of my own. Mostly, I just had to clean up my inbox and refuse Heidi when she said she had a script she knew I would love. I wasn’t ready to put myself out there again just yet. Skimming her email, I started paying more attention to it when she said there were a few people wanting a writing session with me.

I loved writing songs, but I usually did it alone. I would have a good outline of what I wanted, and then take it to producers and other writers and we would fill it in. I had never really sat down with anyone else and written anything from start to finish. It could be fun, I supposed. I would think about it.

The afternoon was peaceful, sitting in Edward’s office with him while we both worked. I would have to make it a more common thing. He was in a meeting when I had to leave to get ready, so I left him a simple note on his desk, telling him I would meet him at the benefit.

Much too soon, I was walking into the ballroom alone. It was an all too familiar scene before me. Decorations covered the large space, tables fanned across the marble floor. It was a nearly identical scene to the event where I met Edward so long ago.

This time, though, I was his wife and the entire Chicago Police Department had it out for me. I had dreaded the event the first time I came alone, but it was nothing compared to how much I didn’t want to be here now.

There were too many familiar faces surrounding me. Faces I saw during a time in my life I had tried my hardest to forget. Too many uncomfortable memories flooded my mind. To make matters worse, I was the only Cullen here so far.

Sitting at the table, I grabbed a flute of champagne from the first person I saw and quickly downed it. The drink did nothing to take the edge off, so I didn’t hesitate to order something stronger when a waiter came by.

I carefully sipped my drink and traced the pattern on my skirt. I tried to dress as simply as possible. The black strapless top ended at my waist and the golden skirt was pressed with intricate flowing patterns. Simple, but not too simple. A Cullen should never be described as simple, that was what Alice told me once.

Unfortunately, my dress left the tattoo on my back visible, something I should have thought about _before_ getting here.

A warm hand rested on my shoulder as I downed my first drink and I jumped. When I saw Edward sitting next to me I finally relaxed a little.

“You’re entirely too punctual.”

“I don’t like being late to things, no matter how much I don’t want to go to them.”

Edward sighed and looked around the room. He had told me time and time again that I didn’t have to come to this, but I thought it made me seem weak. The last thing I wanted was for the CPD to know how much they got to me.

“We won’t stay too long.”

I nodded, knowing I couldn’t stay for more than a few hours without risking some kind of meltdown. Another drink was placed in front of me and I smiled at the waiter as he left.

Edward pulled the glass from me as I downed half of it in one sip. “Perhaps drinking isn’t the best idea.”

I frowned, but he was probably right. It was just a few hours. I wouldn’t mess with any of them, and they wouldn’t mess with me. Kind of like spiders. Maybe they were more scared of me than I was of them. Yes, that’s how I would look at it from now on.

Edward’s hands covered mine as I tapped my fingers incessantly on the table. The rest of the family started showing up, but I tuned them out. “Bella, it’s okay. They can’t do anything to you. No one is going to mess with you while I’m here.”

“Oh, I got to mess with her quite a bit, Cullen.” A voice that I would recognize anywhere came from behind us. My blood ran cold and my entire body froze. A cold, calloused hand landed on my bare shoulder and made me sick to my stomach. “Got to feel that silky hair between my fingers as I slammed her pretty face down – “

_Riley got up and started walking in a circle around the table like a shark circling its prey. “You’re a great match for Cullen. Both cold blooded murderers, willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want.” He stopped right behind me and I could feel his hands resting on the back of my chair. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “So, tell me, why did you want Volturi dead?”_

_“I’d like my lawyer,” I repeated. I didn’t see it coming, I couldn’t have with him standing behind me. He gripped the back of my head and slammed it into the table._

_“Jesus Christ!” I shouted. I could feel the blood begin to drip from my nose._

When my senses returned and I was no longer trapped in the memory in my mind, Riley was gone and Edward was whispering in my ear. It was hard to understand what he was saying, but I knew they were words meant to comfort me.

“I thought he was…” I had a vague memory of Carlisle telling me he had been fired.

“He was put on probation for a few years, but he’s weaseled his way back up to being a detective,” Edward grunted out, obviously upset he couldn’t get him off of the force for good. “I should have warned you, I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to, uh, splash some water on my face. I’ll be right back.” I made my way as calmly as possible toward the restroom, thankful that it was empty when I walked in.

Wetting one of the hand towels, I pressed it lightly into the skin of my chest and neck, hoping it would help calm my heart. It had been so long since I had a flashback like that. I had done a good job at repressing most of my memories from the trial and the whole situation but seeing so many people who were part of it was messing with my mind.

My head was spinning so much I started to get nauseous, so I leaned over the counter and tried to control my breathing. The door swung open and I immediately straightened myself, but then I saw Edward walk in. “This is the women’s restroom.”

He ignored my statement. “Are you okay?”

I nodded, embarrassed at the whole thing. “Yeah. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t still have these kinds of reactions.”

“You were attacked and harassed for a year by a majority of the people out there. It’s not stupid. I should have never let you come.”

It was cute that he thought he could have forced me to stay home. Edward knew better than to try and force me to do anything. “I should be over it by now.”

“You’ll never completely get over it. It’ll always be in the back of your mind. But, we can move on and fill your mind with a lot more pleasant memories.”

I sighed and leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his back. Edward was here. I wasn’t in handcuffs. Everything would be fine.

“Okay. I’m good,” I said, grabbing his hand and leading us out of the restroom. As we sat down I noticed an odd smile on Emmett’s face, but ignored it. There was a plate of food in front of each of us now, so I used that to distract myself.

A few minutes into the meal, the soft classical music that had been playing in the background turned into an all too familiar tune. _Fuck, no._ My head perked up and Emmett started laughing from across the table.

“Take that Biers!” he shouted across the room.

_I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined. I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!_

My own voice filled the ballroom. “Jesus, what did you do, Emmett?” I hissed at him. This wasn’t going to help with my plan to lay low tonight.

“These fuckers need to remember who they’re dealing with. I paid off the DJ to play the album on repeat all night.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“What? Why is that bad?” He looked like he truly thought he was doing something I would have enjoyed, but that made it much worse. “Besides, people need to hear my line.”

“Your line?”

“Uh, yeah. _He was running after us, I was screaming ‘Go, go, go!’_ I’m the he, obviously. It’s my crowning moment!” Sure enough, the next song that played had ‘Emmett’s line’ in it.

I slunk back into my seat, but then realized something that had never really occurred to me before. “Were you going to turn me in?”

“What?”

“That night. We’re you going to turn me in?”

“Well, I…”

“You little fucker. I got you out of jail and you were just going to hand me over?” It really wasn’t that big of a deal now, what’s done is done. I just wanted to mess with him now. _Let’s see how you like it, Em._ “Jasper wasn’t chasing us to turn me in.”

“Anyone who tried to get between Edward and you would have been asking to get shot. No way was I going there,” Jasper said, his hands up like he was surrendering.

Our dinner plates were cleared and I began my mental countdown. There couldn’t be much more left to the night. Maybe an hour tops, hopefully.

“Dance with me?” Edward whispered to me, already standing and pulling me to do the same. Before I could protest I heard the song that was playing and decided not to fight him on this one dance.

Edward and I swayed peacefully together as the song I wrote about our wedding played over the speakers. Every once in a while, I could feel Edward’s lips at my ear as he mouthed the words.

“Thanks for not running away this time,” Edward said, looking down at me as the song came to an end.


	2. National Anthem

_I’m your national anthem. God, you’re so handsome. Take me to the Hamptons, Bugatti Veyron. He loves to romance ‘em, reckless abandon. Holding me for ransom, Upper echelon. He says to be cool, but I don’t know how yet. Wind in my hair, hand on the back of my neck. ~ Lana Del Rey, **National Anthem**_

_…Dark…_

**EPOV**

When I woke up this morning, I made sure to be as quiet as possible. For the past seven months, Bella has gotten up with me every morning as I got ready for work. She would sit on the counter as I showered and talk to me as I got dressed. In the beginning, I always told her she should get back to sleep and enjoy a restful morning. She never did, so I stopped suggesting it.

She was always there waiting for me as I got out of the shower because even after the most stressful and exhausting year of her life she still got up at six every morning to see me.

I wasn’t letting that happen today. Today my girl was turning twenty-nine-years old. Bella was never one to fuss about aging or complain about any change in her appearance. I watched her apply an ungodly number of products to her face and skin every night before bed. She told me she started preparing for wrinkles and aging at eighteen, because that was what Hollywood told her to.

So, at twenty-nine I was fairly certain she could pass for at least a twenty-five-year old. Not that it mattered to me, but I was hopeful it meant she wouldn’t get upset at being another year closer to thirty. Alice and Rose had both already crossed that line, and I heard horror stories from Emmett and Jasper.

Once Bella fell asleep last night I made sure to turn off her alarm. If I couldn’t convince her to at least sleep in on her birthday, there was no hope. My whole plan for her actually required her to still be asleep when I left.

After managing to get ready for work without waking her, I left her a note on the bedside table detailing out her day. My phone chirped just as I left a soft kiss to her forehead. _Right on time._

Leaving Bella sleeping peacefully, I went downstairs to let Kate in. I had her flown in early this morning, a surprise I knew Bella would love. They didn’t get to see each other much these days, and I knew Bella missed her friend. Kate was busy with her own life in Los Angeles with her husband and two children, but she was still as supportive of her best friend as she could be.

Kate and I had our rough patches, but we both cared about Bella and that was enough for us. She readily agreed when I called her and asked if she wanted to spend Bella’s birthday with her.

“You’re already checked in, you can go right up to the room when you get there. A schedule of everything will be waiting,” I told her, handing her the room key I had picked up last night before coming home.

“Sounds good. I’ll see you this afternoon?”

I nodded. “Have fun,” I told her. They would have a day of relaxation. Bella and Kate would have a morning brunch waiting for them when they got there, and a few hours to catch up before Alice and Rosalie joined them for some more pampering. Nails would be painted, skin scrubbed… a lot of things I didn’t understand but I knew women liked to pamper themselves with.

My morning had to be spent at work, but I managed to clear my afternoon and night for Bella. I could have gone all out; the best restaurant followed by a lavish night out around Chicago. My wife preferred the simple things, though, especially on her birthday. She never liked her birthday, not after she found out who had actually given birth to her. I refused to let her dwell on that so I liked to give her simple, but distracting parties each year when I could.

Before I even made it to the office my phone beeped with a message.

**Thank you. I love you. A lot.**

A smile covered my face, imaging how excited Bella would have been to see Kate when she woke up. My typical birthday wake-up call for her was my head between her legs, but I had plans for that later tonight.

_I love you. Enjoy your day, birthday girl. I’ll see you this afternoon._

Worked dragged on. Today was set aside for my actual, legal business dealings. It was full of paperwork and finance meetings and all of the shit I usually delegated to others as long as I could, until I needed the final summary of everything. Days like today were exceptionally dull, but at least I had the night to look forward to.

It was nearing four in the afternoon when I pulled up to the luxury hotel I had booked for this evening. The women should be sequestered in a bedroom, all getting ready while the catering crew set up everything in the small dining room.

As I entered I bypassed the workers and went straight for the master bedroom. Before I could knock on the door, Rosalie swung it open and nearly barged into me.

“Oh! Good, you’re here. Bella’s just finishing up. She’s yours until Emmett and Jasper get here,” Rosalie said with a smile. She pulled Alice along behind her, who had Kate behind her. It was a train of giggling women, but not the one I cared about.

Bella was in the ensuite, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. It gave me a few moments to look at her before she realized I was here. Every day I had a favorite thing about her. Somedays it was the way her hair fell across her shoulders, pure silk I couldn’t help but run my fingers through. Sometimes it was her humor, that dry wit that most people couldn’t keep up with. Today, it was everything. The peaceful calm that she was giving off in waves, the slope of her neck covered in the necklaces I gave her on our wedding night, and the soft smile she had on her lips.

Bella turned to leave the room, jumping back slightly as she saw me standing there. “Oh! Hi,” she said, a slight blush creeping up her neck.

“Happy birthday, my love,” I said, pulling the single daisy out of my jacket pocket. The daisies started out as a small token I could give her during her trial, and I knew they had always been one of her favorite flowers. I had taken to bringing them home to her more often after she told me how much she loved them. Instead of handing it to her, I tucked the short stem behind her ear, letting her hair fall around it.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her arms wrapping around my waist. “Thank you for flying Kate out here. I haven’t seen her in… I don’t know how long. It was the best birthday present.”

Kissing the top of her head, the scent of strawberries, vanilla, and Bella assaulted my senses. I wrapped my hands around her waist and set her on the counter, stepping back to get a good look at her. She was in a simple, light grey dress that hugged every curve she had.

“Did you have a good day?” I asked, trailing my hand up her calf and enjoying the silky smoothness of her skin.

“Yes,” she said, her voice breathless as I grasped her heeled foot. Her shoes had no covering over her toes, leaving them free for me to pull at her pretty, pale pink toes.

“Good.” I dropped her foot but grasped her thighs in my hands. I had to bunch her dress up so I could spread her wide enough to wrap her legs around me. My head dropped to her bare shoulder, eager to taste the delicate skin there.

“Time to fuckin’ celebrate!” Emmett shouted from the main room, effectively breaking our bubble. Both of us let out frustrated groans.

“What are you doing?” Bella asked, shocked as I pulled the lacy panties she was wearing down her thighs.

“You won’t be needing these,” I said, stuffing them in my pocket.

“But – “

Ignoring her weak protest, I helped her off of the counter, carefully smoothing her dress back down her legs. There was a helpful slit on her right side. I would have to make sure to sit to her right.

The women had spent the few minutes Bella and I were alone decorating the room. Well, it must have been more than a few minutes considering the amount of decorations that now adorned the place. Balloons and streamers now covered every surface. Bella’s urge to sigh was palpable, but she resisted and put a happy smile on her face instead.

The night progressed calmly. A few gifts were given, but everyone knew Bella didn’t really want much. Kate handed her a photo album, full of them over the years. I stood over Bella’s shoulder as she looked through it, watching her and Kate navigate their way through Hollywood in pictures. Alice and Jasper handed her a receipt for their generous donation to Bella’s charity foundation. Emmett and Rosalie said Alec made her gift, but he wanted to give it to her in person at Sunday dinner.

Once everyone else was done, I pushed the long jewelry box toward her. It was a third chain to add to the collection around her neck. This one a dainty heart shaped diamond.

“It’s beautiful,” Bella breathed out. She quickly pulled the necklace from the box and handed it to me. Standing behind her, I gently fastened it around her neck with a kiss to her shoulder.

“Thank you,” she whispered, touching it gently as it rested against her chest. Thankfully, we were past her trying to argue every time I gave her something.

As we ate dinner, I made sure to sit on Bella’s right side. My left hand only left its place on her thigh to travel up her leg and stop to put pressure on her exposed clit. Her fork clattered to her plate and my hand returned to her thigh, giving her a gentle squeeze.

A few minutes later, Bella got her revenge. She made it seem like she was just squeezing my thigh. Then, just as I did to her, she trailed her hand up until it landed on my cock. She gave it a firm squeeze, and I saw her smirk as it hardened in her hand.

We never went past teasing touches during dinner. By the time it was over, all I wanted was my wife alone and naked.

“Okay, Hollywood Two, I think it’s time we got the inside dirt,” Emmett said.

“Inside dirt?” Bella asked, looking confused.

“You’re Hollywood One. Kate, Ms. Hollywood Two, it’s time to get the dirt on Bella.”

“Oh, I’ve got dirt,” Kate said, a wicked smile on her face.

“Don’t tell him anything!” Bella protested, her face turning a bright pink. She shoved me and pointed toward Emmett. “Make him stop.”

“Sorry, baby, I want to know the dirt,” I laughed, kissing the hand that just pushed me.

“Hmm. Where to begin… How about the time you gave yourself a concussion filming the second _Tainted_ movie?” As soon as the words were out of Kate’s mouth, every person at the table was in a fit of hysterics.

“Okay, wait! I was just running… and I had something in my hand and I may have hit myself in the head and flung myself backwards,” Bella admitted, eventually laughing at herself as she finished her story.

“Oooh. What about the bar after your second time at the Oscars?”

“Okay, that wasn’t embarrassing, that was awesome,” Bella said, pointing a finger at Kate. They launched into a story about leaving the ceremony early and ending up in a bar filled with some of the biggest names in acting. All by chance. 

With every one of Kate’s stories I saw my family around us truly understand how much Bella had done, and how much she gave up to be a Cullen. Emmett looked at me at one point with this look. I couldn’t really describe it, but I got this feeling that he was telling me I was pretty damn lucky. He was right.

It was nearing midnight by the time everyone left. It was obvious Bella was sad to see Kate go, but she perked up when Kate said she was free all day tomorrow as well. As soon as the door closed behind everyone I had Bella pressed against it, my arms on either side of her head.

“Thank you for the perfect day,” Bella whispered. Her arms reached up and wrapped around my neck, pulling at the hair at the base of my neck. She pulled me closer and I let my body do as she asked, pressing the length of my body against hers. She squealed as I threw her over my shoulder, but it was a happy squeal.

With Bella on her feet at the bed I trailed my hands along her clothed body, reveling in every curve. “As much as I’d like to get you in that bed for the rest of the night, I have a plan that needs to be followed through.”

Bella pouted and made me nearly forget the whole thing, but I resisted and pulled her into the bathroom. The first thing I did was start the bathtub and quickly throw in the pre-measured bath salts that Alice set out for me before she left.

While the bath filled I sunk to my knees in front of Bella and carefully pulled her shoes off. “You’re being very sweet today. Did you do something bad?” she said, a gleam in her eyes.

“I’ve always done something bad,” I replied, standing and sliding my hands to the zipper of her dress. When the fabric pooled at her feet I guided her to the tub, holding her hand as she got in so she didn’t fall. Kneeling on the floor next to the tub, I leaned my arms on the edge.

“You’re not getting in?” Bella asked, trailing her hands along the water.

“It wouldn’t be nearly as relaxing if I did. I’ll wait for you outside,” I said, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before retreating to the bedroom. I poured myself a drink, tossed my jacket on a chair, and looked out the window at the city below us.

I expected Bella to spend an hour or so in the tub, but just twenty minutes later the door opened. Turning, I saw her standing in the dimly lit room, just a few scraps of lace covering her.

“Fuck,” I cursed under my breath. “You would think it was my birthday.”

We met at the foot of the bed. With just the tips of my fingers, I traced the edge of the lace around her breasts, watching goose bumps pop up in my wake, and then along the top edge of the panties right below her navel.

“Was this expensive?” I asked, getting a firm grip on the lace at her hip.

“Yes.”

With a shrug, I had the bottoms torn in half. “That’s okay.”

The snapping lace put us both in a frenzy. Bella’s hands dug into my shoulder and neck, pulling me down so she could attack me with her lips. As Bella’s tongue danced roughly with mine I slid my hands down her waist, squeezing her ass until I heard a small whimper.

Bella pushed against my chest and I complied, turning to lie down in the center of the bed. She wasted no time and climbed on top of me, undoing the buttons of my shirt with shaking hands.

Nearly every day I heard stories of marriages falling apart. Owning a few strip clubs, I had been privy to seeing a few fall apart before my eyes. Men always said they got bored of their wives, said they needed something new. Bella and I had been married six years and every time we touched it was like the first time. Every caress, every kiss set my nerves on fire. I didn’t see it ever dulling.

Once she had my shirt unbuttoned I leaned up quickly and threw it to the floor. Her hands went to my slacks, which were quickly discarded as well. My hands gripped her thighs, carefully pulling her up my chest until her knees rested on either side of my head and her pussy was aligned perfectly with my mouth.

“What’s got you this wet already, baby?” I whispered against her warm, wet flesh. With one kiss to her clit I already had her arousal dripping down my chin.

“You,” Bella whispered as her hips jerked against every small flick of my tongue. “Everything about you gets me wet.”

I lived for dirty words spilling out of her mouth, so I wasted no time in devouring her. With my arms wrapped around her thighs to keep her steady, I let Bella take control and glide her hips over my tongue. My teeth nipped at her clit and my tongue fucked her until she came with my name on her lips.

With Bella’s legs still in my arms I pushed her back, her head at the foot of the bed. My lips molded to hers as I got rid of the flimsy lace covering her breasts. As soon as they were free, my mouth attached to one while my hand covered the other. I groaned as her nipple hardened in my mouth, biting gently to get a matching groan from Bella.

Bella’s nails dug into my back, and her lips moved with words I couldn’t hear. _That won’t do, baby._ I let her breast pop out of my mouth and hovered over her, listening.

“Need you, need you, need you,” Bella mumbled, her eyes squeezed closed. I stayed where I was until she opened them, her deep brown pools glazed over. “Please.”

With our lips connected again, tongues battling, I eased into her heat slowly. We both let out matching groans. I started slow, even thrusts and enjoyed the pressure of her walls squeezing me every time I had her completely full.

“ _Harder_ , Edward,” Bella panted, her hands tugging at the hair at the base of my neck. Looking down at her, I saw her determination and knew what she needed. I leaned up, my hands gripping the soft sheets under her for leverage, and slammed my cock into the warmth of her pussy. Over and over, I set the punishing pace I knew she craved.

Bella’s hips tried to keep up, thrusting up to meet me. I had been distracted, watching the absolute pleasure wash over her face, that I didn’t notice her start to slide up the bed, her head hanging over the edge.

I leaned down, covering her completely with my body, and pulled her head into my neck. With one hand wrapped around the back of her head and the other gripping a shoulder to keep her to me, I knew I didn’t have long before she would be coming around me. I felt the telltale flutter of her walls and could hear the new desperate tone of her cries.

“I can never get enough of this,” I grunted. “Never get enough of you. Do you know how fucking magnificent it feels to have you come on my cock?” I whispered, feeling her entire body tense underneath me.

I held my release in as long as I could, wanting to feel every second of Bella’s before I collapsed against her panting. My arms were still wrapped around her in a vise, one hand still cupping her head to keep her from straining it over the edge of the bed.

As our breathing slowed I rolled us over. It would be too much effort to actually get in at the head of the bed, so I just pulled a couple pillows down to us and untucked the comforter from underneath us.

Bella curled herself around me, her head resting comfortably on my shoulder as an arm draped over my chest. We didn’t speak for a while, but I knew she wasn’t asleep. Her fingers would lazily move across my chest, and her lips would sometimes pepper kisses along my shoulder.

“I don’t need fancy hotel rooms and diamonds all the time, you know,” Bella whispered eventually.

I smiled down at her, eternally grateful I didn’t end up trapped with someone like Tanya or Irina. Women who would, without a doubt, have hated a small birthday celebration like today, or who would have hated the small diamond heart because it wasn’t expensive enough.

“I just need you,” Bella finished.

“I know you don’t need them, but I like giving you things,” I said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

After another bout of silence, Bella spoke up again. “Things are very calm,” she said tentatively.

“Things?”

“Life. I don’t think we’ve ever had such a long period of time where nothing dramatic has happened, expect when we hide out on the island. Is that normal?”

Ah, _things_. Life, specifically mob life. “I know you don’t have a lot to go on, but my life wasn’t usually so hectic. Shootings, arrests… those things happen, but not usually to us in the higher positions.”

“So, everything is good? You’re being safe and everything?”

Fuck, she sounded so scared. “Of course, Bella. What brought this on?”

“I don’t know. You haven’t really talked to me about work in a while. I thought maybe something happened and you were hiding it from me so I didn’t worry.”

“Everything is fine. If there’s ever anything big going on, I promise to let you know.”

Things were calm, but I didn’t want to tell her they usually happened in waves. We had ridden out a big wave of hectic chaos a while ago, and that just meant it was only a matter of time before something else came along.

_…Dark…_

A few days after Bella’s birthday celebration, we ended up at another formal event. Unfortunately, being the head of the family meant I had to keep all of our social ties intact. That meant a lot of events with some of the dullest people in the city. Bella and I ended up at something like this once, sometimes twice a week.

We never stayed for the whole thing, I didn’t have the time and neither of us had the desire, but we always made an appearance when necessary. I hated dragging Bella along. She knew the kind of people who were in attendance, and I could tell how uncomfortable it made her.

Tonight, she was wearing a black dress with leather panels on the front and back, because she was trying to kill me. The black tights were added just to torture me, I was sure.

“Did you always go to so many events?” Bella asked, her eyes darting around at the people surrounding us. Most of them were too scared to approach us.

“Yes, Mrs. Awards Season,” I replied with a laugh.

“Well, at least the people at my events are less… murder-y.”

I barked out a laugh at that, gaining the attention of a few people around us. “Not when we’re there.”

Bella frowned. “Huh. Touché.”

“I am sorry you have to come to these things. They’re not the kind of people I’d like you around,” I admitted, looking at the people that surrounded me. There were more criminals than upstanding citizens.

Before Bella could respond, Luka Petrov approached, along with his oldest son, Viktor.

“Edward, good to see you,” Luka said, shaking my hand with a fierce grip. He and his family had been suspiciously missing from the game the last six months or so. Something was obviously going on with them, and I had a bad feeling about it.

“Luka, Viktor,” I gave them a nod, keeping a hand on Bella’s waist.

Neither of them gave me any mind, both had eyes on Bella. “You are a very brave woman, Mrs. Cullen,” Luka said, holding his hand out to her.

Bella gave him a strong shake, I could see the muscles in her arm tense. “Thank you, Mr. Petrov.” Nothing made Bella more uncomfortable than taking compliments from men like this. Many had come up to her recently and complimented her on how she behaved during the trial. Most of them were men who had been plotting to take care of her, should she show any signs of weakness, but I never told her that. It wasn’t hard for her to guess it on her own.

“Ah, you remember me?” he said with a slimy smile. It was surprising that Bella remembered his last name. She met him once, years ago, before we were married. It was only for a few minutes.

“Of course. I hope your daughter is doing well?”

No matter how much I hated to admit it, Bella pulled off being in this world better than I ever thought. She was polite, always knew what to say, and never trusted anyone but me.

“She is. You’ve inspired her to get into acting. She was actually on a show you were once on. _Unknown_ , I believe is what it was.” Was that what he had been doing during his absence? Trying to get his daughter into acting?

“Oh, yes. I was on it for a while. It’s a great opportunity for her,” Bella said, somewhat awkwardly. Maybe it was the fact that she was talking with Petrov that made her uncomfortable, or the reminder of her experiences on the show where she met Jacob Black.

“She’s actually seeing someone on the show, Jacob Black,” Petrov said. _Fucker_. Everyone knew about Bella and Jacob after her trial. The publicity of his affair caused his wife to leave him, but Jacob didn’t seem fazed from what I could tell. I still kept tabs on him from time to time, just to make sure he never came near Bella. It had been too long since I checked in on him, I supposed.

Bella’s polite exterior was starting to crumble. I could feel the frustration coming off of her in waves after Luka’s last comment. “Jacob is… very talented.”

It took all of my willpower not to gag at her words. She had to say something to Luka, but I hated it all the same.

“Yes, he’s teaching my Katrina so much. Says she’s a force to be reckoned with.”

“That’s wonderful,” Bella said.

We both knew it wasn’t, though. It was hardly a coincidence that I was with one of the most successful actresses of the century and Petrov’s daughter suddenly took an interest in acting. On a show my wife was once on. Dating her ex-boyfriend.

The Russian’s were once an ally to us. They stood by us as we plotted to take down the Italians, but it was becoming clear that our alliance was over.


	3. To The Top

_I’m a dragon, you’re a whore. Don’t even know what you’re good for. Mimicking me is a fucking bore, to me. Lay me down tonight in my diamonds and pearls. Tell me something nice about your favorite girl. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Fucked My Way Up To The Top**_

_…Dark…_

**BPOV**

Edward wouldn’t be home for a few hours, so I spent most of my afternoons like this. My fingers moved along the strings, constantly trying to get the sound to match what I had inside my head.

“ _So, I walk into the club like, everybody hates me… I’m talking to myself, shit, now they think I’m crazy_ ,” I mumbled for what seemed like the hundredth time.

Closing my eyes, I tried to think through the puzzle of lyrics in my head. When I opened them, Edward was kneeling in front of me.

“Shit!” I shouted. My heart started pounding in my chest. “What are you doing home?” I asked once I recovered from my minor panic.

“Who do you think hates you?” Edward asked, minor concern written on his face.

I laughed, thinking he was joking. He kept waiting for my answer. “Edward… literally everyone hates me.”

“You made a fantastic comeback. You won every award… performed at the Super Bowl… everyone loves you.”

“Everyone loves a scandal. I did make a comeback, one most thought I wouldn’t be able to. Just because people liked my music doesn’t mean they liked _me_.” Edward kept frowning. Setting the guitar aside, I got on my knees in front of him so we were eye to eye. “I don’t really care. It was just a song.”

Edward didn’t seem convinced but kissed me and stood up. “So, what are you doing here? I thought you wouldn’t be home until later.”

“I figured I would work from here until we had to go.”

Ah, tonight. It was the Sunday after my birthday, so we had to go to a family dinner tonight. We usually had some excuse to get out of them, especially last year. I was constantly busy so I hadn’t gone to many. But, now that I wasn’t working as much we had to suffer through them more often.

Esme was as cold as ever. She rarely paid me any attention, but when she did she was either rude and standoffish, or jokingly polite. It was annoying as hell. I had never done anything to the woman. I was always polite to her, even when she dealt me underhanded compliments. Edward was happier with me than he had ever been, according to the rest of his family. She had no reason to hate me.

It would have been nice not to have to deal with her at all. Of course, I had dealt with people like her in the past. The ones so concerned with their image that they would never outright insult you in public, but you knew they talked shit behind your back. I spent years dealing with it, so it was nothing new.

Later that night Edward walked into our bedroom as I came out of the ensuite, clad only in a simple black bra and panties. I had my hair curled and hanging down my shoulders in messy waves, the way I knew he liked it.

I brushed past him to the clothes I had laid out on the bed. Before I could grab any clothing I was pulled back, my back against his chest as he let his hands roam wherever they wanted. My thighs, my chest, everything was fair game apparently.

“I already don’t want to go to this. Don’t make me more miserable,” I groaned just before his hand slipped underneath my panties. With what little sanity I had left, I grabbed his wrist before he could do much damage.

“I’m sorry,” Edward said, but he didn’t sound sorry at all. I turned in his arms and saw the cocky smirk on his face. _Jesus, six years with him and one look has me melting_.

Before he could change my mind, I pulled away and went back to the dresser, grabbing a new pair of panties. I picked up my clothes on the way back to the ensuite.

“What are you doing?” Edward asked with a laugh.

“You can’t be trusted and I need to change.”

Edward looked like his favorite toy had been taken away from him as I closed the door. I got dressed quickly. The black, sleeveless crop top and matching high waisted pencil skirt would have to do. It was probably too simple for a dinner with the Cullen’s, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. I even threw a soft, knitted knee-length sweater over it. If I was being forced to spend time with Esme, at least I could be comfortable.

Apparently, my allotted alone time was up. As soon as I had my arms in my sweater the door opened and Edward strode in, gave me a kiss that left me breathless, and left again. He muttered something about leaving soon, but that was it.

 _Fuck, I love that man._ He was sexy and sweet and knew what I needed before I knew it myself. But he was also brilliant and conniving and powerful.

We were twenty minutes late by the time we got to Carlisle and Esme’s home. There was an unusual amount of traffic through the neighborhood. The source was obvious by the time we arrived at their house.

“I thought this was a family dinner,” I breathed out, eying the cars surrounding the Cullen house, and the random people getting out of them.

“It was supposed to be,” Edward said, glaring out the windshield.

I tossed my small clutch in my lap and angrily started pulling at the sweater around my arms.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t go in there like this,” I grunted, struggling with a sleeve. Edward pulled it for me and put me out of my misery. “Thank you.”

“Bella, we can –“

“No, we can’t. She did this on purpose, Edward.”

He sighed, because he knew I was right. Whether her goal was to embarrass me or just piss me off, it worked. But I wasn’t going to let her know that.

The house was very formally decorated when we got in, but it was obvious it was a birthday party. For me. Filled with people I either didn’t know or didn’t want to know.

The younger Cullen’s were the first to notice our arrival. Emmett and Rosalie approached us with Alec in tow, and Alice and Jasper left the twins to meet us.

“When the fuck did this become anything other than dinner?” Edward hissed.

“No fucking clue, man,” Emmett said, sending an apologetic smile my way.

A tapping at my knee distracted me, and I carefully knelt down to Alec’s height. “Hey, buddy.”

“Aunt Bella, I made this for you! Well, mom helped. But…” Alec thrust a clay Oscar statue at me. It was surprisingly accurate to an actual one.

“Thank you so much!” I said, taking it eagerly. I gave Alec a big hug and he giggled in my ear. He was the most adorable kid I had ever met.

I set the statue on the table near the door, my one moment of peace gone. Carlisle and Esme approached our group then. They both gave me a hug and wished me a happy birthday. The hug Carlisle gave me was fine, pleasant even, but when Esme wrapped her arms around me I wanted to vomit.

“Happy birthday, dear,” she said with a fake smile. I didn’t respond.

“Could I talk with you, privately?” I asked her.

“We can’t leave our guests – “

Ignoring her protest, I started walking toward the stairs to Carlisle’s office. She would follow, Edward would make sure of it.

Once inside, Esme entered a moment later, shutting the door behind her.

“What the fuck is your problem?” I asked.

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t play dumb, Esme. You don’t like me and you never have. I’ve been nothing but polite to you, but you still pull shit like this?” I asked, motioning toward the door where all of Chicago’s elite waited.

“You spoiled little brat,” Esme spat out at me. My eyes widened at the venom in her voice. “You came in and turned this family upside down just to make a few movies. It’s just so convenient, isn’t it? You’re making these films about your life and you just stumble upon us? A mafia love story is sure to sell better than whoever else you would have whored yourself out to.”

Her crude words didn’t faze me. “You think I used your family to get ahead?” The idea was laughable. “If I was going to choose a family to use to get ahead in Hollywood, it sure as hell wouldn’t have been the Cullen’s. _Nobody likes you_.” Who in their right mind would choose a notorious crime family to try and keep an acting career alive?

“You’re using my son to –“

“Don’t you fucking dare try and belittle my marriage.” She could say whatever she wanted about me. She could call me a whore if she wanted, but I wouldn’t stand for her saying I took advantage of the family, especially Edward.

“Oh, please. You’re a manipulator, I know one when I see one.” _Takes one to know one_ , my inner five-year-old said.

“Yeah, I know how to manipulate people, because I know how people work. It’s my job to be able to study someone and know what they’re feeling and _become_ them. I know everyone in this family far better than you think I do. Rosalie, the instant her son was born she became a different person. Softer, kinder, a mother. She would do anything for that boy, as it should be. Alice and Jasper, they’re having some marriage issues because of Maggie and Jason, but they would never get a divorce. They’re trying their hardest to stay together, because they love each other unconditionally. 

“And _you_ ,” I spat out, unable to control my anger. “You lived with a man for years who wasn’t your husband. Everyone else knew something was wrong, but you didn’t care. All you care about is the money and the status.”

I had spent a fair amount of time with Carlisle over the last few years. It was like night and day, knowing him now and remembering what he was like before they found the tumor. Maybe if Esme had realized her husband was a completely different person earlier, things wouldn’t have happened the way they had.

“Oh, sweetie, you have no idea what it’s like being in this world. I grew up in it, I’ve been in it for nearly thirty years. You can’t tell me you don’t like the status you have now. There is no greater spot to be in than being a Cullen’s wife. I see the jewelry my son buys for you, the house and the cars. Don’t act like you’re not here for the status.”

“I’m not known for being Edward Cullen’s wife. I made my own name long before I ever met him,” I said. It was never in my plan to simply be a house wife. I was proud of my accomplishments, and I wasn’t going to let Esme demean them. “I don’t need Edward to buy me anything. I could just as easily live the same life on my own. You though… have you ever worked a day in your life? Ever spent money that wasn’t your husbands or your parents? You should take a long look in the mirror before you go around calling other people whores.”

We were both silent, my last words nearly echoing in the room.

“You can throw me as many parties as you want. You can throw me to the wolves, invite the fucking police department over, none of it is going to drive me away. I love my husband… more than _anything_. It’s been seven years, I’m not going anywhere.”

When I swung the door open I saw the whole family standing there. Edward had a surprising look of pride on his face, everyone else looked mortified.

“Oh, shit,” Emmett muttered. Rosalie smacked him on the back of his head.

Walking over to Edward, he pulled me behind him and turned to his mother. “Don’t ever talk about my wife like that again, Esme,” he said, accentuating her name.

Edward called Carlisle by his name whenever they spoke. Not once had I ever heard him call him dad or anything normal for a son. He always called Esme _mother_ , though. Until tonight.

“Edward, can’t you see how much trouble she’s caused the family? She dragged our name through the mud with that trial –“

“ _Jesus_ , Esme! You think the trial was more trouble for you than her?”

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it._

Edward pulled me down the steps then. We bypassed everyone in the party and went right back to the car. I would feel more guilty about the party if I had actually known anyone there, but as it was, I didn’t care about any of them getting their feelings hurt.

As we drove home, my adrenaline started to recede and more guilt started to seep in. _Fuck, I practically called Esme a whore._ It wasn’t that I regretted our fight, we needed to set the record straight. But the entire family was listening. Edward was listening. I peeked a glance over at him, but he was focused on the road. He didn’t seem angry, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t.

Once we parked in the garage, neither of us made a move to go inside.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, focusing on my hands in my lap.

“For what?” Edward asked, confusion coloring his voice.

“Snapping. Basically calling your mother a whore. I don’t know. Most people would probably be mad at me for what I said to her.” He should be upset, shouldn’t he? I wasn’t sure how the whole loving mother thing went, but I knew Esme and Edward once had a good relationship.

Edward’s laugh broke me out of my thoughts. I looked at him, my eyes wide and confused. “I’m not mad at you. She crossed the line tonight. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with her. From now on, no more Sunday dinners for us.”

I sighed and fell in love with him a little bit more. There was never anyone else in my life who put me first, but Edward constantly went above and beyond to make sure I was happy. It made my chest tighten.

_…Dark…_

I walked right into Alice and Jasper’s home. Alice had called me half an hour ago in a panic because Jared hadn’t told her he needed something for a school bake sale until the night before.

Jared and Maggie didn’t go to the same school anymore. Just this past summer Jared got arrested, again, and expelled from the private school they had been going to. Maggie excelled and aced all of her classes.

Now, Jared was at a different but equally expensive private school. That meant two high school schedules for Alice to keep up with. I could see how hard she was trying to take care of everything, but things were falling through the cracks.

When I walked in I heard her cursing from the kitchen. “Alice?”

“Oh, thank God!” Alice threw her arms around me. I had never seen her so disheveled. Her hair was pointing in every direction, pretty similar to Edward’s on a daily basis, and she had flour stains all over her clothes. She was actually kind of adorable when she wasn’t completely put together.

For the next two hours we alternated between putting together a fresh batch of cupcake batter and taking the previous batch out and icing them. We had a pretty good system, then a group of seventeen-year-old boys descended and all hell broke loose.

None of them looked at Alice or I, they just walked in and grabbed the first piece of food they could find. Alice looked utterly defeated, so I decided to intervene. I didn’t spend all afternoon baking for a bake sale, tomorrow, for them to set us back again.

“Drop the fucking cupcakes,” I grunted before anyone could take a bite. Four sets of eyes looked at me, and I could see defiance in each one of them. _Teenagers_.

“Anyone who takes a bite spends the rest of the night helping us make two hundred more,” I challenged, watching the defiance slowly fade away as they set the cupcakes down.

“Dude, is she the one who –“ one of them started to no-so-subtly whisper to Jared.

“Who nearly went to prison for murder? Yes. So maybe you shouldn’t piss me off.”

Jared glared at me as he and his friends backed out of the kitchen, but I couldn’t care less if the kid liked me. I didn’t see him much, he was always off getting into trouble, but he didn’t seem to have many redeeming qualities. I saw Maggie from time to time, but she was usually busy studying. The girl had a perfect GPA.

“How do you _do_ that?” Alice asked, looking at me desperately as she mixed yet another batch of batter.

“I think it’s a combination of acting and not giving a shit what he thinks about me.”

“I can’t get him to do anything I say. He defies Jasper and I on everything. Maggie is amazing, but we just can’t get to Jared.”

“I’m the last one who should be giving out parenting advice, but I think at a certain point you just have to wait for them to realize that you’re there for them. You’ve given him a great home the last few years. Eventually he’ll realize how lucky he was to have you.”

Tiny arms squeezed my neck. “Thank you, Bella. It’s just so easy to get overwhelmed with those two.”

We got quiet again, focusing on our work at hand. I was icing some cupcakes while Alice took a break on a stool across from me.

“I’m really sorry, Bella.”

Frowning, I asked, “Why, what did you do?”

“For how I treated you in the beginning.”

Oh, that. With a shrug, I went back to my cupcakes. “It’s in the past, Alice. We’re good now.”

Alice shook her head, looking down at her hands. “I can’t believe how horribly Esme treats you. I think once we grew up and moved on, she got worse. More self-involved.”

I sighed, not having anything to say on the Esme situation. A couple of hours later the front door opened. I assumed it would be Maggie coming home from the library or wherever she had been studying, but then I saw Edward, Emmett, and Jasper saunter in the kitchen, bags of food in their hands.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, reaching up on the tops of my toes for a kiss. My hands were currently covered in icing, so I would have to settle for a simple kiss.

“Rescuing you.” Edward started to pull me out of the kitchen and when I looked behind me, I saw Jasper doing the same for Alice. We all sat down to the food the men had brought, and I noticed a tired Rosalie at the table. Alice had called her earlier, too, but Alec was home sick so she stayed with them. Emmett must have convinced her to get out of the house for a few hours and leave him with a sitter.

Somehow, we got on the topic of first dates. Alice had everyone go around and reveal the who’s and where’s of them. None of them had ‘normal’ first dates; Edward took a girl to a five-star dinner, because even at fifteen the man didn’t do anything half-assed.

I frowned when they got to me. “Um, the Video Music Awards, I think.” Of course, five pairs of eyes snapped to me.

“You never dated in high school?” Emmett asked.

“No. I started working when I was sixteen. I was much too awkward for anyone at Forks High.”

“Damn. I didn’t realize you started so young,” Jasper said, probably thinking about what he was doing at sixteen. That was the look I usually got from people when I told them about my teenage years.

“I actually became an emancipated minor to shoot the _Tainted_ films. Otherwise I would have needed a parent on set at all times.” A prickling on the back of my neck told me Edward was staring at me. When I looked up I saw his intense eyes locked on me.

“Wow, that’s… fearless, Bella,” Rosalie said. I shrugged. It was a long time ago, and I never really thought about that part of my life much these days.

Once everyone got through their first date destinations, most of which were unbelievably extravagant, except for Jasper and Rosalie who had more normal experiences, I couldn’t help but tease Edward. “See, most people don’t have their first date at a five-star restaurant. They’re at movie theaters.” Of course, I wasn’t one to talk.

“I’ve never been to a movie theater,” Edward said with a shrug.

I sat back in my chair and stared at my husband next to me. “You’ve… never been to a movie theater? Like, ever?”

“No,” he said with a shake of his head.

“Me either,” Emmett and Alice said simultaneously.

“But… that’s my thing.” How could they have never been to a movie? Edward, especially. He didn’t go as an adult, which I understood. He was unbelievably busy, but not even as a kid?

“You haven’t been in a movie in theaters since I met you,” Edward said with a laugh, still not understanding.

“But, _still_. I was in one of the biggest movie franchises ever. And you’ve never even been to a movie theater?” I couldn’t accurately explain my disbelief. It just seemed… unfair that Edward never did that. It was such a normal thing to do. He should have gotten to have a more relaxed childhood.

“Okay, everyone stop eating.” I threw my silverware down and stood up. “You all have one hour to get ready and meet us at the nearest movie theater. If any of you show up in a suit I swear to God…” The men always looked impeccable. I loved my husband in a suit, but the thought of them all showing up to a theater in a suit to sit for two hours to watch a movie was nauseating. If I hadn’t told them not to, they would do it, too.

I grabbed Edward’s hand and pulled him with me, not giving anyone a chance to protest. Edward waited until we were in the car to try and talk me out of it.

“Bella, we don’t – “

“Yes, we do. Neither of us had very normal high school dates, so we’re having one now.”

“If I took you out on a date in high school, it wouldn’t have been to a movie,” he huffed.

“Oh, I know what you did on dates in high school,” I grumbled, as we got back home. Edward parked the car in the driveway, and I turned in my seat to face him. “I’ll make you a deal. We’ll go on our movie date, my high school date, and then when we get home we can do what you would do on a high school date. Deal?”

With that, Edward was much more eager to start our movie date. We both changed into more comfortable clothing. As I was putting my hair up, I heard the doorbell ring. _Odd._

“Edward?” I shouted but got no response. Stumbling down the stairs as I finished tying my hair up, I peeked through the peephole in the front door. There, Edward was standing with a single daisy.

Chuckling, I opened the door. “What are you doing?”

“I’m picking you up for our date,” he said, holding the flower out to me. I grabbed my bag from the table next to us and took Edward’s hand.

“You’re very good at this whole date thing,” I told him, tucking the flower in my ponytail.

The theater wasn’t far, and we were the first ones there. Edward held my hand as we walked in and I read the list of movies playing. A deep chuckle distracted me from the list.

“What?” I asked, looking at Edward. He was looking at me, a smirk on his face.

“You’re adorable, that’s all.”

With a sigh, I went back to the list. The rest of our family joined us as I was purchasing them.

“Oh, wow. Um, sure. S-six you said?” the girl behind the concession stand stuttered. I looked down at her, away from the list of movies that had my attention the whole time so far. She was about sixteen and her eyes were as wide as could be. “A-anything else?”

“Yes,” I smiled, hoping to ease some of her fear. Then I ordered just about one of everything they had. A movie theater experience was nothing without the food to go with it.

The theater was practically empty when we got to it. It was a Thursday night, so I didn’t expect much of a crowd. It was better that way. We all spaced ourselves along the back row. Edward and I ended up in the far corner of the theater.

“Movies are fucking awesome!” I heard Emmett whisper-yell from his spot a few chairs down, followed by the ripping of plastic as he opened some candy. Emmett truly was an oversized child.

I put my feet up on the empty seat in front of us and took a bit of the hot dog I had gotten. There was something about a movie theater hot dog that was just… better.

“I know what I want my part of the date to consist of,” Edward whispered in my ear. He had one arm around my shoulders, and the other holding a tub of popcorn.

“What’s that?” I asked him, even though I already knew the answer. Which was good, because I never got one. I did get a kiss that left me breathless.

It was my intention to actually watch the movie, it really was. But the second the lights dimmed Edward decided it was time for his part of the date to start. For the next hour and a half I had his hands rubbing my legs or his lips at my neck.

As soon as the movie was over, all of us scattered as fast as possible. It was obvious Edward and I weren’t the only ones that didn’t pay much attention to the movie. But, I supposed that was how most high school dates to the movie went.

Edward was surprisingly chaste once we left the theater. He held my hand on the drive home and walked me up to the front door when we got there. We usually went in the house through the garage.

“I had a great time,” Edward said with a smile. He maneuvered us so my back was against the door. His fingers traced my lips and I got tired of my part of the date.

“I think I’m ready for your date to start,” I whispered to him, sticking my tongue out to lightly meet his thumb.

Somehow, I ended up on the inside of the house with my back against the wall and my legs around Edward’s waist. His lips were on mine, his warm tongue in my mouth, and a hand was working its way into my jeans.

Edward stumbled backward and ended up on the couch in the living room. Once I was situated in his lap I managed to unbutton his shirt and get it out of my way. His skin was warm and smooth under my hands. Perfect. After a few minutes he pulled away from my mouth and his eyes, now a dark forest green, told me all I needed to know.

I slid off of the couch and got to my knees between his legs. My lips trailed along Edward’s defined abdomen. He was built, he always had been, but it wasn’t too much. He didn’t look like a body builder or like he was photoshopped. He was trained to kill, and that shouldn’t have been the turn on that it was for me.

As my lips and tongue enjoyed the pure taste of Edward from his abdomen I could feel his frustration from above me. His hips jerked up when one of my hands trailed up his leg and ended up on his hard erection.

“Bella,” he grunted. His hands grabbed mine from his chest and put them on the button of his jeans. Edward lifted his hips as I pulled them off, and his heavy cock rested against his lower abdomen. He took it in his hand and pumped it twice, his eyes locked on me.

With Edward’s hand still at the base of his cock, I took the tip into my mouth, swirling my tongue over the sensitive flesh. He dropped his hand from his cock, but it ended up tangled in my hair as he pulled it out of the elastic band.

I kept one hand on his abdomen as I worked him over with my mouth because I loved to feel the fluttering of his muscles, loved knowing I had such a profound effect on every one of his senses.

“ _Fuck_ , Bella,” he groaned. I looked up and his head was thrown back against the couch. He was heavy in my mouth as Edward’s hand guided my lips along his length. It was when I moaned around him that he pulled out.

Edward stood and pulled me to my feet. He quickly rid me of my clothing before we fell back on the couch. I was cushioned between the soft fabric of the couch underneath me and Edward’s hard body above me.

“I would have been just as obsessed with you in high school as I am now,” Edward said, smiling down at me. I stretched against him, enjoying the groan he gave me in response. “You’re playing with fire, baby.”

Everything Edward surrounded me. His hands roamed wherever they wanted; along my waist, across my chest, down my legs. He looked up at me from where he was lavishing my breast with attention and bit down lightly on my sensitive flesh at the same moment he entered me completely.

“Fuck,” I grunted out. He was relentless and I had to dig my nails into his back to get rid of some of the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I tried to keep up and meet his thrusts, but eventually it was too much.

“Fucking perfect. Every time,” Edward said, his dark green eyes looking right through me. He kept his lips just barely brushing mine as he moved over me, torturing me with their closeness.

“Oh, _God_ ,” I groaned when Edward started to hit me at just the right angle than caused my eyes to black out. I buried my head in his neck and latched on to his neck. I bit down at the juncture where his neck met his shoulder. My entire body tensed as blinding euphoria rushed through my veins.

“Fuck!” Edward shouted. I wasn’t sure if it was out of pleasure or pain at my bite, but I was too distracted to think about it much.

We were a panting mess for a while until Edward carried me up to bed. He did… something for a few minutes before he got in behind me.

“You bit me,” he said simply. I could hear the smile in his voice.

I giggled and snuggled closer to him. “Oops.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized lyric in the chapter is from Everybody Hates Me by The Chainsmokers


	4. Off To The Races

_I’m off to the races, cases of Bacardi chasers, chasing me all over town. Cause he knows I’m wasted, facing time again at Rikers Island and I won’t go out. Because I’m crazy, baby, I need you to come here and save me. I’m your little scarlet, starlet, singing in the garden. Kiss me on my open mouth, ready for you. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Off To The Races**_

_…Dark…_

**EPOV**

“You’re doing what?” I grunted out, my anger bubbling over. Petrov had done some shady shit since he got back in the game a few months ago. None of it directly impacted any of our operations, so I let it slide. But now he had the audacity to come to me with this?

“It will be a lucrative business, Edward. I’m sure you know that.”

Of course, I fucking knew it. Hollywood was swimming in money, my wife’s bank account was proof enough. For Petrov to come to me, to ask me to follow _his_ plan on how to use it to our advantage was an insult and he knew it. If anyone was going to bring the mafia into Hollywood, it was the Cullen’s.

“Your daughter has one small role on a show and you think you know the best way to do this?” I asked, attempting to keep my anger in check. Once the bridge was burned with the Russians, it was burned. There was no coming back. The look on Luka’s face made me want to burn it immediately, but I had to be smart about this.

“I’ve done my research. I’m sure my family will be able to handle it.” The smirk on his face said all I needed to know. He thought he could take over. For years we had an understanding, a hierarchy. The Cullen’s were always at the top. We had a lot of shit go wrong the last few years, but we were still making more money, making bigger moves than anyone.

I wasn’t going to let the Russian’s think they could change that. “You’re in over your head.”

“My daughter is very observant and willing to help. She takes her time planning things, unlike some people.”

Blinding rage coursed through my veins at his not-so-subtle dig at Bella. “Not too long ago you were thanking her for getting rid of Volturi.”

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a careless execution.”

“Get the fuck out.”

The dark chortle he let out as he left grated every one of my nerves. I had been itching to start working the Hollywood circuit for years. It would be an easy place to launder and make money. People had tried countless times before, but their Hollywood connections always got scared and sold them out.

I had something all of those people didn’t. A wife with unfailing loyalty and the kind of pull in Hollywood that very few had. I couldn’t ask that of Bella, though. I didn’t want her to be part of these kinds of things anymore. She had already done too much for me; robbing a bank, killing Aro, committing perjury, she had a rap sheet longer than some of my colleagues. There was no way I was adding to that.

My pride was taking a hit though, that Petrov and his family were getting into Hollywood when I couldn’t.

Emmett and Jasper came in then, and I explained the situation to them as well. They didn’t see the problem with asking Bella for help, but it was a hard limit for me. I wasn’t putting her in that kind of situation again.

We were at Jasper’s casino downtown. I tried to keep meetings with people like Petrov rotating, just in case. You never knew when people would follow or try to listen in. So, we ended up here for the night. It was still relatively early, though my mood for the rest of the night was ruined.

Eric entered as we were finishing talking. “Your wife is here, Mr. Cullen.”

Well, there might be something that could improve my mood. Before Petrov showed up I texted Bella and told her to meet me here before we went home. She had been in the city working on setting up some function with Alice and Rosalie.

“Where is she?”

“She got, well, distracted by a blackjack table.”

That made me frown. Bella had never shown any interest in gambling or playing cards. We all, Emmett, Jasper, and myself, made our way to the main room of the casino and headed toward the blackjack tables. Sure enough, my wife was sitting there with a stack of chips in front of her.

Ben was next to her, keeping anyone else from sitting at the table. She looked adorably focused, twisting a chip in her fingers. She was so focused she didn’t notice our arrival.

“Are you having fun?” I asked, taking a seat next to her.

“Oh, good, you’re here! How much are these little brown ones?” Bella asked me, holding up a brown chip.

“Five thousand dollars,” I said with a smile, noticing the generous pile of them in front of her. “How long have you been here?”

“An hour,” Bella said with a smile. “Are you ready to go?”

“Are you?” She seemed to be having quite a good time, I hated to interrupt.

“Yes,” she said with a nod. Bella hopped up from her spot and shoved her chips toward the dealer. “Take care of my chips, Joe. I’ll be back!”

Laughing, I threw my arm over her shoulder and pulled her to me with a kiss to the top of her head. It had been about a year since Bella took some time off. A year ago this weekend she won three Academy Awards. She was more carefree than I had seen her since the island. I couldn’t dilute that happiness with Petrov’s business.

_…Dark…_

Weeks later and the conversation with Petrov was still frustrating me. I started keeping close tabs on every member of his family, just to be safe. Our alliance was officially over on our side. The main reason I had always worked so hard to stay on good terms with the Russian ties in Chicago was because I knew how fucking ruthless they could be. Now, all bets were off and we had to be careful.

Tonight, I was meeting Bella at an event she put together with Alice and Rosalie. I guessed she had been approached numerous times about a reunion of sorts with the cast from her _Tainted_ films. She also knew Alice and Rose were looking to raise money for Chicago Public Schools. So, my girl put the two together. Her and the cast were everyone’s prize for donating. There would be a Q&A session, and individual photographs to the highest bidders.

The room was already packed when I got there. Most were actually fans of the movies who had spent thousands to get in here. I had to admit, I had no clue how popular the films were. I met Bella when the series was ending and she was moving on from the whole thing, but it was obvious it was a phenomenon.

I stood with Emmett and Jasper, drink in hand, as the announcer said the cast would be out in five minutes for the Q&A. Alice and Rosalie skipped over.

“We’ve already met our goal, and we’ve only been here for an hour. This is by far our most successful event,” Alice said with a smile.

The room went silent as the Q&A session started, and the cast was introduced one by one. They saved Bella for last, and she definitely got the biggest reaction from the group surrounding us. Our whole family sat in the front row.

“This is the first time all six of you have been together in years. The first movie came out eleven years ago,” the announcer, Josh, said.

“God, way to make us sound old,” Bella said with a laugh.

“Says the youngest girl up here,” one of the others said.

“These movies kickstarted all of your careers. Bella, you went from a girl from a small town to the most awarded actor in the history of the Academy Awards…”

The talk went on, but there wasn’t really any new information revealed, at least not to me. But, as I looked around, I couldn’t help but feel a little twinge in my chest for Bella. She never wanted this. She didn’t want to put on charity events like Alice and Rosalie, never wanted to be a stay at home wife.

I couldn’t let her give up on her passion and become someone who talked about the good days when she was able to follow her dreams for a few years. She was too talented for this.

_…Dark…_

“Would you like to go to Ireland with me?” I asked Bella as we were getting into bed a few nights later. She paused, halfway in bed, and stared at me.

“Why are you going to Ireland?”

“My great-grandfather died.” Aiden Cullen died earlier today. It was completely expected, he was a hundred and two, but we would all need to attend the funeral.

“Oh… I’m sorry,” Bella told me. She got into bed next to me and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. The littlest things she did made my heart clench. How much she cared showed through in everything she did.

“I’m okay,” I said truthfully. “Would you like to come with me? We’ll have to leave tomorrow afternoon. It’ll be a short trip, a week at the most.”

“Of course. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure,” I said, pulling her into my arms.

A day later we were pulling up to Daniel’s home. Bella and I traveled together while everyone else, Carlisle and Esme included, were together. They would all also be staying with Daniel, while Bella and I got a suite at a hotel in downtown Dublin.

Things were tense between Bella and Esme, and I didn’t see that changing any time soon. I saw Carlisle on a regular basis but he never tried to push the subject. I hadn’t seen Esme in months, not since she tried to blindside Bella on her birthday.

Bella was nervously shaking her leg as we drove down the driveway. She had never met our family in Ireland. She asked me about them repeatedly on the way over, but nothing I said calmed her nerves.

“You have nothing to worry about,” I said as we parked. The rest of our family wouldn’t be here for another hour or so.

“What if they don’t like me?”

Sighing, I leaned over the console and grabbed her face in my hands. “You know all of the praise people in Chicago have given you, about your testimony?” Bella frowned, but nodded. “They did that because you could have taken them all down, easily. You could have taken down the entire Cullen family even easier, and everyone in there knows it. They’ll respect you for what you’ve done for this family, and they’ll love you because you’re fucking amazing. Okay?”

Bella nodded. The moment we were out of the car Daniel was there to greet us. He pulled me into a surprisingly emotional hug. “I’m damn glad you’re here.”

He wasn’t upset because of Aiden. We all knew his days had been numbered, and he lived a full, happy life. Ever since my resurrection, I hadn’t had a chance to visit everyone here.

“You know I’d never go down that easily,” I told him. Bella approached then and I wrapped my arm around her waist. “Daniel, this is my wife, Isabella.”

“Ah, Isabella, an honor to meet you,” he said theatrically. Daniel had one of Bella’s hands sandwiched between his.

“Just Bella, please. You’re Carlisle’s brother, correct?” Bella asked.

“Yes, but don’t hold it against me. I’m much more fun than that asshole.”

We were ushered inside where Maggie and a few other of Daniel’s closest were waiting.

“Don’t scare the girl off, Daniel,” Maggie said, standing next to her husband.

“Please, if Embry Call didn’t scare her off, you think I can?” Daniel laughed, but I could see a slight drop in Bella’s smile. She hated any mention of the trial.

Daniel sobered up after that. “All jokes aside, we’re all in your debt, Bella. You were stronger than a lot of powerful men have been when in your situation.”

“It’s lovely to see you under better circumstances,” Maggie said, always knowing when to change the subject.

“Better circumstances? Have we met before?” Bella asked, complete confusion covering her face.

“We were at Edward’s funeral,” Maggie said, her voice soft. “We talked to you at the gathering afterwards but you were completely distraught. I’m not surprised you don’t remember.”

With an arm around Bella’s shoulders, I gave her a firm squeeze. She needed it, but so did I. My imagination conjured up so many images of Bella; her at my funeral, falling apart at the burial, being completely despondent at the wake. No matter how much time passed, that was something neither of us would fully recover from.

“I don’t really remember much from then, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, dear. It doesn’t matter anymore.” Maggie put a comforting hand on Bella’s knee, which thankfully didn’t make her flinch. “Well, let us introduce you to everyone!”

Maggie went through the small group that was around us. Her and Daniel’s son Colin was there with his girlfriend, Ana. There were a few long-distance aunts and uncles, but it was a crowd of fewer than fifteen.

Our Irish relatives were much more laid back. They were at the top of the food chain, so to speak, in Ireland, but they didn’t feel the same need to tear down everyone else like we did in Chicago. Granted, there was more competition in Chicago, but even the wives were kinder here, less competitive. It was a nice change of pace from the ruthlessness that we faced every day back home.

The next hour was surprisingly peaceful. It was the kind of conversation I should have been able to have with Bella and my own parents. Daniel and Maggie and the family surrounding us wanted to know everything about her and her career. They congratulated her on her accomplishments and showed sympathy when telling her how worried they were when she was arrested.

When Emmett texted me that he and the rest of our family were almost here I stood, pulling Bella with me. “We should get going.”

“You don’t want to wait for the rest of your group?” Daniel asked.

“Esme and I aren’t on the best terms,” I said simply. Everyone nodded, knowing I wasn’t going to give much more away than that. “We’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

With Bella in the passenger seat next to me, we started the drive back to Dublin to our hotel.

“Shouldn’t people have been more… sad about Aiden?” Bella asked. It was a valid question. No one even mentioned him during our time with the family. It wasn’t unusual that we didn’t talk about him, though. We had all grown up in this life, and we had all known his time was coming to an end. Our policy was to save any mourning for the funeral and wake. No one in our family wanted everyone to spend days depressed over their passing. We were Cullen’s; we moved on and got shit done.

“We don’t like to mourn the dead. We like to celebrate their life. In our business, it’s a miracle Aiden lived to be as old as he did.” I regretted the words the second they left my mouth. I could feel the tension surrounding us. When I peeked a look over at Bella she was frowning out the windshield.

“You’re not dying for a very long time. I won’t allow it.”

I didn’t respond, instead I grabbed her hand in mine and gave it a comforting squeeze.

The next day was busy. The funeral was long and drawn out, hundreds of people from around the country came. The wake at Daniel’s home was a smaller affair, but a lighter one as well. It was more about happy stories and memories as opposed to the seriousness of the funeral.

I made sure Bella was by my side at all times. She was acting off, and I didn’t have to ask to know why. The last funeral she had been to was mine. The process for our funerals would have been very similar, as would the ceremonies themselves. Bella may have repressed most of her memories of that time, but it was obvious today would be hard on her.

Bella went straight to bed when we got to the hotel. Until we were back in Chicago, I would give her some space. She just needed time to collect her thoughts, realize that things were so much different from the last time she was in a situation like this.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up to soft hands running down my bare back. Taking in my surroundings, I realized I was resting nearly my entire body on top of Bella’s. She was sitting up in bed and I had my arms wrapped around her waist, my head buried in her stomach.

My first instinct was to move so she could get more comfortable, but something about the way her fingers would grip my back made me stay still. For a while, she alternated between trailing her hands along my back to gently running her fingers through my hair. Then the mumbling started.

“Edward, are you awake?” she whispered, her hands freezing on my back. I didn’t make a move and kept my breathing as even as possible. After a minute Bella sighed and resumed her ministrations.

“Do you ever have moments where you look at someone and you’re just like… _wow, they’re mine_. That probably doesn’t make any sense, but I just really love you. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, you know? How much you mean to me. It’s hard to put into words.” _I know, baby. I love you more than words can express._

“We never should have made it this far. I should have run when I found out who you really were, or I could have died from the shooting. I could have spent my life in prison, or you could have died outside of the courthouse…” Bella sighed, but her hands continued roaming along my back.

I should have interrupted her, let her know I was awake. But I was too comfortable, with my Bella-pillow and soft hands roaming wherever they wanted. I was also never one to let an opportunity to hear Bella’s unfiltered thoughts go to waste.

“It’s all worth it, though, because you’re mine. I get to wake up next to you every day and go to sleep next to you every night. I know your favorite meals and how you like your desk organized. I know the faces you make when you come,” she said with a small giggle. That would be something I would dig into later.

“I’m really glad I know you, Edward Cullen. You were worth it.”

She said it was hard to put into words, how much she loved me. But, I thought she did a pretty damn good job.

_…Dark…_

The next day we were back at Daniel’s estate, along with most of our Chicago family. Unfortunately, it would be hard to avoid Esme today. It was time to meet with the executor of Aiden’s will. Thankfully, later tonight we would be on our way back to Chicago. Bella seemed to be in better spirits today, but I still thought getting her home would get her out of this funk.

We were the last to get to Daniel’s, considering everyone else was staying there. The lawyer was already here and got right to it. “I need to meet with Carlisle, Daniel, Colin, Emmett, Edward, and Isabella Cullen,” he said, reading the names off of a list.

It was a surprise to everyone in the room that Bella’s name was included. Aiden had never met her. Still, I grabbed her hand and led her with us to Daniel’s office where we would be having our meeting. We all sat in chairs surrounding the desk.

It took hours to get through everything. Aiden had left most of his property to Daniel and Colin, obviously. Some family heirlooms were left to Carlisle, and his fortune was divided among each of us.

Then, the man pulled out a jewelry box and pushed it toward Bella. “Mrs. Cullen, Aiden Cullen left you the bracelet that once belonged to his wife, Cara, along with this note.”

Bella took the small piece of paper with shaking hands and opened it. She handed the note to me after she read it and opened her box.

_Thank you for protecting my family. You earned this._

I read the note and smiled, appreciating the fact that even Aiden saw Bella’s loyalty. Looking over her shoulder, I saw the bracelet in the box. It was gaudier than Bella liked, but I knew she would never wear it anyway. She didn’t wear bracelets anymore, she hated things around her wrists. It was obvious she understood the sentiment behind Aiden’s gesture, though. Even though he never met her, he was accepting her as part of the family.

As we left the office, Bella with the velvet jewelry box in her hands, the family in the living room went silent. It wasn’t hard to guess why. Esme was standing, her face red with anger. Jasper was standing as well, looking equal parts frustrated and confused.

“I knew it. _She_ got the bracelet?” Esme seethed.

The bracelet Bella was holding was a very old family heirloom. Every woman in the family had seen it and heard about it. Aiden loved to brag. When Cara died about ten years ago he started promising it to everyone. It was expensive has hell fifty years ago when he bought it and was worth millions now.

The moment Bella opened the box I knew it was going to cause trouble. Aiden had promised it to nearly every woman in the family, and they all knew it. I knew better than to expect the women of the family, Esme especially, to respect Aiden’s decision. Though, in all honesty, no one else deserved it.

Most women in this family turned a blind eye when things went down. I couldn’t see any of them ever doing what Bella did; taking over the family, plotting to get everyone out of jail… She wasn’t just my wife. She was one of us. She was smart and talented and didn’t just sit by while I took care of her.

“Watch how you speak to my wife,” I grunted, placing a hand on Bella’s waist. It was obvious we would need to get going now.

Nodding at Daniel, he understood my need for a quick exit. I pulled Bella with me but, unfortunately, we had to brush right past Esme to get to the door. Before I could stop her, Esme reached out and grabbed Bella’s wrist as we passed.

I felt the shift in Bella immediately; the anxiety and fear suddenly tensing her entire body. “No, no _no_ ,” she said, frantically pulling her hand out of Esme’s grasp. The velvet box fell to the floor with a thud as Bella backed herself into my chest. I wrapped an arm around her to keep her steady.

“It’s okay. You’re safe,” I whispered in her ear. It only took Bella a minute to calm down, then I could see the light blush on her cheeks.

Bella’s wrists were her biggest trigger these days. She rarely had flashbacks anymore but having anything around her wrists still caused her to panic. It was understandable, there was nothing more terrifying than having your complete freedom taken away as someone clicked handcuffs into place. Bella practically lived in them for a year.

“Never touch her again,” I hissed at Esme, her eyes wide and confused. They shouldn’t be, I had told my entire family never to touch Bella suddenly, especially her wrists. Esme knew what she did.

“I don’t care about the fucking bracelet,” Bella grunted, pushing away from me and picking up the box. She tossed it at Esme, who fumbled with it. “I don’t care about the money Edward spends on me or what the Cullen name means. I know you think I’m some gold digging whore, but I don’t care.

“I never wanted any of this. It was never my plan to be a _mob wife_ or steal your precious status. I fell in love with a man who happened to be your son. I don’t love him because of his job or his money, I love him in spite of that.

“And I’m so fucking sick of you looking at me like _I_ ruined _your_ life. So, take the goddamn bracelet and just… leave me alone.”

Bella left the house. One quick look to Jasper and he was following her. Then, I turned toward Esme.

“You never used to be like this. Maybe I just didn’t see it because I was always doing what you wanted. I don’t know what your problem is, but you’re not welcome around us anymore. You don’t come to my house, and you sure as hell don’t come near my wife.”

“Edward –“

“No,” I hissed. “From day one I told you how important she was to me and you’ve constantly undermined that. You’ve never once treated her with the respect she deserves. You’ve disrespected me and my wife for the last time.”

Esme looked sufficiently rebuked, but it didn’t matter. With a swift tug I had the jewelry box out of her hands and turned my back on her. The room was silent as I left, but I didn’t care about the reactions of the surrounding family.

Bella’s words from earlier left me feeling conflicted. I always knew she didn’t care about the status and the money. I was glad she wasn’t like most women in her situation. But the way she said _I’m so fucking sick of you looking at me like_ I _ruined_ your _life_ … that left a pain in my gut.


	5. Without You

_Hello, hello? Ca-can you hear me? I can be your china doll, if you want to see me fall. Boy, you’re so dope, your love is deadly. Tell me life is beautiful, they think that I have it all. I’ve nothing without you. All my dreams and all the lights mean nothing without you. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Without You**_

_…Dark…_

**BPOV**

The second Esme grabbed my wrist I swore I could hear the _click_ of a handcuff around me. Images of every moment someone slapped a pair of cuffs around my wrists flashed through my mind. The feeling of complete helplessness took over for a minute and made my heart race.

“No, no, _no_.” I pulled my hand free, thankful that instead of harsh metal I just had to fight through Esme’s grip. Backing away, I bumped into Edward’s solid chest and took complete comfort in it. He always had my back, literally and figuratively.

“It’s okay, you’re safe,” he whispered.

I _hated_ this. Freaking out about little things always made me feel weak, even if I was alone. Having a panic attack like that in front of so many members of Edward’s family was even worse.

No one knew how much the flashbacks messed with me. I would be on edge for the rest of the day, constantly paranoid. They rarely happened these days, but the routine was always the same.

“Never touch her again,” Edward hissed at his mother. I knew he had told his family not to touch me or my wrists. He never told me he did, but one time Jasper grabbed my arm to pull me over to show me something and he started profusely apologizing. It was pretty obvious he knew, and kind of sweet that he felt so bad even though he didn’t trigger any kind of reaction.

That just made me more furious, because Esme was obviously trying to set me off. Maybe she wanted to embarrass me in front of everyone, or she hoped that seeing me freak out would make everyone agree that she should have the bracelet. _All of this over a goddamn bracelet._

“I don’t care about the fucking bracelet,” I said, picking up the box from where I dropped it and tossing it at Esme. “I don’t care about the money Edward spends on me, or what the Cullen name means. I know you think I’m a gold digging whore, but I don’t care.”

I really didn’t. For more than ten years I had listened to people who didn’t know me call me every name imaginable. It was pretty easy to brush it off ninety percent of the time. It still got to me sometimes on particularly bad days, but I truly didn’t care about what Esme thought of me.

For years I let every snide remark and eyeroll slide. I put up with her because she was Edward’s mother, but this was the last straw.

“I never wanted any of this. It was never my plan to become a _mob wife_ or steal your precious status. I fell in love with a man who happened to be your son. I don’t love him because of his job or his money, I love him in spite of all of that shit.”

Honestly, my life would have been so much simpler if Edward were just a business man, or a guy I met in a coffee shop. But he wasn’t, and I would never take back a second of our time together.

“And I’m so fucking sick of you looking at me like _I_ ruined _your_ life. So, take the goddamn bracelet and just… leave me alone.”

I could see it in Esme’s eyes every time she looked at me. Pure hatred radiated from her, more so after the trial. In her head, I had sullied the good Cullen name. Never mind the fact that I got her two sons and son-in-law out of jail. To her, I had very much ruined her good social standing, both by the trial and simply being married to Edward.

I left then, simultaneously embarrassed by my outburst and still too angry to let it go. Anymore from Esme and I couldn’t be sure I wouldn’t completely snap, so I thought escaping was my best choice.

I heard quick footsteps following and assumed it was Edward, but when I got to the car it was Jasper who had followed me. “You okay?”

With a sigh, I shrugged. “I’m fine.”

“You’re perfect, you know,” Jasper said, a cocky smirk reminiscent of Edward’s on his face.

“What?”

“Perfect for Edward. You’ve been married what… six, seven years? It’s obvious you’re not going anywhere, but in case Esme ever made you doubt it… Edward would never have been a tenth as happy as he is now with anyone else.

“He would never tell you this, but he was damn proud of you when you took over for him. No one else could have done what you did. Emmett and I were skeptical about the whole thing, but you did great.”

Edward and I never talked about it much, the time I spent taking over his responsibilities. Mostly because we had made a promise on the island never to discuss what I did again. We talked about the trial and my time away, because I had a lot of lasting issues that I needed to get out, but we never mentioned what put me there in the first place.

“Everyone else sees it, too. Even Aiden could see it and he never met you. Don’t let Esme get to you, okay?”

“Thanks, Jasper,” I sighed. Edward strode out of the house then, and Jasper retreated back inside.

We were quite on the drive to the airport and as we got ready for the flight. It wasn’t until we were seated across from each other that Edward spoke.

“Do you feel like I ruined your life?” His words were like a knife to my chest.

_“What?”_

“The way you said it to Esme… It was like you felt we had ruined your life.” Edward’s eyes were sad and his voice sounded so very defeated.

I stumbled out of my seat and got into Edward’s, straddling his waist. With my hands on either side of his face, I kept our eyes even. Edward kept his hands on the armrest. “You’re the best part about my life. I don’t regret a second of our time together. You’re… I’d be completely lost without you.”

“What did you mean, then?”

“Every time I see her, Esme looks at me like I killed her puppy. After our fight at that party… It’s like she thinks I ruined her and her reputation.” That was the only way I could describe it.

“But do you think we ruined your reputation?” Edward probed.

“No. _I_ ruined my reputation, not you. But Esme doesn’t have the right to think I ruined hers.” That was what I was trying to say. Never did I think Edward would take it to mean I thought he ruined my life.

“But you ruined your reputation by being with me. So I –“

“ _No_. I ruined it by putting four bullets in Aro Volturi’s chest. That’s where I lost it, Edward. Not being with you. That was all on me. I have never, not once, thought any of that was your fault.”

My hands slid to his neck, pulling at the short hairs on the back of his head. “I love our life together. I like waking up next to you every day and being able to see you whenever I want. It’s nice knowing you’re just downtown if I need you, not across the country.”

One of Edward’s hands reached up and cradled my face. “You’re happy?”

“In general, yes. Currently, I’m still furious at Esme, but I’ll get over it.”

Edward relaxed into the chair, and I rested my head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry she grabbed you.”

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t still…”

“It’s not okay. She knew it would set you off. It’s not your fault.”

I sighed against him, suddenly exhausted. “Thank you for always defending me.”

“Always,” Edward said with a kiss to my temple.

_…Dark…_

Ever since my birthday blowout with Esme, the younger Cullen’s had started having our own get together on Friday nights. Everyone else still went to Sunday dinner with Carlisle and Esme, but Edward and I never did. Carlisle came to ours sometimes, but not often. This week we were at Alice and Jasper’s place. Rosalie and I got here early to help Alice get dinner ready. Alec was with Maggie, and I had no clue where Jared was.

We all heard the telltale ruckus coming from the family room that told us our husbands were here. In the minute it took us to get out there, they all already had a glass of amber liquid in their hands. That was never a good sign. Edward usually went straight for the bar at home when he was having a bad day.

As soon as he saw me across the room and his mossy eyes blazed into mine, I knew something was up. The look on his face made my blood run cold.

“Dinner is almost ready,” Alice said, oblivious to the somber mood I could feel coming from the men.

“We need a few minutes before dinner,” Edward said. Jasper and Emmett gave their wives a quick greeting before they were heading down the hall to Jasper’s office. Edward still stood there, staring at me as he swirled his drink around in the glass. “Would you join us?”

_Shit._ Alice and Rosalie’s eyes burned into me as I walked over to Edward. As I passed him I grabbed the drink from his hands and finished it myself, before dropping the glass on a nearby table. We walked slowly down the hall to Jasper’s office. Edward had a hand on my waist, but it did nothing to ease the tension that had taken over my body.

“It’s nothing… horrible. I promise.” His words would have been comforting if we had similar definitions of what _horrible_ really meant. When we got to the office I was surprised to see Jasper not sitting behind his own desk. He sat next to Emmett on the opposite side, next to another empty chair. I sat in my spot, and Edward got behind the desk.

“We have two things to discuss with you,” Edward said, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Okay,” I replied hesitantly. “On a scale of robbing a bank to rotting in prison… where are we?”

“It’s nothing that bad,” Edward said, his face softening.

“Probably more like taking over a crime family on the scale, I think,” Emmett said, completely serious. My eyes widened as I turned to stare at him.

“Emmett,” Edward hissed, effectively shutting Emmett up. “It’s not bad, I promise.”

With a sigh, I nodded. “Okay. Tell me the worst one first.”

Edward was quiet for a moment, thinking, and it put me on edge. If he had to think this long about which one was worse, they were probably both pretty bad. “Felix and Demetri recently found an old will of Aro’s. It’s nothing official, but it had an unknown beneficiary listed. A child.”

 _Huh_. Not what I was expecting. “Me.”

“Your name isn’t listed. It was in the very early stages, so no contact information was there,” Edward said.

My heart, which had started to nearly beat out of my chest, calmed a little at his explanation. “Okay.”

“There’s nothing you have to do. We’re monitoring the situation so you don’t have to worry about it. I just thought you would like to know.”

“Thank you,” I said, my voice nothing more than a whisper. “What’s the other thing?”

Edward didn’t say anything, he simply motioned toward Jasper next to me. Twisting in my seat, I looked toward him with a frown. “What is it?”

“Jared got arrested again. He doesn’t listen to Alice or me. He’s about to turn eighteen, so he’ll start to be charged as an adult with all of this shit. We’ve all seen you put him in his place a few times. He would never admit it, but he’s scared of you. I was wondering… I have this plan to try and scare him. I don’t think it would be as effective if I did it, though.”

There had been a time or two when I could tell I intimidated Jared, like with the cupcakes a few weeks ago. It usually only happened when he pissed me off, though. It wasn’t a regular occurrence. And I definitely wasn’t the most intimidating member of this family.

“I’m happy to help, but Edward can be far more intimidating than me.”

Jasper shook his head. “Not at this.”

My stomach twisted at his words. “What do you want me to do?”

“I thought… if he knew what it was like to actually be in trouble like that, he might understand. Maybe walking through the precinct with you would make him realize – “

An odd combination of a gasp, cough, and laugh bubbled out of me. Suddenly I was too wound up to sit still, so I jumped out of my chair and started pacing, focusing solely on trying to keep the images of that place out of my mind.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it._

“You can say no, Bella,” Edward’s voice came from somewhere behind me. Of course, I could say no, but I knew I wouldn’t. Jasper had always been there when I needed someone and Edward wasn’t around. I had vague memories of him during the two days I was freed for Edward’s funeral. He made me eat, made sure I had everything I needed and was never alone. Then he held my hand the entire day of the funeral.

Maybe… maybe going back would help me move on, too. Of course, it could also send me in a tailspin of memories and flashbacks, but I wouldn’t know until I was actually there.

“No, I… I can do it,” I said, turning to face the three men staring at me, all with equal amounts of worry in their eyes. “Although, I’d like to go on record and say how fucked up it is that _I’m_ the one here with the most experience in jail.” _Nothing better than the go-to defense mechanism of poor-timed humor._

Edward excused Jasper and Emmett, telling them we’d be out for dinner in a few minutes. He stood and leaned against the front of the desk and stared at me where I continued to pace across the room.

“You really don’t have to. I don’t want you to torture yourself over this.”

“I know, but if it’ll help Jasper and Alice finally get through to Jared, I’ll do it. And maybe it’ll help me, too. Going back, seeing it all from a different perspective might help me forget.”

Edward watched me as I paced for a few more minutes. Eventually my stress started to disappear and I was able to relax. I wrapped my arms around Edward and took three deep breaths before we went out to meet everyone for dinner.

Dinner was a quiet affair for me. I ate my food, which now tasted like cardboard, and replied whenever anyone asked me a question, but that was it. I panicked for a minute when Alice and Jasper stood and said they had exciting news to share, but quickly realized they weren’t talking about the Jared thing.

“I’m pregnant!” Alice shrieked. Everyone surrounded her and Jasper, hugs were exchanged and the men congratulated each other.

“I’m so happy for you,” I whispered to Alice as I gave her a tight hug. Her and Jasper had been trying for over a year for a baby. Maggie and Jared were already nearly adults by the time they adopted them, and it was obvious Alice was longing for a child of her own.

A while later everyone dispersed. Edward and I were quiet in the car, but that wasn’t unusual. We didn’t need to constantly talk, we could comfortably sit in silence together without it being odd or awkward.

When we got home, Edward said he had some work to take care of. So, with a quick kiss he went to his office and I went to bed.

Not to sleep. I got in bed, dressed in one of Edward’s t-shirts and nothing else and just sat there. My back against the headboard while I picked at a loose string on the blanket in my lap. It was one of those times where my mind was too full. There were too many things to worry about so it was just… blank.

I looked at the clock for the first time all night when Edward wandered in. _Two am_. I should be exhausted, but I wasn’t.

“You should be asleep,” Edward said, shrugging off his jacket and coming to stand next to the bed. “Are you okay?”

My shrug was the only answer I had. “Tonight was just… a lot, I guess.”

Edward looked at me for a minute before he retreated to the closet without a word. I frowned but stayed in my spot in bed. Ten minutes later Edward emerged from the closet with two bags over his shoulders.

“Are – are you going somewhere?” I asked, panic starting to well up in my chest.

“Wherever you’d like. For the weekend, just me and you.” _Oh_.

“But I’m sure you’ve got –“

“I’ve got a wife who has had a shitty day. Where shall we go?” Edward looked at me, eyes wide with excitement. He was standing in the bedroom doorway, still in his suit from yesterday, ready to hop on a plane because I had a bad day. The lengths he went to make me smile made me want to burst into tears, but I held it in.

“Maybe… a cabin somewhere?” Being secluded from the rest of the world sounded nice. A warm cabin with snow falling outside would be ideal, but it was spring so I would probably have to let go of the snow.

“Okay, let’s go,” Edward said, nodding his head toward the door.

“I… need pants,” I said dumbly. I was still only in Edward’s shirt.

Edward threw his head back with a laugh. “You put on some pants and I’ll wait for you downstairs, okay?” I nodded, and Edward turned to leave.

“Edward?” I shouted after him. When he came back inside I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Thank you.”

_…Dark…_

It was late morning when Edward and I pulled up to a picture-perfect cabin. I wasn’t even sure what state we were in, but it wasn’t important. There was even a light coating of snow on the ground despite the time of year it was.

Within an hour of arriving we were in comfortable clothes curled up on the couch in front of a fire. The house was luxurious, of course, but this was all I wanted. Edward and a comfy spot in front of a fire.

Edward didn’t push me to talk. He sat with me and let me sort out my own thoughts. We had been together long enough to know when to push and when to wait. For the first hour or two we were here my mind was still a jumbled mess of thoughts; thoughts about Felix and Demetri and what I would have to do in a few days with Jared. Especially thoughts about Alice’s announcement.

“It isn’t… I never wanted children,” I whispered eventually. “They’re just so much work and responsibility, and I have a lot of parental issues.” Saying I had a lot of parental issues was putting it lightly. I hadn’t said a word to Renee since I found out she wasn’t my mother. Charlie and I wrote sometimes, but the letters were getting fewer and farther apart. I had absolutely no idea where my biological mother was, and I put four bullets through my biological father’s chest. Parental issues was an understatement.

“I never wanted to put another kid through what I went through. I always thought I would mess them up. Make them like me.”

“You’re not messed up,” Edward interjected.

“I’m not the most… stable person. You’re the only one that keeps me grounded.” I sighed. “But it’s different, making the decision for myself with the option to change my mind, and having it ripped away from me.”

Edward’s hands trailed under my t-shirt and stopped on the scar on my abdomen. It was faded now, but still noticeable if you were looking. Edward’s hands knew exactly where it was without having to see my skin. “There are… options if you want a child,” he said hesitantly.

“I don’t think it’s that I want any child. I would want yours. _Ours._ ” I twisted in his lap so I could look at him. “We would have a little boy and he would be a miniature you with crazy hair. Maybe my eyes.”

There was this recurring dream I had. Edward standing in a nursery, obviously decorated for a boy, with a tiny baby in his arms. It was always a short dream, just me standing in the doorway watching them.

“I don’t think about it a lot. But then days like yesterday make the floodgates open,” I finished. Edward reached up and swiped away a few tears that had fallen down my cheeks.

“I think we would have had a little girl,” Edward said, the tenderness in his voice taking me by surprise. “She would be just like you, sweet and passionate and talented as hell. It would be a third job of mine to keep boys away from her, though.”

There was no need for me to ask Edward how he felt about having a child now. We had the same conversation a dozen times over the years. He would have had a child because it was expected, and he would have loved them because they were part of us, but he didn’t _need_ one.

When I was twenty I was vehemently against having a kid of my own. I didn’t think I could handle it and not mess them up like Renee did to me. Now, if I had the option, I would try to get pregnant. But I didn’t have that option, because Aro, and Carlisle, took it away from me.

It was times like this when any residual guilt over what I had done so long ago disappeared completely.

A few hours later I was sitting cross-legged on a marble countertop, a bowl of pasta in my hands. Edward sat on the counter across from me, eating his own dinner. It was an extravagant kitchen that deserved a professional chef to use it to its full extent, not the two of us who ordered food and used the counterspace as a sitting area.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay to deal with Jared?”

“Yes. He’s an asshole to everyone in the family. If I can get him out of that phase, I’ll try.”

“I don’t care about helping him, I care about what it’s going to do to you,” Edward said bluntly.

“It’s not going to be pleasant, I know that, but maybe it’ll help me. I haven’t been there since…” Since I walked out of the precinct, not knowing if Carlisle was telling me the truth about Edward.

_Fuck._

_…Dark…_

The day after we got back from our little weekend getaway, I was on my way to the precinct where I spent over a year behind bars. The closer we got, the more I started regretting my decision.

We all thought Jared would listen more if I was the only one there. He seemed to act up more around other people, so I didn’t even have Edward here to keep me calm. He was just down the street in his office, where I would head immediately after this was over.

Jasper had gone about this whole thing very professionally. He talked to the police chief and asked permission and everything. They all readily agreed, having had so many issues with Jared in the past. My only condition had been that Riley Biers was nowhere near the building while I was here.

I was dressed casually enough; a flowy button-down shirt tucked into a pair of dark jeans. When the car stopped in front of the precinct, I made no move toward the door. When Ben opened the door for me, I still made no move to get out. Every muscle in my body was revolting against what my brain was telling it to do.

“Bella?” Jasper stuck his head in the car.

“Yeah?” I asked, looking over at him like nothing was out of the ordinary.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Fine. Everything’s fine.” That was a lie. Nothing was fine.

“Um, Jared’s inside.”

“Good. I will be there in a minute,” I said, closing the door as Jasper backed away. Pulling my phone out with shaking hands, I quickly dialed Edward.

“Are you done already?” he asked the second he picked up.

“No. I haven’t gone in. I just –“ I can’t get locked up in there again. I can’t go back to that life.

“Nothing is going to happen to you, Bella. I wouldn’t let you get taken away from me again.”

_I wouldn’t let you get taken away from me again._ No, he wouldn’t. Edward would never let me go in there if he thought anything bad was going to happen.

“Okay,” I said. “Okay, I’m good now. Thank you.”

“Call me as soon as you’re done, okay?”

“I will.”

We hung up and I swung the door open. The sooner I got in there the sooner this could all be over with. I walked up the same path I had taken with Edward so long ago, and through the doors to the station.

Everything looked the same as it did before. Desks in the back, a receptionist area in the front where an officer was sitting. It was pretty empty, I assumed because Jared and I were here.

Jared was sitting in a chair off to the side. Jasper said something to him before walking out, giving me a squeeze on my shoulder as he passed.

“I’ve been arrested before. I don’t know why we’re doing this,” Jared grumbled, walking over to me. He wasn’t as tall as Edward, but he was at least a few inches taller than me. He was built similarly to Emmett but didn’t have the muscles to match him. By all accounts, I should be intimidated by him. I didn’t scare easily, though.

“You’ve been arrested as a minor and held until your parents could come get you. There’s a difference between that and actually being charged with a crime,” I told him.

“They fingerprint me and lock me up. It’s the same process.”

“ _No_ , it’s not,” I said, walking past the reception and into the main area. I found the familiar desk and saw a chair right where it was that night. I kicked the leg as I walked past. “This is where I sat an hour after Aro Volturi tried to kill me. They brought me here immediately instead of a hospital. That was when they decided I was guilty.”

I kept walking, toward the interrogation room. Surprisingly, I could hear Jared following me. Opening the door, everything was the same. “Sit down,” I told Jared.

He did. He sat exactly where I did that first night I was arrested. I grabbed the hair at the back of his head, probably a little too roughly. “This is where a detective slammed my head into the table because I wouldn’t talk without a lawyer.” I shoved his head away and left the room, memories of that night flashing before my eyes.

I went down the hallway toward the stairs that led to the jail. Cells lined the wall, but they were all empty. Before I went there, I turned right to the visiting room. Jared was behind me again, and I pushed him inside.

“This is where I was cuffed and nearly beaten to death to keep quiet about everything I knew. It was the only room I saw anybody in for months before the trial started.”

I backed out of the room quickly and went down the hall to the third cell down. _This was where I lived for over a year._ Everything was exactly the same. Small cot in the corner and not much else. The door was open, but there was no way I was walking in it.

Jared slowly walked toward me. I looked at him for just a moment and didn’t see his usual cockiness on his features. “This is where all of my freedom and dignity and self-respect was stripped away from me.”

Jared walked in the cell slowly and looked around. It was cruel, but the second he was inside I slid the door shut, hearing the all-too-familiar grinding of metal and click of the lock.

“Hey!” Jared shouted, walking over and trying to pull it open.

“You’ve been taken in on petty, minor issues. If you keep pulling shit like that, keep fighting Alice and Jasper at every turn, you will end up here for more than a few hours. You may not like it, but you’re a Cullen – “

“I never asked to be a Cullen!” Jared shouted at me.

“ _Neither did I_. But I love my husband, so I accepted the name and everything that came with it. You’re a Cullen and you need to understand that the authorities will try and pin even the most minor of charges on you to be able to say they locked up a member of this family.

“Alice and Jasper saved you from a hell of a lot of hurt when they adopted you. It’s been years. They gave you a good home, bought you anything you could possibly need. It’s time you start showing them some fucking respect.

“You can pretend that you don’t care, but I know you do. I know you care about your sister at the very least. Don’t put her through hell watching you get locked up for the rest of your life. You may think it’s not a big deal now, but after a few weeks in that cell you’ll start regretting every decision you’ve ever made.”

With that, I turned around on my heel and started toward the stairs.

“Hey, let me out!” Jared shouted.

Ignoring him, I kept walking up the stairs and toward the door. While my legs dragged as I walked in, they were now very eager to get toward the door. I halted for a moment, right when I got outside, and reveled in the warm sun on my face. Then I rushed to the car and got the hell away from there.


	6. Blue Jeans

_I told you that no matter what you did I’d be by your side. ‘Cause I’ma ride or die, whether you fail or fly. Well shit, at least you tried. But when you walked out the door a piece of me died. I told you I wanted more, that’s not what I had in mind. I just want it like before, we were dancing all night. Then they took you away, stole you out of my life. You just need to remember, I will love you ‘til the end of time. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Blue Jeans**_

_…Dark…_

**EPOV**

“We’re going to have to deal with Viktor soon,” Emmett mumbled. We, the men of the family, were circled together off to the side of the party. Maggie was having a graduation party, so nearly everyone from her school was currently in Alice and Jasper’s backyard. Maggie always seemed very quiet and shy when I was around her, which admittedly wasn’t very often, but she was much more carefree with her friends. It was nice, I guessed.

The party would be fun if you were a recent high school graduate. There was cake and food and the actress of their generation mingling with them. Alice had warned Bella beforehand that many of Maggie’s friends often asked about her. Bella took it all in stride and put on a pleasant smile for all of the teenagers. Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper and I spent a good ten minutes mingling before we branched off. No one approached us since.

“What else has he done?” Carlisle asked.

Just last night Emmett walked into my office to tell me about Viktor, Luka Petrov’s oldest son. He had crossed a line that we didn’t let anyone cross. We all had illegal dealings, but even we had morals sometimes. There were certain things we liked to keep out of Chicago, for our benefit and even for the average citizen’s safety. Human trafficking, child pornography, things like that crossed a line even for us.

People often tried to branch into those businesses, but we quickly shut them down. Whether we took them out ourselves or we handed them over to the police, they got out of our town. Usually they were novices who couldn’t have kept the gig running long anyway.

“He’s got his own sex trafficking business that has picked up steam,” I said. Viktor had the money and ability to make his businesses lasting, but I wasn’t going to do anything with my information yet. “We’re keeping an eye on it.”  
“I still think we should take him down now before it gets too big,” Jasper interjected.

“Petrov is up to something. I want as much dirt on him as possible, just in case,” I replied, to which everyone nodded. Surprisingly, Carlisle seemed to agree. We never had similar leading styles. Carlisle micromanaged everything, while I trusted my men to get shit done. Maybe it was the tumor, but Carlisle was much more amenable these days. He trusted my decisions and didn’t fight me as much.

Not that he really had a say. He was only included in conversations like these because I allowed it. I had the final say on everything.

A tiny hand slid through my arm and my drink was plucked from my other hand. “Whatever this is, I want in,” Bella said, downing the rest of my scotch.

“You want in?” I asked, taking the empty glass from her.

“Yeah, this whole ‘super intimidating circle that no one will dare approach’ thing. I’ve got the tattoo, I want in.”

Everyone in the supposed _super intimidating circle that no one will dare approach_ barked out a laugh at her description. It was an apt description of what we had. We had gone through a few minutes of pleasantries, but we were too busy to spend the afternoon doing nothing but listening to high schoolers talk about their last four years together.

“So, what are we talking about?” Bella asked, looking around at everyone.

“A sex trafficking ring,” I answered honestly. Emmett and Jasper shrugged it off, but Carlisle looked sufficiently uncomfortable. “What, do you think she’s going to go to the cops?”

“It’s just… a new way of doing things, I suppose,” Carlisle replied. He had been very accepting of Bella since the trial, and I knew he respected her more than his wife did. It _was_ a new way of doing things, so I couldn’t fault him for his hesitation.

No one else in this family would openly admit any part of our business to their wives. They simply turned a blind eye to everything. Rosalie would never walk up to us and ask us what we were talking about, or joke about a tattoo on her back that marked her a killer. _You’re one of a kind, baby._

The sex trafficking comment threw Bella for a moment. She stiffened, maybe not expecting me to be so honest with her. “Not… not yours, right?”

“No, we don’t do that. Viktor Petrov’s.”

“Huh,” Bella mumbled, nodding to herself. Her lips were puckered as she thought, and I had to restrain myself from leaning over to bite them. “So, my choices are high school drama or sex trafficking ring?”

“Bella?” Maggie’s soft voice came from a few yards behind us. Everyone quieted and turned to face her. “Um, Jared brought down his guitar and everyone thought maybe…” Maggie held out the guitar toward Bella.

_Jared_. It had been a couple weeks since Bella talked with him in the police precinct. She left him in the basement, locked in what used to be her cell. Jasper left him in there for the night. As far as I knew, Jared hadn’t gotten arrested since, but only time would tell if he actually listened to anything Bella said.

Bella had been upset after that afternoon, but she wasn’t as distraught as I thought she would be. Maybe it was good for her, like she said. Still, I wanted to strangle Jasper after he first brought it up to me.

Jared had stayed as far away from Bella as he could the few times we saw him since. It was comical to me that anyone could be scared of the woman next to me, especially after the incident last night.

_I had been working in my office at home when I heard Bella scream._ _“Fuck! Edward!” I jumped at the sound of her shouting and grabbed the gun I had in my waistband._

_With the weapon raised I ran into our bedroom. I scanned the room quickly, but the only person in it was Bella. She was standing in the center of the bed, eyes wide._

_“What the fuck happened?” I grunted, lowering my arms._

_“Well, shit, you didn’t need to come in with a gun,” Bella mumbled, her cheeks turning pink._

_“Why did you scream?” I asked, looking around the room. Everything seemed perfectly fine to me._

_“It’s going to seem stupid now.”_

_“Just tell me, Bella.”_

_“There’s a, um, spider on the bathroom counter.”_

_“A spider?” I left Bella standing on the bed and went to the bathroom. There, obvious against the white marble of the counter, was a black spider about the size of a quarter. Grabbing a tissue, I quickly got rid of the bug._

_“Is it gone?” Bella shouted from the other room._

_When I got back to our bedroom, Bella was still standing in the middle of the bed. She was in only a t-shirt, and I could see black lace peeking out underneath it. Her hair was piled on top of her head and she looked equal parts scared and embarrassed._

_“Yes, it’s gone,” I told her, reaching a hand up to help her off the bed. “Since when are you so scared of spiders?”_

_“Since forever. I hate the little fuckers, that’s why I religiously have the house sprayed for bugs every three months.” Once she was off of the bed, Bella wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her head in my shoulder. “Thanks.”_

_“You’re welcome. But, maybe we should work on a better way to let me know if there’s a spider instead of screaming. It might reduce my risk of having a heart attack.”_

The woman had a million bigger things to be scared of, but a spider about sent her over the edge. The spider incident was amusing after I calmed down. Bella had made me promise not to tell anyone about her spider fear. God only knew what Emmett would do with that kind of information.

It still blew my mind that anyone could be scared of Bella. But, whatever she said to Jared that afternoon must have struck a chord with him.

Leaning down to Bella, I whispered in her ear. “At least high schoolers are less scary than spiders.” She punched me in the arm, but it was worth it.

“This group is not as fun as I thought it would be,” Bella mumbled, going over to Maggie and grabbing the guitar from her hands.

I tuned out the conversation between the men around me and focused on Bella. She walked toward the middle of the yard and took a seat on an open stool. A soft smile covered her face as she started strumming along the guitar and talking to the people around her. She played snippets of her songs, answering questions from the kids around her as they asked. I noticed the bright smile on Maggie’s face, and knew that was the only reason Bella was doing any of that.

A familiar pang in my gut hit me as I watched. The same one I got at the _Tainted_ reunion Bella organized a while ago. There was a nagging voice inside my head saying I shouldn’t let her do this. She should be doing what she wanted, whether that be acting or singing, or anything else she could come up with.

The one thing I knew was she shouldn’t be performing at a graduation party for a hundred people, not after everything she had accomplished. My mind wandered from Bella to her career to the idea that maybe I was holding her back for the rest of the day. By the time we got home, I knew I couldn’t put off the conversation anymore.

“Are you happy?” I asked her as we walked into the house. It wasn’t the smoothest transition, but it worked.

Bella spun around and eyed me like I was insane. “What?”

“Are you happy?”

“Of course, I’m happy. What makes you think I’m not?”

“You perform at the Super Bowl, not for a backyard full of teenagers. I don’t want to hold you back.”

“You’re not holding me back, Edward. I love our life here. It’s about as quiet and normal life has been in a long time.”

“But do you want quiet and normal? You shouldn’t waste your time planning charity events.”

“You think I’m wasting my time?” Bella asked, a mixture of confusion and hurt on her face. _Fuck_.

“I think you’re the most talented woman I’ve ever met,” I admitted. “You shouldn’t have to use that talent to get donations for an event. You should use it for what you’ve always want to.”

I remembered the way Bella always talked about acting over the years. She loved it, plain and simple. That love didn’t just go away because of everything she had been through. Her face would light up whenever I asked about it, and she would go into a lecture about the process behind filmmaking.

“Can we just… drop this subject, please?” Bella asked, retreating toward the stairs. Her entire body language was off. She was never one to back down or just try to change the subject. Bella valued honesty, and she always preferred to talk things out rather than let them hang over our heads.

I followed her silently to our bedroom. She said nothing as she changed into one of my t-shirts and sat on the edge of the bed. Her fingers were fidgeting in her lap.

Walking over to her, I knelt at her feet, my hands caressing her thighs. “What is it?”

“I’m scared,” she said simply.

“Of what?”

“I’m scared that I’ll put a target on us again.” _Oh, Bella._

“That’s not for you to worry about, Bella. That’s my job, not yours,” I told her honestly. Her safety was my number one priority on any given day. There was a reason I assigned Ben and Eric to her from the beginning; they were the best. She was never alone, even when she might think she was. Whether she was shopping or working, someone was always around to keep her safe. “I’ll always make sure you’re safe, no matter what.”

Bella nodded and gave me a sad smile. One of her hands reached out and ran through my hair. “It’s not so much my safety I’m worried about.”

I grabbed her hand as she pressed it to my cheek. “We’re both safe, I promise.”

“You can’t control everything, Edward.”

“No, but I’m good at my job. No one is going to come after either of us.” Technically, people came after us all the time. I received credible threats on a daily basis, but most were dealt with in a timely manner. Bella received threats all of the time; from people in Chicago and around the world because of her notoriety. Ninety percent of hers were fake, but I took care of the other ten percent immediately.

The Cullen’s had a few rocky years where people thought they could get the best of us. This was all part of our new image; anyone who tried to mess with us ended up dead. It was as simple as that.

I couldn’t tell Bella any of this, of course. She didn’t need to worry about these kinds of things.

“What if…” Bella hesitated. Sad, brown eyes met mine. “What if I’m not good anymore? Maybe I peaked and I should stop while I was ahead.”

To me, that idea was laughable. Ludicrous. Absurd. Almost blasphemous. Bella may not have acted professionally in a few years, but she had to put on an act every day. Today, she had to smile for everyone and do her best to ignore Esme for the duration of the party. Whenever we went to events she played the perfect mob wife, excusing herself when men approached me and wanted to talk business, or pretending to be just as vain as the wives that surrounded her.

“You’re a phenomenal actress and musician. You’ll excel at whatever you do, Bella.”

“I’ll think about it,” Bella whispered eventually.

“If you don’t want to act again, that’s fine. But if you’re avoiding it because you’re scared, you don’t have to be,” I told her, standing and giving her a kiss. I knew she wanted to, though. She just needed a little push.

_…Dark…_

The next night I met Bella for dinner before I had to work through the night. She seemed to be in better spirits as we ate, if not a little contemplative. We were waiting for our food to arrive when Anthony visited us. He owned the restaurant years ago but it had been failing fast. He came to me for an investment, and I gave it to him. He’s been running it ever since.

“Mr. Cullen, I hope you’re enjoying your night?”

“Yes, thank you. Anthony, this is my wife, Bella. Bella, this is Anthony Watson,” I said. At the mention of his name, Bella nearly choked on her water.

“Can I get you anything, Mrs. Cullen?” Anthony said, looking at her with worried eyes.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Bella said, her voice a little gruff. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Watson.”

Anthony got called away for some emergency in the kitchen a moment later.

“Oh, my God,” Bella mumbled, dropping her head in her hands.

“What?”

“He was the man you were meeting with when we… in your office!” Bella’s eyes were wide and scandalized. It was adorable. Of course, I remembered that afternoon in my office. It was, by far, the best meeting of my entire life. I didn’t expect Bella to remember the name, though.

“Mmm. Fantastic meeting,” I said, taking a sip of my own water and smiling at her through the glass. Our dinner progressed smoothly. Bella blushed every time she saw Anthony around the restaurant, and memories from that afternoon in my office flooded my mind.

As we were standing to leave, I heard my name being called. Turning around, I groaned internally as I saw Luka approaching with his daughter, Katrina. She was tall, blonde, and looked to be made simply of skin and bone. If I remembered correctly, she was in her early to mid-twenties.

“Edward, Isabella, wonderful to see you,” Luka said, fake happiness in his voice. “We saw you leaving and my Katrina just had to come meet you, Isabella.”

“It’s so nice to meet you, Isabella,” Katrina said, her voice high pitched and nasally. How anyone could stand to talk to her on a regular basis was beyond me.

“I’ve heard a lot about you from your father,” Bella said, holding her hand out to Katrina.

“I’ve heard a lot about you as well, especially from Jacob and everyone on _Unknown_. I’ve been working with them a lot lately,” Katrina said, her back straightened and she held her head higher. It was a challenge.

“Congratulations on the show. It was a great stepping stone for me,” Bella said, her voice hard and cold. I tried to suppress my smirk. My girl could handle herself.

“It will be for Katrina, as well. She was just described as the next _you_ , Isabella,” Luka said. It made my blood boil. I could feel the tension grow in Bella as I rubbed a hand along her back.

“We should get going,” I interjected. That would be the last straw for Bella. She was proud of her career, and the insinuation that Katrina would replace her would be the greatest insult to her.

With a hand still on Bella’s back, I led her away from the table and the Petrov’s. She was fuming, her tiny hands in fists at her sides. Maneuvering us through the restaurant as quick as possible, I helped Bella into the car and quickly started on the way home.

Bella was quiet as I drove, but I could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. Ever since I had known her, it had been common knowledge that Bella was the best. Always referred to as being on top of Hollywood, always selling more records than anyone. It wasn’t cockiness, it was numbers.

It had been close to two years since her last tour ended. Nearly three years since her last film came out. That was a long time to be off the grid for Hollywood, I supposed.

My desire for her to get back to work had nothing to do with Luka or his plans. I wanted my wife happy and fulfilled, and I knew the only way that would happen was if she was following her passion. What capacity she got back into didn’t matter; she could write music or act or direct.

But, I knew she wanted to be on the top. That was one of the things I loved about her; her desire to be the best actress and musician on the scene matched my desire to be on top of Chicago.

Neither of us had said a word by the time we got home. I shut off the car and looked over at Bella. She stared back at me looking frustrated, hurt, and determined all at once.

“Fuck this,” she grumbled before getting out of the car and slamming the door behind her. I followed, watching as her fingers quickly moved over her phone. Sneaking a look over her shoulder, I saw the message she was typing.

_Overnight me the 50 best scripts you have._

“Hold on,” I said, taking the phone from her hands.

“What?”

“You should know something before you send that.” Grabbing her hand, I led her over to the couch. I sat her down and sat across from her on the coffee table. “Petrov is working on infiltrating Hollywood.”

“Infiltrating Hollywood?” Bella ask, a slight chuckle in her voice. “He’s not a spy.”

With a sigh, I sat back and tried to think of the best way to explain it to her. She deserved to know why he said all of those things about her before she made a big life decision about it.

“Hollywood and the mafia have never mixed well. People have tried, but they usually end up in prison. The Hollywood connections usually get scared and go to the cops. A few months ago, Petrov came to me and said he was using Katrina to try and use the industry to his advantage.”

“But –“

“Let me finish,” I told her. “He was baiting you because I refused his offer to join him on that particular business endeavor. What he said was more about me than you. It’s your choice if you want to get back into acting or not. Don’t let him make that decision for you.”

Bella was silent for a minute, staring at me with an odd expression. She wasn’t shocked, and she didn’t look worried. She seemed… confused. “Can I ask you a question now?”

“Yes.”

“Why haven’t you tried that?” Well, shit. That wasn’t what I expected. “You turned him down because you don’t like being second to anyone, right?” I nodded. “If it’s such a lucrative business, why haven’t you tried?”

“Because I don’t have any Hollywood connections,” I said carefully. This was dangerous territory.

“Well, I’m offended,” Bella said bluntly. She sat back against the couch and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Bella, I can’t ask you to do something like that,” I told her, shaking my head. “You’ve already done too much for me.”

Bella looked at me, her eyes quizzical. It was surprisingly nerve-wracking. Was she upset I hadn’t told her about Petrov sooner? No, she knew there were business dealings I couldn’t tell her about. Maybe she truly was offended I told her I didn’t have Hollywood connections. Bella wasn’t a connection to use, though, she was my _wife_.

“I always thought you’d ask me, eventually. You’re in the business of making money, and Hollywood is basically an endless pit of money.”

_“Bella – “_

“I don’t have a business degree or anything like that, but I know how Hollywood works better than anyone. Definitely better than Katrina.” Bella sighed. “Do you not think I can handle it?”

“You are a… conundrum, Isabella Cullen.” You would think after being married for so long I would stop underestimating her. It was still conflicting, though. While I wanted to get into Hollywood, best Petrov at his own game, it was still a risk to involve Bella. It went against every instinct I had to let her in and not keep her as far away from this as possible.

“You’re very protective, which is probably why you never asked me. Or you thought I would be mad considering the whole jail thing. But, I can help if you want,” she said with a shrug. Bella left a kiss on my cheek and started heading toward the stairs.

“I’m still asking for the scripts,” she shouted as she got upstairs. “The new me? _Fuck that_. I’m not dead.”

An hour later, after saying goodnight to Bella I went back to work. A quick call to the right person on my drive to the office and I had my plan in motion. As I waited in my office I picked up the golden statue that Bella placed on one of the shelves. It was surprisingly heavy, and I stared down at the nameplate.

**ACADEMY AWARD**

**TO**

**“REPUTATION”**

**BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR**

Ten years ago, I would have shrugged the statue off as nothing more than a byproduct of popular culture that was of no importance to me. Today, I understood how much work went into getting one. How many people longed to see their name on it. How valuable it was.

Despite her willingness in our conversation earlier, I was still conflicted on the whole thing. Bella helping in any capacity would make her an accessory to any crimes committed. She didn’t seem fazed by that at all, which was surprising. There was part of me that longed to keep her as far away from anything that could get her in trouble, and another part that couldn’t help but imagine how brilliant we would work together.

The door to my office opened and Luka walked in.

“Twice in one night,” Luka said, an unpleasant smirk on his face. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“This won’t take long,” I told him, setting the statue down carefully. Luka stood across from me, and I saw his eyes take in the two statues beside me. “Insult my wife again and I’ll put a bullet between your eyes.”

“Despite what you may think, Edward, you don’t have a monopoly on Hollywood. Your wife can only do so much for you.”

“My wife has –“

“Your wife hasn’t done anything in nearly two years. Katrina is about to start filming _Savage_ and take over as the new Hollywood starlet and get us access to one of the most profitable industries in the country.”

_Do not shoot him yet. Do not shoot him yet._ “This meeting was merely a courtesy to you. Consider all of our dealings and agreements void. Now, get the fuck out.”


	7. Young and Beautiful

_I’ve seen the world, lit it up as my stage now. Channeling angels in the new age now. Hot summer days, rock and roll. The way you’d play for me at your show. And all the ways I got to know your pretty face and electric soul. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Young and Beautiful**_

**BPOV**

I was very lucky early on in my career. When I got my first role, I had absolutely no representation. Everything moved very fast after that, and despite the hurried way I found my team, I had been with them since the beginning. Heidi always looked out for me. She was hard as nails and never took no for an answer when there was something I wanted. Claire knew the kinds of stories I would be okay with online, and the kind that I wanted rebutted before I knew myself. And Kate took better care of me than any mother of mine ever did.

So, it wasn’t surprising that at ten in the morning the night after I told Heidi I wanted fifty scripts, there were three boxes full of them outside my door. A familiar adrenaline rushed through my veins as I carried them upstairs.

The clock caught my eye, and I realized it had been a while since I heard from Edward. He never came back after he left late last night, but that wasn’t unusual.

_Are you alive?_ I texted. There was no need for me to know where he was or what he was doing, that was never what I worried about. He knew if I hadn’t heard from him overnight or for more than a few hours I would start to get worried. No matter what he was doing, he always replied immediately.

**Yes, love.**

Instant relief flooded my body, and I was able to relax. I changed into some comfortable black leggings and one of Edward’s t-shirts. Grabbing the first script from the box, I quickly turned the cover over. I didn’t want to know what it was called or who was directing or anything like that. I wanted my opinion on the project to be based solely on the words in front of me, not on anything else.

Halfway through the day I had to grab my reading glasses because my eyes were starting to blur, but other than that, I spent the entire day sprawled out on the bed with a script in my hand. I had a highlighter and a pen next to me at all times and made various notes in a few spots.

There were three piles surrounding me. The first were my favorites, there were only five scripts there after I got through about half of the pile. The second were the maybe’s, the ones I would settle for it none of my favorites worked out. Then, there was the absolute reject pile. That one was the biggest. I couldn’t just choose any film. It had to be perfect.

The urge to get back to work had been getting stronger and stronger the last few months, but an irrational fear kept me back. I didn’t want it to put another target on Edward or me. There was nothing worth putting him in danger. There was also a nagging voice in my head that kept telling me I couldn’t do it.

Professionally, it was hard coming back after my arrest. No one wanted to work with me or be associated with me. I had to practically beg everyone to let me make _reputation_ and then beg people to be part of it. Now, it was obvious it was worth it, but before it came out everyone was skeptical about how the public would receive it.

And now, I had been out of the public for a long time again. I still saw the specials they did on me, and heard the jokes made about the situation from time to time. People still talked about the trial and people still called me a murderer. That would never change.

I didn’t know if it was possible for me to make yet another successful comeback. It seemed like it was all I did. But, hearing Luka say people were calling his daughter the _new me_ … that was infuriating.

Edward was right. I liked being the best. I liked excelling at what I put my mind to. There was nothing wrong with that. That’s also why I was so willing to help Edward with whatever he wanted.

I surprised myself with my willingness once he admitted it was something he thought about, bringing his work to Hollywood. Of course, I would always do anything for him, but that used to mean anything within the law.

Now, I wasn’t so bogged down by that rule. I should be, but I wasn’t. Being arrested should have scared any inkling of breaking the law out of my brain, but it just made me angry at the entire system. I wouldn’t plan anything myself, obviously I wasn’t very good at that part.

But, if Edward needed information on how Hollywood worked and how to use it best to his advantage, I could do that. My desire to be the best in Hollywood had started to cross over to my family life. Edward was the best in Chicago, and I could help him stay there. So, I would.

Flipping the latest script closed, I tossed it in the no pile. I stretched my arms out, rolling on my back and hearing a few of my muscles pop in protest of being still for so long. Somehow, I had ended up on my stomach facing the foot of the bed.

“Comfortable?” Edward’s voice sounded through the room. When I opened my eyes, he was standing over me, smirking down.

“Very,” I said, smiling as he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

“Have you made any decisions?” Edward asked, looking at the piles of scripts surrounding me.

“Not yet,” I said, eying the small stack of ones I actually liked.

“Everyone is here for dinner.”

_Shit_. Saturday dinner was here tonight, and I had absolutely nothing ready. “Fuck, I –“

“I brought food home. Alice and Rosalie are setting it up as we speak.” How he did it, I’ll never know. But, somehow Edward always thought of everything.

“Thank you.” I got out of bed, stretching yet again, and ended up with my arms around Edward’s neck. After getting dressed quickly in some jean shorts and a loose-fitting tank top I wandered downstairs while Edward took a shower.

“Hey, sorry about this,” I told the girls as they placed food around the table.

“No worries! I’ve been craving a good steak anyway,” Alice said with a smile. She was starting to gain a little weight and had a cute little stomach protruding from her dress now.

“So, Bella,” Rosalie said as we were finishing up with the table. “Alice and I have started a bet, and we thought you and Edward might want in.”

“What’s the bet?” The entire Cullen family was too competitive. There were bets all of the time, always about the oddest things. A week ago, Emmett and Jasper got into a heated argument over who could eat the hottest pepper in the world. Both of them ended up vomiting in the kitchen sink.

“Who can go the longest without sex,” Alice said, a sinister smirk on her face.

_No, thank you._ “I’m out,” I said with a huff. It was rare that Edward or I participated in any of the bets, but that was definitely not one I would even consider. It just seemed… cruel. “Why would you put yourself through that?”

“It’s exciting. All the teasing, wondering who is going to cave first…” Rosalie said, a wistful look on her face.

“You know what else is exciting?” I asked. “Getting laid.”

It made no sense to me, willingly depriving yourself of the companionship of your partner. Maybe it was because for so long Edward and I were deprived without a choice, or maybe it was because I went for so long thinking I would never see him again. Never get to feel his lips against mine or be able to run my fingers through his hair.

“Sex isn’t just an orgasm,” I said, mostly talking to myself. “It’s connecting with your partner. Having an intimate moment just the two of you know about can be better than the actual act itself.”

I finished setting out all of the silverware and looked up to see four sets of eyes all on me. Alice and Rosalie looked about ready to combust. Then Emmett and Jasper, who must have snuck in while I was distractedly talking to myself, looked amused and confused.

“Edward’s either horrible or spectacular in bed,” Jasper whispered to Emmett.

“It’s the latter,” I said, passing them both and going back to the kitchen for a pitcher of water.

“Besides,” I continued as I came back with the water. “We were celibate for over a year. So, unless you all plan on beating that, we already won.”

“What did we win?” Edward asked, coming downstairs with wet hair and a black t-shirt that clung to every muscle in his chest. Yes, it was a very good thing we weren’t participating in this ridiculous bet.

“The bet on who can go longest without sex. Those four seem to think it’s some fun contest. I think it’s torture.”

Despite the odd topic of conversation, I would miss these weekly get togethers when I went back to work. I would have to be in Los Angeles or somewhere else for at least three months, probably longer to film whatever project I chose. It would be worth it, though. I would make sure of it.

Later that night, long after everyone left, I was back in my spot on the bed, but this time Edward joined me. He sat at the head of the bed with his computer in his lap working while I laid on my stomach facing the foot, a script in front of me. The steady sound of his typing fingers was surprisingly comforting in the otherwise silent room.

I clicked my pen, intending to make a small note in the margin of the page I was currently reading, when the typing stopped and a warm hand started to creep along my thigh.

“So, the intimate moment is better than the finish?” Edward asked, his legs suddenly straddling my hips and his head buried in my shoulder. I sighed at the steady weight of him pinning me to the bed.

“Huh?” I asked, already forgetting what his original question was.

“Did you know you talk to yourself when you’re reading scripts?” he asked, his lips trailing from my neck to my cheek and chin. “You don’t do it when you read anything else. It’s adorable.”

When his hands started to roam my back and one eventually snuck under the cotton shorts I was wearing, I knew we were both done working for the night. The pen fell from my hand and I pushed the script away. It fell to the floor with a solid thud.

Edward situated himself more fully on top of me, and I clenched my thighs when I felt his hard length press against me. _This_ is exactly why I could never participate in that bet. Just a few touches and I was already past the point of no return.

I needed Edward like I needed air. It wasn’t the healthiest way to think of it, I supposed I could survive without him. But it would be a miserable existence.

When the hand that had found its way under my shorts found the wet, needy flesh waiting for it, Edward groaned from above me and slowly pushed two fingers inside. _Not enough._

“Fuck, you feel good,” he grunted into my ear. I blamed the gruff, breathiness of his voice on the embarrassing whimper I let out.

Another, louder, protest escaped my lips when his fingers were suddenly gone and he sat up, leaving my upper body cold and alone. Then, my shirt and shorts were frantically ripped away from me so I couldn’t complain.

“You’re so…” Edward said, his hands pressing into the skin of my back and rubbing in gentle but firm circles. “Soft and warm and fucking perfect.”

Edward flipped me over onto my back and I gasped as I saw him above me. He lost his clothes at some point, and the sight of his bare skin made me gasp. He always told me I was perfect, but I was pretty sure it was the other way around. He was all muscles, but not overly bulky like Emmett. He was strong and lean and exuded power.

All at once, Edward leaned back down over me, captured my lips with his, and slowly pushed himself inside me. I could feel myself clench around him, holding him to me in any way I could.

As Edward started to move, I opened my eyes and saw him hovering over me. _This is what I was talking about._ This moment where Edward looked at me like I was the only thing that mattered in the entire world. That look was worth a million orgasms.

My hands got knotted in his hair as he started increasing his rhythm, his hips pounding into mine with a force that caused my entire body to shake.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” I panted, my hands gripping any part of him I could get my fingers on.

“ _Bella_ ,” Edward grunted, his lips and teeth nipping at my neck. His hand cupped the back of my head, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “Come for me, baby girl.”

Seconds later I did as he said and felt him as he spilled his release into me.

I protested, somewhat weakly, as Edward wrapped me up in his arms and carried me to the shower. The entire time we were in there I had to keep one hand on his shoulder just to keep myself standing. I was a little more lucid by the time the water turned off and a towel was wrapped around me.

“Did you find anything that you liked?” Edward asked as he started to move some scripts that were left around the room. I had a few piles on the bedside tables.

“Don’t mess with the system!” I shouted, going over and making sure my piles were still correct.

“What’s the system?” He replied with a chuckle.

“These,” I said, holding up the stack he was about to move. “Are maybes.” I set them off to the side, on the side table in the sitting area of our room. Then I grabbed a handful of others that were on the other bedside table and dropped them into an empty box. “No’s.”

Then I grabbed the small stack I had placed on the floor by the bed. “These are the five I’ve found so far that I would actually consider. I still have about fifteen left to read through.”

“Can I look at them?” Edward asked, a cute smile on his face. He looked genuinely happy to get to look through them.

“Of course. I want to know which your favorite is.”

He started looking at the scripts, one by one, simply skimming the title page and the first few after that. He froze when he got to the last one in the stack. “ _Savage_?” He asked, his voice quiet but confused.

“Yeah. It’s probably the best in there, but Heidi put a note in it that said they’re about to sign some other girl. Lawrence is directing, so it would have been fun,” I shrugged. It really was the best out of all of the scripts I had read so far. There could be a diamond in the rough in the last few I had to go through, but it was doubtful.

_Savage_ was dirty and gritty and a complete one-eighty from what I was used to. I hadn’t really acted in years. It was months before I did _Welcome to the Badlands_ that I ever had to act as someone other than myself. I wanted a challenge, and _Savage_ would be the biggest challenge of them all. 

It was about the life and mentality of a Russian girl who became one of the highest ranking unofficial spies for the government, but eventually started working for the United States as well. She was ruthless and lethal and just trying to save herself. It wouldn’t do me any good to get attached to it. Heidi left a note on top of it saying they were in the very last stages of signing someone else to the role.

Edward was still staring intently at the script in his hands. “This is the role Luka and Katrina were talking about, the one that is making her the next _you_.”

Hated that saying.

People thinking they were the new me.

_I’m still here._

Typically, I backed off of a role if I knew it was already cast. But, Heidi said nothing was official with this one yet, which is why she included it in the bunch. If I really wanted it, I could still try for it.

“That would be a nice little slap in the face, wouldn’t it?” I asked, thinking Edward would get a kick out of it.

“I don’t want you doing this because of them. I want you to choose a project you want to do and do it in your own time,” Edward said, surprisingly softly.

“I’m not doing anything because of them. This is what I want. That really is the best script in there. Heidi wouldn’t have included it if she didn’t think I could take it. I’ll go to Los Angeles next week and meet with Lawrence.”

Edward sighed, but I could also see the eagerness in his expression. The desire to take absolutely everything away from Luka. “If you’re sure it’s what you want.”

“I’m sure.”

_…Dark…_

Three days later I was landing in Los Angeles. I had a meeting with Lawrence in two hours, and another with my entire team after that. It felt good to be working again, even though I hadn’t done much yet.

My time off with Edward had been wonderful, and much needed, but we both knew I would never be the kind of person to be content cleaning all day and waiting for him to come home all night.

I pulled my phone out as I got into the waiting car, and Ben drove us toward the city.

_Just landed._ I texted Edward and got a response immediately.

**Good. Stay safe.**

Years ago, I would have rolled my eyes at his warning. Now, I knew how prone I was to causing trouble. A little extra luck could never hurt.

Smoothing out the lines of my simple grey and white striped cotton dress, I did my best to clear my mind before we got to the restaurant. This wasn’t an official meeting by any means, to anyone else it would just look as though we were two friends catching up for lunch. Lawrence knew what I wanted, though.

We were meeting at a typical Los Angeles restaurant; most people were already sitting outside, but we would be in a back corner. The hostess didn’t wait for me to even say my name before she grabbed a menu and started walking me through the restaurant. I lucked out with no paparazzi waiting for me, but I knew by the time I left there would be a crowd.

“Lawrence,” I said with a smile, seeing my old friend already seated at the table. He stood and gave me a friendly hug before we both sat.

We went through all of the basics as we ordered, fulfilling the ‘friendly catchup’ portion of the meeting. I didn’t beat around any bushes when there was a lull in the conversation.

“I want _Savage_.”

“I knew you would,” Lawrence said, looking slightly uncomfortable. “There are some people in the production company who had concerns when I brought up your name. I have to say, Bella, they’re valid concerns.”

“I’m the best. You know it and they know it, that’s all that should matter.”

“You were arrested and tried for murder. You’re married to a man who –”

“I have no criminal record. My husband has no criminal record. You’ve known me since I was sixteen, Lawrence. I’m not who they make me out to be.” Lawrence was the first person to take a chance on me. I just needed that faith one more time.

Lawrence sighed. “I know. You’re phenomenal at what you do, but you still have a lot of baggage, Bella.”

“Yes, six Academy Awards is quite a lot of baggage,” I said with a friendly smirk. It would be easy you get angry at everything Lawrence was bringing up, but I expected it. When I made _reputation_ , I had to have similar conversations with about a hundred people. No one respected a girl who had a quick temper and screamed to get her way.

Lawrence’s smirk told me I hit the sweet spot. Anyone who chose to work with an inexperienced actress over someone with six Oscars was delusional, especially on a role like this. “I’ll see what I can do. It’s not only my decision.”

“I know,” I said, appreciating the fact that he would stick his neck out for me. With one meeting down, I had another to get to. I said my goodbyes to Lawrence and noticed the large group of men waiting outside the restaurant.

Ben was at the door waiting for me. He placed a hand on the center of my back and led the through the throng. This whole thing made me appreciate Chicago so much more.

There were a few people that still came to Chicago from time to time to see if they could catch me off guard, but overall it was paparazzi-free. I could walk down the street to the Starbucks and back to Edward’s office without a crowd of twenty men following me. Two hours in Los Angeles and they were already on my tail. 

When we got to Heidi’s office Ben’s driving had managed to lose a few of them, but there was still a small crowd around the door. Ben ushered me through, and I ended up in a conference room surrounded by Heidi, Claire, and Kate.

Kate had started working with Heidi at her offices. Heidi was my manager and agent, which was rare, but it worked for us. She worked for a larger group led by a few classic, money hungry Hollywood scum. Heidi was the only reason I stayed with them.

Kate worked as Heidi’s assistant when she wanted to stop traveling so much as my assistant, and Claire was one of many publicists that worked with the company. Thankfully, they were the only ones I really had to deal with.

“How did it go with Lawrence?” Heidi asked, fumbling with some files in front of her. She was as put together as ever; perfect blond curls falling down her face and bright red lips popping against her tan skin.

“As well as it could have. He brought up the typical drawbacks but said he would see what he could do with the production company.”

“Well, we’ve got a few things to discuss,” Heidi said. “This is your new contract with Stewart & Kirkland,” she told me, pushing one of the folders toward me. My current contract was just about up with the firm. I was killing a lot of birds with one trip up here. I picked up a pen, ready to sign the contract.

“Wait!” all three women shouted at me. My pen froze just above the paper.

“We have a… proposition for you,” Kate said, looking a mixture of nervous and excited.

“We’ve been thinking about this a lot,” Claire told me. “We all hate Stewart & Kirkland. They’re assholes. We’ve been saving for a while, and now that you’re back we thought it was a good time to talk to you about it.”

_I’m lost._ “About what?”

“We want to open our own company. Kate and I will handle the management of the clients, and Claire and a few of her most trusted will handle the publicity.”

“So, you’re trying to poach me?” I asked with a smirk. It happened all of the time. People stealing high-profile clients from another company to get theirs off the ground.

“No, we care about you and don’t want to leave you behind, it’s different,” Kate told me with a smile. “Besides, we need you as more than a client.”

“Ah, you need money.” It took a hell of a lot of money to run a company like this, especially starting out. They all looked incredibly guilty. It was pretty amusing. “Oh, don’t look so guilty. I get it. Edward is always looking for something new to invest in. Give me information on what you have put together so far and I’ll talk to him about it.”

I was actually honored that they wanted me to be part of it. These were the people that helped me shape my career. I wouldn’t want to stay with Stewart & Kirkland if they left, anyway.

“Either way, if you’re all leaving then I’m going with you.”

It was late by the time we finished. We had a lot of shit to get through, but I didn’t mind the late work. I wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight anyway, not without Edward next to me.

_You’re going to have to for months if you get that part._ The nagging voice in the back of my head told me. Bitch.

Tomorrow at this time I would be back in Chicago. That was what I needed to focus on now.

Then, my phone rang.


	8. In My Feelings

_I’m smokin’ while I’m runnin’ this town and you better believe it, honey. I’m laugin’ as I’m taking no prisoners and taking down names. I’m cryin’ while I’m gunnin’ in the smoke they can hear me coming. If you were me, and I was you, I’d get out of my way. ~ Lana Del Rey **, In My Feelings**_

****

**EPOV**

“It’s always been this unspoken rule between everyone, you stay the hell away from Hollywood. People always gets caught, and they take everyone down with them,” Jasper said, always the practical one of the family. Emmett was the muscle and attack man. He had planned some pretty brutal murders in the past. I took care of the business side of things, both legal and illegal. There wasn’t an ounce of cocaine or heroin in the city that I didn’t know about; there wasn’t an illegal weapon that wasn’t supplied by me. Jasper was the one that typically kept us from acting too much on anger and looking at things from a different perspective. He was logical and diabolical.

We were all spread around Jasper’s home office. Jasper sat at his desk, Emmett leaned back against the couch in the corner, and I paced between the two.

“We will. We’ve got something no one else ever had,” I told them. Bella’s willingness to help was one thing, but her desire to go above and beyond was… confusing, intriguing, even fucking arousing. Right now, she was in Los Angeles meeting with Lawrence about stealing a role right out from under Katrina.

When I saw the script and recognized the name, my first instinct was to get Bella to forget about the project. If it was a project Katrina could have gotten in the first place, it shouldn’t be on Bella’s level anyway. Then, my girl decided to go for the kill and take it right out from under her. Maybe Luka bought his way into the project, or maybe his daughter was somewhat talented. Whatever it was, I knew anyone in the business would be insane not to want to work with Bella.

“I thought you were dead set against asking Bella about this. What changed?” Jasper asked.

“She _wants_ to help. It’s not just helping me, either. At least, I don’t think it is. She strives to be the best, just as much as we do.”

The gleam in her eyes when she said she wanted to take the role was breathtaking. She said it was simply because it was a great role, and I knew that was true, but I also knew my wife. She liked getting revenge, just like me.

Damn, I’d miss her, though. She would be gone for months soon, once she got the part. I’d visit when I could, but we were still facing an impending separation. She was supposed to get back from Los Angeles this afternoon, but I got a cryptic text that said something had come up and she would be back late tonight. I didn’t push for more answers, but I did call Ben just to make sure it was nothing important.

Then, earlier this evening I got a message from her instructing me to watch some late-night television show tonight. It was an odd request, but I had the television in Jasper’s office on the channel, waiting for it to start as he and Emmett continued talking amongst themselves. When I heard the mention of hormones I assumed they were talking about their wives, so I tuned it out.

“Fucking hell,” I muttered once the show started. The regular host should have walked out from the curtain, but there was my wife, smiling and waving at the audience.

“Thank you so much for not booing when I came out. That was a very real fear I thought of about thirty seconds ago,” Bella said with a laugh and a blinding smile. “Of course, I’m not your regular host for the evening. Just an hour ago he and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world, so you’re all stuck with me for the night.”

There was a round of laughter, and Bella looked instantly relieved. I, however, was still confused as hell. “I’m in town for two days in the past two years and he’s already putting me to work for him,” Bella grumbled. “There are a few changes to the show tonight I should tell you about. The original musical act has backed out because they didn’t want to be in the same room as me. But, I’ll play a few songs for you later. I don’t know what, because I’m vastly unprepared for the entire evening, but something will happen!”

Jesus, she’s got everyone in the palm of her hand. She knows exactly what people want to hear, and she knows exactly how to get into the hearts of an audience. When she used those talents for acting, it got her to the top of the food chain. When we start to use it for our business, we’ll be unstoppable.

I looked her up and down, enjoying the little sliver of skin I could see of her abdomen, and the two generous slits of her skirt showing her legs. The black of the fabric made the black ink on her arms stand out against her pale skin. She was stunning.

She was also funny as hell. Bella talked with various people, joked with them and didn’t take shit from anyone. The entire time, in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think she was made for this. For acting, for life in the public eye, and for me.

She played two songs, neither of which I had ever heard. It made me wonder how many she had that I didn’t know about. They were both equally amazing, but one was also heart wrenching.

It was still a mystery to me, how she managed to put our lives into song in a way that matched exactly how it felt. There were so many lines that meant more than most people knew. Finding those was my favorite part of listening to her music.

_Lights flash and we’ll run for the fences. Let them say what they want, we won’t hear it. Loose lips sink ships all the damn time, not this time._ With that last line she practically solidified her loyalty and confirmed she held secrets in while on trial. It was brave as hell admitting it.

The second one made my chest hurt, because I could picture it perfectly. It wasn’t hard to recall the last moment I saw her before I had to fake my death. _Your kiss my cheek, I watched you leave. Your smile, my ghost, I fell to my knees. When you’re young you just run, but you come back to what you need. This love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive back from the dead._

Once the show ended, I went back and re-watched the performances. The songs wouldn’t have been chosen lightly. Bella thought through every move she made. The first one… that one was all pounding bass and romantic excitement. It was a way to tell everyone we saw what they did to us, but we knew how to get around them.

The second painted Bella in a better light. She was the grieving widow until she found out I was alive. She got everyone’s sympathy. _She’s brilliant._

Years ago, when Bella was still on trial and I was on the island alone, Carlisle told me something. He said Bella was made for this life, that despite how miserable she seemed and how much she had deteriorated right before my eyes, she was strong enough to handle it. He was right, she was stronger than anyone I knew, but the idea that she was made for this life left me uneasy.

Thoughts of her… creation were always uncomfortable. Thinking of her as a Volturi was disturbing. Imagining her growing up along the likes of Tanya, Irina, Demetri, and Felix left me with a migraine. Despite how horrible it made me, I was thankful that Elena Rossi abandoned her, because I wouldn’t have trusted myself around Bella before.

If she grew up with that family, I would have used her like I used Tanya and Irina. The thought of that made me sick to my stomach.

_She’s here. She’s mine. She’s not going anywhere._

_…Dark…_

“Mr. Cullen, you’ve got a new appointment this afternoon,” Jessica’s shrill voice sounded over the intercom to my desk.

“Cancel it,” I told her, frustrated that after I came in this morning and told her to clear my schedule she was doing the exact opposite. You would think after being at this job for close to a decade she would either learn or move on, but she’s done neither.

“Well, its – “

Before she could finish, my office door swung open. “You’re always so grumpy,” Bella said with a smirk, striding in. The jeans she was wearing hugged every curve she had, and the lacy silk tank top distracted me from the work I had to do. She had gotten in late last night after she hosted the show, and nearly immediately collapsed into bed. She was still fast asleep when I left this morning.

“Are you my appointment?” Standing, I met her on the other side of my desk. She fell into my arms, resting her head on my chest.

“Yes,” she said, her voice muffled against my suit. Bella hugged me close for another second before she backed up and shoved me back to my chair. _Damn, it was an actual meeting._

“I have two things,” she said, looking adorably serious. Bella pulled out a file folder and slid it across the desk at me. “First, Heidi, Claire, and Kate are starting their own management and promotion company. I’m leaving Stewart & Kirkland and going with them. But, they also need another investment partner, and I think we should do it.”

The wheels in my head started turning, trying to think of ways to use this to my advantage.

“Before you go all… _you_ , I want this part done completely legally. These are my friends, I don’t want them mixed up in anything. _This,_ ” she pulled out another folder from her bag. “Is how you’ll get the most out of Hollywood _your_ way.”

I set aside the first file, opting to do as she said and have that business taken care of completely by the book. Opening the second folder, I saw quickly skimmed the pages and realized they were plans for a production company. Very well thought out and organized plans. “Did you do this?”

Bella shrugged. “Is it bad? I googled a lot.”

“No, it’s great,” I told her honestly. It was obvious from time to time Bella thought she was beneath others because she only had a high school education. She never went to college, never needed it or had the time for it. Just because she didn’t have a higher education didn’t mean she wasn’t one of the smartest women I knew.

“Production companies are where the most money is. They fund the projects, but they also get the highest pay out once the films are released. I don’t know… what you want to do, exactly. Whether you’re in it to make money or… do other things.”

She was adorable, trying to avoid saying anything incriminating. “You can say launder money. I’m not wired, I promise,” I joked. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Laundering money was one of my primary goals. I had a lot of income that wasn’t legally obtained. Having extra businesses where I could invest that and then get an even higher payout later was always necessary.

“I’m sure. Just… don’t get caught.”

She still looked nervous, so I changed the subject to calm her down. “How was your meeting with Lawrence?”

Bella sighed, finally relaxing a little. “It was good. He brought up everything I knew he would. I’ll hear from him in a few days.”

“They’re insane if they choose her over you.” It made no sense to me, choosing someone who had been acting for a few years over someone with Bella’s experience.

“They’re logical if they choose her. She’s less of a liability, she distracts less from the film itself, they can pay her less, and she hasn’t been dubbed the new OJ.” Bella shrugged, as if it was no big deal.

“People call you the new OJ?” How had that one gotten past me? I kept pretty close tabs on everything that was said about Bella, but I had never seen that one before.

“Yeah. It’s just to get a rise out of me but I still hate it,” she said, her voice small. Bella dropped her gaze from mine and started focusing on her hands in her lap.

Walking around my desk, I knelt in front of her. “Bella, you –“

“I did what I had to do to survive,” she said, repeating what I told her whenever she got like this. It was conflicting for her and I knew it always would be. She didn’t want to feel relieved at what she did, she would never want to take joy out of ending someone else’s life.

But she did, sometimes at least. She was glad Aro was gone. I was too, but I never felt guilty about it.

_…Dark…_

A few days later, the entire family was gathered at Emmett and Rosalie’s home. Before, I had always dreaded the Sunday dinners with my family. Now, it was surprisingly enjoyable. It was nice to see Emmett and Jasper with their families. It was a good reminder why we worked so hard.

The second the name Cullen stopped sending a shiver down everyone’s spine, we would be eradicated. We needed to stay strong for everyone in this room.

The gatherings were much more relaxed than our Sunday dinners used to be. Esme always required the girls to dress up and everyone had to be on their best behavior. Why, I had no clue. No one else was around. I should have seen it earlier, how much Esme valued her status over her family.

Now, our dinners on Saturday were casual affairs. Food and family catching up. Bella usually loved them, but it was obvious she was distracted tonight. It had been four days since she got back from Los Angeles and she should be hearing about _Savage_ any time now. 

Sitting in the living room with Bella’s legs draped over my lap was the most relaxed I had been all week. I had a scotch in one hand and a smooth calf in the other. Everyone was happily chatting, even Jared had emerged from his room and joined everyone.

The room went silent when Bella’s phone, which had been glued to her hand all night, rang.

“Oh! Put it on speaker!” Alice squealed. Everyone knew what call Bella was waiting for. They were all as confident as I was that she would be getting the part. Only Emmett and Jasper knew why it was an important part, though.

I gave Bella’s leg a firm squeeze as she answered.

“They’re offering you $600,000 for the part,” Heidi’s voice came over the speaker. She didn’t bother with any formalities, and she sounded rushed.

“Six hundred?” Bella asked, confusion all over her pretty face. Even I knew an offer of six hundred thousand was an insult to her. “That’s less than I was paid for my first movie.”

“They’re under the impression that you’re desperate,” Heidi said, exasperated. I wondered how much haggling it took to get them up to that figure.

“No,” Bella said, an air of finality to her voice. “Tell them I want what they were going to pay the other girl at least, and I won’t settle for getting paid a third of what the male lead is getting just because I don’t have a penis. I’ve got six goddamn Academy Awards, I’m not desperate.”

“Bella –“

“You know six hundred is an insult, Heidi.”

You could practically hear her exasperation over the phone. “Okay.” Then the line went dead.

“Shit,” Emmett mumbled.

“This is so nerve-wracking,” Alice said, nibbling on a chunk of celery.

“They’ll call back,” Bella said, standing from the couch to start pacing around the room. She was more nervous now, but her little speech as admirable.

I loved that she knew her worth. She wasn’t desperate enough to take something like that, or to work with people who didn’t value her.

Dinner progressed, and it seemed everyone was now as nervous as Bella about whether she would get another call tonight. We were sitting around the table when her phone rang again.

Bella and I both looked at the screen, but it wasn’t Heidi. It was Lawrence.

“Answer it!” Maggie shouted, making everyone around her laugh.

“Lawrence,” Bella greeted.

“You sure know how to get what you want, don’t you?” Lawrence said with a laugh.

“I know when people are trying to fuck me over,” Bella replied. There were a few gasps from around the table, but I smirked at her. _She was a spit-fire_.

“$20 million. A trainer is flying out to Chicago tomorrow. You’ve got a month before I need you in Hungary.”

“I’ll be there,” Bella said, looking over at me with the biggest smile before hanging up the phone. She let out a loud sigh and relaxed into her chair, still with that big smile on her face. _Fuck, she’s cute._

“Do you guys have any candy?” Bella questioned, standing from the table and wandering into the kitchen. She didn’t wait for a reply, but a moment later she walked back in snacking on a bag of chocolate.

“What?” she asked, looking around at everyone, myself included, giving her incredulous looks. She makes a twenty-million-dollar deal and acts like it’s nothing?

“Congratulations!” Alice and Rosalie said, both standing to give Bella a hug. They started chattering about the film, but Bella couldn’t really tell them much. Apparently, she wasn’t supposed to talk about it with anyone.

“So, twenty mil for doing basically nothing?” Emmett joked, ruffling Bella’s hair as he walked past.

“Basically nothing?” Bella said, her voice having lost the playfulness from moments before.

“Well, I mean, you just read lines, right?” I cared for my brother, but he could be a fucking idiot sometimes.

Bella left the room for a moment and returned with a script in her hands. “You wanna try?”

“You really stepped in it this time, Em,” Jasper said, laughing with an arm around his wife.

It really was an absurd thing to say. Granted, I once thought the same thing, but I knew there was much more to it than that now, especially where Bella was concerned. Some might just read their lines and be on their way, but when you were acting at the level Bella was, that wasn’t enough.

“Pfft, of course,” Emmett said, taking the script to the living room.

We all followed, sitting eagerly on the couch waiting for the performance to begin. Emmett flipped to a random page, and immediately froze. His eyes scanned the page, and his brows furrowed more and more with each passing second.

“Well?”

“Shouldn’t it tell me like, how to say it?” Emmett asked, his eyes wide as he looked at Bella.

“It’s just reading lines, like you said,” she replied. I pulled her into my lap, kissing the hollow of her neck. I hadn’t gotten the chance to tell her how proud I was of her, but I would have her to myself soon enough.

“Okay, well…” Emmett stuttered. Before he could move on, Bella interrupted him again.

“Remember you have a Russian accent. Oh, and to stand on your cue, which we’ll say is the edge of the rug back there. And, no pressure, but there are hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of equipment filming you at the moment, and about a hundred people waiting on you to get it right.”

“Damnit,” Emmett grumbled, handing Bella the script back and going to sit next to Rosalie.

“So, what’s with the candy?” I asked Bella, watching her pop another chunk of chocolate into her mouth.

“I’ll probably have to start a ridiculous diet tomorrow. Gotta enjoy it while I can,” she replied, smiling through another bite.

Looking down at her, I wondered how much smaller she could really get and be at a healthy weight. She was always tiny, but with curves in the best places. Never again did I want to see her so emaciated as when she was on trial.

“It’ll be fine,” Bella whispered to me, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

Later that night, I left Bella peacefully sleeping in bed. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and wandered into my office. I knew there would be at least one call waiting for me. He had called earlier, of course, but I ignored it. Celebrating with Bella was my priority.

She looked… so fucking happy. All night. Not only did she get her part, but she also made sure she was paid fairly. It wasn’t about the money, we didn’t need it, but it was the principle of everything. She shouldn’t get paid less because of her history or her association with me. She was the best, she should get paid as such.

As soon as I dialed the number, angry Russian curses filled my ear. My laugh just made them increase in vigor.

“What did you expect?” I grunted out. “You’ve overstepped, Petrov. Things were fine and you got greedy.”

“You don’t run everything, Edward.”

“I run Chicago, and I’ll have more pull in Hollywood than you ever will, even with your daughter’s help.”

“Katrina could have –“

“Katrina is no match for my wife.” How he thought his daughter could every compete with Bella is beyond me.

“You’re going to regret this, Edward,” the threat was clear in his voice. It was a threat against me, and every member of my family.

“You can’t touch me or my family, Petrov. You overstepped, and I put you back in your place. That’s how this works. Now, back the fuck off.”

Hanging up the phone, I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes. Maybe it was a good thing Bella would be getting out of town for a while, considering I had just started a war between two of the biggest crime families in the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics italicized in the beginning of the chapter are from I Know Places and This Love by Taylor Swift.


	9. Born to Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another reminder that I do not have a lot of experience/knowledge on the criminal justice system or the proper way a situation like this would play out. This is fanfiction, so please don’t lecture me on any inaccurate scenarios, okay?

_Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry. Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don’t know why. Keep making me laugh, let’s go get high. The road is long, we carry on, try to have fun in the meantime. Come and take a walk on the wild side, let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain. You like your girls insane. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Born To Die**_

**BPOV**

_Savage_ began to take over my entire life from the moment Lawrence called and let me know I had the role. Training started a day later, and it was more intense than I realized it would be. Or maybe I had just forgotten how much work my job actually was. Fight scenes had to be coordinated, tracks had to be laid out, and I had to be in shape for working twelve to eighteen hour days. It was all expected, but a week into it and I was already exhausted.

Edward seemed on edge, too. My assumption was that Petrov had kicked up a fuss over the role, but I never asked him about it. I may be helping him on some level, but there were still things I didn’t want to stick my nose in, things I knew Edward didn’t want me involved in either. 

I got to the training center early this morning. Edward was gone last night, doing something I didn’t think I wanted to know about, but I got a text before I left that let me know he was alive.

The morning started out like every other, running through choreographed fight scenes and such, but around ten my phone started constantly beeping with incoming messages and calls. Eleazar, my trainer, went over and silenced it. Half an hour later, there was a constant vibration coming from my bag and neither of us could concentrate on anything.

“Make it stop before I throw it across the room,” he said with a laugh.

Pulling out my phone, I saw message after message from Heidi, Claire, and Edward. I read Edward’s first.

**I’m taking care of it.**

**Don’t be scared, please.**

**They can’t press charges. This isn’t like last time, I promise.**

**I’ll meet you there. They won’t hurt you.**

_What is happening?_ Nothing he was saying made any sense, but with each message I read I felt panic start to take over my body. Before I could move on to Heidi and Claire’s messages, the door to the training room flew open.

“Nice to see you again, Isabella,” Embry Call, the prosecutor who made my life a living hell, said as he walked in with a few cops behind him.

“W-what are you doing here?” I stuttered.

“We’d like to ask you a few questions on your relation to Aro Volturi. If you would please come with us,” he said, reaching for my arm.

I backed away as quickly as I could, suddenly piecing together Edward’s messages. _They can’t press charges. This isn’t like last time. I’ll meet you there._

Fuck. They’re here to arrest me. “I’m not going with you,” I said reflexively, my sense of self-preservation kicking in and overruling the logical part of my mind.

“You don’t have a choice,” Call said, taking another step toward me as I took one back. _No, no, no._

Two cops were next to me then, one pulling my arms behind my back and slapping a pair of handcuffs around them. Instinctively, my wrists pulled at the bindings, hoping they would be able to free themselves.

_This can’t be happening._

_I can’t go back there._

_I won’t survive._

_…Dark…_

Half an hour later I was sitting in an interrogation room. I was pretty sure it was the same one I was taken to years ago, but I couldn’t remember even walking in here. My mind blacked out a little bit.

They left me alone for the time being, but my hands were still cuffed together. They were attached to a small hook in the middle of the table. It was completely unnecessary, but I knew they were probably doing everything they could to scare me. It took everything I had not to let it get to me, at least not yet. I would not give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

They wanted to talk about my relation to Aro. Had Felix and Demetri found out I was Aro’s daughter? Did they go to the police, demand they try and pin me with something else? They couldn’t try me with his murder again, that much I knew. It was the only bit of relief I had. There were plenty of other things they could get me on, but nothing as big as murder.

Edward obviously saw this coming, based on the messages I had gotten. What were Heidi and Claire’s messages about, then? Why had everyone been trying to get to me all morning?

My head was starting to spin with all of the unanswered questions when the door opened. Call, Jenks, and Edward all walked in. Call looked frustrated, Jenks looked annoyed, and Edward looked furious.

“Get the fucking cuffs off of her,” he said, taking a seat next to me.

“We have the right to restrain anyone we think could be a risk,” Call replied.

Edward huffed, and pulled out a small black bag. He reached over me, a few small tools in his hands, and quickly released my wrists. His hands quickly covered mine, making the shaking stop. Huh. _I didn’t even realize I was shaking._

Suddenly, I was freezing. Since I had been training, I was only in a tank top and some leggings, and this interrogation room was so cold. A shiver went down my spine, from the cold or fear I didn’t know, but then Edward’s suit coat was draped over my shoulders.

“Mrs. Cullen, Charles Swan has gone on record saying you told him Aro Volturi was your biological father, months before you testified that you had no personal relation to him. Is this true?” Call asked as everyone took their seats around the table.

“W-what?” Charlie went to the cops? I had a vague recollection of fighting with him the one time he came to see me while I was incarcerated. Why would he come forward now, years after the trial was over?

“In a book released this morning, Renee Swan says Charles Swan told her you admitted Aro Volturi was your biological father during one of your visits with him.”

“What is this, high school? She said, he said, she said?” Edward grumbled.

“It’s all hearsay, Call. You have no real evidence,” Jenks said, frustration evident in his voice.

“We can request a simple DNA test – “

“That won’t prove if my client knew prior to the trial.”

“We can drag you all through another trial, charge her with perjury and put her behind bars for at least two years.”

_Fuck._ A strangled gasp escaped before I could do anything to stop it. “Over a fucking book?”

“If he was willing to tell his wife, I’m sure Charles Swan would be willing to testify in court.”

_No, no, no._

“You have a choice, Call. You can either try, and fail, to put someone as harmless as my wife behind bars, or I can help you shut down the sex trafficking ring you’ve been tracking for the last year. Your choice,” Edward said.

“How do you know about that?” Call asked, a mixture of angry and confused.

“I know everything that happens in this city,” Edward told him. He didn’t wait for a reply, gently grabbing my arm and pulling me up. He had to practically drag me out of there, my legs were like jello and my entire body seemed numb.

How could this be happening? How could Charlie have done that? We didn’t have a good relationship, but it wasn’t horrible either. We wrote letters from time to time, checking in on each other. I didn’t think he hated me enough to try and get me thrown behind bars.

It was expected from Renee, the last time I saw her was when she admitted I wasn’t her biological daughter so long ago. She had no loyalty or commitment toward me. Did she write a book? An expose about my life?

Silent tears fell down my face as Edward sped home. He kept one hand in my lap, which I kept between both of mine. My entire body felt out of control. My nerves seemed shot, and my head was spinning. Edward was talking, I think, but processing his words was impossible.

The car stopped and I realized we were already home. Edward gave my hands a gentle squeeze before he got out of the car. When he opened my door and I made no move to get out, he knelt next to me.

“Don’t shut down, Bella,” he whispered to me.

When I looked over at him and saw him staring at me, I finally broke down. Uncontrollable sobs escaped me as Edward pulled me out of the car. I was tired and scared and a million other things that my mind didn’t have enough room to process.

Resting my head on Edward’s shoulder as he carried me inside, I tried to control my breathing. I felt his chest move with every breath he took and tried to match it. I was a little calmer by the time Edward set me down on a chair in our room.

“I need you to listen to me, okay?” he said, kneeling in front of me with my face cradled in his hands. “They can’t touch you. You’re not going anywhere, okay?”

“But –“

“No buts. The sex trafficking ring is far more important than a perjury charge. Do you trust me?”

_With my life._ “Of course.”

“Then, please, don’t spend another second worrying about this.” Edward peppered kisses along my cheeks, nose, and temple.

If Edward wasn’t running, this had to be different from last time, I had to keep that in mind. It wasn’t that he ran at the first sight of danger, quite the opposite really, but he ran at the first sight that _I_ was in danger. There was a big difference.

“What’s the book?”

Edward’s calmness faded into complete anger. “Renee and Jane wrote a book. About you and your life. It’s complete bullshit. I got ahold of it early this morning, nearly everything from the moment you left Forks the last time is false.”

Sighing, I let my head fall back against the chair. I was exhausted, but it was only the late afternoon. It had been just a few hours ago that I was training with Eleazar, and everything was normal.

The sound of the front door slamming made me jump.

“It’s okay, it’s just Emmett and Jasper.”

Relaxing back into the chair, I looked over at Edward. “This is not how I thought today was going to go.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you before them.”

“It’s okay,” I said, leaning up and placing a soft kiss to his cheek. All I wanted now was to shower off the all too familiar stench of the Chicago Police Department off of me and get into bed. “You can go talk with Emmett and Jasper, I’ll be fine.”

Edward frowned. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I said, sliding out of the chair. Edward squeezed my hand as I passed him on my way to the shower, and he made his way to his office. I took my time in the shower, letting the warm water help wash away all of the shit that happened today.

I got dressed in a pair of cotton shorts and one of Edward’s t-shirts, but the empty bed didn’t look inviting at all. Grabbing my phone, some headphones, and a blanket I went down to Edward’s office.

The door was open, but I knocked on the frame anyway. Three pairs of eyes shot to me. Emmett and Jasper looked at me with pity-eyes that I was all too used to, and Edward looked ready to kick everyone out and do whatever I asked him to.

“Can I sleep on your couch? I won’t listen,” I held up my earphones.

An odd smile covered Edward’s face as he nodded “Of course.”

I bypassed Emmett and Jasper and got myself comfortable on the couch. I put my headphones in, selecting the classical playlist Edward made me years ago. Just as I was about to lie down, Edward sat next to me, situating a pillow in his lap. He kept talking to Emmett and Jasper but let me lie with my head in his lap. I fell asleep with his thumb gently rubbing the space right between my eyes.

_…Dark…_

After my sudden questioning by the police, our quiet, peaceful bubble had officially popped. I saw Edward less and less because he was constantly working. Going back to training seemed wrong, but I had signed a contract and had to stick to it. Logically, I knew my taking the part in the movie wasn’t what cause this whole issue, but I hated that I was about to leave Edward behind.

Not that I was much help with the current situation, but still. Things were always so much worse when we were apart. Now, in a few weeks I’ll be gone for four months.

The more I thought about the whole situation, the more angry I got. There were so many different things to worry about now that the rumor that I was Aro Volturi’s daughter was out there. Did Felix and Demetri believe it? Would they try to do something about it? What were Charlie, Renee, and Jane doing? It was obvious they didn’t care one bit about what happened to me anymore, but you would think spending seventeen years with them would have given me their respect at the very least.

My first instinct was to fly up to Forks and talk to them myself, but I couldn’t afford to be distracted right now. I would focus on my job and talk to them in a few months when I had time.

There was still this nagging voice in my head that told me I should be terrified of the Chicago Police Department. I hadn’t been contacted by anyone since my short questioning, but I assumed Edward was making a deal on my behalf. I was too scared to ask him about it.

The only good thing about the timing was I took out all of my aggression toward everything out on my training. Eleazar had nothing but good things to say about my progress.

It had been two weeks since the incident, and it seemed like I only saw my husband in passing. Sometimes he would just be getting in when I was leaving in the morning. If I was lucky, I got a small peck before he collapsed in bed for a few hours. Other times I would get home and he would be in his office, but the door was always closed. Never had Edward felt he had to close his office door before, but it was like a punch in the gut every time I walked past and could hear him in there.

He was upset with me, he had to be. I fucked up again, telling Charlie about Aro and causing another police investigation. In all honesty, I only vaguely remembered my conversation with Charlie from so long ago, but I did remember blurting out that Aro attacked me because he was my father, not because Edward was my husband.

So, now, Edward hardly even looked at me. He didn’t talk to me, rarely checked up on me, and hadn’t touched me in two weeks. I couldn’t remember the last time he went two weeks without touching me that wasn’t due to hundreds of miles between us.

My training session got cut early today, so I called Alice and Rosalie and asked them to meet me for dinner. My first instinct was to call Edward, but I couldn’t handle him rejecting me off.

We met at one of Jasper’s restaurants downtown, and I enjoyed the distraction of them talking about pregnancy hormones for a while.

“Are you okay, Bella? You’re awfully quiet,” Rosalie asked about halfway through our dinner.

Rarely, if ever, did I ask others for relationship advice. I had never been insecure in my life with Edward. He loved me, I loved him, and we always made it work. I was completely lost right now, though.

“I could use some advice,” I admitted. “When… What’s the longest you guys have gone without sex? You know, without external factors like distance or anything like that.”

“You and Edward aren’t having sex?” they both asked simultaneously. _Shouldn’t have asked. Shouldn’t have asked._

“Not in fifteen days,” I confessed.

“Did something happen?”

“I think he might be mad at me,” I told them. I was pretty sure neither of them knew about my recent questioning, and I didn’t want them to know if they weren’t supposed to.

“Why?”

“I can’t tell you the specifics.”

“Hm, well Jasper has been exceptionally busy and distracted the last few weeks,” Alice said.

“Emmett has been stressed as well, it always comes and goes. I’m sure Edward is just busy working, Bella.”

I tried to take comfort in their words, really tried. But, I knew it wasn’t just that Edward was stressed. He was always stressed about something, but he never ignored me. Even when we were in Ireland, on our vacation after my shooting when I thought he hated me, he didn’t ignore me. He cooked me breakfast and still talked to me.

“Yeah, he’s probably just stressed,” I reluctantly agreed.

When I got home I noticed Edward’s car in the garage. Walking upstairs, his office door was closed and I could hear him talking inside. I slowly walked past the door and shut myself in our bedroom.

I showered, hoping to distract myself from the whole situation, but it simply gave me more time to think about the whole thing. Was Edward… bored with me, with our sex life? When I got out, standing in the middle of the room wrapped in a towel, I made a snap decision. I pulled on a dark blue silk chemise and made my way to Edward’s office.

Ignoring the closed door, I walked inside despite hearing Edward talking. He was on the phone, leaning on his desk pinching the bridge of his nose. He _did_ look stressed. Edward sat up when he heard me, nodding in my direction. It wasn’t anything more than an acknowledgement of my presence, probably hoping that he could get rid of me quickly.

He sat up and back in his chair, leaving me just enough room to squeeze between him and the desk and get in his lap. I felt him sigh, but I didn’t know if it was out of contentment or frustration. Settling myself in his lap, I rested my arms on his shoulders and started peppering kisses along his neck.

All the while, Edward still had the phone pressed to his ear. When I sucked on the skin of his neck he groaned and I thought I had won him over. Then, phone still in hand, he stood up and set me back on my feet.

“Not now, Bella,” he told me, sitting back down at his desk and returning to his call.

Embarrassment flooded my entire being, and I barely made it back to our bedroom before tears started falling down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away, not wanting to seem so sensitive.

From the beginning, I knew Edward wasn’t going to be the average husband. He worked long, odd hours and did things I didn’t want to know anything about. But, being with him was never a hardship. He always went above and beyond to make sure I was his first priority. For the first time since I had met him, I didn’t feel like I was anymore.

Maybe it was selfish of me to want to always be his number one priority. Was it healthy for us to constantly put each other first above everything else? Did other couples have more of a balance?

There was one question in the back of my mind that I wanted to ask desperately, but at the same time didn’t want to know the answer to at all.

After half an hour of worrying, Edward came in to find me sitting at the foot of our bed, my feet tucked under me. Thankfully, I was confident all evidence of my tears was long gone. _Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to._

Edward gave me a quick peck as he walked past me, toward the closet. “I’ll be back in a few hours,” he said, coming back out with a new tie around his neck. _Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to._

Edward was just about to the door when I stopped him. “Edward?” _Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to._

He turned around immediately at the sound of my voice. I just looked at him for a moment, his rusty hair a mess on top of his head, and his mossy eyes staring at me, waiting for me to let him go.

The problem was, I could never let him go. That’s why I needed to know.

“Are you sleeping with someone else?” I whispered, forcing myself not to vomit as the words left my mouth. Just the mental image in my head of my husband choosing to do anything with another woman made me furious and devastated, completely defeated.

I didn’t have the strength to look at his face as I asked, so I focused on my fingers in my lap, tugging at the edge of the chemise covering my thighs.

“W-what?” he asked, and I heard his footsteps as he walked back toward me. Still, I didn’t have the courage to look him in the eyes.

“I don’t think that you’ve ever not wanted to have sex in all of the time we’ve been together. You don’t talk to me anymore, and we don’t spend time together like we used to. I keep fucking everything up. It’s only been two weeks but I just can’t –“

Warm, insistent lips stopped my rant. They were passionate and hard and perfect. “Please, _please_ , don’t ever think that I could choose anyone else over you. No one could compare to you, Isabella.”

I wrapped my arms around Edward’s neck, holding him as close as I could. He stood to his full height, taking me with him. My legs wrapped around his waist to steady myself, and I reveled in the tightness of Edward’s arms around me.

The sudden serenity came to a quick end when we both felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

“I have to go, but I’ll only be gone a couple hours. Get some sleep, but I will be waking you up so we can talk about this when I get home,” Edward told me, walking me over to my side of the bed, and tucking me under the covers. With a hand cupping my cheek and his forehead resting against mine, he whispered, “There will never be anyone else, Bella.”

Falling back into bed, I repeated his words over and over in my head until I fell asleep. It was never a complete, fulfilling sleep. I tossed and turned until I heard the front door slam shut hours later. I waited in bed for a few minutes, thinking Edward would come find me like he said he would. Ten minutes later, when there was no sound of him even coming upstairs, I got out of bed. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I stumbled downstairs, confused by the whispered shouts I could hear from the living room.

“I swear, if either of you wake up Bella I’ll put a bullet in you myself,” I heard Edward grunt. His voice sounded oddly strained.

Rounding the corner to the living room, I saw him sitting on the couch, shirtless, with Jasper kneeling next to him and Emmett walking in from the kitchen holding a first aid kit.

“Shit,” Emmett said, freezing when he saw me. Edward and Jasper’s heads popped up, looking back at me. I took a step forward.

“No!” everyone shouted at me. It was Edward’s wince when he pivoted toward me that had me ignoring their request.

I got to the back of the couch and a wave a nausea rolled through my stomach at the sight of blood. Not a few splatters like I had seen before. Fresh blood, slowly dripping down Edward’s side.

“Oh, God,” I muttered, stumbling around the couch to stand in front of him. “You’re _shot_ ,” I said dumbly, frozen in place.

“I’m fine, Bella,” Edward told me.

“You’re not fucking fine, you’re bleeding all over the goddamn couch!” I shouted, flailing my arms in front of me like a madwoman.

“I’ll replace the couch.”

“I don’t care about the fucking couch!”

Emmett approached then, holding out a few strips of gauze. Jasper took them from him, and quickly covered up the wound on Edward’s side. I hadn’t gotten a good look at it, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.

Before I could run upstairs to change into something more suitable for a hospital, Jasper pulled out a suture kit from the box of first aid supplies.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I growled, taking a step closer.

“He needs stitches,” Jasper said, focusing on the supplies in his hands.

“Yes, from a medical professional. We have to take him to a hospital!”

“Hospitals have to report all gunshot wounds to the police. I’m not going to a hospital,” Edward said, wincing as Jasper removed the blood-stained gauze.

Reaching over Edward, I gripped Jasper’s arm with as much force as I had. Considering I had been working out nearly non-stop the last month, it was enough to get his arm to freeze. “ _Stop_.”

“Bella – “

“No. You have a bullet in you. Can’t you at least call Dr. Banner to come here?” It was mind blowing to me that everyone in this room was so calm. It felt like my heart was about to explode in my chest as Jasper told Edward to hold a fresh patch of gauze over his side.

“He’s out of town. Jasper’s done this before, and the bullet isn’t still there. It’s just a graze,” Edward said softly. He reached over toward me and pulled me on the couch next to him. “I’m going to lift up the gauze and you’re going to see it really isn’t more than a graze. Then, will you let Jasper stitch it up?”

Reluctantly, I let Edward remove the bandage. Thankfully, there was less blood soaked through this one than the last one. I carefully leaned over him, making sure not to touch him anywhere.

It really didn’t look as gruesome as I thought it would. It was a big wound and I could see why it needed stitches, but it wasn’t a gaping bullet wound that I imagined it to be. Still, the sight of Edward’s mangled flesh covered in dried blood made me sick to my stomach.

I sat up on my knees next to Edward and grabbed his hand in mine. There was no doubt in my mind that he squeezed my hand because I needed it, and not because he did. “Okay,” I told Jasper. “Don’t fuck it up.”

I stayed in my spot right next to Edward while Jasper worked. In my mind, I tried to come up with some rational excuse for dropping out of the movie. Our life had been so calm before. Never did I have to worry about Edward losing interest in me and I never had to watch a bullet wound get stitched up in our living room.

Now, everything seemed to be falling apart. The book Renee and Jane released was the catalyst. They got me arrested again, forced us to make a deal with the cops. It wouldn’t surprise me if this shot was a result of some fallout from that.

It was a horrible time for me to have to leave town. The one comfort I had was Edward’s word to me before he left earlier tonight. At least I knew, no matter what happened, he would always be mine. Just like I was always his.


	10. Sumertime Sadness

_I’m feeling electric tonight, cruising down the coast going about 99. Got my bad baby by my heavenly side. I know if I go, I’ll die happy tonight. Oh, my God, I feel it in the air. Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snail. Honey, I’m on fire, I feel it everywhere. Nothing scares me anymore. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Summertime Sadness**_

**EPOV**

There was a slight pinch in my side, which meant Jasper had finally finished with the stitches. This entire night had been one fuck up after the last. To start it off, my wife thought I was sleeping with another woman. I’m no saint and I fucked around on nearly every other woman I was with before Bella, but I had never given another woman a second glance since I had her.

Unfortunately, I understood how she would come to the conclusion. Ever since she was taken back in a few weeks ago, the people of Chicago were antsy. They were, once again, worried that Bella would have to spill some secrets to avoid time in prison. This time, they were right.

It had been meeting after meeting that I had to assure everyone that they had nothing to worry about. Not a single Petrov bothered to ask, I was sure they knew they would be the first to go down if need be.

The day after Bella’s arrest I talked with Embry Call to negotiate a deal. He was being as big of a prick as he was when prosecuting Bella. Despite agreeing that it was better to put at least one Petrov behind bars, he still wanted something that said Bella hadn’t known Aro was her father at the time. He told me he needed it to prove to his office that he wasn’t working with us, but part of me knew he still wanted a Cullen behind bars. Call was pushing for a polygraph, and I continually told him to go fuck himself.

Petrov either suspected what deal we would make, or simply wanted to fuck me over tonight, because a few of his men caused a fucking mess with an incoming shipment earlier. Being the unlucky bastard that I was, I suffered the only physical wound. Well, me and my truck full of cocaine that was now fucking ash.

It was like I had three full time jobs; running my company, running my family, and taking care of Bella. Unfortunately, I was so busy taking care of Bella that I didn’t actually take care of _her_. But, fuck if hearing her ask me if I was sleeping with another woman wasn’t more painful than the bullet wound in my side.

“Okay, don’t get it wet, and keep an eye on it for the next few days,” Jasper said, picking up all of the trash around him. Bella huffed at his instructions.

When she realized what was going on, she nearly dragged me to a hospital. It would have been anyone’s first instinct, but the cops would have been all over me the second I was admitted.

Jasper had patched up wounds here and there, and it would be good enough for now. It was horrible timing, with our usual doctor being out of town, but it would be fine. I was pretty sure Bella wanted to strangle Jasper, though.

“Here,” Jasper said, holding his hand out to me. He dropped a couple of small, white pills into my hand. Before I could pop them in my mouth, a tiny hand gripped my wrist.

“What is that?” Bella asked, her eyes fixed on the pills.

“A… painkiller,” Jasper told her. He obviously wanted to make her think it was something much more mild than oxy. “He’s taken it before, Bella. It’s nothing too hard.”

Bella released my wrist, and I tossed the pills in the back of my throat. I would never tell Bella, but there was a burning ache in my side from the constant tugging from Jasper. It hurt like a bitch. Anything less and I wouldn’t have bothered with the pills.

As soon as Jasper was done cleaning everything up, I kicked him and Emmett out. Exhaustion took over my body and I rested my head on the back of the couch, just for a minute, before I planned to go upstairs and talk with Bella.

“Do you want to sleep down here?” Bella whispered, her hand still holding mine in a fierce grip.

“No, let’s go upstairs. We need to talk about earlier,” I told her, heaving myself off of the couch. It wasn’t hard, and there was only a little tug on my side as the pills started doing their job, but I was fucking exhausted.

“We don’t have to, Edward. I understand –“

“Come,” I said, pulling her along with me. This wasn’t a conversation I would put off. I hadn’t done my job of being a husband well the last few weeks, and I needed to rectify that.

Bella held my arm tightly as we ascended the stairs. She obviously thought I would fall over at any moment. I was perfectly stable, but I still let her lead the way.

When we got to our bedroom, I led Bella over to the sitting area. I sat on the couch and pulled Bella so she would sit in my lap. She didn’t budge.

“You’re hurt,” she whispered, but this was my preferred position for conversations like this. I liked having her as close as possible, eye to eye. Feeling her right on top of me helped me stay calm, no matter the subject matter. I liked to think it had a similar effect on her, too.

Her eyes were glued to my side, though. It was dark, but I could swear I saw a few tears fall down her cheeks. _Don’t cry, baby. I’m fine._

“Hold on,” she whispered, retreating to the bathroom. She was back a moment later, a wet cloth in her hand. Bella knelt at my feet, eyes still on the crude stitches Jasper managed. I hissed when the warm cloth touched the surrounding skin.

“I’m sorry,” Bella blurted out, pulling her hand away. “It’s just –“ _covered in blood._ I nodded at her, and she continued gently cleaning where the blood had crusted to and stained my side and abdomen.

It was surprisingly intimate, Bella taking care of me. We had always taken care of each other, but never really in a potentially life-threatening situation. It made me wish I was there for her more, right after she was shot. It made me sick to my stomach to think of Charlie, Renee, and Jane there for her when I wasn’t.

Bella tossed the towel to the side when she was done, and carefully climbed into my lap. Her head was buried in my shoulder, and I could feel tiny tears fall onto my bare skin.

“It’s okay, Bella,” I whispered to her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her as close as I could. “I need you to listen to me, okay?” She nodded against my shoulder. “I love you, no matter what. When you’re busy or I’m busy, I love you. If you’re across the world or right next to me, I still love you. I’m sorry I got so distracted.”

“You weren’t mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?” I asked her, gently pulling her away from my shoulder so I could study her face. She was beautiful, always was, but she was also exhausted; both physically and emotionally. I wracked my brain for why she would think I might be mad at her, but I came up empty.

“For the whole perjury thing. You had to become an informant for the cops, I’m sure you hated it.” Her chin started to drop and her eyes looked anywhere but me.

I lifted her chin, my thumb gently caressing her lower lip. “I was never mad at you, Bella,” I admitted. I was angry, of course, at the whole situation. Never again did I want to have to pick my wife up from a police station, or have to see her sitting in an interrogation room. But, my anger was never toward her.

“Was I pissed at Call for trying to trump up some perjury charges? Yes, but I was going to give them Viktor before, anyway. I was just saving it for when it benefited me as well. You’d be surprised how many cases I’ve helped the CPD solve,” I told her with a smirk that I hoped would bring one to her face as well.

“Oh.”

What else had she said earlier? _I don’t think that you’ve ever not wanted to have sex in all of the time we’ve been together. You don’t talk to me anymore, and we don’t spend time together like we used to. I keep fucking everything up._

“I’m sorry if it’s seemed like I was ignoring you. I want to work out the deal with Call as quickly as possible and get them off of your back,” I told her. Bella knew how I got when I was focused on something. It took up every bit of my mind until I was finished. I understood how she could confuse my focus with anger, now that I knew she thought I hated her. _As if I could ever hate you, beautiful._

“As for not having sex for two weeks, that _is_ completely uncalled for. I’m a very stupid man.” I trailed my hands along her thighs, finally able to enjoy the view. Earlier tonight I had been on the phone with Embry Call as he tried to get more information out of me than I was willing to give. There had been more than one instance of Bella doing just as she had done earlier and things progressing farther than was polite while I was still on the phone, but it felt… wrong doing that with Call on the line.

“So… we’re okay?” she asked me.

“Yes,” I told her, cupping her cheek with my palm. “We’re good.”

Bella went into nurse mode then, instructing me to get into bed and go to sleep. She was too adorable to resist, so I followed her instructions, setting an alarm for just a few hours from now.

I kept a pretty precise sleep schedule. I didn’t get much of it, but it was enough. Four to five hours a night was my usual, and I typically had no problem getting up in the morning when my alarm went off. The next morning, however, the tip tapping of a keyboard woke me. I was groggy and sore, and then I remembered everything that happened last night.

Cracking one eye open, I immediately squeezed it back shut at the brightness that was in the room. _Fuck, what time is it?_

I rolled over to reach for my phone where I kept it on my nightstand, but it wasn’t there.

“It’s twelve thirty-two,” Bella said. I looked toward her, cuddled up on her side of the bed with a laptop resting on her legs. She didn’t look over at me, instead kept typing away at whatever she was doing.

“You stole my phone,” I said, unsure what she was playing at here.

“Yes, I had to go through every message and email to make sure you weren’t cheating on me.” I frowned, thinking I had handled that particular freak out last night. Then, she giggled. “I’m kidding. I didn’t go through anything, I just turned off your alarm.”

“May I have it back?” I asked, already feeling the stress of having slept through so much of the day.

“No.”

“No?”

“You’re not working for the next two days. It’s Saturday anyway,” Bella said, finally shutting the laptop and looking over at me. She didn’t look like she had slept at all. Her eyes were a little red and she had circles under them, but she smiled at me anyway.

“Bella –“

“You were shot. I know, it was just a graze, but you were _shot_. I was shot and no one let me do anything for months.”

“You had a bullet inches from your heart and flatlined twice on the operating table. It’s different,” I told her, wincing at my own words. I had come too close to losing her too many times.

“Please, Edward? Just two days.” She looked at me with those big brown eyes and pouty lips. The thing that always got me was she wasn’t giving me a ‘look’ to get her way. It was just… how she looked. Too cute to say no to.

“Shouldn’t you be training?” I asked.

“I took two days off, too.”

“ _Too_ implies I have already agreed,” I told her.

Bella sighed, settling herself on my lap, her legs on either side of my hips. I sat against the headboard and sighed as her fingers started tugging at the hair at the back of my neck. The woman knew every one of my weak spots. “Please just relax for a couple of days?”

“Okay,” I admitted, even though she had me ten minutes ago. I gripped her hips, pushing her gently against my growing erection. “I know the perfect way we can relax.”

“Oh, no,” Bella said, pushing my hands off of her. I stared at her, shocked and a little hurt if I was being honest with myself. “You have stitches in your side! I don’t want you hurting yourself more.”

“Bella, I’m –“ I could tell her I was fine and didn’t need two days off, but she looked so worried. There were little wrinkles on her forehead, and the exhaustion from the night was still written all over her face.

“Well, if I can’t work, then neither can you,” I said, reaching over and putting her computer in the drawer of my nightstand. 

The two days off did us both good. We slept and caught up and spent time just the two of us. It was good timing, too, considering Bella would be leaving in just a couple of weeks. She would be busy, traveling and working, so I needed to take advantage of having her here while I could.

_…Dark…_

“I really…” Bella panted. Her legs were locked around my waist, her nails nearly embedded in my back. “I really need to go.”

Instead of letting her go, I squeezed her tighter, enjoying the feel of every curve against me. After my realization a few weeks ago that my time with Bella was limited, I didn’t let anything get in my way when I wanted her. She would be back, of course, but we were about to be separated for weeks, months at a time. It was impossible to do so, but I needed my fill of her before she left.

I called her more often, just to check in. It became my priority to get home around the same time she would, so we could spend the night together. I helped her pack, begrudgingly, and she watched over as Jasper took out the stitches in my side. His hands actually shook under her watch, it was funny as hell.

Last night was her last night here. She was supposed to already be in the car on the way to the airport, but I hadn’t let her out of my grasp in about nine hours.

“I’m going to be late,” she said as I kissed her shoulder.

“I own the plane. It can wait,” I mumbled against her shoulder. _Fuck, she tastes good._

Groaning as she let her legs fall from my waist, I stepped back so she could stand up. Her little stumble made me smile, thinking of how uncoordinated she was after sex. It took her a good twenty minutes to become coherent and stable again.

Half an hour later Bella was sitting on the bed, pulling her shoes on. I stood in the doorway, ready for work myself, and watched as she looked around to make sure she had everything.

“I can send you anything you might have forgotten,” I told her. She looked over at me, her pretty brown eyes drowning in sadness. I went and knelt in front of her, giving her thighs a squeeze. “I’ll visit you when I can, and I’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”

Those were her two biggest fears, I could tell. She was scared in the months apart I would get tired of being alone, though even she knew that was a ridiculous way to feel. We had dealt with longer separations in the past, and we were still fine.

“I know. I’ll just miss you,” she told me, leaning down and placing a delicate kiss to my forehead. “Try not to get shot while I’m gone… okay?” She was mostly joking, I could tell from the small giggle that escaped when she asked. But there was also a small part of her that was completely serious.

“I’ll try my best.”

_…Dark…_

The weeks that followed Bella’s departure were more depressing than I had expected. I knew I would miss her, but everything was so boring and bland without her. She wasn’t at home waiting for me when I got there, I didn’t get surprise visits in the afternoons anymore. She never showed up at my office just to sit and work with me.

Had my life before her been this monotonous? Granted, I had the drugs, alcohol, and random women to take up my free time. But I missed the constant companionship. I was suddenly the fifth wheel of the family again.

Bella and I talked on the phone as often as possible. There had been a schedule change, so for the first few weeks she was only in Los Angeles. The two-hour time difference was doable. But as soon as she went to Budapest, the seven-hour time difference and both of our odd working schedules would make it nearly impossible to communicate, at least in real-time.

Ben and Eric sent me updates every twelve hours. They gave me much more revealing information than Bella did. There had been a few incidents with extras and other crew members talking about her behind her back. They didn’t realize I had her back watched constantly.

“Mr. Cullen? Your five-thirty is here,” Jessica’s shrill voice sounded over the speaker. The only positive that had come out of this was that I had more time than ever to get work done, which was great considering I had the work load of about five different people.

“Send them in.”

A moment later, Heidi, Claire, and Kate walked in. I stood, shaking their hands as they each took a seat. I had met them all repeatedly, but this was a business meeting first and foremost.

“How’s Bella?” Kate asked immediately. _That_ was why I agreed to this in the first place. These people cared about my wife and saw her as more than a dollar sign. Even I knew most people in their positions in Hollywood often abused their power. Loyalty was something I took very seriously, and something I liked to reward. These three women had earned my respect, and my money, for the way they treated my wife.

They had spent the last few months finalizing their leave from their current jobs and making sure they were clean from their old bosses. They had clients lined up and were ready to finally start their new venture.

“She’s good, busy. She likes the new girl you found for her, though.” Bella had been against having another personal assistant, insisting no one would compare to Kate. But, Kate found the perfect replacement. Her name was Angela. She was in her early twenties and the most organized person I had ever met. Angela didn’t skirt around Bella and I like most people did. She was professional and already had Bella as her number one priority.

Ben also had a blatantly obvious crush on her. It wasn’t my job to interfere with my employee’s personal lives, so I simply told him to do whatever he wanted, as long as my wife was safe.

“I knew she would,” Kate said with a smile.

“Here are the investment papers,” I slid them across the desk. “This all could have been mailed, you know.”

“We wanted to see you in person, to thank you,” Heidi said, surprising me. Most people I dealt with were either scared of me or hated me. People thanked me for my investments, but it was mostly of our obligation. These three looked completely sincere. _Odd_.

“You’ve taken great care of my wife for many years. It’s the least I could do. You should know, though, that she was very adamant that half of the investment come out of her bank account.”

Bella’s money mostly went untouched. I had more than enough to support us for a few lifetimes, and I didn’t like the thought of her having to take care of herself. That was my job. But, she wanted to help her friends out just as much as I did.

“Either way, thank you,” Claire piped in. 

Just like that, I was part owner of a talent agency.

_…Dark…_

The sight of cars in my driveway caused me to groan as I drove up. Our Saturday dinner was, apparently, at my home tonight. I was planning on blowing the whole thing off, but that wasn’t an option anymore. The last thing I wanted to do was entertain my family. Getting inside, I went straight for the bar.

“We’re going to need to expedite dinner,” I told everyone as they lounged in my living room. As with everything else, these dinners were far more exciting when Bella was here. Had I always been such a recluse before her?

“Grumps is back, I see,” Emmett said.

“You call me Grumps?” I asked, staring at him incredulously. Alec giggled from Rosalie’s lap. Even the toddler was in on the joke.

“You’re so grumpy when Bella is gone for long periods of time. You revert back to your pre-Bella asshole persona. Not as bad as then, but still not fun to be around. I don’t know if it’s the sex –“

“Don’t finish that sentence,” I grunted out, pouring myself a glass full of whatever bottle my hands touched first. I wouldn’t let Emmett disrespect Bella by talking about her like that. He knew better than to do it in the first place.

I was in no mood for this dinner, but before I could kick everyone out the front door opened and slammed shut. Frowning, I went to the front hall, followed closely by Emmett and Jasper.

“Edward!” Bella shouted as we rounded the corner. She stumbled over to us, looking completely trashed, with Ben behind her. He held his arms out behind her until she fell into my chest.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Bella, but she started sucking on my neck and ignored me.

“She’s got some severely bruised ribs. They told her to take a week off and rest. She insisted she do it here. They gave her some strong pain killers at the hospital.”

Bella bit down, hard, on my neck. I cleared my throat and gently pushed her back. She had the most adorable frown on her face. “How did you hurt yourself?”

“Just a stunt gone wrong. I fell… or something. I don’t remember. I’m fine,” she slurred, reaching back up to bury her head in my neck.

I carefully pushed her away again, getting another cute scowl, and steadied her on her feet in front of me. “Why didn’t you tell me when it happened?” I asked, eying Ben still behind her.

“She insisted she be the one to tell you.”

Bella was protecting Ben from me, no doubt. I would have been furious with him when he called me, they both knew it. Thankfully, for both of them, Bella’s hilarious drug-induced haze was too distracting to let me get too angry.

“You should sit down,” I told her, carefully leading her toward the living room and situating her on a chair.

Bella looked around and gasped. “Saturday dinner!”

There were amused mumbles from everyone behind me, but I ignored them all. We wouldn’t be having dinner here anymore, but I would give them a few more minutes before I kicked them all out. Kneeling in front of Bella, I carefully lifted up the thin, black tank top she was wearing to get a look at the damage.

“Jesus Christ, Bella.” Over nearly a third of her side and abdomen, a dark bruise was beginning to form.

“I’m fine, I keep telling _everyone_. I told the doctors that I didn’t need a bunch of drugs, that you probably had some for me, but no one listened to me,” Bella grumbled, pulling her shirt back down. I couldn’t help but laugh at her.

“You’re so… scruffy,” she told me, poking three days’ worth of stubble on my chin. Typically, I was fresh shaven every day. Yesterday, Emmett called it my ‘lonely beard,’ whatever that meant. “I bet it would feel great when –“

Quickly, I slapped a hand across her mouth, halting her from finishing her sentence. For one, she would be mortified if she finished it surrounded by the family. I would also spontaneous combust if she finished it. She was in no condition for me to do any kind of ravishing, and the second a single sexual innuendo came out of her mouth I would be ready for her.

“God, can you imagine her on heroin? Funny as hell,” Emmett said, getting Jasper and even Jared to laugh. They all stopped when they saw me glaring at them

Leaving Bella in the chair, talking with Alice and Rosalie, I pulled Ben aside. “What happened?”

Ben started detailing the day. The accident happened around eight this morning. Bella had been filming and someone was late on their cue, which made them practically hit her with a car. She was able to angle herself so the damage wasn’t worse than it already was, but her ribs and side would hurt like hell for weeks.

“The next time something like this happens I know a fucking second later, do you understand?” I wanted to be furious at both Bella and Ben for waiting an entire day to let me know what happened, but I understood their reasoning. It would have just caused all of us more stress, but I wouldn’t be left out again.

“Okay, everyone out,” I said, going back into the living room. Everyone was in the midst of a fit of laughter, I could only imagine what Bella had said to them. Bella though… she looked high and happy. Most people would be happy with the amount of drugs she had in her system.

Bella’s smile grew as our family left and I stood in front of her. “Time to get you to bed.” She couldn’t feel anything because of the painkillers, but I didn’t want to pull her or touch her the wrong way in case something hurt. Bella obviously wasn’t worried about that because she quite literally climbed up my entire body, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. I steadied her with my arms around her thighs and started carrying her to our room.

“Missed you,” Bella mumbled against my neck, leaving sloppy kisses wherever she could. She frowned as I set her on the bed, flopping back with an exaggerated sigh.

“Do you need to shower?” I asked.

“No.” She started fighting with the button on her jeans. “I need you inside me,” she said, finally winning her battle and shoving the pants down her legs. Then she started the war with her tank top.

“Bella, you need to rest,” I said, unable to stop from chuckling when she got her head stuck in the top. I helped her remove it, simply so she didn’t hurt herself any more, and got her situated at the head of the bed.

Bella must have been exhausted, because the second her head hit the pillow she curled herself into a little ball and sighed, her eyes closing. It was my intention to get her into something more comfortable, but I hated to wake her up again. I brought my laptop to the bedroom, sitting across from the bed while Bella slept.

She didn’t wake up again for nearly twelve hours. After working most of the night, I got in bed next to her around four in the morning, and then woke up to a soft kiss on my cheek around seven.

“Hi,” Bella whispered, her voice a little gruff. Careful of her bruised side, I leaned over and grabbed the water I put there before I went to sleep. She grunted as she sat up and looked down at herself.

In all honesty, she looked a bit of a mess. A cute mess, but still. Her hair was knotted and sticking out in every direction, and the only clothing left on was a pair of dark blue panties.

“How do you feel?”

Bella downed the entire glass of water, sighed, and leaned back against the headboard. “Like I got hit by a car.”

“You should have told me.” I understood why she didn’t. If I could have, I would have kept the bullet graze from her to keep her from worrying. But she got hit by a fucking car, and I didn’t know for a whole day.

“You would have freaked out and flown across the country,” she challenged.

“Yes, I would have.” I didn’t see the issue with that.

“I’m fine,” she said, but winced as she moved to get out of bed.

“Oh, no.” Carefully, I pulled her back and helped her settle back into bed. “You’re staying right there for the next two weeks.”

“I only have one week before I have to go back.”

“I called Lawrence and told him you wouldn’t be back for two. Interestingly enough, he said he told you to rest for two and you insisted you only needed one.”

Bella would need at least two weeks to be able to comfortably move again. She would probably still be sore after the two, but hopefully it would be enough. I wouldn’t let her go back if she was still in too much pain.

“Edward,” she groaned, but pulled me back down next to her. I let Bella get situated next to me, not wanting to touch a sore spot. We both sighed as her arm wrapped around my abdomen and her head rested on my chest. It was clear then that I had won the mini argument.

“I don’t even remember getting here last night. Last thing I remember is getting into a car with Ben outside of the hospital.”

“That, my love, is because you were enjoying some pain meds.”

“Oh no.”

“Mmm. My favorite part of the evening was when you implied by ‘scruff’ would feel great when I –“

“Oh, God, did I actually say that?” Bella looked up at me, her eyes wide and horrified. “Everyone was here for it, weren’t they? Fuck.”

I kissed away the wrinkles on her forehead. “I didn’t let you finish your sentence, but it was implied. “

“It’s a good thing you’re already stuck with me,” she muttered.

“Don’t worry. I’ll let you try out the scruff sometime.”

_…Dark…_

Bella recovered surprisingly fast. After her first week at home, she was able to get off of her pain killers that made her equal parts hilarious and tired. She was asleep more than she was awake, but I still tried my best to work from home as much as possible. It felt good just to have her back in the house again. 

Now, she only had a couple more days here before she had to leave again. I could tell she was getting antsy, wanting to get back to work. Maybe she was just tired of being cooped up all day. I didn’t know whether I should be relieved she was well enough to get back to work or disappointed my time with her was coming to an end.

As soon as I got home this afternoon, I joined her in the basement where she had been sequestered all day, watching movies. I never watched many films before I met Bella, and since I had really only watched hers. We watched the occasional movie together, but that usually ended up with us naked on the couch.

We were nearly there now. Bella had snuck her way into my lap and what started out as sweet, innocent pecks to my neck turned into desperate kisses filled with wanton moans.

“We should stop,” I breathed against her, though I didn’t follow through. I nipped my way across her jaw down to her neck, tasting the soft skin I had missed so much.

“I’m fine,” Bella told me, accentuating her point as she rolled her hips over my aching length. _Fuck._ It had been too long since the last time I had her, tasted her, heard her moan my name. “We might need to go a little slower than either of us would like, but –“

I cut her off, covering her lips with mine and swallowing her deep moan. I wasn’t going to argue. Standing, I lifted Bella easily in my arms and started the trek up to our bedroom. I didn’t want a quick fuck in the movie room, I wanted her spread out underneath me. I needed to take my time with her.

Once in our bedroom, I set Bella on her feet and she smiled up at me. That smile that took up her entire face and radiated happiness. _Fuck, I love you._

Cupping her face between both of my hands, I angled her face up to mine, devouring her lips with a breathless kiss. Clothes were quickly shed, and in a matter of minutes Bella was sprawled out on the bed underneath me. We were skin to skin. There wasn’t an inch of her that I didn’t have memorized; she had a cluster of freckles on her left shoulder in the shape of a heart, there was a scar on the inside of her right knee that she got from riding a bike when she was eight, and every inch of tattooed skin on her tasted just that much sweeter.

Keeping my distance from her fading bruise I reacquainted myself all of my favorite places, reveling in the progression of her noises. What started off as sweet hums of pleasure turned into soft moans that eventually became desperate pleas.

Reaching down, I felt the effect I had on her, savoring the way her arousal had coated her thighs. Bella squirmed under my touch, groaning as I slid two fingers inside her. Her legs tangled with mine, using me as leverage as she made small thrusts up to meet my fingers.

“Missed you so fucking much,” I mumbled into her neck, nipping on the soft skin as I replaced my fingers with my cock. We let out matching groans.

Intertwining our fingers above her head, I watched every expression cross her face, saw every smile and every time her eyes would roll back into her head. My thrusts were slow and even, gradually building up the pressure inside both of us.

I tasted every inch of skin I could reach as I moved within her; kissed the cluster of freckles on her shoulder, sucked the peaks of her nipples, peppered kisses along every inch of her face.

Bella’s sounds got more desperate, her cries becoming frantic and her hands squeezing mine with every thrust. My name came out of her mouth like a mantra as she came around me, pulling my own release out of me.

So I didn’t crush her, I rolled us over as we recovered. Bella’s steady weight resting on my chest, reminding me that she was here. She was safe. And she was mine.


	11. Lolita

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some sensitive content in this chapter that could be triggering for some readers. A description is at the bottom of this chapter – please read that note before reading the chapter if you are sensitive to certain topics.

_I want to have fun and be in love with you. I know that I’m a mess with my long hair and my suntan, short dress, bare feet. I don’t care what they say about, what they say about me because I know that it’s l-o-v-e. You make me happy, you make me happy. And I never listen to anyone. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Lolita**_

****

**BPOV**

There were very few things as disgusting as filming a scene where you vomit. Currently, I was sitting in a dingy metal chair with a fake gun pressed into the back of my skull with a mouth full of mushroom soup. Like I said, disgusting.

My entire body was shaking, my eyes wide enough to convey the terror someone in this position would have. When I heard the click from behind me, I waited a few seconds before expelling the soup with a few coughs, catching my breath frantically.

“Cut!” Lawrence shouted, probably watching back what we had just done.

I leaned back in the uncomfortable chair as one of the girls from hair and makeup came over and started brushing out the chunks of soup that had gotten tangled in the ends of the blonde wig. I was infinitely relieved it wasn’t in my actual hair.

It had been over a month since my accident. Which meant it had also been a month since I had seen my husband. We were in Budapest now so it was nearly impossible to catch each other on the phone without feeling guilty that you were keeping the other up.

Things were going smoothly, work wise. I loved my job, loved the challenge of playing this gritty, strong character, and it provided a good distraction from the constant hollow feeling I had in my chest.

Edward and I had barely spoken in a week. He was finalizing the production company, or at least I thought he was. I was pretty sure he was also fighting with Embry Call. I heard them on the phone one day before I left, and it was just a shouting match. For some reason, I wasn’t worried about the perjury charge anymore. Maybe it was because Edward was taking care of it, because _he_ didn’t seem worried about it.

There was no doubt in my mind that if he thought we were looking at another situation similar to what we went through before, we would be holed up on the island again.

So, I focused on my job and did my best not to think about how lonely I was. I had Ben and Eric, though they were as quiet and stoic as ever. Angela was an employee first. She was a great assistant, but she was just that. She would talk to me if I needed, but I wasn’t going to be spilling my deepest, darkest secrets with her.

This had been my life for years before I met Edward. I went from place to place, filming and promoting projects, but I never felt this alone then. Maybe it was because I had Kate, or perhaps I just didn’t know what I was missing out on.

Maggie had started at Northwestern a week ago. Alec’s fifth birthday was a couple days ago. Alice was getting further along in her pregnancy and was adorably round, or so I’m told.

I missed my family, and I missed my husband.

“You look fucking spectacular as a blonde,” a deep, velvet voice said. One that I would recognize anywhere.

My eyes snapped open and there, standing in front of me, was Edward. I eyed him up and down, taking in the sexy charcoal grey suit and his usual disarray of copper hair.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, frozen in my seat. The woman fixing my hair left quietly. I wanted to jump up and wrap myself around him and never let go. But, I was covered in fake vomit.

“I missed you,” Edward shrugged, like it was the simplest thing in the world. To him, it always was. If he wanted something he never second-guessed himself. He spared no expense when either of us wanted the smallest thing, whether it be a quick getaway for the weekend or a trip across the world just because he missed me. _I love you, I love you, I love you._

“That’s a wrap for today,” was shouted across the area. _Finally._

“I need to change and get this wig off. I’ll be ready to go in about twenty minutes. You can go and I can meet you – “

Edward cut me off with a kiss to my nose. “Lead the way.”

There were stares from everyone around us, and a few whispered conversations as we passed. For the most part, the cast and crew had been nothing but kind to me. There were a few that obviously had preconceived notions about who I was. I would walk on to set and they would suddenly stop talking, or I would catch them staring at me and whispering. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t had to deal with before, but I had seen Ben and Eric talking with the regular offenders more than once.

Edward walked with me to the hair and makeup trailer and watched from behind as two women worked to remove the blonde wig and the makeup covering my face and body. It was always such a relief to get the heavy makeup taken off at the end of the day. Edward actually looked a little sad to see the blonde wig go but perked up a bit again when he realized my natural hair was also a few shades lighter.

I knew he had a thing for blondes. Unfortunately, I had met one too many women who he had been with in the past, and every single one of them was blonde.

He followed me to my trailer when I was done, watching me carefully as I changed into yoga pants and a t-shirt. I couldn’t help but notice he had the same scruff covering his face as he did the first night I was home after the accident. Edward never let his facial hair get out of control like that – he was always very clean shaven, very professional.

He told me I had said something about wanting to feel his beard against my thighs as he went down on me while I was high on pain meds. I may have been high at the time but looking at him now I couldn’t help but think the same thing.

As we got in the waiting car, my mind was filled with flashbacks of the last two days I was home after the accident. I had finally convinced Edward I was healed enough for him to touch me and once he started, he never stopped. We spent two days in bed together, slowly reconnecting after weeks apart. Edward’s touches were soft and sweet and reverent. It made me think he was just as lonely as I was.

Thankfully, the hotel I was staying at was only about a ten-minute drive from where we were. I sat as close to Edward as I could, with his arm wrapped around my shoulders. It was amazing how just sitting next to him put everything back in place for me. That frustrating hollow feeling was gone, and everything was just _right_. At least, it would be until he left.

“How long are you here?” I whispered into the dark, afraid to pop our happy bubble.

“Ten days.”

I could feel my smile threatening to split my face in half. “That’s longer than I expected.” Twisting my head toward him, Edward bent down and gave me a quick kiss. As he pulled away he pressed his lips together, suppressing a smile.

What… Oh. Perfect. “I smell like mushroom soup, don’t I?”

“Hmm. Taste like it, too,” Edward said with another smile. We got out of the car, finally at the hotel, hand in hand.

“You couldn’t have come on a day where I looked worse,” I mumbled as we got to the elevator.

Edward chuckled, pressing his lips to the top of my head. As soon as we got to my suite I made a beeline for the bathroom, needing to brush my teeth a time or two. After I rinsed my mouth out for the last time, Edward appeared behind me. His hands rested on my waist, pulling my back against his chest.

“I love watching you work,” he whispered, his hands roaming freely along my abdomen and down my legs.

“You do?” It was surprising to me. I always assumed it would be boring for anyone else, especially Edward. I knew he didn’t really care about films and only watched things I was in or I forced him to watch. I didn’t mind, I didn’t expect him to fake interest or change himself for me.

“You don’t realize the… presence you have when you’re working, when you’re anywhere really. You walk into the room and everyone stops and stares. They admire you, they want to be you… they _fear_ you.” As he spoke, Edward lifted my t-shirt above my head, giving himself access to more bare skin to roam. “You exude power when you’re in your element. It is quite,” to accentuate his point, Edward gripped my hips fiercely and pulled me back against his hard length, “the turn on.”

I had the urge to roll my eyes at him saying that, but I had felt the same thing a time or two. Edward intimidated nearly everyone he met. There was something about knowing I had him, this powerful man, in the palm of my hand. Maybe it was the same for him. Though I wouldn’t say I was nearly as intimidating or fear-inducing as he was.

It was a combination of things, really, that made me lose any sense of self control. The way Edward’s fingers dug into my flesh like he never wanted to let me go. There was the warm breath on my neck, and the fire behind his eyes as they met mine in the mirror. _Don’t get me started on the fucking stubble that was scratching against my shoulder_. Add in the fact that it had been over four weeks since I had seen him, touched him, _tasted_ him, and I was completely desperate.

Before Edward could stop me, I quickly turned to face him and started tearing at the suit that was in my way. We were a mess of limbs and flailing clothing as we stumbled into the shower. Before I could enjoy the warm water, Edward had me pressed against the cold tile locked in a kiss that took my breath away, literally.

“I believe I made a promise the last time I saw you.” Edward kissed his way down my shoulders, making me completely forget what he said as he sucked, bit, and pulled at my nipples. It wasn’t until he knelt in front of me, lifting one of my legs over his shoulder, that I remembered the promise. _I’ll let you try out the scruff sometime._

If it wasn’t for Edward’s firm grip on each of my legs, I would have fallen the second he leaned forward and kissed my inner thigh. Then again when he started slow, long licks along my swollen flesh, and again as he sucked my clit while two fingers pushed me toward a mind-blowing orgasm. 

_So much better than when I have to do it myself._

“What?” Edward asked, looking up at me with a mixture of surprise and mischief on his face.

“Huh?” Panting, my mind was still mush.

“What do you mean better that when you have to do it yourself?” Edwards voice was deep and his grip on my legs still strong. “How often do you _do it yourself_?”

Oh, shit. “Not… often,” I admitted. “And it’s not very good, either.” I had never been big on self-pleasure, not that I saw anything wrong with it. But, there were a few times after a stressful day working that I just needed some kind of release.

“Why isn’t it good?” Edward stood, finally setting my leg back down on the ground. He looked far too concerned for this to simply be a conversation about masturbation.

“Because it’s not you.”

Suddenly I was thrown over Edward’s shoulder as he left the shower. Whenever I squirmed Edward’s hand landed with a firm _smack_ on my ass. He probably thought of it as a sort of punishment, but it was the farthest thing from that.

Edward plopped me down on the bed, then situated himself behind me, I fit perfectly between his legs. He grabbed one of my hands in his and guided it down between my legs.

“You should be able to satisfy yourself when I’m not around,” he whispered, his warm breath right at my ear. “First, you should rub your clit, just like this.” Edward took our joined hands and followed his own instructions, using his hand to guide mine. “Then, take these two fingers and…” I felt myself clench around my own fingers as Edward slowly guided them.

“Edward, I –“ I stuttered as Edward brought up his other hand, intertwined with mine, and cupped my breast. “I know the mechanics, Edward.” Physically, I could _do_ it. It just wasn’t as enjoyable alone.

“Next time you need help, call me. I’ll talk you through it. Now, get on your hands and knees.” Edward’s voice was gruff and demanding. I followed his instructions, my body humming with desire as Edward knelt behind me.

He entered me slowly the first time, but that was the only thing slow. Edward set a punishing pace, pounding into me as he gripped my hips. My arms gave out from under me, my head falling to the bed.

_So good._

_So full._

“Speak up, Isabella,” Edward grunted, a hand coming down on my ass with a satisfying smack.

“Harder,” I breathed out, unable to say much more. Edward showed no mercy then, his cock entering me at a pace I didn’t even know was possible. The noises coming out of me were downright embarrassing, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. I was completely surrounded by Edward; his scent all over me, his hands dragging along my back and thighs and hips, his voice echoing in the dark room. Edward. _Everywhere_.

My entire body collapsed, my hips held up only by Edward’s firm grip. “Almost there, baby,” he panted. The unadulterated pleasure in his voice, sent me over the edge, screaming out Edward’s name. Just seconds later I felt Edward come inside me in three long spurts.

Somehow, minutes later, I ended up under the covers and wrapped up in Edward’s arms. His skin was warm with a light sheen of sweat on it, but it didn’t matter. I was too comfortable to even think about moving an inch.

“Love you,” I mumbled, already half asleep. I heard Edward’s murmured love right before I drifted off.

As usual, my alarm went off and it felt like I had just fallen asleep. This time, it was actually true, though. The last time I looked at the clock last night it had been about two in the morning. I had a four am call time so here I was at three in the morning, completely spent and sore in the best spots.

Edward was snoring softly next to me, so I quickly shut off the alarm and snuck out from underneath his heavy arm. I knew my husband and I knew he needed at least three hours of sleep to be able to function. It wasn’t an outlandish request, three hours of sleep probably wasn’t the healthiest of habits for him to be in, but it just worked for him. Anything less and he was grumpier than usual.

So, I tried to be as quiet as possible as I stumbled around the hotel room, pulling on a pair of black yoga pants and stealing the button-down shirt Edward had worn yesterday. It was wrinkly and obviously worn, but I didn’t care. It smelled like him. No one cared what I wore to set anyway, half of the men showed up in pajama bottoms.

I couldn’t stop myself from leaning down to kiss away the frown lines on Edward’s forehead as he slept. He was too cute to ignore, looking all sleepy and content.

“Where are you going?” he asked, nearly giving me a heart attack. He never even moved, so I assumed he was still asleep.

“To work. Go back to sleep.” I gave him another quick kiss just because I could.

In the dim light, I saw Edward’s eyes scan the alarm clock. “Jesus, you should have said you needed to get up at four in the fucking morning. I shouldn’t have kept you up so late.” Edward threw the comforter off of him, obviously about to get out of bed, but I pushed him back.

“I’m going to go sit in a makeup chair for a few hours, then sit around for another hour until they’re ready for me. I can squeeze in a nap or two. You need to sleep, too.” Edward finally relented, leaning back into the bed. “Besides, last night was totally worth it.”

It didn’t take much convincing to get Edward to go back to bed. One more kiss and he relaxed back into the sheets and his soft snores followed me as I left.

Despite what I told Edward, I never got a nap. I tried as I sat back in the makeup trailer, but memories of last night kept flashing through my mind and made it impossible to relax. Every sore muscle reminded of me of the deliciously naked man probably snoring away in my hotel room.

It really wasn’t smart of me to stay up all night with him considering the day I had ahead of me. It was literally torture. These weren’t the first torture scenes I had ever had to do, so I knew from experience they were exhausting as hell. Still, I couldn’t regret anything about last night.

Edward showed up just before we started for the day. He was unfairly well rested and looked far too delectable in the black button down and dark jeans he was wearing. Instead of focusing on my job, I had an internal debate about whether I preferred him in a suit or his casual wear instead. By the time the set was ready around me, I was still unsure.

We started off easy, the interrogation that mostly consisted of a lot of cursing in Russian. But I could tell that as things got more intense, as I had to scream and grunt in pain, Edward started getting uncomfortable. Whenever I allowed myself a glance in his direction he was incredibly tense, whispering with Ben and Eric. He was quiet when we had a short lunch together. I told him I wasn’t _actually_ in any pain despite how realistic the hits or screams looked.

As we got toward the end of the day, my exhaustion started to get the better of me. Things were getting reset around me and I took advantage of the few minutes of freedom to lean back and close my eyes. When we were finally done for the day, I stumbled over to where Edward was waiting, vaguely aware of Angela wrapping a soft robe around my shoulders.

“You didn’t have to stay all day,” I told him as we walked hand in hand toward the trailer where I could change. He stood in the background all day, simply watching me work. It had to have been a complete bore for him. At lunch I told him he could go and do whatever he wanted, but he wouldn’t budge.

“I wasn’t going to let anyone near you with a weapon and not be there to oversee it,” Edward said simply. He finally looked a little more relaxed. Had he come all this way just because he knew we were shooting these kinds of scenes? He didn’t trust people to even act like they were hurting me?

“Did you fly all the way out here just for that?”

“It was why I chose the timing, yes. I was always planning to come visit you, I just didn’t know when.” Edward spoke as if it was no big deal, but the realization made me stop in my tracks. It was just the right amount of protectiveness. Edward was never overbearing, demanding that I not do something just because he didn’t want me to or it made him uncomfortable. He was worried about my safety so he came here to watch over me. Compromise.

Sometimes, I still felt like the outcast. The shy girl that no one wanted to talk to in high school, or the new girl in Hollywood that everyone thought would be gone within a year. I didn’t need a therapist to tell me I had attachment and trust issues, especially after finding out my parents weren’t actually my parents.

Looking back on my life now, I wasn’t sure I had ever felt very taken care of as a child. Charlie and I would spend time together, but it was never a lot. He worked, which was understandable. Renee didn’t, but she spent most of her time with Jane. I was usually on my own.

Then, I grew up quickly once I hit sixteen. I started taking care of myself because I had learned that I couldn’t rely on anyone else. By eighteen I was able to completely take care of myself and my so-called family. I didn’t need anyone to help me or look out for me anymore.

But it was when Edward came along that I realized how deprived I was. I had friends and boyfriends, but nothing as serious or meaningful and I thought they were. No one really cared about me, they cared about what I could do for them.

No one but Edward had ever put my needs above theirs time and time again. No matter how often it happened, it was something that always made me emotional. I didn’t need him to take care of me, but he did it because he wanted to.

“Let’s get you something to eat and then in bed,” he told me, completely unaware of the mental detour I had just taken.

I was dead on my feet by the time we got back to the hotel. There was food waiting for us, but I was too tired to eat. I was pretty sure I fell asleep on Edward’s shoulder as we ate dinner. Then, somehow, I ended up in the shower with all of the grime and sweat from the day suddenly washed off. When I finally relaxed into bed, I was surrounded by Edward’s scent, his arms around me and my head resting in the crook of his neck.

_…Dark…_

My ten days with Edward got me through the last month and a half of filming. I loved my job, loved this challenging project, but it was still just that: a challenge. Every day was hard, physically and emotionally. Being away from my family, Edward especially, was a drain on me. And, for some reason, I had agreed to go to Los Angeles for a few days right after _Savage_ wrapped to guest star in the series finale of _Unknown_.

Edward was less than thrilled when I told him about it, but I felt a sense of obligation to the show. Most of the people working on it were nothing but kind, and it had been a good stepping stone for me. The only downside was that I would have to see Jacob. Unsurprisingly, Katrina’s character was killed off a while ago.

That’s how I got here; in another makeup chair at four in the morning. Today was my last day here, and it would be a short day. I should wrap in the late afternoon and then I could go home. I was practically salivating at the thought of sleeping in my own bed tonight. Edward had to be at some charity event, and I was hoping to surprise him there if I got done early enough.

There was one thing that was bugging me, though. Jacob had talked about Katrina a few times since I had been here. They were obviously still together, not that I cared, but I was worried about _why_ they were together. It couldn’t be to make me jealous, anyone with half a brain would see that I didn’t care about anyone like that other than my husband.

Despite his shitty attitude toward me, Jacob was fairly well liked in this industry. He had been working on _Unknown_ for over a decade, and he knew how to put on a good attitude when he needed to. Which got him a good number of connections through the years.

I had a sneaking suspicion that the Petrov’s were trying to use him to get more connections, and Edward had said the same. Every time I saw Jacob I felt a pang of guilt, like I had put him in this potentially dangerous situation. He may be an asshole, but he didn’t deserve to be in the middle of a mob war.

That guilt followed me around all day. So, by the time I was done for the day I made an impulsive, possibly stupid decision.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked Jacob as he stood with Sam, who gave me a look like I was insane. _I probably am, Sam._

“Sure, sure,” Jacob replied, looking both shocked and confused. But also, a little… off. I couldn’t tell exactly what it was. He followed me to my trailer, and I told Ben to wait outside. This was something Jacob wouldn’t want to talk about with others present. I would be lucky if he would talk about it with just me.

The trailer was surprisingly nice; kind of like a long, mini apartment. Jacob made himself comfortable on the couch on one side, and I leaned against the small counter, just a few feet across from him.

“You’re still with Katrina Petrov, right?” I asked, suddenly unsure what I should say, how I should bring any of this up.

“Yeah. Jealous?” Jacob joked, but I could see it for what it was. A defense mechanism. When I first met him, he wasn’t this cocky asshole that he turned out to be. He was warm and kind and talented. But, I found out later it was all an act. I had to remember who he really was.

“No. I just… wanted to tell you to be careful. Don’t trust her, or her family.”

Jacob scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You’re such a fucking hypocrite, Bella.”

I probably deserved that. “I’m not telling you what to do, Jacob. I’m just telling you that they’re not people you can trust.”

“They would probably say the same about you.” _Ouch._

“You’ve known me for years, Jacob. I’ve never done anything to intentionally hurt you.” This was not how I pictured this conversation going. Maybe I should have just left the whole thing alone.

Jacob stood and crossed the small space between us. He was now uncomfortably close, hovering a good foot above me. When I shifted just an inch to the right, to try and put some space between us, both of his hands wrapped around my wrists, pressing me further into the counter.

“Your testimony ruined my marriage,” Jacob grunted. My instinct was to defend myself and tell him I was under oath, that I had to tell the truth, but I kept my mouth shut. I kept my mind on anything other than his hands around my wrists. “You destroy everything you touch. You ran off to Chicago, started fucking a bunch of criminals. Not that I can blame them, you were always a good fuck.”

Before I could stop anything, Jacob’s lips crashed down on mine, his movements becoming more harsh as I tried to tear myself away. He let go of one of my wrists and ripped the strap of the tank top I was wearing. I tried to push and shove him away, but he was like a wall of muscle.

“Jacob, stop!” I shouted, frantically trying to push his hands away from me. “Ben!” I screamed as loud as I could. Not a second later the door to the trailer slammed open and Jacob was tossed across the small space.

Grabbing at my torn top, I held it up as best I could as I backed away, watching Jacob fight a losing battle with Ben. I gasped as I backed into someone, but it was only Eric. Without a word, he took off his suit jacket and placed it around my shoulders, gently pushing me outside.

We sat in the car for ten minutes in complete silence. The only thing I could hear was a constant ringing in my ears, the only thing running through my mind was a replay of the last thirty minutes.

Eventually Ben joined us, getting in the driver’s seat and quickly driving off. He didn’t say a word. I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw the airport come into view. _I just want to go home._

Sitting in the jet, waiting for takeoff, my mind was completely blank. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t scared, I was numb. When I felt a slight pressure on my bottom lip, I immediately flinched away.

“Your lip is bleeding,” Ben said calmly. I looked at him, kneeling on the floor in front of me with a first aid kit next to him.

“Did you tell him?”

“Yes. He was… furious to put it lightly,” Ben told me, handing me the kit and going back to his seat.

Yes, I was sure saying Edward was furious about the situation was an understatement.

_…Dark…_

An instant sense of relief flooded me when Ben turned down our street. I was almost home, finally. I spent the flight here cleaning myself up; there was a small cut on my lower lip and it was a bit swollen, and I had some light bruises around my wrists but that was it. Thankfully I had a change of clothes on the plane, so I got into a pair of comfortable yoga pants and a t-shirt. I spent the rest of the flight staring out the window.

Now I was home, and I knew Edward would be waiting inside. There was no way he would have gone to the charity event now. I could picture him pacing his office, waiting for the sound of a car pulling up.

That wasn’t where he was, though. No, when Ben pulled the car into the driveway, Edward was standing there. He must have been pacing outside but froze when he saw the car.

I had done a pretty good job at holding myself together, I thought. There had been no tears, no panicking, nothing like that. But, the second Edward had the door open and pulled me into his arms all of that went away. There was nothing I could do to stop the loud, embarrassing sobs that escaped me.

It went on for hours. I cried as Edward took me inside, I cried when he put me in the shower and helped me wash away everything about the day, and I cried until I fell asleep with his arms wrapped around me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sensitive content: Mild description on sexual assault – if you would like to skip that content, ignore the passage between the first and second page breaks.


	12. Lolita pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more discussion on the same sensitive topic as last chapter. If that is a triggering subject for you, please skip down to the first page break.

_Would you be mine? Would you be my baby tonight? Could be kissing my fruit punch lips in the bright sunshine. ‘Cause I like you quite a lot, everything you got, don’t you know that’s you that I adore? ~ Lana Del Rey, **Lolita**_

**BPOV**

Everything hurt as I woke up. My head was pounding, my throat was sore, and none of my limbs wanted to move. It felt like I hadn’t slept at all, but also like I slept too long if that was even possible.

The room was dark, but only because the curtains were drawn. Looking over at the clock I noted it was nearly three in the afternoon. Groggily, I got out of bed and pulled on the first things I touched – some sweatpants and a tank top.

Our bedroom door was closed, which was odd, but as soon as I opened it I understood. Edward’s shouts immediately assaulted me as I walked down the hall and got closer to his office.

“I don’t want him dead. I want him to wish he was dead. There’s a fucking difference.” Edward paused when I stuck my head in his door and waved me in. “Let me know when it’s done.”

Edward hung up the phone and stood, pulling me into a tight hug to his chest. The way his fingers dug into my back with one hand and the way the other gently cradled my head to his chest almost made the sobs from last night return, but I only let a tear or two escape. Edward didn’t say anything about them, he simply brushed them away with soft fingertips.

He pulled me into his lap and sat back down at his desk. “I have a few things I need you to sign.” He pulled a few papers from the corner of his desk and set them in front of us, handing me a pen. “This is a protective order. You just need to sign here,” he pointed to the bottom of one page, and then pulled out another. “And here. Legally, Jacob Black won’t be able to come within a hundred feet of you. You have nothing to worry about, though. This is just a precaution.”

“Is this really necessary?” I asked him, frowning at the papers in front of me. I didn’t like legal papers, and I didn’t like taking legal steps against anyone. The justice system was never on my side.

“He tried to rape you, Bella,” Edward said, both of us flinching at his harsh words. 

I signed the papers immediately.

Edward’s relief was palpable as I handed him the signed papers. But then, just a second later, his tension was back. He stood from his seat, setting me down in his office chair, and started pacing the office.

“I need you to tell me what happened,” he told me, tugging at his hair as he paced.

“You don’t need to know –“

“Yes, I do. I need to know what he did to you, what he said to you.” Edward looked at me then, his mossy eyes dark and angry. I understood it, I guess, the need to know the details. If anything happened to Edward, no matter what it was, I would want to know everything. But, the last thing I wanted to do right now was think about yesterday.

“I asked to talk to him alone. I wanted to warn him, tell him he shouldn’t trust the Petrov’s.” I could see Edward’s frustration at my decision. Hell, even as I made the decision I knew I would probably regret it. “He called me a hypocrite, said he couldn’t trust me either.”

Stopping for a moment, I caught my breath which was suddenly nowhere to be found. “Then he told me I ruined his marriage, ruined everything I touched. He grabbed my wrists and towered over me and said…”

Edward was next to me then, leaning against his desk as I sat in his chair. Immediately I grabbed his left hand, needing the distraction of his warmth.

“He told me I went to Chicago and started fucking a bunch of criminals, but that… he couldn’t blame them because I was a good fuck.”

The words tasted like bile coming out of my mouth. They were words I never wanted to think of again. “I shouldn’t have –“

“ _Don’t_ ,” Edward grunted out. His hand in mine tensed, squeezing mine tightly. “Don’t ever blame yourself for what he tried to do.” We sat in silence for a few minutes. Exhaustion took over again, and all I wanted to do was sleep for a week.

“You’re tired. Let’s get you back to bed.” Edward took my hand gently in his and led me back to our bedroom. He laid with me as I fell asleep, but I could feel his tension. It didn’t take a genius to understand what he was thinking about, what he was plotting.

I didn’t have it in me to care about the horrible way he would make Jacob suffer.

_…Dark…_

For the next few days, I had a constant feeling of uneasiness. It felt like something bad was looming around the corner. I couldn’t sleep, could barely keep any food down, I was just _off_. Edward worked from home every day since I had been back. He went out to do… something around midnight most nights, but I was usually feigning sleep by that time.

Then Saturday dinner came along and for the first time since we started them, I was dreading it. I didn’t want to pretend to be happy, but I also didn’t want to dive in to all of the reasons why I wasn’t currently happy. Alice Whitlock and Rosalie Cullen were not ones to take no for an answer when they wanted something, and they loved getting in everyone else’s business.

It was just them. They liked knowing about everyone’s lives, and they liked helping if they could. Personally, I didn’t care about anyone else. They could do what they wanted, make their own mistakes, whatever. But, that probably came from the years of people intruding on my own life. Maybe if I had grown up differently I would have turned out like them.

Dinner was at our house tonight, so I threw on an old _reputation_ crop top and pulled on a comfortable pair of black jeans. Edward was in his office working, probably impeccably dressed in a suit despite the fact he hadn’t gone anywhere all day.

I went downstairs and started setting the food out. We had ordered from one of Jasper’s restaurants, and Ben picked it up a few minutes ago. With the mood I was in, I would have burned boiling water had I tried to cook anything.

With everything set up, I went to the living room and sat on the couch to enjoy the quiet while I could. A few minutes later I heard Edward come down, and he silently sat next to me, a gentle hand on my thigh.

Before either of us could say anything, the front door swung open and everyone piled in. I hadn’t seen everyone for months, so I was subjected to hugs all around. I did my best to put on a happy smile.

We all ended up seated around the living room. Alice and Rosalie were talking about pregnancy hormones or something along those lines, Edward was in the corner with Emmett and Jasper and didn’t look pleased with whatever they were talking about. Jared was actually on the floor playing with Alec, which surprised me. And Maggie was sitting next to me on the couch, telling me about her classes.

She had just started at Northwestern this past semester and seemed to love it. Not that she needed it, but she got a pretty hefty scholarship because of her grades and activities in high school.

“I’m also taking this criminology class, which is really interesting. It’s mostly about the criminal justice system, but we just started discussing some of the biggest criminal cases in the Chicago area. You’re one of them,” Maggie told me, excitedly going on about the subject. She didn’t mean any harm by saying it, I knew she wasn’t vindictive like that, but the words were like a punch to the gut.

I would go down in history as being part of one of the biggest criminal trials in the city. _Fantastic_.

“… There’s this whole chapter on you in the textbook and –“

“Do you have it? The book?” I interrupted. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I was making it out to be in my head.

“Oh, yeah!” Maggie dug around in the bag she brought with her and pulled out a thick textbook, quickly turning to an earmarked page.

I had an entire chapter of a criminology textbook devoted to me. It was simply titled _The People v. Isabella Cullen_. I skimmed the chapter, only paying attention to a few of the details.

_Cullen was charged with conspiracy to commit murder and first-degree murder, though her conspirator was never caught or charged._

_In the film made about her experiences, Cullen reveals she was attacked by a detective as well as another unknown man who broke into the station. Neither of those instances are confirmed by authorities._

_It is believed that Cullen’s so-called hit list was found, but the defendant explained it as simply a list of meetings. However, during the trial one of the men on the list, Michael Newton, was found dead._

_Cullen solidified her loyalty to the underground Chicago crime scene when she refused to become an informant for the police following her husband’s supposed death._

_While Isabella Cullen is a household name due to her extensive acting and musical career, she will also forever be remembered for her ability to get away with murder._

Fuck. 

Logically, I knew I could never be tried for Aro Volturi’s murder again. Double jeopardy and all that. But, reading things about my _ability to get away with murder_ always left me paranoid. The justice system deemed me innocent. That should be the end of the chapter. Not the implication that I was a cold-blooded killer who got away with murder.

Even though I was.

After all these years, I still rarely throughout about the whole situation. I was fantastic at avoiding things when I wanted to. But the truth of the matter was that I did plan and execute Aro’s murder. I wanted him dead, and he ended up dead.

How could I be mad at the book when it was the truth? How could I be upset with potentially being charged with perjury when I knowingly committed it?

Fuck, I was spiraling. Pushing Maggie’s book back at her, I got up and went straight for the bar. Edward always kept it completely stocked, so I reached for the first bottle I saw and poured myself a glass with shaking hands.

“Are you okay, Bella?” Rosalie asked as she exited the kitchen and passed me.

“Fucking peachy,” I grunted, taking a long sip of… whatever it was I had. It burned as I swallowed.

“Is this because of that letter?”

The glass froze at my lips. “What letter?” Jesus, what more could go wrong?

“This woman came up to me at the grocery yesterday. She said she knew you and handed me a letter. I gave it to Emmett to give to Edward, did you get it?”

Just as she finished her sentence, all three men came downstairs. I never even noticed them go up there.

“Rosie –“ Emmett groaned.

“What letter?”

“She said her name was Eleanor… no, Elena I think,” Rosalie asked, her eyes wide. She was simply trying to help, try to diffuse the situation. She didn’t realize she was only making it worse. “You do know her, right?”

“She’s –“

“No one say another word,” Edward bellowed. Everyone in the room froze. “No one is to speak of this again, am I understood?” There were tentative nods from everyone, even little Alec on the floor with Jared. “Isabella, come with me,” Edward said, his voice softer now.

I approached him at the stairs and followed him to his office. Taking a seat across from him, I felt like a teenager who had just gotten sent to the principal’s office.

“Elena Rossi approached Rosalie yesterday at the supermarket. Emmett gave me this letter this afternoon. None of us have read it, I was going to give it to you after dinner.” He pushed a simple white envelope toward me.

Staring at the desk, I imagined what could possibly be in the letter. Was she begging for money? Did she still want me to help her become an actress? I had met the woman for about three minutes years ago. What could she possibly want now?  
“We can shred it and throw it away if you’d like,” Edward offered.

A second later, I tore open the envelope.

_Isabella,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. Our first meeting was nothing like it should have been. I know you don’t owe me anything, but I would like the opportunity to explain my actions. If not, I hope you have found your happiness._

_All my love, Elena_

Her phone number was at the bottom. I read the short note three times before I slid it across the desk toward Edward.

God, when it rains it fucking pours.

Did I want to get to know Elena? Did I care about her excuses, or trust her enough to even tell me the truth? All I had was three minutes’ worth of interaction with her, and I was fairly certain she was high on something at the time.

“What do you want to do?” Edward asked

“I’d like to get in the shower, maybe get in a good cry, and then go to sleep for a very long time,” I replied honestly. It seemed like everything was crashing down around us and it was exhausting.

“You don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want to, Bella. We can forget about the whole thing.”

“It’s not just the letter,” I said, shaking my head. “Doesn’t it feel like everything is falling apart? Renee and Jane’s book, the perjury charge, Jac –“ I couldn’t even say his name. “… Hell, I’m in Maggie’s criminology book!”

Edward stood from his chair and pulled me up from mine, leading me to the soft leather couch in the corner. He sat with me in his lap, his fingers gently brushing through my hair.

“That man will never touch you again, I promise. You don’t have to worry about him. The criminology book, well, we’ve been in them for years. I’m not surprised you’ve been added as well. You’ve got quite the reputation,” he said, smirking playfully at the shirt I was wearing. “But they can’t do anything to you now.

“As for the perjury charge, I’m handling it. Call wants a polygraph to prove you didn’t know anything before he drops it, but I’ll get him to change his mind.”

“I can fake a polygraph,” I said, sniffling away some of my tears.

If I was in a better mood, the shock on Edward’s face would have been amusing. “Excuse me?”

“When Charlie would work late, and Renee was out with Jane, I spent a lot of time at the police station. There was this man, William, who worked with polygraphs. He taught me how they worked, tested them on me and told me how to fake one. He would joke about it, telling me it would be thanks to him if I ever got away with murder,” I said, suddenly remembering that little conversation with him.

William was a nice guy. He spent a lot of time with me while Charlie worked. I was a curious kid, so I always asked him about the polygraph machines I saw him carrying. Eventually he started using it on me and telling me all of its ticks and tricks. Even to this day I was fairly confident that I could pass one without an issue.

“You can lie to a polygraph and have it record as a truthful answer?” Edward asked, still looking completely dumbstruck. _Fuck, he’s cute._

“Yes.”

“Well, that solves another one of our problems, then. Do you still feel like everything is falling apart?”

I shrugged. “Kind of.”

Edward sighed and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. “Do you know what day it is?”

Huh. Odd question. “Um, Saturday.”

“Today is the day, seven years ago, that you put four bullets in Aro’s chest.” Well, shit. “You always get a little… grumpy this time of the year. I wasn’t sure if you realized it happened, or why it happened.”

I didn’t.

“Usually, I try to take you on a little trip to distract you, but you just got back. I didn’t think you’d want to go anywhere else.”

I tried to think back, remember what I usually did this time of the year. Nothing popped out at me though. Obviously, it was enough of a mood swing to catch Edward’s attention time and time again.

“I’m sorry,” I told him, unsure what else to say.

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“So… everything’s not falling apart?”

“Well, things aren’t great. You’ll have to go through a polygraph test, and deal with what you’d like to do about Elena, but no. Things aren’t falling apart.”

_…Dark…_

Just days later I was sitting in the conference room of Edward’s office. Call had agreed to administer the polygraph here, so I didn’t have to go to the station. For once, Edward seemed more nervous than me. He was pacing the room, waiting for Call to show up.

“You need to calm down,” I told him. He was only nervous for me, for which I loved him, but he didn’t need to be right now.

Carlisle had an old friend who was an expert with polygraphs and Edward had him come over and test my abilities. I wasn’t lying when I told Edward I was confident enough to agree to Call’s demands, but he wanted more definitive proof that nothing would go wrong.

Carlisle’s friend, Fred, set up the polygraph and told us how it would work. Edward had compiled a list of questions, most of which contradicted each other. I was to lie on whichever I wanted, Edward would know the correct answers.

I chose to lie on the hardest ones, the ones with answers I truly believed with my heart and soul. That would ease Edward’s unease, and make me that much more confident when the day finally came, today.

It was when Fred asked me if I loved my husband, and I said no without a trace of a lie on the polygraph, that Edward decided we were done for the day. If I could lie about the one absolute truth I knew, then I was fine.

All I had to do was control my breathing, not think too hard about the questions, and keep my mind focused on happier thoughts. It was when people started internally panicking that the polygraph detected a change in their breathing and heart rate and blood pressure. If I kept myself calm I would be fine.

Edward sat next to me then, finally calm enough to stop pacing. I kept myself quiet, locked inside my own, peaceful world when people started to arrive. Edward was obviously tense as I began to get hooked up to the polygraph and the test administrator sat across from me. It was time to begin.

“Is your legal name Isabella Marie Cullen?”

“Yes.”

The administrator nodded to Call, probably indicating that I was telling the truth. I turned my head away from them and focused on Edward. Call had tried to kick him out, but obviously lost that battle. He was standing directly across from me, his arms crossed as he leaned against the wall.

“Are you married to Edward Anthony Cullen?”

“Yes.” These were just sample questions, ones to start me off slow before they tried to blindside me with the tough ones. I focused on Edward, the muscles in his biceps and forearms tensed. He had taken off his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his button down.

“Did you shoot Aro Volturi four times after he broke into your home?”

“Yes.” I studied Edward’s face next. The sharp line of his jaw, and his bright green eyes looking right back at me.

“Did you know Aro Volturi was your father prior to that incident?”

“No.” Edward’s lips twitched, fighting a smile at something. I didn’t want to break my concentration to look at what it could be.

“Ask her again,” I heard someone else say.

“Did you know Aro Volturi was your father when you killed him?”

“No.”

There was a crash, and I jumped in my seat. Looking around, I saw a chair overturned.

“Unhook her,” Edward demanded, and the administrator immediately started removing all of the wires from me. “You’ll get Viktor Petrov. Call that a win.”

Call didn’t look overly pleased at Edward. He would be shutting down a sex trafficking ring, but I could tell he secretly hoped to be able to take me down as well. 

I briefly wondered if William was still in Forks. I would have to send him a thank you note.

_…Dark…_

Two weeks after getting the letter from Elena, I was sitting in Edward’s office, waiting for him to finish with his work. We were scheduled to meet her for dinner in an hour. Sitting on his comfortable couch, I pulled at the end of my black oversized sweater. I was never really one to fuss about what I wore, but I spent an hour staring at my closet before I got dressed today.

Black, comfortable oversized sweater that fell to my knees. Delicate grey camisole tucked into a pair of black jeans, with a pair of booties. That was good enough. At least, that was what I told myself after tossing the seventeenth outfit aside.

I didn’t want to be this nervous. There was nothing I had to prove to this woman, the one that abandoned me as an infant. Was she high then, too? Was she high when she wrote the letter in the first place?

Edward had called her and set up our meeting after I asked him too. I didn’t want my first real conversation with my biological mother to be over the phone. Not that I should care about that kind of thing, but apparently I did. Care, that is.

“Ready to go?” Edward asked, standing from his desk.

“No.”

Chuckling, Edward pulled me up from my seat. His hands found their way inside my long sweater and rested in the back pockets of my jeans. He looked down at me, a surprisingly content smile on his face. “Have I told you how beautiful you are today?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

“Hmm. Terrible oversight on my part. You, Mrs. Cullen, are absolutely stunning.” With his lips trailing along my neck, I couldn’t help but forget about all of my worries.

“You, Mr. Cullen, are an excellent distraction.”

Edward chuckled against my neck, gave my ass a quick squeeze, and then grabbed my hand. _Time to go._

The restaurant was just down the street from Edward’s office, so we walked hand in hand through the city to get there. I loved being able to walk out the front door and not have to think about a swarm of paparazzi. It was one of the many benefits of not living somewhere like Los Angeles or New York.

We were a little early to the restaurant, so I figured we would have a few minutes to ourselves, but the hostess informed us that our guest was already here. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

If I didn’t do this, I knew I would regret it later. Nothing frustrated me more than an unfinished story, and I wanted to know what exactly happened with the woman who gave birth to me. I had no misconceptions that we would suddenly become the best of friends, nor did I even want that to happen. But I deserved to know why she discarded me.

Before Edward could open the door to the private dining room, I squeezed his hand and took three deep breaths. He waited patiently, never saying a word. When I nodded, he slowly opened the door.

The woman that stood as we entered looked nothing like the one I remember from so long ago. She had long, dark hair and deep brown eyes. Here skin was much more tanned than I ever got, and she was a few inches taller than me. But she also looked healthy. Her eyes were clear and her body language strong.

“Isabella,” Elena breathed out as Edward and I approached. We all stood awkwardly over the table, unsure how to proceed.

“Elena, I’m Edward Cullen. We spoke on the phone.” Edward held his hand out to her, and Elena took it with a small smile.

She held her and out to me with a million questions floating around in her eyes. I hesitated for a moment, but eventually grasped her hand lightly in my own. For a second, I thought maybe I would feel some kind of connection, have some sort of magical moment at touching the woman who gave me life for the first time that I could ever remember, but I didn’t. It was simply a handshake.

Edward pulled my chair out for me, leaning down to whisper, “Relax,” into my ear before he took his own seat. Before things could get too awkward, a waiter came in and took everyone’s orders. I pointed to something on the menu without reading it. As soon as he was gone, an uncomfortable silence fell.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” Elena said, her voice surprisingly quiet and calm. From the vague memory I had of her the night we met, she was neither of those.

“It wasn’t really for your benefit,” I told her. “I thought I deserved to know why I was practically thrown away as an infant.” Maybe I was being overly rude or too bitchy, but I wasn’t going to filter myself for this woman. She had done absolutely nothing to earn my respect. I did, however, feel a pang of guilt as she winced at my words. Being intimidating was never my strong suite.

Elena took a deep breath. “I met Aro Volturi when I was fifteen. He was older and sophisticated, a rarity in Port Angeles. Both of my parents were too drunk to care what I did. They didn’t even say anything when I was pregnant, never commented on the subject at all. I told Aro about the pregnancy, and he handed me a fistful of cash and told me to take care of it. I couldn’t do that, though.

“At first… I thought I could do it. I could make a life for the two of us, get out of Port Angeles and raise you on my own. But, the closer and closer it got, _you_ got, I realized I had no way of making it on my own. I had grown up in a household where my parents were drinking themselves to death and that was the only life I had known. The only thing I had going for me was a part-time job at a local bookstore. I couldn’t raise a child. I didn’t want you to turn out like me.”

The waiter came back and set plates of food in front of each of us, but no one paid them any mind. As soon as he was gone, Elena started again.

“Then, I had you, and I just panicked. You were this… tiny little human that relied completely on me. I was sixteen and scared and the night I abandoned you was the first night I ever had a hard drug. And I didn’t stop for nearly twenty-five years.

“I went through phases where I tried to get clean, but I always relapsed. I went from town to town, job to job never really living. Just existing until my next high.”

“Did you know?” I interrupted. “Did you know anything about me?”

Elena shook her head. “No. I saw some news clippings about a child that was found, so I knew you were safe, but I didn’t know what happened to you or who you had become until Aro contacted me a few weeks before we met.”

“What did he say to you?” Edward interjected, leaning in.

“He told me who she was and, in my drug-ridden brain, I thought you owed me. Honestly, I don’t remember what I wanted from you at the time, but my intentions were never honorable. I’m sorry for how I acted when we first met.”

I grabbed Edward’s hand, which had been gently squeezing my knee. The warmth of his hand, and the soft squeeze he gave me back, centered me. Focused me.

“What do you do now?” I questioned.

“I’m a photo editor. A few months after we met I got back into rehab. I’ve been clean and sober ever since.” She held up a circular coin, one of those sobriety ones. “I worked in Seattle ever since, but I got a new job at a local magazine here.”

That part made me uneasy. All of this did, but what did she expect from this? Was I supposed to forgive her completely just because I knew her reasonings now? If I didn’t, did that make me a horrible person?

“I’d like to get to know you, Isabella, even though I don’t deserve it. I’m sorry for how I brought you into this world, and I’m sorry it was with a man as vile as Aro. Watching your trial… your testimony… it landed me back in rehab for a few weeks before I trusted myself again.”

“So, I drove you to become an addict?” I snapped back.

“No! No, what I meant was I care about you, so much that it hurt to watch you go through that. I’m sorry for what Aro did to you, what he put you through. I’m sorry I wasn’t the mother you deserved, but I’m proud of who you’ve become.”

I didn’t want her words to affect me as much as they did. It was much easier to hate her for all of her past mistakes than it was to forgive them and move on. But, never once had I heard a mother-figure in my life say they were proud of me.

“I went to your show, the last one you had in Seattle. You were, _are_ , amazing at what you do. I can’t take credit for who you’ve become, you had other parents for that –“

Elena stopped as I scoffed at that. _Yeah, parents that sold me out to the authorities._ “Well, you’ve never almost gotten me put in prison, so you’re a step ahead of them.”

“Did their book get you in trouble?” Elena asked, a surprising amount of worry in her expression.

It was… odd how much she seemed to care. I wasn’t the kind of person who thought people could never change. I believed people could grow and change their minds and attitudes if they wanted. While what she did was horrible, it would be vindictive of me to hold it over her head forever. If she truly meant all of the things she was saying tonight, maybe I would eventually be able to move on from it.

“Almost,” I replied vaguely. The last thing I wanted to talk about right now was them.

“But, did you have a good childhood? Were you happy with them?”

“My upbringing was… okay. I had a roof over my head and food on the table. Renee, the woman I thought was my mother, never hid her disdain for me. She had her own daughter who she preferred. Charlie tried his best, but he worked a lot. Then I started working when I was sixteen,” I shrugged.

Elena sighed, shaking her head and looking down at her lap. “When you were sixteen you were already working, starting a career. When I was sixteen I was an absolute wreck.”

“Bella is an anomaly. Very few people have the work ethic and drive she does,” Edward interjected, looking over at me with an overwhelming amount of pride in his eyes.

“But you’re happy now?” Elena asked, her eyes simultaneously hopeful and sad.

“Yes,” I replied immediately, squeezing Edward’s hand. It may have been a rocky road to get here, but I wouldn’t trade a second of it.


	13. Dark Paradise

_Every time I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise. No one compares to you, I’m scared that you won’t be waiting on the other side. All my friends ask me why I stay strong. Tell them when you find true love, it lives on. That’s why I stay here. And there’s no remedy for memory, for face is like a melody, it won’t leave my head. Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine, but I wish I was dead. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Dark Paradise**_

**EPOV**

They had several of the same little quirks, Bella and her mother. There were obvious similarities too, the hair and eyes, as well as their facial structure. It was completely obvious they were related. There were also little things. The way Elena fidgeted with her napkin, pulling at the loose strings as she told us her story was the exact same thing Bella was doing with her sweater not two hours prior in my office. Elena scrunched her nose when she talked about her past, the same way Bella would whenever she was uncomfortable with a conversation.

Every instinct I had told me to be wary of this woman. From the moment I saw her walk up on Aro’s arm so long ago, just the thought of her left me furious. She abandoned her child, then found out she was successful and tried to use her over twenty years later. The woman sitting across from us was not the same one, though.

She was sober, for one thing. And she seemed genuinely remorseful for her wrongdoings. She never snapped back at Bella and never made Bella feel guilty for doing so in the first place. Elena was truly taking responsibility for her mistakes and putting the ball in Bella’s court.

That’s not to say I would ever trust the woman. No, once my trust was broken it was broken for good. Second chances were not something I gave lightly, and Elena Rossi certainty wasn’t getting one. If Bella wanted to continue to meet with her, that was one thing. But, she would never be a trusted member of this family.

Elena ended the dinner by telling Bella she would like to see her again, maybe set up a monthly meeting if it was something she was interested in. I could tell by then that Bella was more confused than ever about the whole thing. She was quiet and had a deep frown on her face. It wasn’t until we were getting into bed that she finally started talking about it.

“Do you think she was telling the truth?” she asked as she slid under the comforter. Bella sat with her back against the headboard, and her knees pulled up to her chest.

I got in beside her, taking her left hand in mine and started fiddling with her wedding bands. “About what in particular?”

“Everything.” Bella shrugged. “I just… I don’t want to…”

“If you don’t want to ever see her again you don’t have to, Bella. No one would blame you.” Looking over at her, her distress was obvious. She was tugging at the blanket, and I could see the blanket moving as she fidgeted with her legs and feet.

“When I was growing up I was desperate for Renee’s approval. All I wanted was for her to say I did a good job on a test, or just any kind of validation from her. It was pathetic –“

“It’s not pathetic to want the woman you believe to be your mother to love you.” Christ, the things I wanted to do to those people for all of the lasting scars they left on Bella.

“I don’t want to turn into that sad girl desperate for her mother’s approval again.”

Reaching over, I pulled Bella toward me and she situated herself in my lap. I ran my fingers through her soft hair, wishing I could take away every sad thought running through her mind. “There’s nothing sad or desperate or pathetic about you, Isabella. I can confidently say that you are the strongest woman I have ever met. It’s an odd situation but you can make it whatever you want it to be. You can go to lunch with Elena once a month to simply get to know her, or you can decide you don’t want any reminders of that part of your life. No one will judge you either way.”

Bella sighed against me, leaning her forehead against mine. “How’d you get so wise?”

Ignoring her question, I kissed the soft pout of her lips. By the time I was done with her, it had turned into a content smile as she fell asleep.

I waited a few minutes for her breathing to even out before I got up. There was still work I had to do. Tonight, Jacob Black was finally getting his punishment. No words could describe the absolute rage that coursed through me when I got that call from Ben weeks ago. He didn’t go into specifics, he simply said there was an incident with Jacob. Told me Bella screamed for him and he found Jacob pressed against her, her shirt torn. _Fucking imbecile._

Bella was mine, had been for years, and the asshole still thought he had some kind of claim on her. Even though he had been married for half of that time, even though he was currently seeing Katrina, he still thought he could touch her.

When Bella told me what happened the next morning, she actually started to blame herself. She was going to apologize for Jacob Black not being able to take no for an answer, and that was completely unacceptable.

I didn’t like that she wanted to talk to him alone, didn’t quite understand why she cared if he was involved with the Petrov’s, but that was who she was. Bella felt responsible for every horrible thing that happened that could even slightly be traced back to her. The way I saw it was that Jacob Black was a grown adult and he made his own decisions. He is responsible for getting involved with Katrina and anything that comes along with that. To Bella, Jacob only ever met Katrina because of her relationship with me and my relationship with Petrov.

Simply put, my wife was too kind and caring for her own good. Bella signed the protective order the next morning with only a little hesitation. Legal matters made her skittish, which I understood, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.

Bella knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t going to stop with the protective order but hadn’t asked me what I planned to do with Jacob. That also meant she hadn’t tried to tell me _not_ to do anything. Tonight was just the start of Jacob Black’s punishment.

I wasn’t going to kill him, that was too easy. No, tonight a few of my hired men were going to teach Black a lesson. He would end up in the hospital, there was no doubt, but he would live. Then he would think his punishment was over, but it was far from over. I would have men visit him from time to time, always giving him the same feeling he gave Bella when he held her against her will.

Jacob Black’s punishment would never end. One of these days I would make the trip out to be there for one of his reminders. Just for fun. For now, I would settle for waiting for the confirmation call that the job was done.

_…Dark…_

The Chicago Police Department was full of idiots. That was the only explanation, because somehow someone there let the press get ahold of the transcript of Bella’s polygraph. It had been days of constant calls and articles. It was like we were reliving the year of Bella’s incarceration. People were calling my wife a whore, a murderer, and a thousand other foul names.

Bella had taken everything in stride. Thankfully, unlike years ago, she wasn’t locked up and actually on trial. People could talk all they wanted now, but Bella was free and clear of any charges. _Thank God._

Unfortunately, the polygraph proved to the public, and several unaware family members, that Bella was Aro Volturi’s daughter. And she knew it. The polygraph ‘proved’ she didn’t know before the trial, but she knew now.

The day after the news broke there was a magazine cover that simply said _Isabella Volturi_. I had never seen Bella as furious as she was when she saw it. I knew my girl had a foul mouth at times but damn if she didn’t out curse Emmett that morning.

The real kicker came just now, though. It had been about a week since the news broke. I was in the ensuite of our bedroom, having just showered this morning to get ready for work. Bella was, thankfully, still asleep. I had the news on the television in the corner, simply for some background noise, and then I heard a voice I never wanted to hear again.

“She obviously faked it. Bella is an actress, through and through. I have no doubt in my mind that she knew exactly who Aro was to her the night she killed him.” _Renee fucking Swan._

Turning to look at the television, I saw her sitting in a local news studio. _Fuck, was she here, in Chicago?_ Jane sat next to her, nodding diligently. Then there was Charlie, looking uncomfortable but still not sticking up for Bella. Goddamn coward.

“Now, Charlie,” the newscaster said. “You’re the one who claims Isabella told you Aro was her father while she was incarcerated, correct?” Charlie nodded. “Do you believe she knew prior to the incident?”

“I, uh, can’t say for sure.”

“She knew,” Renee claimed again. “I spent sixteen years with that girl. She’s quite conniving. She knew.” With that, the newscaster went on to the next story.

With a towel wrapped around my waist, I headed to the bedroom to find Bella. She was rolling over in bed, already awake as I expected. She looked happy, smiling as she saw me walk in, and I hated to ruin it.

“Hello,” Bella practically purred as I walked over to her. Her eyes darkened as they raked over my body. _I wish it was that kind of morning, baby._

I knelt down next to her, leaning on the bed with my forearms. “There’s something you should see.”

I took Bella to the ensuite, rewound the newscast, and we watched the full interview together. Those three were in town because news about the polygraph broke. Another thing to thank the CPD for. By the end of the interview, Bella was practically shaking with anger.

“I want to talk to them. Today.”

_Good_. I wanted to have a few words with them myself. “I’ll make the arrangements.”

Later that afternoon, Bella met me at my office. She was an hour early, which I knew was because she was anxious to get this meeting over with. However, she was quite the distraction once she was here. Not that she talked much or actively tried to get my attention away from my work. But, she was in a shirt with sleeves that wrapped around her arms, leaving her shoulders completely bare. So, I spent the time before our meeting debating with myself whether she was wearing a bra, and if I could convince her to let me take her over my desk again.

By the time Jessica came over the intercom to inform us that Bella’s relatives were here, I was about eighty percent sure she was braless and ninety percent sure she wouldn’t let me have her in my office.

Standing with Bella in the sitting area of my office, we waited for them to come in. We both knew this wasn’t going to be a pleasant meeting, so I gave Bella’s hand a gentle squeeze. They all entered without a word, Renee, Jane, and Charlie. The only one that looked the least bit remorseful was Charlie, but even that wasn’t enough. Odds were he was just sorry that he was having to own up to his actions.

“Sit down,” I snapped, not bothering with any pleasantries. They all took a seat on the couch opposite from where Bella and I were now sitting.

It was silent for a good three minutes before Charlie spoke up. “How are you, Bells?”

“You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, coming in here and asking her how she is,” I told him, shocked that was what he chose to ask. They were on television less than five hours ago accusing her of perjury and murder.

“Why’d you do it?” Bella asked, getting right to the point.

Renee scowled. “Because the world deserved to know the truth about you.”

“You think they don’t know enough about me? I’d say a month on the witness stand, divulging every fucking secret I had was enough insight for them.”

“We all know you can lie, Isabella. You don’t have to pretend with us,” Renee scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, apparently I do because you’ll take everything I say and put it in a fucking book!” Bella screamed. She slumped over in her spot, tugging at her hair with her fingers. All I could do was rub comforting circles on her back. There were tears forming in her eyes when she looked up again.

“You were my family. For twenty-one years, I thought you were my family. We had breakfast every morning, and we snuck in Oreo’s with peanut butter. I paid for Jane’s education, bought you the best goddamn house in Forks, and have been financially supporting you since I was sixteen.”

Christ, was she still giving them money? I rarely checked her bank accounts because Bella never used them. I saw all of the activity on my card and knew she had no problem using that for everything these days.

“Why did you two do it?” Bella asked, looking at Renee and Jane with just… absolute desperation in her eyes. It made my chest constrict. “You didn’t need the money. _Why?_ ”

They were both silent. Jane looked like she wanted to say something, opening her mouth a few times, but always quickly shutting it when her mother looked at her.

“Because I wanted to ruin your life like you ruined mine,” Renee said, her voice eerily cold and calm. I wanted to strangle her. No, what I really wanted was to get the gun that sat in my desk drawer and… _Do not kill her. Do not kill her._

“What about you?” Bella questioned, her voice tight and barely hanging on to her composure. She looked over at Charlie, who looked… indifferent.

“I loved you, Bells, I always did. But this… _you_ aren’t the same girl I raised. I didn’t save you so you could end up with a man like that, and I didn’t raise you to be someone so ruthless.”

“You would rather Aro Volturi have killed me that night?” Fuck, those words coming out of her mouth made me see red.

Charlie didn’t hesitate with his answer. “I would rather the good girl I raised die an honorable death than have to see her become you.” _Jesus Christ._

Bella sucked in a breath, her eyes wide as she looked at the one member of her family she thought she still had on her side. It was a good two minutes before she spoke again. “I want you out of my house by the end of the month. You will never receive another dime from me. Go to the press about us again and Ill sue you all for defamation, libel, slander… whatever I can. Never contact me again.” 

Bella got up and walked over to the back of the office, looking out the wall of windows behind my desk. I sat still, watching each of them, though mostly keeping my eyes on Charlie. I expected the pettiness of Jane and Renee, but his words were still bothering me.

With my elbows on my knees, I leaned forward to get their attention. “If any of you ever disrespect her again, I’ll know and I’ll have no problems personally making sure you can never hurt her again.”

There was so much more I wanted to say. I wanted to lecture them all on how idiotic it was to let Bella slip out of their lives, tell them how strong and loyal and powerful she was. They had to know that all already, though. They were just stupid enough to let her go.

“Get the fuck out of here,” I grunted, watching with just a little satisfaction as they all immediately went to the door, letting it slam shut behind them.

I sat for a moment and watched as Bella stood by the window, her silhouette outlined in the afternoon sun. It made no sense to me how someone could know Bella for more than a few minutes and not want more. As soon as I sat next to her at that police benefit, the moment she started talking to me I knew nothing would ever be enough. She was a puzzle I wanted to try to solve for the rest of my life.

“Are you okay?” I walked over to where Bella stood. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pulled her back to my chest. The second I had her against me I felt the tough exterior she put up for the meeting crumble, quiet sobs escaped as she turned and wrapped her arms around my waist.

For years I had watched Bella try to find a balance with her adoptive family. She hadn’t talked to Renee in years, and that meant Jane was on her mother’s side as well. I watched her write to Charlie and saw how she struggled with how he had changed, too. I had no clue his hatred ran that deep, deep enough to say he wished she had died.

It was easy for me to cope with lies and betrayal, they were practically an everyday occurrence for me. But Bella was different. She believed in the good in people, especially Charlie. There wasn’t much I could say to her, so I sat us on the couch and let her cry into my neck.

Later that same night, Bella was pacing in our closet, clad in only a nude-colored bra and panty set. “Are we skipping dinner?” I asked, letting my eyes take in every curve, every line of ink, every inch of skin I knew like the back of my hand.

“No. I don’t know what to wear. What says ‘I’m sorry for not telling you I’m the bastard child of your family’s enemy and that I lied about knowing he was my father for nearly five years’?”

“Hmm, I think what you’ve got on is perfect.” I smiled at her, enjoying the pink blush spreading over her chest and cheeks just seconds before she scowled at me. She had rebounded surprisingly fast from the meeting with the Swan’s. After we left my office she simply told me she wasn’t going to let them get to her anymore, and that was that. I had never seen someone with such control over her emotions before.

“I’m serious. Everyone is going to hate me. I already lost one family today, I can’t afford to lose another.” Bella pulled a blush colored dress out, looked at it for a second, and sighed as she settled on it. _Who knew a dress could say so much?_

“No one is going to be mad, Bella. Emmett and Jasper already knew, and Alice and Rosalie know it isn’t any of their business.” The women knew there were certain things they weren’t supposed to discuss. Bella’s incarceration and the night with Aro were a few of them.

I ran the family differently than Carlisle did. For one, Bella was very involved. Business wise, we were had been working together for years. I sponsored her last two tours, and we were in the final stages of putting together the production company. The talent agency with Heidi and Kate was also running smoothly so far.

I also confided in Emmett and Jasper more than Carlisle ever confided in any of us. Yes, the last few years it was the brain tumor that was the issue, but even before that he kept a lot of things to himself. It wasn’t a good way to run our operations. We needed to look at things from every angle, and we needed various opinions to do that.

The one thing I refused to openly talk about was the night Bella killed Aro. Bella and I rarely brought it up. The only time she openly said the words that she had done what she was accused of was that first night on the island. It wasn’t something I wanted anyone else knowing; every extra person that knew was a liability, no matter who they were.

Thankfully, the family seemed to respect it. Whether they didn’t ask because they didn’t want to hurt or offend Bella or if they knew it was a hard limit I didn’t know.

I sighed as I watched Bella carefully slide a bracelet over her wrist. Her incident with Jacob made her realize she had to stop being so sensitive about her wrists. It fucking killed me to listen to her say that if he hadn’t grabbed her wrist, if she hadn’t frozen when it happened, she could have gotten out of the situation before it escalated. I should have helped her with the issue sooner.

Through the years, I brought up her wrist sensitivity a few times, asking her if she wanted to see someone to talk about it or if she wanted me to help her sort through it. Every time I mentioned it, she looked so fucking _scared_. Absolutely petrified. A look that I would never want to see on her face. So, I let it slide.

Now, though, she was working on it at her own pace. She started wearing light bracelets again, and then moved up to a few of the larger, heavier ones. It was a slow process, but it was progress nonetheless.

As we got to Emmett and Rosalie’s home, Bella was still tense. I gave her hand a firm squeeze as we walked through the front door. It was unusually quiet, especially considering we were about half an hour late. Then we heard the hushed whispers.

“I mean… she had to have known, right?” Rosalie said in a soft voice. I was ready to go in for blood, but Bella gripped my hand, pulling me back.

“The polygraph said she didn’t. We can’t assume, Rose.” Alice.

“I totally think she knew,” Jared said, not bothering to whisper at all. It wasn’t surprising. While he had buckled down and stopped getting into so much trouble, there was still a long way to go before I ever trusted him with anything.

Bella sighed and let go of my hand, let me go and defend her. I looked down at her and saw the shame all over her face. She willingly admitted that she killed Aro, she lied on the stand, she broke about fifty federal laws, but she would never brag about it. She didn’t do it for fun, she did it to survive.

“Do you have something to say to us?” I asked, walking into the room where everyone was gathered. It was only Alice, Rose, Jared, and Maggie. Emmett and Jasper were probably in his office upstairs, perhaps with Alec. I didn’t think they were in here, they would have put a stop to the discussion long ago.

“Oh, Edward. We didn’t hear you come in,” Rosalie said, having the decency to look ashamed. Her shame doubled as Bella walked in behind me.

“I’m sorry,” Rosalie and Alice said at the same time.

“It’s okay. You’re curious, I understand. Though I’d rather you asked me to my face as opposed to talking behind my back,” Bella said quietly. She was rarely this timid. She seemed… defeated. I didn’t like it at all.

“Did you know, before it happened?” Rosalie asked her.

“No,” Bella replied, conviction ringing in her voice.

“Would it have changed anything if you had?” Jared spoke up, looking completely intrigued.

“No. I didn’t have a choice. Aro would have killed me.”

Few things completely gutted me. Hearing Bella talk about fighting for her life, whether she planned it or not, was one of them. The room went completely silent, until Rosalie spoke up again.

“That woman, the one that handed me a letter a few weeks ago, is she your biological mother?”

Bella nodded. “Yes. Her name is Elena.”

“She looked just like you.”

“I’m sorry I never told you,” Bella started. “I just… hate even thinking that I’m related to any of them.”

That was just part of why we never told them, of course. Bella did hate that she was related to the likes of Tanya and Felix, but we also didn’t want anyone speculating anything. As always, the less people who knew, the better.

“Shit,” Alice mumbled, sitting down on the couch. “You’re a Volturi.”

“No, she isn’t,” I interrupted, finally. That was where I drew the line. “She’s a Cullen, through and through.”

With that, our dinner went on as usual. There was laughter and jokes, all traces of seriousness forgotten for the time being. About halfway through dinner Bella got quiet, looking from person to person as they talked and retreating into herself.

After years with her, I was very attuned to her mood shifts. They were more often around times of unrest, or when she was stressed. Unfortunately, there had been a lot of both of those lately.

When we got home, Bella remained quiet and contemplative. By the time she crawled into bed I could tell she wanted to talk but didn’t want to at the same time. _Confusing woman, oh how I love you._

Instead of pushing, I went and changed, putting on a t-shirt and some sweatpants. When I exited the closet, Bella was sitting up in bed, her knees pulled to her chest.

“I’m not a very likable person,” she whispered as I approached.

“I like you.”

“Char – _the Swan’s_ hate me. Esme hates me, so Carlisle probably does, too. Most of the world hates me. The whole Aro situation can’t define me forever… right? There are a hell of a lot worse people out there than me.”

Sitting on the bed next to her, I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s not that you’re not likable. It’s that you’re too intimidating.” She scoffed. “Hear me out. People are either scared or attracted to people in power. You’re a very polarizing person; you hold a lot more power than you know.”

After leaving Bella to sleep, I went to my office to get a little work done. For the past week or so, things were too quiet. Things went too smoothly. It was like waiting for an impending hurricane.

It had only been about half an hour since I left Bella alone when she stumbled into the office, pillow and blanket in hand. Nothing was said, she simply plopped herself down on the couch and got comfortable.

This was Bella’s most endearing quality. She hated sleeping in our bed alone if I was home. So, sometimes when I worked late she would make herself comfortable on the couch in my office, just so she wasn’t alone. When I was done, I would carry her back to bed with me.


	14. Dark Paradise Pt. 2

_There’s no relief, I see you in my sleep. And everybody’s rushing me, but I can feel you touching me. There’s no release, I feel you in my dreams telling me I’m fine. Every time I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise. No one compares to you, I’m scared that you won’t be waiting on the other side. Every time I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise. No one compares to you, but there’s no you except in my dreams tonight. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Dark Paradise**_

**EPOV**

_You’ll never get another dime from me. You’ll never get another dime from me._ Bella’s words from our meeting with the Swan’s ran through my head for days afterwards. It was a lost cause focusing on the work I had in front of me. It was late, nearly three in the morning, and I couldn’t concentrate on anything.

Bella was softly snoring in bed next to me, something she only did when she was exceptionally worn out. She gripped the blanket around herself tightly, and I could see the frown lines on her face even as she slept.

Without thinking much about what I was doing, I pulled up her online banking account. There, it was obvious. She had still been financially supporting Charlie and Renee, had been since she was seventeen. Hundreds of thousands of dollars were deposited to them every year.

Christ, how did she do it? How did she look past all of the shit they put her through and still find it in her to take care of them? _She’s a million times better than you, that’s how._

“What are you doing?” Bella mumbled, draping a leg over mine and leaning up to rest her head in my lap.

“Just working. Go back to sleep.”

She frowned up at me. “What’s wrong?”

With a sigh, I closed the laptop and laid down next to her, eye to eye. “How could you still do it, still support them after what they did to you?”

Second chances were not something I gave out lightly. If the situation were reversed I would have severed all ties with the family years ago. Maybe thrown in a little light torture to send the message. I wouldn’t have given them another cent.

“I know it looks… odd. But, they were my family, Edward. For the entire first half of my life, they were all I had. In the grand scheme of things, I could have had it a lot worse than Renee and Charlie. I felt like I owed them that much.”

“She was horrible to you, Bella.”

“Renee was, yes, but Charlie was nothing but good to me until my arrest.”

“I’m sorry,” I told her, not even knowing what I was really apologizing for. Her arrest, her time in jail, her ruined relationship with her family because of me, all of it.

“You don’t have to apologize, Edward. They crossed the final line with that book. This is on them.”

I played with the ends of her hair, thinking. “You’re too good to be with me, Isabella Cullen.”

“You’re too smart to be thinking that, Edward Cullen.”

_…Dark…_

It was no secret that the past few months had been a challenge. Neither Bella nor I had the chance to get back into any kind of routine because shit kept coming in the way. For the time being, it seemed we were past the bulk of it. We were done with the Swan’s completely, though I would check in on them from time to time and make sure they weren’t going to cause us anymore trouble. Call was finally off of our trail. The last I talked to him he was practically fucking giddy after arresting Viktor Petrov.

The Elena issue was everlasting, but Bella seemed okay with it. My wife wasn’t easily fooled, and she knew she could never trust Elena explicitly. That didn’t mean she didn’t have that innate desire to have a relationship with the woman that gave her life. She just wasn’t going into it blindly. Whatever the issue, I wouldn’t let her get hurt by Elena again. I had a personal meeting with her scheduled for tomorrow.

It was time to get back some sense of normalcy. Tonight was Emmett’s birthday party, and I was determined for it to be the start of our new normal. Emmett’s birthdays always went one of two ways; either he had decided to grow up and had a simple dinner with the family, or he overcorrected and threw a party a kid living off of his trust fund would be jealous of. This year, it was the latter. Yes, my thirty-three-year-old brother was throwing a rager, but for once I was looking forward to it.

It was time to forget the last few months and let go of all the stress that came with it. I hadn’t really partied in years, but fuck if I didn’t need a stiff drink and pretty brunette on my arm.

Emmett being Emmett planned his whole day himself. It was nearing noon and I had gotten about fifteen messages about being late to the casino where he was spending his day until the party tonight. I would meet him later, but I had a more pressing matter to attend to. Namely, my wife that was currently napping all alone in our bedroom.

I was only going to run home and change, but then I stopped and listened to the mumbles coming out of Bella as she slept. The words cock, fuck, and suck were all mumbled together. So, I really had no choice when I crawled into bed with her.

Kissing along her slender neck, I whispered her name softly. Bella simply sighed and started to roll over in the direction of my voice. I kept her in her spot, needing her on her back for my next plan.

I kissed my way down her chest while slowly sliding my hands underneath the silky short nightgown she was wearing. As my lips roamed and my hands squeezed, Bella started showing little signs of waking up; a content sigh and a shiver as my breath blew over her lower abdomen.

Settling between her legs I took my time giving plenty of attention to her thighs. Kissing my way up to her center, but never going where I wanted. It was sexy as hell, practically watching as her arousal grew. Sliding my hands back up her body, I toyed with both of her nipples as I finally tasted her. It was then, when I took a rough lick up her entire pussy that Bella jolted awake.

Neither of us said anything as our eyes met, Bella’s wide and shocked for only a moment before they darkened and rolled back into her head. Her entire body, which had tensed as she woke, relaxed back into the bed which I took as my cue to continue.

I knew her body better than I knew my own. I knew what spots would get me the best moans, and I knew exactly how to draw out her release to drive her the right amount of crazy.

Bella rolled her hips with her entire body, her hands coming up and covering mine on top of her breasts. I gave them each one last pinch before interlocking our hand together on the bed beside her. With each lick, with every flick of my tongue, Bella’s hands squeezed mine in a silent form of communication. For every squeeze I got, I gave her one in return. Each one saying something different; _I love you, more, yes_.

Her moans became more desperate as I circled her clit with a light pressure, so I pulled one of my hands away and started to steadily fuck her with two fingers. With her back arched, almost violently, I knew she was almost there.

Tearing my mouth away from her, I leaned over her body, my lips at her ear. “Now,” I grunted out, pressing her clit with my thumb and feeling her instantly come on my fingers. All of that paled to the look on her face, the one of complete and utter pleasure.

As Bella started to relax back into the sheets, her breathing still heavy, I kissed her softly before getting out of bed.

“W-what are you doing?”

“I’ve got to meet Emmett,” I said, turning around to smirk at her. My gaze darkened as I did, though, because she had removed the flimsy silk and was now completely naked. Just waiting for me.

“But, what about…” Instead of finishing her thought, Bella’s eyes darted down to my very obvious erection. This woman was a conundrum. One second I’ve got my head buried between her legs, and the next she blushes because I caught her staring at me.

Reaching a hand out to her, Bella took it immediately. I pulled her to my chest, groaning as soon as she rubbed against my very hard problem. “As much as I would love to completely devour you right now, I _do_ have to go.”

Bella followed me into the closet as I changed out of the suit I had been in for about fourteen hours. I pulled on jeans and a button down because I had no clue what kind of trouble Emmett was going to get us in tonight.

As I turned to leave, Bella stood in front of me and roughly pulled me down to her level for a passionate kiss. With her lips at my ear she whispered, “I’ll return the favor later.”

_…Dark…_

“What brought on this most recent bout of immaturity?”

Emmett, Jasper, and I were currently sitting in Jasper’s casino at a private table and had been here for about four hours. Emmett had lost thousands of dollars, because he sucked at poker, but the smile never left his face.

“Rose wants to have another kid.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Jasper asked, folding.

“No, I love Alec. Having kids is… surreal, you know?”

No. I didn’t. Never would. But that was okay.

“Shit. I didn’t mean –“

I held up my hand to stop him. “It’s fine.”

“They’re just a lot of work. I thought I should have at least one more wild birthday before I’m a dad of _two_.”

I nodded. “Well, you have impeccable timing. A party is much needed.”

“You and Bella okay?” Jasper sat forward, looking concerned. I waved him off.

“We’re fine. Life has just thrown us a few punches lately. The Swan’s have been a pain in the ass, Call put Bella through the polygraph, and the whole Elena issue… We both just need a fresh start.”

Emmett threw his cards down and I smirked, piling my winnings in front of me. “How the fuck did she ever pass that polygraph?”

“Isabella Cullen is a woman of many talents,” I told him, trying to conceal the embarrassing smile that threatened to take over.

“Fuck it. The bar should be set up by now. Let’s go,” Emmett said throwing his cards down. I took a quick peak at them and noticed he had a shit hand, most likely the main reason for him suddenly wanting to leave.

I was okay with it though. Because Bella was probably already there with Alice and Rose, and she had a favor to return.

As expected, the bar was nearly full to capacity when we arrived, despite it still being early. It was no secret when the Cullen’s were throwing a party, and that meant a crowd. There were cheers as the three of us entered, all directed at Emmett, and I was able to easily slip away as he was pulled into conversation with some of his old college buddies.

She was easy to spot, maybe because I was so attuned to her. She was at the bar, sitting next to a very disgruntled looking Alice. Bella, however, looked anything but upset. Most likely due to the sea of drinks that surrounded her. I did tell her we were letting loose for the night, so it seemed she started without me.

Both women laughed at something as I approached. “I guess I don’t even have to offer to buy you a drink.”

Bella swung around, very nearly falling off of her bar stool. I kept my hands on her waist as she straightened herself out. “No, I have plenty of drinks. Would you like one?”

I grabbed what looked like a scotch out from the pile. “Why on earth do you have so many?”

“Well, apparently I’m very popular among this crowd. Half of them think they can get me to cheat on you. That’s this pile here,” she pushed a large pile of napkins toward me. As I flipped through them, they all had phone numbers on them. “The other half are very thankful that Aro is dead and Viktor Petrov is gone. That’s where most of the drinks come in.”

It didn’t matter that it had been years since the Aro incident. Still, whenever I took Bella out to any kind of Chicago-based function we ran into someone that subtly thanked her. Of course here, at Emmett’s party, most of the guests would be aware of just how much trouble Aro caused them and their families. That, I could live with.

It was this large stack of phone numbers that frustrated me. “Have you been having fun flirting with other men, Isabella?”

Bella gasped and turned to me, again nearly falling over. I grabbed her by her waist and took the moment to look at her. She was in a black slip of a dress, edged with lace. The black leather jacket covered the inked skin of her arms, then I got to her legs. Covered in fucking thigh-high boots. No wonder she had a stack of twenty phone numbers.

“No! The first one came up and I scared him off, then Alice said I should see how many I could get before –“

I cut her off with a searing kiss. Because all of those men could leave their numbers and hope she would call, but I knew the truth. She was mine, and I was hers.

“I’m sorry. Really, most of them just dropped the napkin and left. I didn’t flirt or anything. I don’t even really know _how_ to flirt. You’re supposed to bat your eyelashes or twirl your hair, right? There was no hair twirling, but I probably blinked a time or two –“

“It’s okay, Bella. I was kidding. Mostly.” I took the stack of numbers and dunked them in one of the many drinks surrounding her. In my mind, I could hear the sighs of frustration of men around the room.

“Besides, it’s all Alice’s fault. She told me to, then she said I had to drink for me _and_ her because she can’t.”

“God, I forgot how fun a drunk Bella was,” Jasper said, smirking from his spot next to Alice.

Bella twisted at the sound of his voice, apparently unaware of his presence. “Jasper! Would you like a drink? I’ve got a few.” She laughed at her own joke and pushed a pink drink topped with an umbrella toward Jasper.

“Bella I –“

“Drink it. We can’t let it go to waste,” Bella said, pushing an empty glass away from her and pulling another one, what looked like a martini, toward her.

I grabbed it before she could take a sip. “How about some water for now?” The night was about letting go, but it seemed she had already let go quite a lot. I didn’t want her sick in the morning.

“Who will drink all of my drinks, then?” She looked genuinely worried, her eyes wide, looking over the collection she had in front of her.

“Someone will drink them, I promise.”

Bella sighed. “Okay. I’ll have a water, Steve.”

The bartender, Steve apparently, smiled and quickly set a large glass of water in front of her. A couple of women brushed past us then, one of them saying something about liking the song that was playing.

“Thank you,” Bella replied calmly, taking a sip of her water. Alice and Jasper gave her matching looks of confusion. “I wrote it. About you.” Bella accentuated her point by tapping me on the nose.

_We were never supposed to make it half this far. And I lived so much life, lived so much life. I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice._

There was no stopping the grin that crossed my face at hearing my wife’s words. I would have preferred hearing her sing them, but this was better than nothing. I sat next to her, taking another drink from her stash, and watched her talk with Alice and Jasper about the song, and telling them the others she had written that they may have heard of.

As the night wore on, we _did_ finish all of Bella’s drinks. I managed to get Bella a little more lucid and coordinated, but still happily drunk. It was nearing midnight when I succeeded in pulling her out to dance with me. The name of the song playing was a mystery to me, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was the way Bella’s uninhibited mind let her roll her hips into mine without caring who was watching.

“I’m assuming you, Emmett, or Jasper own this place?” she whispered in my ear, barely audible over the sound of the music and crowd.

“This is one of my establishments, yes.”

“You have an office here then?” There was no need to question why she wanted an office as her hand reached between us and gave my uncomfortably hard cock a squeeze.

Instead of answering I pulled her away from the crowd, down the back hall that lead to a few small offices. My office was practically empty save for a desk and a chair. I had owned this place for years and it practically ran itself.

As soon as the door was closed behind us Bella had her hands fumbling with my belt. Her lips were at my neck as she worked and I pulled her as close as possible, trailing my hands up the smooth skin of her legs.

“I really am sorry about the phone numbers,” she mumbled against my jaw. “I didn’t –“

“I know.” My wife was beyond attractive. It was rare that she was out without me, so men took advantage of it.

“I’d be pissed if the situation was reversed. I’m sorry.”

She didn’t need to apologize, had nothing to make up for. But still, I whispered, “How are you going to make it up to me?”

With that, she dropped to her knees and returned the favor from this afternoon.

By the time we got back to the party, the crowd had thinned a little. I caught Emmett’s eye, waving as Bella and I made our way out. She stumbled a bit as I pulled her down the sidewalk as opposed toward the waiting car but asked no questions.

“This is nice,” she sighed, leaning into me as my arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“That’s because you’re drunk.”

“No. Well, yes. But not so much anymore. It’s just nice to be _us_ for a while and not have to worry about a million other things.”

“Yes, it is.” I understood completely. It was the whole reason I wanted us to relax tonight.

I stopped walking, halting Bella as well. She looked up at me with an arched brow. “I thought we would stay here tonight.” _Here_ was my newest residential project. An upscale apartment compound in the heart of the city. All completely booked up.

“What is this?” Bella asked, walking toward the door. The architecture outside was beautiful, everything about this location was gorgeous. Mostly because I had everything modeled after my wife.

The entire place was designed to be warm and inviting, the colors and furniture in the lobby all welcoming guests in with open arms. But, at the same time, there was an undeniable air of elegance to everything.

Bella froze as I swung open the door for her, finally catching the name etched on the glass door. _The Isabella._

“You named a hotel after me?” she asked, looking up at me with complete and utter shock on her face.

“I named what will be the highest rated, five star apartment complex and spa after you.” It had been a project in the making for years. We had the penthouse suite, of course, so I thought today would be the perfect day to show it to her. The other residents wouldn’t open for a few more weeks, but our penthouse was ready.

Bella took everything in, her head twisting in every direction as I walked her over to the elevator. She was fidgety for a few moments as the elevator started moving, then out of nowhere I was pressed against the back wall. After a second to recover, I turned the tables so Bella was pressed into the corner. Somehow, during the whole thing, our lips never parted.

My hands slid up the dress that had been teasing me all night, squeezing the soft skin of her thighs. The ones that were wrapped around my head his morning. We both groaned as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open.

I had been here many times, of course, so I watched Bella’s reactions to everything more than I paid attention to our actual surroundings. Her hands slid over the creamy marble countertops in the kitchen and she sat on the plush couch in the living room for a minute.

When we got to the master suite, Bella sat down on the small bench at the end of the bed. This room was my favorite. The dark mocha of the walls contrasted nicely with the creamy linens on the bed. Everything about it was comforting, inviting.

“Why’d you name it The Isabella?”

“Because you’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

No matter how many times I had said something similar, Bella always got the same look on her face when I did. A mixture of awe and shock, maybe a little confusion. In a flurry of motion, we ended up naked and intertwined in the middle of the bed.

I enjoyed the view as Bella rolled on top of me, chest to chest. She sank down on my length and we both moaned at the connection. With Bella leaning over me, one hand on my chest and the other gripping the headboard behind us, I had the perfect view of her; eyes wild as she concentrated on her movements, chest heaving with heavy breaths, her entire being was wrapped around me.

This woman was mine in every way, but it was never enough. I would never tire of her skin under my fingertips, and I would never get enough of the taste of her lips. There would never be a time where seeing her move above me and use my body for her pleasure didn’t remind me that I was a lucky bastard.

_…Dark…_

“Your five o’clock is here, Mr. Cullen.”

My five o’clock. Elena Rossi. I still couldn’t decide how I felt about the woman. “Send her in.”

Leaning back in my chair, I rubbed my hands over my face, already exhausted by the thirteen hours of work I had put in so far today. Thankfully this was the last thing I needed to do before I could go home.

I never even heard the door open, only the slight squeak of the chair opposite of me as she sat down. Quiet as a mouse, just like her daughter.

Sitting up, I stood and held my hand out to her. “Elena.”

“Mr. Cullen,” she responded, obviously nervous. Her voice was shaking slightly, and she had a deep blush covering her cheeks.

“Edward, please.”

My politeness surprised me, but the second her blush deepened I understood where it came from. She reminded me too much of Bella. Her blush, her nerves, the shaky hands. All things I knew how to calm in my wife. I had to put that part of my mind in check, I couldn’t let it distract me from the task at hand.

“What do you really want from my wife?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to know she was happy. If she doesn’t want to see me again, I understand.”

“She wants to see you again. She’s longed for a mother that cares about her, her entire life. If you’re just here for now, or if you want money or notoriety then you need to tell me now. I won’t have you breaking my wife’s heart again.”

Elena sat back, staring at me for an inconceivable amount of time. She was going to ask me for money, and then she was going to be gone. Fuck, I never should have given Bella her letter in the first place.

“I don’t want anything from her. I just want to know her,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

I watched as her head fell, her dark hair falling from behind her ear, and I started to understand where all of the good in Bella came from. It wasn’t from Aro, and it wasn’t from the Swan’s. Maybe Elena was simply a good kid who had gotten in with the wrong crowd and didn’t have the strength to save herself.

“She’s a wonderful woman,” I told her, catching her off guard. “Don’t hurt her.”

“Thank you for taking care of her. It’s obvious how… connected you two are. She moves, you move. You know she needs something before she does. And I just spent one dinner with the two of you.”

I smiled. “I’m a very lucky man.” Sobering up, I continued. “But, if you hurt her, there will be consequences.” I didn’t want to scare the woman off, but I needed her to understand.

“I know. She’s worth the risk.”

Fucking hell. Someone else finally got it. Maybe Elena Rossi wasn’t such a pain after all.

“Yes,” I agreed. “She is.”

_…Dark…_

“Your wife is here, Mr. Cullen.”

“Excellent. If you’ll excuse me.” Nodding to the room full of associates, I followed Jessica out of the boardroom and met Bella sitting in my office.

“Were you in a meeting? I thought you said two,” Bella said, looking at the watch on her wrist. I smiled, looking at it myself. She had made exceptional progress, wearing more jewelry on her wrists and not being bothered by it in the slightest.

“I did. Come with me.” Wrapping an arm around her waist, I led her to the boardroom. She faltered for a second, seeing the faces surrounding her, but never backed down.

“Isabella, this is the board of directors for Cullen Productions. You’ve met most of them before.” She politely shook everyone’s hand, still looking at me skeptically out of the corner of her eyes. “With the chairman of the board finally here, we can begin.”

“Oh, who?” Bella asked, looking up at me as I led her to the head of the table.

“You,” I whispered, holding her chair out for her.

“Um,” she sat and looked around as I took my spot next to her. “The chairman –“

“Simply put, is the most powerful person in the company,” I told her.

“But I –“

“Know more about films and have more experience in this industry than everyone in this room combined.”

“Oh, but –“

“You have the maximum shares of the company. You came to me with the idea, I simply did the legwork of getting it off of the ground.” Of course, I left out the part where I would be using the company to launder money throughout the country, but she already knew that. And was surprisingly unfazed by it.

After that, Bella thawed a bit during the meeting. Eventually she got into intense conversation with everyone about the direction the company should go, who we should work with and whatnot. It was phenomenal, watching her in her element and hearing her discuss the company. There was no doubt in my mind that she would make sure it was a success.

“You could have warned me,” Bella grumbled as we retreated to the privacy of my office hours later. We sat in the lounge area, resting after the meeting.

“Where would be the fun in that?”

“I’m still not sure –“

“ _I’m_ sure. You’re already proving yourself to everyone. You can do this.”

There was no more arguing after that. Bella sat with me for a while, going over the notes she had taken during the meeting while I finished up some last-minute things. I still had a surprise or two for the new Chairman.

We walked hand in hand out of the office, Bella veering toward the parking garage while I pulled her in the opposite direction.

“What are you doing?”

“Come,” I said, giving her hand a squeeze and pulling her closer. We walked in silence for a while, enjoying the busy streets of Chicago. It still irked me, the amount of stares we got as we were simply walking, and the number of people I saw scramble for their phones as we passed. Bella was either a master at avoiding it, or far too used to the reaction.

“I don’t understand how you have so much confidence in me,” Bella said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Why wouldn’t I have confidence in you?”

“I only have a high school degree. I don’t know what a chairman even does. I read lines for a living –“

“No. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you manipulate for a living. That’s why you’ll be exceptional. You know what you want, and you know how to get other people to do it for you. If I wasn’t absolutely sure you could handle this, I would have given you a smaller role. Don’t worry so much.”

Bella barked out a laugh. “Okay, Pot. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Kettle.”

“I have to worry so much so you don’t have to.”

She rolled her eyes, so I reached down and pinched her delectable ass. We finally arrived at the second surprise. Bella bumped into me as I cut her off to open the door to the restaurant we were passing. Her embarrassed blush as she walked in had me shaking my head at her odd bouts of shyness.

Shouts of surprise and congratulations echoed as we entered. We had a private room for dinner, but that didn’t stop our family from accosting us at the front door. Once everyone had embarrassed her enough, we started toward our private room. We were nearly there when a solid hand landed on my shoulder.

“Why weren’t we invited to the party? We’re family, after all.”

Carefully pushing Bella behind me as I turned, I came face to face with the four people who were able to call themselves her half-siblings. Fuck, it never felt right to even think of her as one of them.

“Brave of you to show your faces in this town, don’t you think?” I asked, squeezing Bella’s hand behind my back, a silent plea for her to keep quiet though I knew it was wishful thinking.

“Odd of you to choose the… ugly step sister over the both of us, don’t you think?” Tanya spat out.

“Pathetic of you both to still be holding on to a crush on him, don’t you think?” Bella stepped out from behind me, winding her arms around mine and gripping my bicep. I didn’t have to look to know her multi-million dollar wedding rings would be on display for the two jealous harpies to see.

Demetri eyed me, and I knew the mostly-harmless banter was coming to an end. “At least none of us have committed patricide.”

There was an almost comical gasp from the women in the family behind us. Bella stood still next to me. “You’ve all said what you wanted. We know you’re as petty as ever, you can leave.”

“Our families used to be close to an understanding, Edward. Then you and this bitch come along and she –“ Demetri stopped talking as he felt the cool barrel of my glock against his abdomen. Jasper and Emmett stepped forward, forming a wall around us so that none of the surrounding patrons could see what was happening. Jasper tried to pull Bella away from me, but she didn’t budge.

“I believe you owe my wife an apology.”

“Christ, Edward get a fucking grip.”

“Apologize and you won’t leave here in an ambulance.”

“I’m sorry… _sis_.” His tone was anything but sincere, but it was as good as it was going to get.

“Now get the fuck out of here.” 


	15. Ride

_Don’t break me down, I’ve been traveling too long. I’ve been trying too hard, with one pretty song. I hear the birds on the summer breeze. I drive fast, I am alone at midnight. Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I, I’ve got a war in my mind. So, I just ride. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Ride**_

**BPOV**

Staring at the group of people in front of me reminded me why I continued to support Renee and Charlie even after everything that had happened. I could have grown up in the shadow of Tanya and Irina, perhaps grown into a woman as egotistical and vain as them. There could have been a time I looked up to Felix and Demetri, helped them scheme against the Cullen family that I had grown up hating. 

I squeezed Edward’s arm, reveling in the solid muscle under my hand.

“Apologize and you won’t leave here in an ambulance.”

Yes, my husband had a gun pointed at my half-brother in a very crowded restaurant, and no, I wasn’t freaking out about it. For some unknown reason.

“I’m sorry… _sis_ ,” Demetri grunted out. A sudden burst of bravery shot through me as I smirked at him. I hadn’t seen any of these people for any length of time in years. It was all Edward’s doing, I was sure, that we never ended up at the same events or gatherings as them. I expected to feel intimidated, assumed I would feel like the ugly step sister just like Tanya said. But, I felt nothing toward any of them. No regret for taking away their father, no longing for a family I could have had. Just annoyance that they’ve caused this scene.

Maybe I was growing up, or maybe I was becoming too used to Edward’s hot temper.

“Now get the fuck out of here.”

We both stood our ground, watching as the four Volturi’s stood theirs. They didn’t want to follow Edward’s orders, that was obvious. Eventually, Tanya and Irina got bored and started backing away, followed by Demetri. Felix lingered.

“He won’t always be around to save you,” was the last thing he said before he left as well. The words left a knot in my stomach. Logically, they seemed to be a threat toward me; Edward wouldn’t be around to save me from them. But the way he said it, the way his dark eyes cut to Edward next to me… it was like he was threatening to take him away from me.

“I made you a promise,” I shouted after him. Felix turned, frowning. “Don’t make me follow through with it.”

There was very little that I remembered of Edward’s funeral, but I clearly remembered my run in with Felix that afternoon. _Once I’m out, I will have absolutely nothing left to lose. I will spend every second of the rest of my life hunting you and your brother down. I will stop at nothing until I have your blood on my hands._

Felix seemed to remember, too, though my reminder didn’t have quite the effect I wanted it to have. He barked out a laugh as he left the restaurant with his siblings.

“What did you promise him?” Edward asked, pulling my focus from the closing door, but I couldn’t meet his eyes. “ _When_ did you promise him anything?”

Shaking my head, I followed the rest of our family into our private dining room. There were balloons covering the ceiling and streamers all over. I gave Alice and Rosalie the best smile I could manage, and sat down, still keeping my gaze away from Edward.

Edward sat next to me. “Isabella.”

“Edward,” I pleaded, hoping he would drop the subject.

“When have you ever communicated with him when I wasn’t there?” Edward sounded genuinely confused, which made the whole thing so much worse.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I replied. “He came up to me at your funeral and I told him that once I got out I wouldn’t stop until I had his blood on my hands.”

Everyone was silent. Thankfully only the adults were in attendance tonight so none of the children had to hear all of this. A waiter entered and filled six wine glasses in complete silence. All eyes were on me as he left.

“Maybe it wasn’t the smartest move to threaten him today, but I’m not going to apologize for the first one.”

I didn’t want to be in the middle of any of this. I didn’t want to have a connection to so many of Edward’s enemies. There was nothing that filled me with more dread than thinking of having to plan something like I did with Aro.

“When did he approach her at the funeral?” Alice whispered, probably to Rosalie.

“Carlisle told you to keep an eye on her,” Edward grunted toward Jasper.

“I never left her side. She wanted to –“

“I stayed in the church as everyone was leaving,” I grunted, trying my hardest to keep myself out of the dark hole of unpleasant memories. Still, images of the casket I thought once held my husband’s body still flashed through my mind. I tried to sit and ignore the stares from everyone around the table. Everyone but Jasper was waiting for me to explain why I waited, but I couldn’t.

“Excuse me.” Standing from the table, I got out of the stifling room as fast as I could. The women’s restroom was, thankfully, empty when I rushed in. Leaning over the counter, I gripped the edges to steady myself.

There were plenty of past memories that I knew would haunt me my entire life, but none were as strong as the day I attended my husband’s funeral, none still felt like such fresh wounds.

The door swung open and I tensed, quickly wiping the tears that had slid down my cheeks. It wasn’t another woman coming in, though. It was Edward, standing there looking like someone had just gutted him.

“You sat in that church for an extra hour so my body wouldn’t be alone.”

It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t reply.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that’s when he talked to you.”

“I don’t like talking about it.”

Edward slowly inched his way toward me until we were face to face. Well, face to chest with our height difference. The feather-light touch as his thumbs wiped over my tears made more and more follow.

“It’s okay.”

“Can we just go home?” I whispered, my exhaustion overtaking the guilt at abandoning my own celebration.

“Of course.”

In typical Edward fashion, we were home within the hour, even with the excess Chicago traffic. Half an hour after we were in bed. I laid next to Edward and watched as his eyes drooped and his breathing evened out. All night I watched him, saw his eyes move beneath his closed lids, watched the shadows cross his face as the light faded in the room.

I never slept, because every time I closed my eyes I saw the scene of his funeral, the black casket sitting next to the large portrait of Edward. Watching him, I knew. He might not like it, but I knew if something actually happened to him I would do whatever it took to take down whoever was responsible for it.

_…Dark…_

I had an office. A big, fancy office with three windowed walls and a large oak desk. There were built in shelves in the far corner and a comfortable couch opposite of that. It was mostly empty when Edward first showed it to me last week, save for the blanket thrown over the couch and the two awards sitting on my desk, the ones that I had put in Edward’s office.

He told me they belonged in here, but I quickly put them back in his. It was no surprise that the five different sized cubbies at the top of the shelves were the perfect size for five of my most prized possessions. From my home office, I brought a Grammy, SAG, BAFTA, Globe, and Oscar.

It had only been a week since we really started working on the production company, but I loved every second of it. I still didn’t quite know what my official role entailed, and I didn’t want to step on any toes, but people came to my office with film proposals and I got to read scripts and talk with potential directors and it was wonderful.

There was also the bonus that the Cullen Productions office was on the floor directly below Edward’s office. Yes, things were very good after a very disastrous start.

“Beautiful as ever, Mrs. Cullen.”

Looking up, Edward was standing in the doorway; dark grey suit, bronze hair sticking in every direction.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve got to fly out to New York tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.” I couldn’t help but pout. “Would you like to come with me?”

I sighed. “You know I can’t, Alice has her baby shower tomorrow morning.”

“I’m headed to the airport. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Don’t work too hard,” Edward smirked, coming over and pulling me into a quick hug. Well, he tried to make it quick, I held on for as long as he let me.

“I’ll miss you,” I sighed, resting my head against his chest.

Warm hands traveled along my waist, giving me a comforting squeeze. “I won’t be gone long.” I squeaked as he lifted me so I was sitting on my desk and stood between my legs. “Then, tomorrow night, you’re all mine.” With that, his lips covered mine in a kiss that left me panting.

“That was cruel,” I gasped as Edward smirked down at me.

“I’ll make up for it tomorrow. I love you.” One last chaste kiss and he turned and left.

“Love you,” I shouted after him, smiling as he turned and smirked from the hall.

Collapsing back in my chair, I knew working was out of the question now. It was getting late so I packed up my stuff and headed out with Ben.

I hated being home alone. I knew better than to think I was actually alone, Ben and Eric were always in the house along with a few other members of Edward’s security team. But still, I was alone as I got ready for bed, and alone as I fell asleep. It was all too similar to the night of the Aro incident, which was probably what led to my nightmare.

It was that night, but I wasn’t the one in the bed, waiting for his attack. I was watching the scene like a movie. Edward was the one in the bed, the one who had Aro’s hands around his neck. It was him who fought him off, who ended up in a standoff, both with guns pointed at the other.

I jerked awake just as they both shot.

Rolling over in the bed I checked the clock and saw it was only five in the morning. It was six for Edward, though. I blindly reached for my phone on the bedside table and dialed his number. He answered on the first ring.

“Is everything alright?”

_My little worrier._ “Hello to you, too.”

“Hello, Bella,” he said, a smile in his voice. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m okay. Just a bad dream.”

“Will you be okay at Alice’s baby shower?” he asked, obviously worried. We weren’t around when Rose was pregnant, so I missed out on all of it. This time there was no escaping baby Whitlock and all of the celebrations that went with it.

“Yes. I’ll be fine,” I told him, and it was the truth. I was actually kind of excited about it. I had never been to a baby shower before. “When will you be back?”

“I should be able to leave here around noon. I’ll be home by one thirty.”

“Good. I missed you last night,” I whispered, feeling slightly pathetic that one night away from him affected me so much. There was some static on the other end and a few muffled voices.

“I’ve got to go, baby. I’ll see you this afternoon, okay?”

“Okay,” I sighed. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

The line went dead.

_…Dark…_

Alice’s living room looked like a pink paint can exploded. There were streamers and balloons and fucking sparkles on everything. There was no way anyone would mistakenly think she was having a boy. I had been looking forward to the morning; talking with Alice, watching her open all of her gifts, but for some reason the second I got here I felt off.

I set my gift down on the large gift table, a few outfits Alice had specifically asked for. God knows I wasn’t qualified enough to pick out a baby shower gift on my own. I had absolutely zero knowledge on what a baby or mother needed.

Alice had an ungodly amount of friends. I had never heard half of their names before, but there were fifty women here. Fifty. And nearly every one of them had given me a once over by the time I walked through the living room.

I wandered into the kitchen, rolling my eyes at the bright pink cake sitting on the counter. _At some point, there is enough pink, Alice._

“Thank you, Jasper,” I mumbled to myself, spotting a beer in the back of the fridge. I wasn’t big on beer, but I needed something to get through this afternoon. Socializing had never really been my thing. I had my group of close friends, and that was it. I wouldn’t have fifty women I cared about enough to invite to one of these things.

“Oh, hi Bella,” Maggie stuttered, blushing as she entered the kitchen.

“Are you escaping, too?”

“God, yes. There’s just… so much pink.”

Maggie and I hid out in the kitchen for a while, listening to the gushing from the other room as a new guest showed up. We talked about her schooling and she asked me about the production company. It was a nice, quiet bubble for us for a while.

“There you two are! Maggie, why don’t you go chat for a bit with some of the guests?”

Maggie slunk off, obviously not excited about having to go face the wolves. I smiled at Alice, dressed in pink head to toe.

“So, when’s he due?” I asked with a smirk.

Alice playfully rolled her eyes at me. “It’s traditional, Bella. Girls equal pink!”

“No one will forget the gender of your baby, that’s for damn sure.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something important,” Alice said, walking over to the back door that was attached to the kitchen. She opened it and Jasper slunk in.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, unsure about why Jasper was here.

“Yeah, we just… had something exciting to tell you,” Alice told me, nearly bouncing out of her skin.

“Well, if you haven’t noticed, we’re having a girl,” Jasper said, and I nearly snorted beer out of my nose. “We have a name all picked out, if you approve.”

I frowned. Why would I have to approve it? “I’m sure its lovely.”

“We were thinking of naming her Delilah Isabella Whitlock.”

_Delilah Isabella Whitlock._ “You – You’re – You want to name your daughter after me?”

“I think of you like a sister, Bella, and you kept our family together during some tough times. You’re a strong, independent woman… the list goes on. We’d both really love it if we could name our daughter after you.”

“Oh, I’m a mess,” I blurted out. “Really, like ninety percent of the time I’m a fucking mess.”

They both just laughed at me. “You’re… chaotic good,” Jasper said.

I shook my head, still shocked at the whole thing. “You really want to name your daughter after me?” I whispered, my throat becoming uncomfortably tight.

They both nodded.

Fuck, now I was crying.

We all hugged, multiple times, Alice and I staring at each other crying. She at least had the excuse of the pregnancy hormones running through her for the tears.

It was when I was sitting between Alice and Rosalie as she opened gifts that I got that uneasy feeling again. Shaking my head, I forced myself to focus on the festivities in front of me. When about half of the gifts were open, there was a firm grip on my shoulder. Looking up, I saw Ben hovering.

“We have a situation, Mrs. Cullen,” he whispered to me.

My heart stopped, then started beating in overtime. I checked my watch as I followed Ben out of the room, two thirty. How was it already two thirty?

Ben stopped when we were alone in the foyer. He just looked at me for a second and I felt it in my gut, the feeling I had all day.

“Where is he?” I asked him, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Being airlifted to Northwestern Memorial Hospital. The plane made a crash landing about half an hour outside of the city.”

“Jesus Christ.”

Plane crash. Edward. Edward. Plane crash. My head was spinning, unable to focus on a single thought for longer than a second.

“What – who – do you know anything about his… condition?” He had to be alive, right? If he was being flown to a hospital, he was alive.

“No, just that he’s about ten minutes away from the hospital right now.”

Fuck, we were at least thirty minutes away from the hospital here. “I’ve got your things. We should go,” Ben said, already pulling me toward the door.

Once we were in the car and I was forced to sit still I couldn’t figure anything out. How did Ben know all of this? What caused the crash landing? What were the extent of Edward’s injuries? Was he conscious, did he need surgery? _He was in a plane crash, odds are he’s not making small talk with the EMTs._

Halfway to the hospital I realized my entire body was shaking. I wasn’t cold, but I was pretty sure I was in shock. The worst realization came when Ben said nothing. There were no comforting words coming from him because he wasn’t going to lie to me. He didn’t know any more than what he told me, and what he told me was anything but comforting.

As Ben parked the car, I realized I had to pull myself together, at least for the next few minutes. I needed answers and walking in there looking like a mess wouldn’t get me anywhere. _Answers, then panic._

I didn’t wait for Ben to tell me where to go, I just stormed in the nearest door. There was a nurses station right at the entrance.

“Edward Cullen,” I said, my voice surprisingly sharp. The nurse frowned up at me. “Where is Edward Cullen? He was airlifted here.”

She typed something into her computer. “I’m sorry. We don’t have any patient with the name Cullen.”

“Yes,” I replied. “You do. _Edward Cullen_.”

“Ma’am –“

“Mrs. Cullen, this way,” Doctor Banner said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

Ben and I followed him down the hall, but he said nothing as we walked. I gave him ten seconds of silence before I grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop.

“Where is my husband?”

“Let us talk in –“

“Where is my husband?” I repeated, barely keeping my voice from cracking. I couldn’t take not knowing anymore.

“He arrived here seventeen minutes ago and was taken straight to an operating room. On first glance he looks to have a broken leg and some fractured ribs, a concussion is also likely. The most threatening issue he has are two pieces of shrapnel imbedded in his abdomen. He has likely lost a lot of blood and with the position of the injury…”

Banner stopped talking, trailing off like I was supposed to know what he was trying to say. “What?” I snapped.

“It is possible it injured some internal organs, but the surgeons just started. It’ll take time before we have a more concrete prognosis.”

“But… he’s going to be okay.”

“Mrs. Cullen, your husband has very extensive injuries. We’ll need to wait until we hear more from the surgeons before we know anything concrete.”

“I don’t… understand,” I whispered. “You should know more, right? I mean, you should know what organs are injured before you cut him open. You should be able to tell me what’s wrong with him. That’s your fucking job. Why don’t you –“

“Bella, stop,” Jasper was suddenly beside me, pulling me away from Doctor Banner.

“No.” I pulled away from him, now furious at everyone around me. “He won’t tell me the truth!”

“Bella, he’s told you all that he knows. We just have to wait.”

“ _No_ ,” I pleaded, even though it was obviously a losing battle. Jasper pulled me into a private waiting room, probably where Banner was originally taking us. “I need to see him. I need to know.”

“You’ll be the first to know, Bella.”

Jasper led me to a chair in the far corner of the room. I fell into it, unable to keep myself upright any longer. The second I sat down it was like everything stopped. There was no energy left in my body, nothing else I could do except sit and cry and remember.

_…Dark…_

_I didn’t just invite random men to my house, never had a one-night stand or a casual relationship. But now, I was sitting in my bed, naked, while Edward Cullen showered. The day had been surreal from him actually showing up to dinner with his family. It felt like it should feel weird, but it didn’t. It felt undeniably good to have him here._

_He was sweet and kind and made me feel normal for the first time in years. The ensuite door opened, startling me from my thoughts as Edward walked out covered only in a towel. Yes, he was also the most attractive man I had ever seen._

_I pulled the sheet closer to myself, suddenly uncomfortable, but Edward frowned at the motion. His eyes never left me as he let the towel fall from his hips. My eyes, however, widened and I felt my cheeks flame. I couldn’t stop myself from ogling him._

_“I must say, Miss Swan, after everything we’ve done today I would have thought the blush would fade.” Just like that, he eased all of my nerves. He got into bed next to me, and I quickly situated myself in his arms. His scent surrounded me, his warmth penetrated my pores. It didn’t matter that I had only known him for such a short time. Everything about him made me feel safe._

_…Dark…_

_I pulled Edward through the house, finally stumbling into one of the restrooms. This was Esme Cullen’s house, so the guest bathroom was nearly as big as the room I grew up in. With the door closed behind us, I smiled up at my husband._ Husband!

_“What’s with the quick escape?” he asked, smirking down at me._

_“You’re my husband,” I whispered to him, like it was a big secret. It wasn’t, of course. We had just gotten married in front of our families and friends. It just didn’t seem real._

_“You’re my wife,” he replied, the biggest smile I had ever seen on his face. Careful of my dress, he lifted me to sit on the marble counter. “Fuck, I can’t believe you’re mine.”_

_Edward kissed down my neck and across the skin left exposed along my chest. They were the softest, most reverent kisses that made my eyes water. When I couldn’t take it anymore I pulled his face away and trailed my own kisses along his chin and cheeks, up his nose and in his hair._

_“I love you, Edward Cullen.”_

_“I love you, Isabella Cullen.”_

_…Dark…_

_I sat in the shower, letting the water drown out the sound of my tears. Flashes of the nightmare were engrained in my mind; Edward’s dead body, his funeral, his death. I couldn’t get rid of them, because they were all things I had actually lived through, too. This nightmare was different though, because in it Ben dropped me off on the island and I was still alone._

_Logically, I knew Edward was fine now. He was asleep next to me when I woke up from my nightmare. But that didn’t stop the panic from rising up, taking over all of my senses. What if that hadn’t been the case? What if I had to live a life without him?_

_I didn’t hear the shower door slide open, just felt Edward’s hand as he cupped my cheek. He knelt down in front of me, still dressed in the boxers he was sleeping in._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“I love you,” I told him._

_He frowned. “Then why are you crying?”_

_“Because you could have died. And I can’t handle that, Edward. I can’t lose you.”_

_“Hey,” he said, pushing my chin up so I had to look at him. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” With his other hand, Edward grabbed mine and placed it on his bare chest, right over his heart._

_“Please don’t leave me,” I begged, crawling into his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck._

_“I’ll never leave you, baby.”_

_…Dark…_

Edward would never leave me, not if he had a choice. That was the problem now, his choice had gotten taken away from him. _But who took it?_

A knocking made me jump. My eyes were sore as I opened them and looked around. Everyone surrounded me in the small room; Emmett was sitting with Rosalie opposite of me, and Alice and Jasper were standing at the window.

Doctor Banner walked in, but I couldn’t read his face. It was completely neutral.

“We don’t have much more information for you. He’s still in surgery and will be for at least four or five more hours according to the surgeon.”

“Is that all you can tell us, Doctor?” Esme rushed in, followed closely by Carlisle. I half listened as Banner gave him the same information he told me when I first got here.

For some reason, Esme’s worry made me furious. She hadn’t talked to Edward in months. She didn’t care about his happiness, she cared about his status. It was infuriating, watching her act as the concerned mother.

When Banner was gone and the family was alone, Esme turned to me. “Are you happy?”

“Excuse me?”

“With Edward out of the way, you’ll get everything. His money, his business, his legacy, all yours. Another thing to add to your precious reputation.”

I didn’t think, just lunged. Unfortunately, Emmett was too close and managed to get a hold of me before I touched Esme.

“Don’t talk about him like he’s dead!” I shouted at her, struggling against Emmett’s hold on me.

“Bella, stop,” Emmett said, backing me across the room.

I stopped struggling, exhausted again. Esme took a seat across the room, talking quietly with Carlisle. I had to ignore her. There were more important things to focus on. Like who tried to take Edward away from me.

Looking over at Jasper, standing with Alice, and then back at Emmett still in front of me I knew they would know. “Can I talk with you two, alone?”

Without waiting for an answer, I walked out, nearly bumping into a nurse as she walked down the hall. They both followed me, and I found an empty patient room down the hall.

“Who did it?” I asked the moment we were alone.

“Bella –“

“There’s no way it was an accident. You know. I know you do.”

“Felix and Demetri, but under the orders of Petrov.”

“Do you have them?”

“We’re not talking about this, Bella. You’re not doing anything.” Emmett saw right through me. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Where are they?”

“It might make her feel better, knowing they’re locked up,” Jasper offered.

“Locked up? The police have them?”

Emmett sighed. “No. They’re in a steel shipping container, in a junk yard outside of town. We’ll take care of them, Bella.”

“Now? You’re going to get rid of them now, right?”

They both hesitated. _Fuck, no_.

“We wait to see what Edward wants to do.”

“Edward is going to be in surgery for five hours. They tried to kill him. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just – “

“Because Edward would want to make the call.”

Edward would want… No, I didn’t believe that. “When I was shot he chased the fucker for a month, wanted them dead immediately.”

“Bella, it’s different. There are protocols to follow, things that need to be taken into consideration.”

“That’s bullshit,” I exclaimed, rage taking over all of my senses again. “If you won’t do it, I’ll take care of it myself.”

I turned to leave, but Emmett grabbed my arm again. “There is a big difference between planning a murder and killing someone in self-defense, Bella.”

Pulling my arm out of his grasp, I glared at him. “Don’t be so naive, Emmett.”

Both of their eyes widened. They understood what I meant. This wouldn’t be the first time I planned to kill someone.

_…Dark…_

I had to be smarter this time. Think things through. Make sure I didn’t get caught. I needed an alibi. As soon as I left Emmett and Jasper in the empty room, I found Ben. He didn’t need much convincing but agreed that we needed a better plan this time.

Which was why we were currently waiting in another empty patient room. We didn’t talk too much about what we were planning to do. We both looked up as she walked in.

“Are you okay?” Elena asked, looking at me with sad eyes.

“I need to ask you to do something,” I told her. “You can so no. I just… I don’t have anyone else to ask.”

“What is it?”

“I need you to pretend to be me for a while. Ben is going to go tell everyone that I fainted, that I’m resting in here. No one will bother you, Eric will be outside and won’t let anyone in. I just need people to think I’m here for the next few hours.”

“Isabella…”

“Please. I just need an hour or two.”

Elena frowned at me for a minute or two. “Be careful.”

“Thank you,” I breathed out. I pulled up the hoodie that Eric brought me. I had changed into the jeans as we waited for Elena to arrive.

I pulled my hair back and slid the hood over my head as Elena got into the bed. Eric left for a moment, going down the hall to tell everyone what happened. Emmett and Jasper probably wouldn’t believe it, but I didn’t care.

Once Eric was back Ben and I left, a few minutes apart. It was dark outside now. I watched the lights of the city flash by as Ben drove. He stopped at a hardware store and got some supplies. I waited in the car for him.

It felt like my heart was in my throat when we arrived at the junk yard. I sat in the car, looking out at the steel container suddenly unsure. I wanted them gone, but there was a feeling in my gut that was stopping me.

“Edward wouldn’t want me to do this,” I whispered in the dark car. He would tell me it was stupid and dangerous and not my place to take care of it. All of that was true, but at the same time I had this compulsion to take care of it now. I was sad and scared and needed to take it all out on someone.

“No, he wouldn’t,” Ben said quietly. “I can take care of it for you.”

“No, I can’t ask you to do that.”

Fuck, what was I doing? I never should have left the hospital, never should have gotten Elena involved.

It didn’t matter. Getting rid of Felix and Demetri wouldn’t change anything. As much as I wanted it to, it wouldn’t have miraculously cured Edward of his wounds, wouldn’t bring him back to me any quicker.

It was a stupid and reckless idea, but I just needed something to make me feel like I wasn’t waiting for a doctor to shatter my entire world.

“We should go back,” I whispered to Ben, feeling like a complete idiot.

_…Dark…_

The hospital felt different when we returned. Maybe because it was late. I didn’t bother changing back into my other clothes, opting to stay in the jeans and t-shirt that were my ‘disguise’ for the night. I didn’t need an alibi anymore, so it didn’t matter.

After quickly talking with Elena and thanking her for going along with my odd request, I told her she could leave. She didn’t, opting to sit in a waiting room away from the Cullen’s. I didn’t have it in me to analyze the gesture just yet.

I got stares from the whole family as I rejoined them. Emmett looked at me, the question clear on his face. I shook my head slightly and he visibly relaxed. I actively avoided looking in the direction of Carlisle and Esme. I was surprised that Jasper and Alice were gone.

“Alice went into labor,” Rosalie said.

“Shit.” What more could happen in a span of twelve hours?

“Has Banner said anything else?” I asked, collapsing into an uncomfortable chair.

“No.”

Was no news good news? I didn’t know proper hospital etiquette. I should have watched more Grey’s Anatomy.

At the very least, my little excursion with Ben was a good distraction. It was the waiting that was the worst part. Right now, all I could do was picture a masked surgeon with their hands in my husband’s chest. 

I had no sense of time as I sat there. Jasper came by every once in a while, letting us know how Alice was doing. No doctor ever came back to let us know about Edward. It was infuriating and I wanted to find someone in charge and just scream at them, but I felt like I couldn’t move. It felt like my body was frozen, maybe in fear for what the next few hours would bring.

Then, sometime later, Doctor Banner walked in. This time, he was accompanied by another doctor. The surgeon.


	16. VIdeo Games

_It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you. Everything I do, I tell you all the time. Heaven is a place on earth with you, tell me all the things you want to do. I heard that you like the bad girls, honey, is that true? It’s better than I ever even knew, they say that the world was built for two. Only worth living if somebody is loving you. Baby, now you do. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Video Games**_

**EPOV**

_“Get the fuck out of here!”_

_“He’s my son, I have a right to see him when he’s been in a plane crash!”_

_“You’d have the right to see him if you actually cared about him. When was the last time you did something for him without an ulterior motive?”_

_“We had a perfect relationship before you showed up.”_

_“You mean when he was hooked on drugs and doing whatever you said because he didn’t care about himself? Yeah, sounds like a great relationship. Now, get the fuck out.”_

_…Dark…_

_“What did you do, Bella?”_

_“I told you, I didn’t do anything.”_

_“We know you didn’t pass out, you weren’t resting here. Where did you go?”_

_“Just… out.”_

_“Bella.”_

_“I didn’t do anything, Emmett. They’re still there.”_

_“I know, which is what I don’t understand. You were hellbent on going on a fucking murder spree when you left.”_

_“Emmett, please, just –“_

_“What changed?”_

_“He wouldn’t have wanted me to. No matter how badly I wanted to – Edward wouldn’t have wanted me to cross that line. Not again.”_

_…Dark…_

_“I thought it would be better, once you were out of surgery. I know more now, I guess. The doctors were incredibly unhelpful while you were in surgery. No one told me anything. I think I cursed out a nurse, I don’t remember._

_“They say you should be fine now, with a little time to recover. But you’re still not_ awake _. I don’t think I’ll be able to believe them until you wake up, until you tell me you’re okay._

_“I know you’re sedated and you’re supposed to sleep for a while to get better… but don’t stay away too long, okay?”_

_…Dark…_

_Fuck_. Everything hurt. My head was pounding, my chest felt uncomfortably tight, and my right leg felt too heavy. I wanted to open my eyes, but they were too heavy even though it felt like I had been asleep for ages. I was stuck in that spot between being asleep and awake, where it was impossible to move no matter how much you wanted to.

Then, the sweetest voice broke through it all. “Leave me alone, Emmett.”

“You’ve been here for over thirty-six hours, Bella. Go home, get some sleep.”

“I’ve slept.”

“You haven’t left this room in a day.”

“That’s not true. I visited Alice a while ago.”

“Bella, he’s fine.”

“Leave me the fuck alone, Emmett.”

There was some shuffling around the room, and then a door slammed shut. I hoped it was Bella, leaving to get some sleep, but I knew it wasn’t. There were fuzzy memories in my mind; the plane going down, a helicopter ride to the hospital, none of them good memories. With that being the case, I knew Bella wouldn’t leave no matter how many times people told her to.

Then there was a rustling to my left, and I felt her squeeze my hand. “Emmett’s driving me fucking crazy.”

I heard her sigh, and then felt a weight on the bed and some of her hair brush against my arm. “I just need you to wake up so I know you’re okay.”

It took every ounce of energy I had to squeeze her hand.

“Edward?” She sounded so fucking happy and hopeful. I forced my eyes open just enough to make out Bella sitting next to me.

“Hey, baby.” My voice was practically unrecognizable, too rough to really understand.

The longer I kept my eyes open, the easier it was. When I finally got a good look at her, I saw the tears streaming down Bella’s face as she stared at me.

“You’re awake,” she said quietly, almost to herself. She leaned forward, and I got my hopes up for a kiss, but something changed her mind as she stiffened and backed up. “I should get a doctor.”

She was gone for a minute, and then returned with two people in white coats. One was Banner, but I didn’t recognize the other.

“Mr. Cullen, glad to see you’re back with us. I’m Doctor Hartman, the attending surgeon for your case.”

I nodded, unable to do much else. Before he could say anything else, a nurse walked in.

“Oh, sorry, doctor. I was just coming to check the patient’s incisions.”

“What did I say about you coming back in here?” Bella grunted at the girl, her eyes going wide.

“Um, not to.”

“So why the fuck are you here? Where’s Katherine?”

“I don’t – “

“I’ll find her myself. You touch him and I sue this entire fucking hospital.”

I frowned at Bella, unsure where her sudden temper came from. She was always frustratingly nice to everyone she met, no matter their status. She squeezed my hand lightly before heading out, making sure the nursing student followed her.

“Your wife is quite… passionate about your care,” Doctor Hartman said with a wry smile.

My care… I did a quick inventory of my body, noticing the quick shot of pain as I tried to sit up. Looking down I saw my right leg was in a tightly wrapped boot. _Fucking hell._

Bella and another woman, perhaps the Katherine she mentioned earlier, came back as the doctor started talking. I watched Bella as he talked. Her eyes were completely focused on the woman next to me who had started removing bandages from my chest. She was tense and obviously uncomfortable.

“Your right leg has a small fracture. You lucked out with that, we thought it was a much worse break. You’ll just need the boot on for a few weeks, it’ll be much easier to get around than if you had a cast. You’ve got two wounds on your chest, both from shrapnel during the crash. We were able to completely repair all damage caused by it, but you’ll have to be careful of the stitches the next few weeks. There is some bruising on your ribs, and some other minor scrapes. Overall, you were very lucky, Mr. Cullen.”

There was only one thing I really cared about right now. “When can I leave?”

“It’s getting late today, so we’ll keep you overnight tonight. Just one more night to keep an eye on you. If all goes well, we’ll send you home tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. One night in the hospital. I could live with that. Everyone dispersed then, both doctors left and the nurse was done with me. Bella still stood at the end of my bed looking tense.

“Are you –“ before I could finish, the door opened yet again and my entire family entered. Bella backed off into the corner, but I felt her eyes on me the entire time.

“Have a good nap, princess?” Emmett joked, plopping down next to me.

“Do you…” I needed to ask, make sure they found out who made the plane fucking crash, but I also couldn’t do that in a room full of family.

“Yeah. We’ll talk more later.” _Good_. “Rose sends her love, she had to go home with Alec.”

Alice and Jasper were next, Alice carrying a tiny pink bundle in her arms. _Jesus, how long was I out?_

“Someone’s been waiting to meet you. This is Delilah Isabella Whitlock.” Alice took over Emmett’s seat, angling the baby toward me. I had two massive fucking incisions in my chest, so holding was definitely a no.

 _Delilah Isabella_. I looked at the little girl for a minute, fast asleep in her mother’s arms. Then my eyes snapped over to her namesake. She wasn’t looking at me, though. Bella had her eyes trained on the monitor set up next to me.

It was when Carlisle and Esme stepped up that Bella returned her eyes to me, watching every move Esme made toward me.

“Oh, Edward, I was so worried,” Esme told me, squeezing my hand. It was nowhere near as comforting as when Bella did it earlier.

“I’m fine, Esme.” Her eyes hardened as I used her name.

There was more idle chatter between everyone, but I couldn’t help but get distracted by Bella. She stayed out of it all, sitting in the corner with her arms wrapped around herself. _What’s wrong, baby?_

The room darkened as the sun set, and eventually a nurse, Katherine, came in and said it was time for everyone to leave. I loved my family, but I was a bit frustrated that I hadn’t had more than a minute alone with my wife since I woke up.

Bella didn’t leave. Her and Katherine simply nodded at each other as everyone walked out, and she closed the door behind them.

“You don’t have to go?” I asked as she finally took a seat to my right again.

“No. I haven’t left the hospital in… three days, I think.”

 _Shit._ “Bella –“

“Please don’t tell me to leave.” Fuck, she sounded so sad. “Everyone’s been telling me what to do and I hate it. I’m not going home without you.”

I knew better than to fight her on this one. She was so sad, looked so fucking terrified. And as much as I wanted her to take care of herself, to get a good nights’ sleep, I also didn’t want to let her out of my sight.

Looking down at the bed, I realized it was slightly larger than the average hospital bed. The sheets were much more comfortable, and the pillows fluffier. All things that worked to my advantage as I used all of my energy to move to the left a bit.

“Shit, don’t move,” Bella exclaimed, looking at me like I had lost my mind.

Patting the bed next to me, I said, “Come here.”

“No. You’re hurt.”

Finally, after a stubborn stare down between the two of us, I had her next to me. She was exceptionally careful, barely touching me at all, but at least she was there. “Are you okay?”

“I should be asking you that,” she sighed, giving in and resting her head in the crook of my neck. I could still feel the tension in her body.

The past few days had to be torture for her. I didn’t know what happened, how she found out about the crash and the aftermath of it all, but I was sure it was hell for her. Fuck, I had to watch her get shot and go through nearly the same thing years ago.

“You don’t have to be the strong one right now,” I whispered to her. “You don’t have to be in charge. It’s just me.”

I felt wet tears start to soak through the thin hospital gown covering my shoulder. “I was so scared,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “Everything was falling apart and I didn’t know if you would be okay. Thank you for coming back to me.” 

Fuck, I would do anything to take the absolute fear and sadness out of her voice. I looked down at her at the same time she looked up at me. She was exhausted; there were dark circles under her eyes and her entire body slumped into the bed. Christ, when was the last time she was in a bed?

“Everything is going to be okay. Get some sleep.”

All it took was a soft kiss to her forehead for her to close her eyes. I let myself fall asleep as soon as her breathing evened out.

_…Dark…_

“Okay, Mr. Cullen. You’re ready to go.”

_Fucking finally_. All morning I had to wait for the go-ahead to get out of this place. I had to sit through lectures of how I was supposed to stay off of my leg as much as possible. Had to sit there like a prop while Katherine showed Bella how to properly clean the stitches covering my chest.

_Bella._ My wife still wasn’t herself. She looked marginally more rested, but she still silently hovered whenever we weren’t alone. As a nurse wheeled me down the hall, I saw her get glares from a few of the staff. I grabbed her hand as she walked next to me, giving her palm a quick kiss.

The drive home was, thankfully, uneventful. Unfortunately, both Emmett and Jasper’s cars were waiting for us when we got home. Bella walked slowly right next to me as we made our way to the front door. It felt odd to walk, for some reason. Even more odd to actually be home.

“He’s not working right now,” Bella said, eying Emmett and Jasper in the living room.

I was nearly panting as I got to the couch. Fuck, everything hurt. My chest, my abs, my leg… everything. “What do you need?”

“We just need to know what –“

“He’s not working right now,” Bella repeated, coming from the kitchen with a glass of water. She handed it to me, then turned toward Emmett and Jasper. _Fuck, she’s cute when she’s intense._

“Bella, we need to know –“

“I know what you need to know,” she snapped, very uncharacteristically. “He just got out of the hospital. He’s not dealing with it today.”

Something had definitely happened between them. This morning Bella told me I had been out about two days when I woke up last night. That was a lot of time for shit to go wrong. All three of them gave each other odd looks.

“You shouldn’t even be here,” Bella said, pointing at Jasper. “Go home to your wife and newborn.”

Both looked like they wanted to protest, but neither did. “We’ll come check on you tomorrow, Ed.”

My instinct was to work. At the same time, I was fucking exhausted and thankful that I didn’t have to deal with reality just yet. Once Bella escorted them out she came back to me, kneeling on the couch next to me. “Can I get you anything?”

The only thing I really wanted was going to be a lot of fucking work. “I need to shower.”

“Oh, thank God. I haven’t showered in a day and a half, and those hospital showers… bleh. Do you want to shower and sleep in a guestroom down here?”

“No, I can make it upstairs.”

As always, Bella was right. I should have just showered downstairs because it took ten minutes and every ounce of energy I had to get up the stairs. It would have been fine if it was just the boot or the incisions, but the combination of them both made any kind of movement uncomfortable.

I had to lean against the counter once we made it to the bathroom. I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths, then felt two hands pulling up my shirt.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you shower.”

Well, fuck if that wasn’t emasculating. “I can shower myself,” I grunted out, though I was completely unsure if I could.

“Put away whatever masculine ego trip you want to go on and take off your pants.”

Bella picked up some bandages from the counter and covered up both wounds on my chest and abdomen. She got suddenly quiet as my shirt came off and didn’t bat an eyelash as she helped me get the boot off.

I had to lean on her to walk to the shower, but not once did she say a thing. She got in the shower right behind me, still fully clothed, and helped me sit on the bench in the corner.

Without a word, she angled one of the three showerheads toward me and started washing my hair, moving on to my body. I caught the forlorn look on her face as she washed around the incision on my chest.

“They didn’t tell me.”

“Didn’t tell you what?”

“They said the shrapnel could have impacted an organ… they never told me that organ was your fucking heart. Not until you were out of surgery.” She placed a gentle kiss right next to the bandage.

She got quiet again, and I could see her tension rise as she ran a warm cloth over my chest. It was a mess; nearly completely covered in purple and blue bruises. Still, Bella never said a word. Once she was done she quietly got me situated in our bed, the boot back on my leg.

It was still fairly early in the afternoon, but I knew I wouldn’t make it the whole day without sleeping some more. I barely managed to keep my eyes open until Bella got back from her own shower. I eyed her as she hesitantly came back into the bedroom, wearing a simple set of pajama shorts and a tank top. 

“Come here.” She stalled for a minute, but eventually carefully sat next to me on the bed. I knew she wasn’t okay, knew she was still scared and sad and uneasy about the whole situation. Hopefully after my talk with Emmett and Jasper tomorrow I would know enough that I could put her fears to rest. For now, I would have to settle on holding her.

_…Dark…_

The next morning, Bella was still peacefully asleep next to me when I woke. I felt more awake and alert than I had in days, which I took as a sign to finally get some work done.

Last night had been the relaxing night both Bella and I needed. We took a nap together, and then I woke up to a sandwich sitting next to me, along with a few pain pills. I had decided to try and make things seem as normal as possible. I didn’t want her fussing over me, causing her more stress than she was already under, and I was hoping it would get rid of that haunted look in her eyes.

I tried to get out of the bed as quietly as possible, but it was a big challenge when it was nearly impossible for me to move normally. Just as I stood, Bella’s head snapped up, her hair a mess on top of her head and her eyes slightly unfocused.

“Go back to sleep, baby. Everything’s fine.”

She frowned at me as I kissed her forehead. “But, I should –“

“I’m just going down the hall to my office. I’ll be fine, you need to sleep.”

She was already half asleep anyway, so it didn’t take much fighting to get her back in bed. Once in my office, I let both Jasper and Emmett know it was safe to come over. When they arrived, I finally got the whole story.

Petrov had started working with the Volturi’s, both with the common goal of getting us out of the way. He convinced Felix and Demetri to fuck with the plane, but they didn’t count on me actually surviving the crash. They fucked up right after the crash, panicking that I wasn’t immediately pronounced dead. Emmett was able to send a few men after them and now had them holed up in a steel container in an old junk yard outside of town.

“We just need to know what you want to do with them.”

_What do to, what to do…_ “I’ll talk with them in a few days. Then we’ll get rid of them.”

“You’re lucky you got to make the decision,” Emmett mumbled under his breath.

“What?”

“Your wife very nearly went on a murder spree while you were in surgery.”

“Shit.” Bella stood at the open door, clad in a sweatshirt that took over her entire body, looking like a child just sent to the principal’s office.

Immediately, I tried to think of what she could have done. Did I need to call Jenks? “What did you do, Bella?”

“Nothing,” she whispered, standing still in the doorway.

“Bella.”

“I was so _angry_ , Edward. You were dying for all I knew, and they _did it_.” She started pulling at the sleeves of her sweatshirt, her eyes never leaving mine. “I couldn’t sit in that waiting room any longer, listening to Esme talk about you like you were already dead. It just… infuriated me knowing they were completely fine while you were having part of your fucking plane ripped out of your chest.

“So, yeah, I might have snapped a little, but I didn’t do anything. They never saw me, didn’t even know I was there. I sat in a car in a junk yard, and then drove off. I didn’t break any laws… I didn’t do anything.”

Fucking hell. No wonder she had been so off since I woke up. “What was your plan?”

Her eyes widened, and she thought for a moment before responding. “I was going to burn them alive.” _Jesus._ “I always thought it would be the worst way to die,” she shrugged, her eyes falling to the floor.

“But who was in the hospital room?” Jasper asked. He elaborated when I raised a brow at him. “Ben told everyone she passed out, that she was sleeping in a patient room. Eric stood outside, but when we walked past there was definitely someone sleeping in there. It just wasn’t her.”

All eyes turned to Bella, and she nervously tugged at her sweatshirt again. “It was Elena. She won’t say anything, she even stayed until you were out of surgery. I…”

I knew why she did it. “You needed an alibi.”

“Yes.”

“Give us a minute,” I said, and Bella immediately turned to leave. “Not you, Bella.”

Emmett and Jasper left quietly, and Bella took a seat opposite of me. Fuck, I didn’t even know where to begin.

“What made you stop? You went all the way to the junk yard and just changed your mind?” She nodded. “Why didn’t you go through with it?”

“Because you wouldn’t have wanted me to. But if you had… you know… I would have gone back.”

I didn’t know whether I should yell at her fall at her feet. It was a powerful thing, hearing someone say with complete certainty that they would commit murder for you, no questions asked. I would do it for her in a heartbeat, _had_ done it for her in the past. But, fuck, hearing her say it like that was completely different.

She had done it for me in the past, but her plan then was never specifically to murder Aro, she just reacted to him when he came to her.

We stared at each other from across the desk for an undeterminable amount of time, just looking at the other. Eventually Bella broke the silence.

“Are you mad at me?”

I cocked my head to the side. “No. Why would I be mad?”

She shrugged. “I thought you would be. Emmett made it seem like you would be.”

Ah, Emmett. “If Emmett had done anything more than capture them, I would be mad at him. I’m his boss, but I’m your husband. It’s different.”

“So, I could have done it?” Bella asked, a frown on her pretty face.

“I would have understood if you did it, that doesn’t mean I would have wanted you to. I don’t want you to have to do that kind of thing ever again, but the fact that you would do it for me…”

Bella’s cheeks flushed. “There is, um, one other thing.” _Fuck_. Taking a deep breath, I held a hand out for her to continue. “Well, I may have implied to Emmett and Jasper that it wouldn’t have been the first time I planned something like that.”

“Okay, I’ll take care of it.” It wasn’t that big of an issue, if anyone had to find out it was them. Odds were they would never even mention it to me again.

Bella stood and walked around the desk, hugging me to her as best she could, all things considered. “I’m really, really, really glad you’re okay.” With a kiss to my cheek she stood up.

“You know, I haven’t gotten a proper kiss in days.”

“That’s because I felt guilty about the whole murder thing and thought you would be mad at me.”

“Ah, well, we’ve solved that issue and decided I’m not mad.” I looked up at her, and she smirked down at me. Then her lips were on mine and made every problem vanish.

“Love you,” she mumbled, her lips still brushing against mine.

“I really fucking love you,” I said, and earned a giggle from her.

“I’ll let you finish and make you some breakfast,” she said, already halfway out of the office.

“You don’t have to –“ before I could finish she waved me off and left.

A minute later, Emmett and Jasper were back. We didn’t talk much about work, the most important things had already been discussed. Jasper went on and on about his new daughter and told me about asking Bella about her name. It made me uncharacteristically emotional when I heard him talk about the reasons they wanted to name their daughter after my wife. If I ever had a daughter I would pray every day that she was as strong and intelligent and _good_ as Bella.

“Shit, I’ve never seen Bella as… intense as when she was dealing with the hospital staff. She literally had a nursing student in tears. She didn’t let anyone who wasn’t a board-certified doctor or nurse touch you.”

“And when she lunged at Esme? Fucking insane.”

“She lunged at Esme?” Christ, a lot more happened while I was out than I realized.

“Oh, yeah. Full on, would have had her hands around Esme’s neck if I hadn’t pulled her away.”

“What did Esme do?” I asked, because I knew without a doubt that she probably deserved it.

“She said something about Bella using you, then insinuated that you were already dead. That was what made Bella snap.”

“You’re all very busy men, you would think you had better things to do than gossip about me,” Bella said, carrying in a platter of eggs, toast, and fruit.

“Well, stop lunging at people and we won’t talk about it,” Emmett gurgled, his mouth already full.

_…Dark…_

Later that night I was leaning against the bathroom counter wearing only a pair of boxers. Bella was in front of me, focused so intently on the two sets of stitches on my chest. She was so careful, barely touching the tender skin, but still cleaning the area the way the nurse told her to. The concentration on her face, the way she took care of me all day, it made my chest ache in the best way.

“I was thinking of you,” I told her. She looked up at me, brown eyes swimming with confusion. “The pilot came over the intercom and said there was a malfunction. I knew the plane was going down faster than it should be. There wasn’t anything I could do except sit in my seat, and all I could think about was you.

“There was a day on the island, months after you had been released, where you were suddenly _you_ again. You didn’t have that scared, troubled look in your eyes I had seen every day since you got there. We were sitting on the beach, our feet in the water, and you just looked up at me and smiled. You were so beautiful, your hair blowing in the wind. That’s the last thing I remember thinking before waking up in the hospital.”

There wasn’t much from the crash I remembered. The doctors told me I probably had a minor concussion, and the trauma might have caused me to blackout. The first responders said I was conscious as they flew me out, but I didn’t remember much.

I wiped the tears off of Bella’s cheeks and smiled down at her. She was just as breathtaking as she had been on the beach, but she had another haunted look in her eyes now.

“You’ve got that same look in your eyes again, the haunted one.”

“I don’t know what I would without you,” she whispered. “I keep thinking about all of the things that could have gone wrong, all of the different ways you could have just been… _gone_.”

“I’m right here,” I told her, grabbing a hand and placing it on my chest.

Bella leaned her head against my shoulder, taking three deep breaths. When she stood straight again, she resumed cleaning the wounds on my chest.

“I could do that, you know.”

She shrugged. “I like taking care of you.”

_…Dark…_

Being injured got more and more frustrating the better I started to feel. It took a week and a half, but the constant soreness started to dissipate and I had more energy. I felt like I should be able to do whatever I wanted. The boot on my leg and the constant tug of the stitches were a constant, frustrating, reminder that I could not.

Thankfully, the stitches were coming out today and I was one step closer to putting this whole mess behind us.

I was in bed alone when I woke up this morning, a common occurrence now that I had been forbidden from going to work for a while. My boot and I clambered around the house until I found Bella in the gym in the basement. She had music playing and didn’t hear me, so I enjoyed the view.

She was in a pair of tiny shorts and a sports bra. Nothing overly sexy, but on her it was. Couple that with her perfect form as she ran on the treadmill and I was panting for a completely different reason now.

Unfortunately for both of us, I was out of commission until my leg was out of the boot. I would have no problem breaking doctor’s orders, especially once the stitches were gone, but I knew there was no way in hell Bella would.

She was running though, something I knew she hated. _Someone had excess energy she needed to get rid of_. Energy that we would typically burn off together. The treadmill slowed and the music stopped. She stood there downing a water bottle and the sight of someone swallowing had never been so erotic.

“Feeling… wound up?”

Her eyes snapped to me, the deep brown burning with excitement. _Fuck, if only_. Then, the second she dropped her sight to my bare chest and saw the stitches she relaxed.

“We should get ready to go,” she mumbled, taking my hand and walking with me, slowly, upstairs.

I was uncomfortably frustrated as we got to the hospital. Frustrated that I couldn’t do more than give my wife a chaste kiss, frustrated that I had to be back at the hospital, and frustrated that this afternoon I would have to deal with Felix and Demetri.

We were immediately taken to a private room when we got to the hospital, and not five minutes later the surgeon, Doctor Hartman, came in.

“You’re as persistent as ever, Mrs. Cullen,” he said with a slight smirk, pulling on a pair of gloves.

Bella shrugged when I looked at her. She watched the doctor’s every move as he cut through the stitches. There was just a slight pull, but nothing too painful.

“Everything here looks good. No unusual swelling, everything was kept very clean. Well done. How does your leg feel?”

“Fine,” I told him.

“It hurts him in the mornings mostly, I think. He seems to walk better during the day.” I sighed but couldn’t dispute what Bella said.

“That’s pretty typical. We’ll have you back in a few weeks to take another look at it. Until then, try to stay off it as much as possible, no strenuous activity.”

When we were finally able to leave the hospital, I relaxed back into the car. It felt good to be able to move without the constant tugging of the stitches. Now all I had to do was get rid of the fucking boot.

“Do you feel okay?” Bella asked, eying me from across the car.

“I feel great,” I told her honestly. “Who did you have to yell at to have the surgeon remove the stitches?”

Even in the dark car I could see her blush. “Just a couple people.”

It was a few minutes after we passed the exit for home that Bella realized what was going on. “Where are we going?”

“I have some business to attend to, I thought you would want to come along.”

“Edward – “

“It won’t take long, and it won’t be strenuous.”

A few minutes later we pulled up to the junk yard. Emmett and Jasper were already here. The second Bella looked out the window she gasped.

“You can stay in the car if you’d like.”

I went back and forth all week on what to do about this. Bella needed the closure, I knew I would tell her immediately when we got rid of Felix and Demetri. At the same time, they were her blood relatives. I wasn’t sure if there were any last words she had for them, any unresolved issues she had questions about. This was the last place I wanted her, but she deserved the choice.

“You’re going to – “

“Yes.”

“I don’t ever want to see them again.”

“Okay. I won’t be long.” I expected her to try and stop me. She looked like she wanted to say something, but simply watched me get out of the car.

“Nice boot, Cullen,” Felix coughed out as I came into view.

“Nice piss stain, Volturi,” I countered. They had been tied up in here for a week, and it smelled like it. _Fucking disgusting._

“Nice of you to finally show up,” Demetri said, glaring at me.

I took a seat on the chair right in front of them, Emmett and Jasper standing off to the side.

“I didn’t understand it at first, why you kept coming for us even though you knew you would fail. Then I thought about how I would feel if my family was taken down by a twenty-two-year-old girl who just happened to be related to us. That must have been fucking infuriating.” The start of the Volturi’s downfall was undoubtedly Aro’s death. Unbeknownst to her, Bella took down one of the biggest crime families in the city.

Both of them were silent.

“She’s stronger than both of you, smarter, _better_. Nearly took you out herself the night of the crash,” I laughed to myself. “I get it now, why you all kept coming after us with no chance. I had the one good thing to ever come out of the Volturi family. Hell, if she had grown up with you the Volturi’s very well could have taken Chicago from us.”

They were both furious. They were chauvinistic bastards who would hate knowing a woman would have been better than them. I could see the rage burning inside of them.

“You should be thankful we’re the ones doing this. My wife had much more interesting plans for you.”

After a quick nod Emmett and Jasper shot at the same time. I left them there to clean up the mess and returned to the car.

Bella stayed on her side of the car as Ben drove home, never saying anything and only looking at me out of the corner of her eyes. Was it a bad idea to bring her, was she looking at me differently because she knew what I had just done?

“Are you okay?”

“Fine,” she replied, her voice breathy and slightly high pitched. I knew that voice. She was turned on.

Looking at her closer, I saw more signs. Her cheeks were flushed despite the cool temperature of the car and her thighs were pressed together tightly. I could see her chest rise and fall with quick breaths.

“Come here,” I said, holding a hand out for her. She took it immediately, and I pulled her right in my lap. She tried to hold herself away from me, but I wasn’t having any of that. I pressed her right against me, reveling in the most contact we’ve had in so long.

“We can’t –“

I cut her off, kissing her for what felt like the first time in days. Really kissing her; finally feeling all of the pent-up fear and anxiety melt away as our breath mixed and hands wandered. Bella’s hands were tentative, slowly wrapping around my neck and digging into my hair. Mine gripped her hips for a minute, keeping her steady.

Bella stiffened as my hands trailed up her thighs and one hand ended up between her legs. She pulled her lips away from mine and looked down at me, panting. “We can’t.”

“The doctor just says that because –“

“The doctor. Fuck, you just got your stitches out.” We reached the house then. Bella mumbled something about being saved as she got out of the car.

The moment we were inside the house I pulled her back to me. The action confirmed everything Bella would have said if given the chance. When she landed against my chest all of the air went out of my lungs. There were still faint bruises across my chest, and still a slight discomfort where the stitches had been. Logically, I knew I wasn’t well enough to do what I wanted to do. But, fuck, I wanted her.

Sex was just another way we communicated with each other. It was our way of solidifying our relationship, making everything fall into place. It let us know the other was there, safe, and ours for the taking.

I pressed Bella lightly into the door, letting my hands rest on the skin of her hips underneath her shirt. “Five weeks and you’re mine again.”

_…Dark…_

There was never a time in my life since the age of fifteen where I had ever really been taken care of. From then on, I was part of the family business, more of an employee to my father than a son. My mother took care of me to an extent, but she also got more standoffish around that time. I never realized it at the time because I was caught up in my time with Carlisle but watching Bella the last few weeks made me think about the last time someone cared so much about me.

She was perfect. Too perfect, really. She took care of everything, thought of everything. She made me stay home a full two weeks before I went into the office. When I did go back to work she went with me, staying in her office the floor below. We both needed our space to get work done, but every three hours she showed up with a water (because she didn’t think I drank it enough), or an aspirin (because my leg would bother me in the late afternoon), or sometimes she just came up to make sure I wasn’t working myself too hard.

Somehow, she managed to do all of that and never become overbearing. She wasn’t doing it because she felt obligated or because it made her feel better. There was only one reason she did anything she did the past six weeks, and that was to try and make my life easier, less painful.

It had been obvious, about four weeks in, that she was starting to lose steam, but she never stopped. Never complained. She smiled and gave me a kiss and went back to running her own production company.

Today I finally had my follow up appointment with an orthopedist to see about getting my boot off for good. I didn’t care if I had to bribe the doctor, I was getting his approval to be done with it. Thankfully, that wasn’t necessary. He felt around my leg, took an x-ray, and all was well.

“You’re free to lose the boot now, Mr. Cullen. You’ll want to start exercising regularly again but start off slow. You’ll have to rebuild some of your muscle.”

“Okay,” I consented, eager to get out of here. Just as I stood, finally without the boot on my leg, Doctor Hartman walked in.

“Ah, Mr. Cullen. No missus today?”

“I snuck away,” I admitted. Bella didn’t know my appointment was today. Technically, I was at five weeks and six days since the accident.

“How are your incisions healing?”

I sighed, taking off my shirt and letting him examine me. “Shouldn’t you have more important things to do than check an old incision?”

“I do. But, your wife made me promise to make sure you were in pristine health. One more check and I can go to bed knowing I fulfilled my promise.” He started pressing the skin around the scars; still slightly red and raised, but nothing too gruesome.

After what seemed like an eternity I was given a clean bill of health. I even had them both sign a note saying I was fine in case Bella didn’t believe me. She would never doubt me, but I didn’t have the patience to talk about the issue any longer.

**Home. Now.** I texted her as I left the hospital. She was at the office, so it should take us about the same amount of time to get there. I sat in the car and stretched out my body, pleased that there was no longer any discomfort in my chest. My leg still felt a little odd, weak, but it was better than lugging around the heavy boot all of the time.

I was pleased to see that Bella had beaten me home. She wasn’t on the main floor when I walked in, so I took the stairs two at a time until I found her emptying her purse on her bedside table.

“Hey, are you –“

I cut her off, pulling her into me and reveling in the feel of her, finally getting to feel her flush against me after so long. With a gentle push we fell to the bed. I kissed my way down her chin to her neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin by her collarbone.

“Edward, we –“

“I went to the doctor today,” I grunted, digging the note out of my pocket and handing it to her. She twisted her head while I continued to enjoy the sweet skin of her neck.

“Fuck. Why didn’t you tell me?”

With a quick tug at her blouse, all of the buttons snapped off, revealing her modest, nude colored bra. Another tug and it was out of my way, her breasts finally free for me to play with.

“Went a day early.”

Her surprise must have finally worn off because her hands were in my hair and her legs were tight around my waist then. We both groaned as our lips found each other again.

Then, the doorbell rang.

I ignored it, but Bella tensed underneath me. “You really, really should have told me you were going today.”

_Fuck._ “Who is it?”

“Alice wanted to throw you a party, six weeks since your accident kind of thing. I told her to do it a day early because I thought you would go to the doctor tomorrow and then we would –“

“We’ll just tell them to leave.”

“Edward,” Bella scolded, running her fingers through my hair. Not the best way to diffuse the situation. “They’re all here to celebrate you. I’m not the only one who was worried about you, you know.”

“Two hours,” I grunted. “Then I’m taking you somewhere they won’t be able to find us.”

I pulled us both off of the bed. Bella went to the closet to find a shirt that wasn’t torn, and I turned to go get the door.

“Edward?”

I turned just in time to catch her as she jumped at me, her arms tight around my neck. I stumbled slightly but caught myself quickly.

“I’m really glad you’re okay.”


	17. Radio

_Not even they can stop me now. Boy, I be flying overhead. Their heavy words can’t bring me down. Boy, I’ve been raised from the dead. No one even knows how hard life was. I don’t even think about it now because I finally found you. ~ Lana del Rey **, Radio**_

**BPOV**

“Are you trying to make me spontaneously combust?” I whispered to Edward. Our entire family was sitting in the backyard, covered in blankets and coats. Initially I had chosen to sit next to Edward, not wanting to hurt his newly-freed leg and also needing the distance now that I knew he was fine. It had been almost two months since he touched me, really touched me, and I was about to implode.

Edward had pulled me over to him, sitting with my back right against his chest. The chest that was covered in bruises not too long ago, the one that had bright red scars from shrapnel that nearly hit his heart.

_He’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine._ Grabbing Edward’s hand from its spot on my thigh, I gave it a tight squeeze.

“Yes,” he whispered in my ear. Just the feeling of his warm breath on my skin made my entire body tingle.

Regardless of how anxious I was for everyone to leave, it had been a good night. The best we had in a while. Rosalie and Alice brought dinner, Emmett and Jasper gave Edward some fancy bottle of scotch. It was finally a somewhat normal night. Just family having dinner and catching up.

After the past few weeks, normal was greatly appreciated. I was still in a bit of shock that the whole thing happened. Maybe it was seeing Edward constantly lugging around the boot on his leg that always reminded me of it, or the red scars that wouldn’t let me forget. Nearly every time I looked at him I had the urge to cry, sometimes happy tears and sometimes not-so-happy ones.

Instead of celebrating his recovery tonight, I could be alone in an empty house. That thought popped into my head all too often, and always left me with a hole in my chest.

“Cheers to Bella for putting up with Edward’s shit the past six weeks,” Emmett chuckled, slightly drunk and spilling some of his drink as he raised it.

“He’s not that bad,” I replied honestly. All things considered, he was a good patient. Though I think he was only good because he could tell I was constantly an inch from breaking down over the whole thing.

I tried my best not to be overbearing, but at the same time I could barely control the need I had to make sure he was okay. And I liked taking care of him, being able to do little things for him to make his life easier made me feel less helpless in the whole situation.

“Emmett broke a finger a few years ago and was insufferable for a month. A finger!” Rosalie added, rolling her eyes at her husband.

Alice added something, but it was at the same time that Edward’s hands snuck under my shirt. We were completely hidden by the blanket, but I idly thought about how even if it wasn’t there, he would probably still do the same thing.

Warm, strong, capable hands traveled along my abdomen. It was a fairly innocent touch compared to what he could have been doing but it still sent my mind into a tailspin. I had the sudden urge to go for a run. That was what I had been doing to get rid of all of my excess energy, especially when Edward decided to simply walk around shirtless the last few weeks. He said it was because the healing scars itched against the material of a shirt, but I was pretty sure that was complete bullshit. He just liked to watch me squirm.

“I can’t wait to have you alone, naked, and begging for me,” Edward whispered in my ear. I squirmed in his lap and felt the evidence of his arousal against my back. At least I knew I wasn’t the only uncomfortable one.

“Go upstairs and pack a bag for a few days, you won’t need much. I’ll get rid of everyone.”

He didn’t give me a chance to respond, quickly lifting me off of his lap and onto the ground. With a quick excuse of not feeling well to everyone, I went upstairs and did as I was told.

Blindly, I threw a few sets of clothes for both of us in a bag. I went to the drawer where Edward kept lingerie fully stocked. Somehow, every time I opened it there were new pieces in it. The one time I asked him about it his cheeks actually flushed.

I pulled on one of the newer pieces. It was embarrassingly complicated to figure it out; there were strings that wrapped around my waist and too many straps to keep track of, but eventually I got it on.

Edward walked in just as I was pulling a sweater over my head. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes,” I said, grabbing for the bag. Edward swooped in a took it before I could get to it. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere no one will bother us for a very long time.”

The drive to our mystery location was intense to put it lightly. Edward took the Bugatti I got him for his birthday years ago. I had seen him look at the car, polish it and admire it from afar, but I had never seen him actually drive it.

“Why did we take this car?” I asked, hoping for a distraction from the electric current running through my body.

“It’s the fastest.” His voice was tense, but it made me smile. We had been married nearly nine years but he still wanted me like it was the first day.

I should have been looking out the window, trying to figure out where he was taking me, but the final destination wasn’t all that important. Instead I watched Edward as he drove, watching as the shadows from the street lights moved across his face, enjoying the sight of his tongue as it came out to wet his lips. His smirk –

“Enjoying the view?”

“Oh, yes.” I got caught, but it didn’t stop me from staring until we were suddenly parked in an underground garage.

By the time I got out of the car Edward was around to my side with our bag slung over his shoulder. Then, before I could react, I was thrown over his other shoulder.

“What are you doing?” By the time I got the question out we were already in the elevator.

“My legs are longer,” he said with a shrug. Once the elevator doors closed he put me back on my feet.

Looking around, I saw the elegant engraving of _The Isabella_ on the wall in front of me. It made me smile. We had only been here the one time, but I loved everything about it.

“Is it open now?” I asked, still needing a distraction for the twelve floors we still had to climb to the penthouse.

“Yes, all booked up,” Edward said, smiling down at me. The energy shifted. There wasn’t the same frantic desperation in the air as he smiled down at me. One of his hands came up and cupped my cheek lightly. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Putting up with me for the past six weeks.”

“Edward, it wasn’t –“

“You can say it was fine, but you were scared and exhausted and stressed the whole time and never complained. You always talk about how you never take care of me… but that’s not true at all.”

I sighed, not wanting to believe how true everything he said was, especially the scared part. The first few days were the worst, but I was still wary about everything today. So many ‘what ifs’ were running through my head on a daily basis.

I didn’t want to start crying and ruin our night, so I wrapped my arms around Edward and buried my head in his chest. His scent, slightly veiled in the fresh leather from the car, and his arms tight around me held off the tears.

The doors slid open with a _ding_ and Edward lifted me in his arms. I carefully wrapped my legs around him, mindful of where I knew his scars were. He walked through the penthouse without a word. I heard the bag fall from his shoulder somewhere, but I kept my head buried in his neck.

I didn’t care where we were, whether it was a five-star resort or a motel on the side of the highway. All that mattered was that my husband was alive and with me.

Edward set me down and I finally looked around. I was at the foot of the bed, the room lit only by the city lights out the window. Without a word, he reached down and pulled the hem of my sweater up and over my head. He sucked in a breath as he saw what I had on underneath.

“You changed,” he whispered, a finger running down my sternum, over the center of my chest, down my abdomen until it reached the waist of my jeans.

“I thought the occasion called for something a little more exciting.”

Edward’s hands on my bare waist made me gasp, that electric current and the desperation back in full force. He knelt in front of me, carefully undoing the button of my jeans and pulling them down my legs. It was all done with a surprising amount of care, like he was afraid I would break if touched the wrong way.

With my jeans and shoes out of the way, I expected him to stand, but he kept his position. Warm hands trailed up my legs, leaving goosebumps in their wake. The simple action made my toes curl.

He was saying something, I could feel his lips move as he trailed his nose along my abdomen. His hands tightened around my waist, and teeth suddenly nipped at my skin, then tugged at one of the strings from the bra that wrapped around me.

Edward stood, his hands trailing up my waist and playing with the strings. “I like this.”

“I figured it was one of your picks.” I smiled up at him.

“I didn’t take into consideration how difficult it might be to get off,” he said, frowning at all of the strings and ties.

“We’re hardly being fair here, me practically naked and you completely clothed.” I took my time undoing the buttons on his shirt, enjoying the anticipation of finally getting him naked and being able to enjoy him.

When his shirt slid off of his shoulders my eyes went straight to the two scars on his chest; one right next to his heart, the other further down on his abdomen. They were just slightly raised and pink.

“They don’t hurt anymore?” I whispered, my hand hovering over his chest.

“No.”

My palm fell flat against his chest. For the first time in six weeks I let myself enjoy the feel of him underneath my hand, enjoy the sight of his bare chest. Every time I saw it I was usually cleaning the incisions.

My hands trailed down his chest, lightly over the second scar, until they ended up at the waistband of his slacks. Careful to avoid too much contact with his straining cock, I undid his slacks and slid them down along with his boxers.

“Now whose being unfair?” Edward asked, his hands immediately going to the strings of my bra. Despite his complaints moments ago, he quickly got the ties undone and the clasp open. He didn’t stop until both the bra and matching panties were on the floor.

He eased me back on the bed, not stopping until my head hit the pillow and his body was pressed completely against mine. The complete skin to skin contact set me on fire. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him as close as possible. I kissed him with everything I had, groaning at the undiluted taste of him. When my hips thrust up into his, Edward pulled both of my arms away, pressing them lightly into the bed, and broke our kiss.

“Slow,” he whispered against my neck. He chuckled lightly when I groaned in response. “You deserve to be worshiped.”

And worship he did. For what felt like hours Edward kissed every inch of me he could find. His lips made trails up and down each of my arms, biting and licking and kissing every curve. He paid special attention to certain parts, he loved my own scars a few minutes longer than most spots and spent plenty of time reacquainting himself with my breasts. His lips tickled a sensitive spot on my left ankle, and then followed his hands up my calves and thighs.

It was the most exquisite torture, because never once did he touch me where he knew I needed him too, not until he crawled back up my body did he slide one finger down between my legs. It still wasn’t enough.

“You. I need you,” I whispered against his lips. They were barely touching mine, his entire body hovering over me, taking over every one of my senses.

Edward aligned himself with me, the tip of his cock just barely pressing against where I needed him. His hands came up and intertwined with both of mine on either side of my head. He slid into me slowly, inch by inch, and by the time we were completely connected I was nearly in tears.

I had missed this moment, missed the secret moments that were just for us. There was nothing that compared to the physical and emotional connection we shared like this.

“I love you,” I whispered, groaning as he simultaneously bit down on my neck as he began moving.

His movements were slow and tender, each accentuated with a squeeze of his hands or a kiss. He lifted his head from where it had been buried in my shoulder and rested his forehead against mine. I could feel his heavy breath against my skin, his hair tickling my forehead.

“Fuck, Bella,” he grunted out, his hands left mine and started frantically grasping at me; my hips, my breasts, my legs, everywhere.

With my hands finally free I was able to grasp his back, feel the solid muscles as they moved with him. As our movements got more frantic and our moment started to near its peak, our eyes met. It was easy to see everything he wanted to say in them.

_Thank you._

_I love you._

_You’re mine._

My entire body tensed around Edward; my fingers dug into his back and my eyes squeezed shut as pleasure ripped through every cell of my body. At the same time, I heard Edward moan out an impressive line of curses as I felt him shoot his release into me.

I loved feeling his full weight on top of me, but it was never for long. Edward rolled us over so I was on top of him. My body was completely spent, laying limply on top of him. I was still catching my breath when Edward started peppering kisses all over my face, from my chin to my forehead.

“Stop it,” I giggled, when the kisses started getting sloppy and wet.

He looked up at me with a smile. “I missed that.”

“What?”

“Your laugh.”

I supposed I hadn’t done much laughing the past few weeks. There wasn’t much to laugh about. “I missed _you_.”

“I missed you too, baby,” he replied, accentuating his words with a slow thrust of his hips. He was still inside me, and I could feel him getting hard again.

_Fuck._ The man had unparalleled stamina.

_…Dark…_

Soft snores woke me up. Edward was completely out, his head buried in my neck and his snores right in my ear. A heavy arm was draped over my waist. The moment would have been perfect if I hadn’t desperately needed to pee.

I managed to slide out from beneath him with just a little effort. Edward let out a sigh and relaxed in bed as I moved. Once I took care of what I needed to in the bathroom I found a short silk robe hanging in the closet. I shouldn’t have been surprised to see a fully stocked closet. This was our home, I supposed. One of them. I wondered if Alice was Edward’s secret partner in crime when it came to that sort of thing.

My body was still tired, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep now. I hadn’t been able to sleep much the past few weeks, and once I was up I was usually up for good.

Leaning against the door frame, I watched Edward for a minute. He was on his stomach now, arms and legs stretched across nearly the entire bed. Usually I ended up smushed underneath him as he stretched out. The thought made me smile.

I left him in bed and went in search of something to drink. If the closet was stocked, maybe there would be something in the kitchen as well. I put together a quick cup of hot chocolate with what I found and stood at the counter, looking around the place.

It was beautiful. The layout was somewhat similar to Edward’s original penthouse. That one had been a typical bachelor pad, while this one definitely felt homey. Everything was in warm colors; the furniture was softer and the artwork less intimidating. All simple, all very us.

The windowed wall caught my eye and I saw a steady stream of rain, or maybe ice, falling from the sky. With my mug in hand, I grabbed a blanket off of the couch and quietly walked out on the small patio. There were just a few lounge chairs, nothing too fancy. I set my cup on the table next to me and folded the blanket over my lap. Thankfully there was a cover over my head keeping the rain off of the patio.

The sound of rain always calmed me, helped me clear my mind. The last month had been hard, to say the least. I was stretched too thin, too worried about Edward to concentrate on much else and haunted by the idea that he could have been taken away from me.

I couldn’t move past it this time, though it wasn’t the first time I had been in this kind of situation. I spent months wondering if he had died right in front of me during the trial, and I watched Jasper clean up a bullet wound just a few months ago. Why was this one so hard to move on from?

Maybe it was because the whole scenario nearly drove me to murder. It could be because I had never seen Edward as hurt before. He barely had a scar from the bullet graze.

I got the all too familiar pang in my chest when I thought about the two scars now covering his chest. Fuck, that was it. It was one thing to see him momentarily injured, it was another to sit next to him for a day in the hospital while he was sedated because of the severity of his injuries.

Leaving my blanket and mug on the patio, I quietly stepped back inside. Edward was still asleep when I got back to the bedroom. I had to lift his arm up so I could get close to him, I draped it over my abdomen as I laid down.

“I’ve been terrified since the crash,” I whispered, knowing full well Edward was still asleep. It sounded slightly insane, but whenever I couldn’t sleep I would talk to Edward, even if he was asleep. “I’ve never seen you like that… unconscious in a hospital bed, unable to get around because of your leg… it all terrified me.

“I think that’s why I haven’t been able to move on from the whole thing. Those images are burned in my brain and come up all the time.”

“It’ll get better,” he mumbled from next to me, making me gasp. “The boot is gone and the scars will fade. It’ll help you forget about the whole thing.”

“How long have you been awake?” I looked over at him and saw his eyes, fully open now, staring at me.

“A while.”

“I didn’t want to talk to you about it, push all of my shit on you when you were hurt,” I admitted.

“I want you to talk to me about anything, anytime, Bella. I can relate to this particular feeling, you know.” I frowned at him. “You were shot. In surgery for hours and no one knew if you’d survive. Even after I came back and we went away together… I know what a fucking punch to the gut it can be to see your partner hurt like that.”

“Oh.” That never occurred to me, that Edward would have gone through something similar then.

“What, you didn’t think seeing you scarred and hurt would have affected me?” He sounded a bit hurt, but I couldn’t blame him.

“No, I just… it was before we were even married. We had known each other less than six months at that point.”

“I’ve loved you for a very long time, Isabella.”

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I rolled us both over so I was on top of Edward, our entire bodies completely lined up. “So… this feeling will go away?”

“Yes. The scars will fade, and my leg will get back to normal. You can even workout with me, help me build up my leg again if you want,” he said, smirking at me. I knew where this was headed. “You seem to be doing a lot of working out lately.”

The workouts were necessary because I had a very attractive husband, even when he was hurt. It was fine the first few weeks; he was still in some pain and had the stitches. Of course, we wouldn’t do anything then, but then he got his stitches out and it was like all hell broke loose.

_I hadn’t been able to sleep, but that was nothing new. What was new, however, was the fact that Edward was finally able to move around a bit better in his sleep because he had gotten his stitches out yesterday._

_That meant I was currently wrapped up in him, surrounded by his scent and his arms and everything that was driving me crazy. The worst part was that his very hard cock was pressing into my hip._

_I was already frustrated from our car ride yesterday, the one where I practically jumped him hours after he got his stitches taken out. Fuck, I was horrible._

_Sliding out from underneath him, I quickly changed into a sports bra and a pair of shorts and snuck down to the gym without waking Edward. It took a three mile run on the treadmill, an ab workout I remembered from a trainer years ago, and another mile walk to burn off all of the energy I wanted to use with Edward._

“Thankfully, I won’t be needing to work out in the gym as much now,” I told him, stretching my neck up to kiss his chin.

“Why is that?”

“Because I can finally get back to my favorite kind of workout.”

Hours later I walked out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me. I knew for a fact I had left a shirt sitting on the counter to get into after my shower, but it had miraculously disappeared. I didn’t bother to do much besides squeeze some water out of my hair before wandering into the bedroom to find a piece of clothing Edward hadn’t hidden from me.

I had no luck in the bedroom. The closet door was locked and the bag of clothes I had brought gone. Probably in the locked closet.

“I need some kind of clothing, Edward!” I shouted, fumbling with the closet door once more before stomping out to the living area. Edward was seated on the couch naked, save for the blanket thrown over his lap, with a spread of food around him.

“I don’t really think you do.”

With a roll of my eyes I tightened the towel around me, figuring it would be the only clothing I was allowed until we left. Edward lifted the blanket for me and I slid onto the couch next to him. We ate in comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other’s company.

“Happy anniversary,” Edward said softly as we finished. He held out a small black box that seemed to come out of nowhere.

“What?” I asked, trying to think of the date. I didn’t even know what day it was. My entire schedule had been off ever since the crash. The holidays were a bit of a mess with Edward’s accident. I had been running on autopilot for so long, I didn’t even know what month it was.

“It’s a few days late, but I thought it was a good time to give you this. Another token of my appreciation.”

“I didn’t take care of you so you would buy me things.” I frowned.

“I know. But I still want you to have this.” He pushed the box into my hands.

Reluctantly, I took the box from him. It was light but I could only imagine how expensive the small trinket inside would have cost him. I slowly opened the box, gasping at the ring inside.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered, barely touching the ring with my fingers. It was gorgeous, alternating oval and circular diamonds set within even more diamonds. I looked down at the rings on my left finger, noticing how it was similar to my wedding and engagement rings, but not identical.

Edward grabbed my hand and slowly slid the new ring on my left finger where it fit perfectly among the others. I smiled down at my hand, wiggling my fingers and enjoying the feel of the new ring.

“Thank you.” I smiled over at him, enjoying the way he smiled back at me. No matter how many times I told him I didn’t need them, I always got presents at random intervals from Edward. He always got a certain smile when he gave them to me, it was a mixture of love, happiness, and a touch of pride.

This particular time it made me feel guilty I didn’t even realize our wedding anniversary had come and gone. There had been too much going on for me to focus on much of anything besides Edward, let alone the date.

As if he was reading my mind Edward said, “You don’t have to get me anything.”

I rolled my eyes at him. He knew better.

_…Dark…_

Soft kisses woke me up. They were everywhere; my lips, my shoulder, my nose. I turned toward them, expecting to end up against Edward but the bed was empty. When I opened my eyes, I saw him standing next to the bed, dressed for work.

“No,” I groaned, reaching up for him.

“I’ve got to go to work. I’ll be home for dinner, okay?”

“No, stay here.” I pulled his arms, wanting him next to me again. Edward gave in and fell into bed beside me.

“I’ve had a wonderful weekend with you, Mrs. Cullen,” he whispered, smiling against my lips.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him as close as I could. “I know I’ve said it a million times, but I’m really glad you’re okay.”

Edward squeezed me to him a second longer before he got up. He looked down at me and I could see the indecision on his face. _Men._

“You don’t want to be late.”

He leaned over me once more and gave me a toe curling kiss. “We still have a lot of time to make up for. I’ll be home at seven, and I think I’d like to start with dessert first.”

With that he was gone and I was left panting and alone.

It wasn’t as fun being here all alone, so I decided to take a quick shower before heading home. When I got out of the shower I just barely heard my phone ringing from the bedroom.

“Hello?” I answered, panting and too distracted to look at the number calling.

“Isabella? It’s Elena.”

Shit. “Oh, um. Hi.”

“How is Edward doing?”

Did she call to check on Edward, or did she have another motive? We hadn’t talked much since she left the hospital. She assured me she wouldn’t say anything about me calling her there, not that there was much to tell now. Even if she went to someone, there was nothing for them to find.

“He’s good. He got his clean bill of health a few days ago. How… are you?” I asked awkwardly. I wasn’t good with small talk, and I wasn’t sure what my relationship with this woman was. Were we friends? That seemed odd, considering she was my mother.

“Can I take you to lunch today?”

The question made me tense. It was a simple enough question, but it put me on edge. There were a lot of things I didn’t want to talk about with her, and we had never met just the two of us before.

“Uh, sure. I’m actually already downtown. Have you ever heard of the, uh, Isabella?”

“The apartment complex?”

“Yeah. I’ll let the front desk know you’re coming, and have lunch waiting for us around noon?”

“I’ll see you then.”

We hung up after an awkward goodbye. The entire conversation felt weird. I didn’t know how to act around the woman. I had been completely desperate when I called her after the crash and didn’t have time to let things get uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to expect from today.

 **Are you still naked?** The text from Edward came in just as I was about to put my phone down.

I rolled my eyes before replying. _Took a boring shower all alone, naked. Currently wrapped in a towel because now I’m, unfortunately, allowed to be clothed._

**The no clothing rule will go back into effect at precisely 7:02 tonight.**

I fell back onto the bed, phone in hand. _I miss you. Elena called – having her here for lunch._

**Do you want me to meet you?**

_No, it’s okay. Get your work done so the fun can start at 7:02 tonight. Love you._

I tossed my phone to the side. It was already late morning and somehow I had wasted hours doing practically nothing.

In the closet I found a pair of jeans and an oversized sweater to slip into. I pulled my hair into a quick, loose braid and decided I looked good enough. In theory our weekend alone could have been relaxing, but I was exhausted and sore in all of the best places. There wasn’t enough room in my brain to worry about my clothing too much.

I called down to the front desk and told them to send Elena up when she got here, and then called the kitchen and ordered food. It wasn’t really part of the services the complex offered every tenant, but there were certain perks when you were married to the owner.

Time passed quickly after that, mostly because I started pacing and let my mind wander to every possible outcome this lunch could have. Did she no longer want a relationship with me because of what I asked her to do? Did she want money to keep quiet?

A knock at the door made me jump. I relaxed when I saw an employee through the peep hole. He was obviously nervous as I let him in, rolling in a tray full of food. He was probably terrified that Edward might be here. I rummaged through my hastily packed purse and pulled out a fifty.

“Thank you,” I told him with what I hoped was a comforting smile.

“Thank you, ma’am, but we can’t –“

“He’s not here. It’s okay. I know the kitchen doesn’t usually do this. Please, take the tip.” The kid relaxed visibly when I told him Edward wasn’t here and slowly took the money before retreating out into the hall.

I sat at the table, fiddling with a fork while I waited. It was only a few minutes later when there was another knock. Looking down at myself before I opened the door, I suddenly wished I had put more thought into my appearance. _Why did this woman make me so insecure?_

Elena was there when I opened the door, dressed surprisingly similar to myself in a more form fitting sweater and a pair of dark slacks.

“Come in,” I said, stepping aside.

Elena gave me a soft smile as she passed, looking around at the penthouse. “This place is beautiful. I walk past it all of the time on my way to work. I never realized _you_ were The Isabella.”

“Edward built it.”

We ended up at the table, sitting opposite of each other. I pushed my food around on my plate.

“Are you okay?” she asked me a few minutes later.

I looked up at her and frowned. “I’m fine.”

“I know you have no reason to trust me, I haven’t earned it. But after the hospital – you were so frazzled. Scared. Then I didn’t hear from you for a month and a half. I know I don’t deserve the title, but I am your mother and I do worry about you. You asked me to – I know you were going to – I just would have liked to know you were okay.”

My instinct was to tell her she was right; she didn’t deserve the title and didn’t deserve the comfort of knowing what exactly was going on with me. But I was tired; tired of the drama that constantly surrounded everything about my life.

“I’m fine. Edward’s good, just has to build up the muscle in his leg back to what it was. That night… I’m sorry. I never should have put you in that position, but I didn’t… _do_ anything. Neither of us are in danger of getting caught for anything.”

“I wasn’t worried about getting caught, I was worried about you.”

That was what I couldn’t wrap my head around, the fact that she was worried about me. In general, I knew mother’s worried about their children. I had just never had a mother like that.

“This whole thing is difficult for me. I’ve never had a real motherly figure. Growing up, my ‘parents’ cared about me, I think, but I was still an outsider with them. I’m not used to people caring.

“I’ve been through a lot of shit. I’ve been shot, I’ve been attacked in my own home, and I spent over a year incarcerated. My husband is the only one who was constantly by my side the whole time. I’m not used to trusting anyone but him.” It was sad, but true. I trusted our family, but not the way I trusted Edward.

“I’d like you to be able to trust me, eventually. We can work up to it. But until then… maybe a monthly phone call at the least? So I know you’re doing okay?”

It wasn’t something I liked admitting to myself, but I wanted to know this woman. Even I saw the similarities between us; our appearance, our mannerisms… There was no denying this was my mother. But, like I had told her, I wasn’t good with mothers.

“We could meet for lunch or something… every few weeks?” I hated how nervous I was for her answer, hated how much I wanted her to want me.

Elena smiled, though. A big, full face smile. “I’d love that.”


	18. Radio Pt. 2

_Now my life is sweet like cinnamon, like a fucking dream I’m living in. Baby love me cause I’m playing on the radio. Lick me up and take me like a vitamin, cause my body’s sweet like sugar venom, oh yeah. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Radio**_

**BPOV**

“Fuck,” Edward grunted, his grip on my hips tightening, keeping me in place as he pounded into me. The edge of the bathroom counter dug into my legs while I had to grip Edward’s shoulder and the wall next to me to keep from falling but it was all worth it.

“Harder,” I whispered, unable to catch my breath. I moved my grip from Edward’s shoulder to his hair, still wet from his shower. When he complied with my request my head lulled back, nearly bashing into the mirror behind me. It would have if Edward hadn’t quickly put his hand behind my head, pulling it to his shoulder instead.

“You feel so good, baby. So,” thrust. “Fucking,” thrust. “Good,” thrust.

I bit down on his shoulder to keep myself somewhat quiet as we both came.

Neither of us moved for minutes. Edward’s hands slowly rubbed my thighs and mine tugged lightly at his hair, but that was it. A surprisingly sweet moment after a not so sweet morning fuck.

“I was just bringing you some toast,” I panted, smiling against his shoulder.

“You were bringing me toast while wearing a threadbare robe with your hair all sexy and rumpled. What was I supposed to do?”

I could give in to the robe part, it was old but it was my favorite. But, I wouldn’t have called my hair sexy at all. It was a mess from _someone_ digging their fingers in it the night before. 

Edward helped me off the counter, steadying me as my knees nearly buckled underneath me. I got a quick kiss to my forehead before I took my turn in the shower. Our morning had been refreshingly ordinary today. It had only been a couple days since Edward had been cleared by the doctor, but it finally felt like things were getting back to normal.

I was lathering the shampoo in my hair when the shower door opened and Edward popped his head in. “Are you coming to the office today?”

“Probably after the doctor. Why?”

“Good. I’ll be home late. Come see me at some point, okay?”

“Okay,” I told him with a smile. After a quick kiss he closed the door and left.

Despite the pleasurable morning, I wasn’t looking forward to today. Edward, being the worrier that he is, always made sure I had regular physicals from Doctor Banner. It was the healthy thing to do, but I hated going. There was nothing more uncomfortable than being poked and prodded by someone you hardly knew.

When Edward told me it was because he wanted to make sure the tremors from my shoulder never got worse, I gave in and agreed to keep up with the visits. 

That was how I ended up sitting in a stuffy doctor’s office nervously twitching my leg waiting for Banner to show up. The appointment was as monotonous as ever. He asked me basic questions, stretched out my arm and checked my reflexes. He frowned a bit as he pressed against my abdomen but said nothing. I had to sit around and wait as a nurse took some blood and told me Banner would be back soon.

Soon turned out to be about an hour later. I was bored and frustrated by the time he got back.

“I apologize for the wait, Mrs. Cullen. I just had to double check your blood test. Everything is fine,” he added quickly as my eyes widened. “It appears you’re pregnant.”

_Pregnant._

_Pregnant._

_Pregnant._

“Excuse me?” I asked, feeling all of the air leave my lungs like I was punched in the gut.

“I was surprised as well,” he said with a slight smile. “Your records from your past surgery clearly detail an extensive amount of damage to your abdomen and reproductive system.”

“The doctor – he said I could never have a baby.” I didn’t make that up, right? That was what he said, multiple times. Too much damage meant no baby for me.

“To be fair, he was fairly accurate. There have been a few cases like yours, women with similar amounts of damage and they have a one in a million chance of conceiving a child. I would have told someone in your situation the same thing.”

“I didn’t even know – they said I –“

“I know it’s confusing. Sometimes science doesn’t have an answer either. But, I’ve contacted a specialist that I believe will work well for you. My secretary set you up with an appointment with her tomorrow morning.” He handed me a business card. “I’m sorry I can’t answer all of your questions. It isn’t my area of expertise.”

Blindly, I walked through the office. Ben met me in the waiting room and we walked down to the car in silence. My mind was going in too many different directions to think properly; it was like my brain was full of white noise.

_Pregnant._

No, he had to be wrong. It wasn’t his area of expertise, he admitted that. He was wrong.

“Stop at a drugstore, please,” I told Ben, hoping he couldn’t hear the panic in my voice.

When I pulled my phone out of my bag, I was surprised at how late it was already. The appointment must have taken even longer than I realized. There was also a message from Edward waiting for me.

**Where are you?**

Fuck, I had told him I would be in the office today.

_Doctor took longer than usual. Everything is fine. Working from home. I’ll see you when you get home._

Thank God it was a text and not a phone call. There was no way I would have been able to keep it together if I was talking to him.

The car stopped and I looked around, realizing we were parked in front of a drugstore. Shit, I couldn’t walk in there and buy a test. Someone would see, then tell a friend, who would tell their friends, and by midnight the world would know I was pregnant.

I tapped on Ben’s shoulder. “If I ask you to do something do you promise not to tell Edward?”

“I think we’ve established that I’d do nearly anything you need, Mrs. Cullen.”

“Just don’t tell Edward. Not yet, okay?” He nodded. “I need you to go in there and buy me one of every brand of pregnancy test they have.”

He tried to hide his surprise, I could see the strain on his features as he did. He nodded quickly and left me sitting in the car. Five minutes later he returned carrying two bags full of boxes. I put them on the seat next to me and stared at them the entire drive home.

I practically jumped out of the car the second it was parked at home. I mumbled a quiet, “Don’t tell him,” to Ben as I passed him.

With my bags in one hand, I went to the kitchen and quickly grabbed five bottles of water from the refrigerator and ran upstairs, dropping a bottle about every two steps I took.

I sequestered myself in the bathroom, downing a bottle of water as I pulled out all of the boxes Ben got. Jesus, who knew there were so many brands of tests? They all did the same thing, right? Was one more accurate than the other?

The next few hours were spent simultaneously drinking an ungodly amount of water and peeing on little sticks. So many sticks. I was more hydrated than I had ever been in my life.

Each one said the same thing. Always pregnant. Each time. Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.

I wasn’t sure what I was thinking would happen. Logically I knew a blood test was more reliable than these at-home ones. Was I hoping Banner would be wrong and that these would say something different?

No. That wasn’t it, I didn’t think so. I was just confused. So confused.

There were at least thirty tests all spread out on the counter in front of me. Thankfully I had run out of tests. There was no way I could drink another bottle of water or pee again.

Shit. I didn’t know what to do; did I call Edward, tell him about it now? Did I go to the appointment tomorrow and see what that doctor said? Could I actually be pregnant?

When that thought floated across my mind I tossed my shirt over my head and stared at myself in the mirror. I didn’t look pregnant at all. My stomach seemed normal to me, but Banner frowned as he touched it earlier. Is that what made him suspect something?

I ran my fingers lightly over my lower abdomen, gently pushing against the skin. It was maybe a little firmer, but that could have been because I had been working out more lately. Fuck, this was confusing.

At some point I started crying. I only realized it because I tear fell from my chin onto my stomach as I looked down. _Pregnant._

A baby. Edward’s baby. My baby. Growing inside me right now.

There was a soft knock at the door before it cracked open. “Bella?”

_Fuck._ He wasn’t supposed to be here. He said he was working late. I looked down at my phone and realized it was a lot later than I realized, but still earlier than when he usually came home after ‘working late.’

I panicked. I was shirtless and surrounded by pregnancy tests. There wasn’t much I could do in the three seconds it took Edward to open the door and walk in.

He looked at me and frowned, probably thinking I had lost my mind. Then his eyes fell to the counter, covered in pregnancy tests. He picked them all up, every single one, and looked at them. Not showing any kind of worry that he was touching sticks I had peed on, he went through them one by one. When he turned back to me, his eyes were wide and his mouth open in shock.

“Banner did a blood test and told me this afternoon,” I blurted out. “I didn’t believe him though, so I took a few tests.” I didn’t really know what I should say to him. My mind was a mess of worry and fear and a hint of excitement that I was too scared to let grow.

“You’re pregnant?”

“I, um, think so.”

“They said you couldn’t…”

“Banner said that people in situations like mine typically had a one in a million chance at getting pregnant.”

Edward grabbed another one of the tests and stared at it, then sat on the floor, leaning against the cabinets. “Pregnant.”

“Yeah,” I sighed, quickly sitting next to him. “I mean, maybe. People have… issues all the time. I’m sure I’m more likely to have issues, too. Banner set me up with a specialist, I have an appointment tomorrow.

“I don’t think… we shouldn’t get too invested right now. Not until we know more.”

There was that nagging thought in the back of my mind that this pregnancy could be taken away just as easily as the last one. I didn’t want to get used to the possibility only for it to be ripped away from me twelve hours later.

Edward didn’t say anything, he just sat next to me staring at the little pink stick. If anyone walked in they would think we were insane. Counter covered in pregnancy tests, me shirtless, and Edward speechless.

“Do you know –“

“All I know is what I told you, Banner couldn’t tell me much.” Looking over at him, I could get nothing from his expression. He didn’t look angry or upset, but he didn’t look happy either. I had known for a few hours and I still couldn’t decide how I felt about the whole thing, I supposed it wasn’t fair for me to expect Edward to know after seven minutes.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked, ignoring the rational side of my brain.

Edward’s head snapped in my direction. “No. Fuck, no I’m not mad at you, Bella. I’m shocked. Really fucking shocked. Your message seemed odd… But I didn’t think I would come home to fifty positive pregnancy tests.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I should have waited until my appointment tomorrow to tell you, when I knew more.”

“No, I’m glad I know. We’ll go tomorrow and find out what our next step is. Everything will be fine.” He said the words to me, but I had a feeling he was talking to himself as well. It was odd, I had never seen him so frazzled before. 

We sat in silence for a while. I rested my head on his shoulder, staring at the test still in his hands. “Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” Edward asked out of the blue.

“I wanted to see if I was showing. Banner was feeling my abdomen, I think that’s what made him suspect it enough to do a blood test.”

“Are you?” He sounded hopeful, and it was like a knife to my chest. I didn’t want that, because then tomorrow we would go to the doctor and she would say something was wrong. Something always went wrong and then we would both be left devastated.

“No, I don’t think so.”

I couldn’t handle the silence anymore, so I stood up and started the shower. Showers always made me feel better. It would clear my mind, give me a fresh perspective.

When I started undressing, Edward followed my lead. We didn’t talk as we showered. I washed his hair and he washed mine. His eyes never left me, and I could practically see the wheels turning in his head.

It was when Edward kneeled at my feet, presumably to wash my legs, that he placed the softest of kisses to my stomach. That was when I completely lost it.

“Please don’t do that,” I sobbed, unable to keep myself together any longer. “Please don’t get your hopes up that this is real or that it’ll all be okay,” I blubbered. “I can’t handle disappointing you like that again.”

Edward wrapped his arms around me gently and let my body sag against his. All of my energy had left my body and I wasn’t sure if I could make it to the bed. All I could do was cry.

Edward lifted me off of my feet and a moment later I was sitting on the counter amongst the fifty reminders of what was happening. I tried to wipe the tears off of my face, hoping it would help them stop, but nothing worked. The soft touches of the towel Edward was using to dry me off made me cry harder. _Damn, I’m a mess._

He carried me to bed and gently tucked me under the covers. Once I was situated he wiped a few of the slowing tears off of my cheeks. “Have you eaten dinner?”

“No,” I whispered. Peaking over at the clock, I saw it was nearly eleven at night. _Fuck, where did the day go?_

I quickly grabbed his hand as Edward moved to leave. “Please don’t go.”

“I’ll be back in three minutes, I promise. You need to eat.”

I watched the clock and sure enough, three minutes later, Edward walked back in with a plate and a glass of water. I sat up carefully and he put the plate in my lap, half of a sandwich and some fruit.

“Did you already eat?” I asked, begrudgingly eating a grape off of the plate.

“Yes, business dinner,” he answered, getting into bed next to me.

Fuck. He was supposed to work late tonight. “Shit, I’m sorry. You can go –“ 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Edward sat next to me and watched me eat, making sure I finished everything. He took the plate from me and set it aside when I was done, and then pulled me against him as we laid down.

“I’m sorry for freaking out,” I whispered in the darkness, just barely able to make out his face in front of mine.

“If any situation deserved a freak out, I think it would be this one.”

I sighed. “Thanks for taking care of me.”

“Always.”

_…Dark…_

_This is weird. This is weird. This is really fucking weird._ That was all I could think as Edward and I walked into the hospital. We took the most roundabout way to get to the office we needed, because the last thing I wanted was a headline announcing a pregnancy.

The morning had been a bit of a blur. We were both still in shock and hadn’t talked much about our situation. I was pretty sure Edward was scared to do much talking after my meltdown last night.

I squeezed his hand as we were led into an exam room. Edward sat in a chair next to me and I hopped on the table, cringing at the crunch of the paper underneath me. The nurse who led us here didn’t ask me any questions, simply said the doctor would be in soon.

My right leg started bouncing and I pulled at the strings of the plain grey sweatshirt I was wearing. I didn’t have it in me to do much more than pull that on with a pair of black leggings this morning.

A firm hand rested on my right leg, stopping the bouncing, and another pulled my hands away from the strings. Edward leaned in, his lips at my ear. “I know you’re scared and nervous and confused, but everything will be fine. No matter what, we’ll get through it together. We always do.”

Before I could respond the door opened and a woman in a white coat walked in. She was pretty; dirty blonde hair pulled back in a high pony tail and cheekbones I knew a few women would pay good money for. The moment she saw me she gave me a soft, comforting smile.

“Hello, Mrs. Cullen. I’m Doctor Hartman,” she said, holding her hand out to me.

“Hartman?” I asked. That was Edward’s surgeon.

“Yes, I’ve heard quite a lot about you from my husband. I’m glad you seem to be doing better, Mr. Cullen.”

“Thank you,” Edward said with a nod, shaking her hand as well.

“You probably hate me,” I blurted out. Shit, what was wrong with me?

“Why would I hate you?” she asked, sitting in a rolling chair across from Edward and me.

“I yelled at your husband a few times. Like… really screamed at him.” It wasn’t my proudest moment. I had very few proud moments when Edward was in the hospital.

“Yes, well, depending on how far along you are you may have pregnancy hormones to blame that on. Besides, every surgeon could use a good yelling at from time to time. They’re far too egotistical,” she said with a sly smirk.

Oh, I liked her. A lot.

“Now, the first thing I’d like to do is an ultrasound to see what we’re working with. If you’d lie back, Mrs. Cullen.”

Within just a few minutes I was on my back, my sweatshirt rolled up under my breasts, and the lights dimmed. The television on the wall across from us turned on and I tightened my grip on Edward’s hand. He stood next to me, eying every movement the doctor made.

When she squeezed the gel on my abdomen, my mantra from earlier filled my mind again. _This is weird. This is weird. This is really fucking weird._

As the doctor started to move the device over my abdomen the screen lit up as well. I had no clue what I was looking for, it all looked like a jumble of white noise to me. It felt like my heart was about to explode in my chest as she kept looking around.

“There we are,” she said, pointing on the screen in front of her.

I squinted my eyes at the larger screen and could make out the slightest figure. The there was some movement and I swore I could see a hand. _A hand!_

“Holy shit,” I mumbled. Then the gurgled sound of a heartbeat filled the room. “ _Holy shit.”_

“You’re much farther along than I would have guessed. Do you have an extreme workout routine?”

“Um, not really,” I said, somewhat distractedly while still staring at the screen across from me. Then I remembered all of the extra workouts because of Edward’s accident. “I worked out a little harder the last month or two for some, uh, stress relief.”

“Hmm.” She looked at the screen a little longer. “I would say you’re about sixteen weeks.”

I could feel my eyes widen as I stared at her. “Sixteen weeks?” I nearly shouted. “That’s… four months. How long are babies in there, like nine, right? That’s… five months from now. Five!

“And how could I not know for sixteen weeks? Why don’t I have a bump? Why weren’t there any symptoms?” I couldn’t stop the question vomit currently coming out. Sixteen weeks. Oh, my God.

“Well, the workouts are probably the main reason you haven’t seen much of a bump yet. You’re in excellent shape, some women don’t gain as much weight as others. Though, I would like you to slow down on the work outs. Don’t stop completely, of course, but gaining weight is good right now.

“Yes, most women typically deliver about nine months after conceiving. You are a rare case, though. I’m sure Doctor Banner told you, you had a very slight chance of conceiving after your surgery. Because of that, I’d like to keep a close eye on you, just in case.

“A lot of pregnancy symptoms, especially at your stage, could be mistaken for everyday issues; trouble sleeping, mood swings, things like that. It’s understandable you didn’t know, especially because you haven’t gained much weight, because pregnancy was presumably taken off of the table for you.”

“So… _how_ then?” I asked.

“From what I understand, your prior surgery left you with a lot of damage to your reproductive system, but it was still functioning, just on a lower capacity than usual. You’ve probably had fewer, lighter periods, less regular menstruation is a big part of why it would be unlikely for you to have gotten pregnant, along with the rest of the damage to your uterus from the surgery.

“That being said, I would categorize you as a high-risk pregnancy because of that. We’ll have you in more often for check-ups, keep a close eye on things.”

“So…” Christ, I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of this. “I’m actually pregnant. There’s a baby in there… has been for sixteen weeks. In five months we’re going to have a baby.” None of them were questions, not really. Just me trying to sort out my thoughts out loud.

“Yes. In about five months you will have a baby. They look perfect so far. Would you like to know the sex?”

She still had the ultrasound going, the image of my uterus still on the screen. I looked over at Edward, who had been surprisingly quiet, and saw his eyes still locked on the image. I squeezed his hand and realized he was squeezing mine just has hard.

“Could you write it down?” Edward asked, his voice gruff. “So we can look at it later?”

The doctor smiled. “Of course. We’ll get you a print out of the ultrasound as well.”

Edward seemed to snap out of whatever was distracting him earlier and started his own questioning of the doctor while she wiped off my stomach. Most of his questions were about what he could do, what he should make sure I did, things like that.

“What about sex?”

“Sex is fine, as long as everything feels good and normal for you, Mrs. Cullen, it should be fine.”

“Just Bella,” I told her quietly, staring at my stomach. _There’s a baby in there._

Edward collected a few things from the doctor, our envelope with the sex written on it, prescriptions for vitamins that I would need to take, and some packets of information she thought would be useful for us.

Edward and I were both still lost in thought the entire drive home. It’s one thing to have an unplanned pregnancy, that in and of itself is a shock. Getting pregnant when you spent the last ten years believing it was a complete impossibility is on a whole other level.

When we got home I tossed everything in my arms on the table in the entryway. Everything felt different now. Strange. We both froze in our spots, hands clasped between us.

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, mostly to myself because I still couldn’t believe it.

“You’re pregnant,” Edward said, his voice stronger than mine.

“Are you… happy?” There was part of me that was terrified of the answer, and another more confident part that already knew.

“It’s going to take some getting used to. But, yes, I think so. Are you?”

Now that some of the unknowns were clearer I could actually think about the situation without getting so overwhelmed. We knew for a fact I was pregnant, and the doctor said the child looked healthy. That was what held me back from my excitement yesterday, I was terrified something would be wrong.

For now, everything seemed good though. The sudden urge to cry hit me again, so I quickly wrapped my arms around Edward and pulled him as close as possible. “Yes, I’m very happy.”

Edward didn’t go to work for the rest of the day. It was partly to keep an eye on me, I think, but also because he seemed overwhelmed as well. When I grabbed my laptop and a blanket and went to the movie room, Edward went to go to the gym. He didn’t leave until he had me situated comfortably in my spot.

I put on a movie, though I paid no attention to it. By the time the movie was coming to an end I had ordered twelve different books on pregnancy and googled enough to know I was exceptionally unprepared for what the next five months would bring me, let alone the next eighteen years.

_Shit. I’m going to be a mother._


	19. Old Money

_Where have you been? Where did you go? Those summer nights seem long ago. And so is the girl you used to call the Queen of New York City. But if you send for me, you know I’ll come. And if you call for me, you know I’ll run. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Old Money**_

**EPOV**

The house seemed oddly quiet when I walked in. It was only nine, Bella wouldn’t already be asleep. I checked the movie room in the basement first, that was usually where she spent her time when I worked late. She wasn’t there, so I headed up to our bedroom.

Her message after her appointment didn’t sit well with me, but I had a completely packed day filled with a mixture of meetings and paperwork to get ready for my business dinner tonight. I had met with a few local politicians that wanted my money to help get them elected. They didn’t care where it came from, just that they had it. The dinner was monotonous as hell, but it never hurt to have as many people in power on my side as possible.

My original plan had been to meet with Emmett and Jasper tonight, but I pushed it back an hour to come home and see Bella, just to make sure she was okay. She spent the last six weeks constantly taking care of me, whether I asked for it or not. The least I could do was check on her.

The bathroom door was closed, but I could see light peeking out underneath it. I knocked softly before slowly opening it. “Bella?”

She stood in the middle of the room, shirtless. I frowned, confused by her odd appearance but relieved she was at least okay. Bella’s eyes darted to the counter before looking back at me, complete horror on her face.

Walking toward the counter I noticed it was covered in sticks. Some big, some small. Some pink, some white. So many sticks. Picking one up I looked at the tiny screen on the end. _Pregnant._

I picked up each one, there had to be forty, maybe fifty covering the counter. A few had a plus sign, some simply said pregnant like the first, others had two lines. Did two lines mean pregnant? What the fuck did a plus sign mean?

_Fucking hell. Pregnant?_

I looked back at Bella, frozen in the same spot she was in when I walked in. “Banner did a blood test and told me this afternoon. I didn’t believe him though, so I took a few tests.” _Christ, more than a few, baby._

“You’re pregnant?” I asked, the word sounded foreign in my mouth.

“I, um, think so.”

When Bella and I were getting ready to go on vacation after her shooting, I saw her medical records. It wasn’t legal, but I got them and forwarded them to Banner and a specialist he recommended. Both said the same thing; she would never be able to conceive her own child. “They said you couldn’t…”

“Banner said that people in situations like mine typically had a one in a million chance at getting pregnant.”

One in a million. That’s still a fucking chance, however slim it may be. That’s information we should have known. I picked up one of the tests, the one that simply said pregnant because who needs the fucking hassle of looking up what two lines or a plus or what-fucking-ever else meant.

I exhaled and it felt like I hadn’t done it in minutes. Had I? Maybe not. I sat down against the cabinets, test still in hand. “Pregnant.”

“Yeah,” Bella said, finally moving and sitting next to me. “I mean, maybe. People have… issues all the time. I’m sure I’m more likely to have issues, too. Banner set me up with a specialist, I have an appointment tomorrow.

“I don’t think… we shouldn’t get too invested right now. Not until we know more.”

Fucking Banner. He told her she was pregnant and just left it like that? No more information? “Do you know –“

“All I know is what I told you, Banner couldn’t tell me much.”

I frowned at the test in my hands. Typically, I handled stressful situations well. I had been in fucking shootouts and didn’t break a sweat. I understood that things could change in an instant and could make a plan quickly based on whatever may happen. But right now, when a scenario that had been definitively taken off of the table of possibility was thrown in my face, I didn’t know how to react.

Bella’s voice was quiet when she spoke. “Are you mad at me?”

“No. Fuck, no I’m not mad at you, Bella. I’m shocked. Really fucking shocked. Your message seemed odd… But I didn’t think I would come home to fifty positive pregnancy tests.” Shit. Positive pregnancy tests.

“I know. I’m sorry. I should have waited until my appointment tomorrow to tell you, when I knew more.”

“No, I’m glad I know. We’ll go tomorrow and find out what our next step is. Everything will be fine.” Maybe if I kept saying everything would be fine, it would be. Because in this moment, I had no plan on how to actually make things fine and that was disconcerting.

Bella rested her head on my shoulder and I looked down at her. “Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”

“I wanted to see if I was showing. Banner was feeling my abdomen, I think that’s what made him suspect it enough to do a blood test.”

“Are you?” I asked, my mind suddenly filled with images of Bella with a cute little pregnant stomach.

“No, I don’t think so.”

I knew she wasn’t. I saw her naked this morning. Shit, I hated feeling out of control. Bella stood and started removing what little clothing she had left. I watched her skeptically for a minute before she turned on the shower.

When I joined her under the warm spray we silently washed each other. My mind couldn’t focus on anything for too long, so I tried to focus on the task at hand. I knelt at Bella’s feet, running my soaped-up hands along her legs and my eyes landed on her abdomen. It didn’t look any different but there was a very real possibility that our child was in there. _Fuck. Our child._

Impulsively, I placed a gentle kiss over her lower abdomen. Nearly instantly she started crying.

“Please don’t do that. Please don’t get your hopes up that this is real or that it’ll all be okay,” she cried. “I can’t handle disappointing you like that again.”

My chest tightened as she sobbed against me. There was nothing I could say to comfort her right now. I didn’t have the answers she needed and it killed me. I took care of her in the only ways that I could for now, drying her off, getting her a little something to eat, and holding her through the night. Because as much as I wanted to tell her that her pregnancy was real and that it would turn out okay, I knew the odds were against us.

_…Dark…_

I wasn’t being a very good husband. Everything felt off, every thought in my head felt wrong. This entire situation seemed wrong and for some reason I just couldn’t turn off my brain long enough to comfort my wife properly, who was probably feeling ten times more confused than I was.

But when we were sitting in an exam room I looked over at her. She was pulling at the strings of her sweatshirt with a frown on her face, her leg bouncing as she waited. I realized that it was a perfectly normal situation we were in _._ Couples had surprise pregnancies all of the time. We were in a healthy, committed relationship. If we had a child… the _if_ was the problem. 

The if was what caused the anxiety in both of us, because right now we didn’t have any concrete facts. I was fairly positive she was pregnant, but the health of the child was my biggest concern. After her meltdown in the shower, I knew that was what was holding Bella back as well.

She looked so scared sitting there; scared to be happy, scared that a doctor was about to come in and tell her she was about to lose another child or something equally as devastating.

I went and stood next to her, stopping her bouncing knee and pulling her hands into mine. “I know you’re scared and nervous and confused, but everything will be fine. No matter what, we’ll get through it together. We always do.”

There was no way I could control the outcome to the situation, but I could control my response. No matter what the doctor said I would stand by my wife and piece her back together if need be. I felt slightly better with that realization. Still scared shitless, but a little less so.

The door opened and a woman walked in. She gave Bella a small smile. “Hello, Mrs. Cullen. I’m Doctor Hartman,” she said, shaking Bella’s hand.

Bella and the doctor talked for a minute about their connection to her husband, my surgeon following the plane crash. I found the card in Bella’s purse early this morning and did some research on the female Doctor Hartman. She had an impressive amount of experience working with high risk pregnancies and seemed very well respected within the field. There were no red flags so far, but I would do more research into her this afternoon.

“Now, the first thing I’d like to do is an ultrasound to see what we’re working with. If you’d lie back, Mrs. Cullen.”

_Shit._ I stood next to Bella as she situated herself on the table. I could barely make out a slight tremor in her hands as she rolled up her sweatshirt. Not only in her right hand either. When the lights dimmed I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze, eying the doctor as she set up the machine.

My mind went blank as the screen across from us lit up with the ultrasound images. I held my breath, looking for anything I could recognize, but it was all a mess of grey and black to me.

“There we are,” the doctor said, pointing at the screen. I thought I saw something, just for a second, but then it was gone. She moved the wand a fraction of an inch and then I could clearly see a hand. Christ, a tiny little hand.

“Holy shit,” Bella mumbled. The sound of a heartbeat filled the room. “Holy shit.”

At the sound of the steady heartbeat, I finally exhaled. I was no doctor, but it sounded like a strong heartbeat. That was a good sign. Very good sign.

“You’re much farther along that I would have guessed. Do you have an extreme workout routine?”

Bella and the doctor talked about her symptoms, or lack thereof, and how the pregnancy was possible in the first place. I divided my attention between their conversation and the moving image in front of me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. _Jesus, that’s my child._

“So…” Bella murmured. “I’m actually pregnant. There’s a baby in there… has been for sixteen weeks. In five months we’re going to have a baby.” Shit, it sounded unreal when she put it like that. Five months was nothing.

“Yes. In about five months you will have a baby. They look perfect so far. Would you like to know the sex?”

That question caught my attention. Made the whole thing seem more real suddenly. Made me realize just who the child Bella was carrying could one day become.

“Could you write it down? So we can look at it later?”

“Of course. We’ll get you a print out of the ultrasound as well.”

My mind seemed to finally wake up. It was like the last twelve hours or so it had been filled with white noise, barely able to think about anything at all. Now I couldn’t shut it off. Would Bella need a specific diet? What things did pregnant women have to avoid besides alcohol? Were there any warning signs we could look out for? Should she keep working or take things easy because this was a high-risk pregnancy?

“What about sex?” I asked after getting a few of the more important ones out of the way.

“Sex is fine, as long as everything feels good and normal for you, Mrs. Cullen, it should be fine.”

“Just Bella.” I looked down at her and saw her eyes locked on her stomach.

As we left I sent Eric to go get the vitamins the doctor told Bella to take. When we got home, I felt like I could finally relax a little bit. It had been an incredibly tense few hours.

“I’m pregnant,” Bella whispered as we stood in the entryway.

“You’re pregnant,” I said. For the first time the word didn’t sound odd coming out of my mouth.

“Are you… happy?”

“It’s going to take some getting used to. But, yes, I think so. Are you?” I still needed to process everything. I had to sit down alone and think about what all of this meant. But there wasn’t a moment where I felt dread or anger when I thought about the pregnancy.

Small arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me down to her level. I wrapped my arms around her waist. “Yes, I’m very happy.”

I got Bella situated in her movie room, curled up under a blanket with her laptop. She insisted she was fine, so I changed into shorts and went to our gym. I went for the treadmill because that required the least amount of attention. As I started running I realized that while the initial panic that something might be wrong with Bella or the baby had eased, I still had a sense of underlying doubt. This whole thing seemed fake, like a prank gone wrong because as soon as I thought about it being taken away my chest hurt.

The memory of the ultrasound popped into my mind, that little hand that I saw clear as day. That’s my child; a person made from a little bit of Bella and a little bit of me. A little boy or girl who would be ours to take care of and send out into the world.

My steps faltered and I turned the treadmill off. Panting, I looked down at the screen and saw I had unknowingly run five miles while completely distracted.

Bella… she would be a phenomenal mother, there was no doubt about it. That child couldn’t have asked for a better mother or protector. I could tell at every mention of Alice’s pregnancy or every time Rose mentioned wanting another child that Bella was starting to truly realize what she had lost. But now she hadn’t lost it.

There were still things to worry about, a million different things to worry about that seemed to keep me from enjoying the moment, but I had to let it go. The mother of my unborn child was sitting in the other room all alone, and I was in here sulking. Unacceptable.

Ignoring the sweat dripping down my chest I found Bella where I left her, cuddled in the corner of a fluffy reclining chair. Before she could react, I set her computer aside and had her in my arms in one of those cliché hugs that turned into a spin.

“You’re pregnant,” I mumbled against her neck.

“You’re happy?” Bella asked, her confusion about my outburst evident.

“Yes. I’m sorry I wasn’t as expressive before, I just needed to think. It’s odd, isn’t it?” I set her on her feet in front of me. The room was dark, the credits of her movie playing behind us, but I could still make out the soft smile on her face.

“Yeah. It’s really fucking weird. And terrifying. But… good too, right?”

“Really good,” I told her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as I looked down at her. _Shit, she was cute pregnant._ “Do you need anything? Another blanket, some water?”

“No,” she giggled. “I’m okay. I’m actually sort of exhausted,” she said, an almost guilty look on her face.

“You’ve been exhausted for weeks, haven’t you?”

“Kind of,” she admitted.

I could tell she was tired for a while, she worked a lot on a regular basis and then topping that off with everything from the crash I just thought she was stressed. Bella was excellent at pushing aside her needs for everyone else.

“No more pushing things down. If you’re tired, take a nap. If you don’t feel good, tell me. Okay?”

She sighed. “Okay. I’m tired.”

Smiling down at her I lifted her in my arms bridal style and carried her up to bed. I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead as she relaxed into bed.

“Edward?” My eyes met hers. “I’m still kind of terrified of this whole thing.”

“That’s okay. I am too.”

I took a quick shower. My plan had been to get some work done while Bella took her nap, but she looked so peaceful as she slept. It made me want nothing more than to get in bed behind her and take my own nap.

Bella sighed against me as I pulled her close. I was a second away from sleep when I realized the most worrying part of this whole thing.

_Shit. I’m going to be a father._

_…Dark…_

The next few days were a haze of startling realizations and coming home to find Bella with happy tears streaming down her face. It had happened twice so far. The initial shock was wearing off a bit for me. It was still fucking weird, looking at Bella and knowing she was creating a little human inside her. Our little human.

Today was Bella’s first day back at work and it was surprisingly hard not to go down there every hour to make sure she was okay. She had seemed fine, physically, so far. But I did start to realize a few things that are now so obviously pregnancy symptoms.

The short temper was the biggest. It started at the hospital and hasn’t gone away since. It had seemed so out of character for her then, fighting with the staff and scaring them away. That wasn’t Bella, but we both assumed it was the stressful situation. Apparently, we had hormones to blame for the mood swings.

So, when I walked from the conference room to my desk and heard Jessica gossiping with an intern it caught my attention.

“I have a friend interning down there. He said she’s fucking losing it.”

Stopping in my tracks, I backed up a few steps until I was facing the two of them. “Are you talking about my wife?”

“Oh, um,” the girl stuttered, and I could tell she was trying to decide whether she should lie or not. “Yes.”

The elevator would take too long, so I took the stairs quickly down the one floor to Bella’s office. The mood was instantly somber as I walked in, completely opposite of what it usually was. Bella’s employees were much happier with their boss than mine were upstairs.

“It can’t be that fucking hard to schedule the conference call. I don’t need a business degree from north-fucking-western to know that.”

Bella was standing outside her office, yelling at a man probably just a few years younger than her. I had to give him some credit, he didn’t try to fight back, just nodded and went back to his desk. As soon as he moved she saw me in the doorway.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice much calmer than seconds ago.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing,” I told her, walking over and grabbing her hand to lead her into her office.

We both sat down on the couch off to the side. “Why are you actually here?”

“I heard you were having some issues,” I said carefully.

She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. “I feel weird.”

“Bad weird?”

“No, just weird. Maybe a little achy, sort of tired. Extremely frustrated at everyone out there. There’s a human being growing inside of me and it feels _weird_. But I wasn’t feeling like this five days ago when we didn’t know. Is it all just in my head?”

“You were feeling it, you just didn’t know what it was. You pushed everything to the side when I got hurt. It’s not surprising you didn’t realize you were pregnant sooner. You’re more aware now, which is good. I don’t want you pushing anything aside because you think you should feel a certain way.”

“How do you always know how to make me feel better?”

I kissed the top of her head. “Because I love you. Do you want me to take you home?”

“No. I do have a call I have to make. I need to get as much done now before I can’t come in anymore.”

We had decided to keep the pregnancy from the public for the duration of it. Bella didn’t want to deal with the judgement of the world and I couldn’t have cared less about them knowing. It did mean she wouldn’t be able to do much once she started showing.

I spent a little while longer sitting with her and listened when she told me she was trying to get the first film underway before she disappeared for a while. Because my wife was a force to be reckoned with, she had her sights set on a film being passed around by a writer who had been nominated for a handful of Academy Awards but had never won. He was someone everyone wanted, according to Bella.

As I left, I got a few mouthed ‘thank yous’ from the employees in the surrounding area. It was laughable that people could be so intimidated by the woman in there with the sweetest heart imaginable. Though I hadn’t been on the receiving end of a hormonal anger outbreak yet.

After a few hours I knew Bella had to be exhausted. I packed up my things and quickly took the stairs back down to her office. The door opened just as I was taking the last stair, and Bella walked in.

“Oh, hi,” she said with a smile.

“Ready to go?” She nodded, intertwining our fingers as we walked. The moment we got in the car she situated herself against me, head on my shoulder and eyes peacefully shut. I hated to keep her out longer than necessary, but there was one stop we had to make before going home.

When we got there, I gently nudged Bella awake. “I just need to get your opinion on something.”

Begrudgingly, she followed me out of the car, gasping when she saw the plane in front of us. She silently followed me as I pulled her along. It was frustrating having to go through the process of getting another plane, but mine was in about a million different pieces now.

Once we were on board I let Bella walk around on her own for a few minutes. I sat in the main cabin and looked around. This one was a little less business and a little more… family friendly. As family friendly as a private plane could seem. Along one wall there was a couch as opposed to single seats. This one seemed more comfortable than the last.

“Have you bought it yet?” Bella asked, sitting next to me on the couch.

“No, I wanted our opinion. Do you like it?”

She shrugged. “Sure, though I don’t know enough about planes to form an actual opinion. It’s pretty.” It’s pretty… it was a forty-million-dollar luxury private plane, of course it was pretty. “Could you not get one like before?”

“This one is a little bigger. More family friendly.”

Bella snorted, and then started cackling. Full body chortles. “Edward,” she said as soon as she could talk through her laughing. “People don’t go out and buy new planes to be family friendly. A car, maybe.”

“Our cars are already big enough, and the safest model money can buy. We needed a plane, this one is bigger for our family,” I said, convincing myself to go through with it. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

Standing, I pulled her up with me and headed out.

“Hey,” she said, pulling me back to her. “I like the plane, and I like that you said our family.” Behind her eyes, I could see the tears coming so I wrapped her in my arms and let them fall on my shoulder.

_…Dark…_

On Saturday Bella spent most of her day in our bedroom while I worked in my office. About an hour before we had to leave for dinner with the family I walked in and found her laying on the bed, hair falling over the edge, surrounded by books but no longer reading. Just staring at the ceiling.

“Are you okay?”

“There’s a lot of shit about being pregnant that nobody tells you about,” she said, her voice monotone.

“Like what?”

“My organs are _moving_. Which, I mean, it makes sense but they’re moving. It’s weird. I’ll nearly double the amount of blood in my body which will make my heart actually grow. I’ll get pregnancy brain and forget everything all the time because I may have more blood, but there’s less oxygen in it for some fucked up reason. My bones loosen… or the ligaments… something loosens so the baby can tear its way out of me.

“Then, after I go through all of that I have to actually _have_ the baby. Childbirth and afterbirth all sound pretty fucking terrible.”

I should have paid more attention when Emmett and Jasper would talk about their wives’ pregnancies, because everything Bella was talking about did sound pretty awful. It hadn’t occurred to me yet that I would have to watch her screaming in pain delivering our child. _Fuck._

Kneeling on the floor next to where her head rested on the bed, I kissed her softly. “It’s good we’re telling everyone tonight. Alice and Rose have been through it all, they’ll have more comforting words for you than I do,” I admitted because fuck if moving organs didn’t sound painful. “But I will promise to be here for you, misplaced organs and all.”

Bella rolled out of bed and slunk off to the closet to get ready. I was picking up all of her books when I heard a soft gasp from the ensuite. When I got there, she was dressed similarly as when I found her surrounded by pregnancy tests; bra and sweatpants and nothing else.

“Are you okay?”

“There’s a little bump. Can you tell?” Bella turned to the side and ran a hand down her abdomen. Sure enough, right below her belly button, there was a definite bump.

I stood there and watched her, twisting her body in every direction to get a look at her little bump. This was the woman that cried every night for months after she was told she lost a child and could never have another. The one who constantly apologized to me for not being able to have a child, though it was of no fault of her own. There she was, smiling down at her little baby bump despite all of the horrible things she just listed a few minutes earlier.

We were the last to arrive at dinner after spending a good chunk of time mesmerized by Bella’s abdomen. Everyone was already gathered around Alice and Jasper’s living room when we walked in.

Bella sat next to me on a loveseat across from everyone, constantly fidgeting with the sleeves of her sweater. I put an arm around her shoulder and my lips at her ear. “You know, for an Academy Award winning actress you’re not playing it very cool right now.”

“We should have talked about it,” she whispered to me. “How do we tell –“

“What are you two whispering about?” Alice asked from across the room.

I looked down at Bella with a smile. _There’s your opening, baby._ She looked horrified. Whether it was the attention or the fear of everyone’s reactions, I wasn’t sure.

“Bella and I have some news for you all.”

“What’d you do?” Alice asked warily.

“Why do you assume it’s bad news?”

“Because you guys are the most frustratingly private people I’ve ever met. I’m pretty sure the last time you came over here and said you had news you were telling me Bella had been arrested.”

Huh. “Which time?”

Bella huffed. “I haven’t been arrested that many times.”

“What’s the news?” Rosalie asked, looking nearly as skeptical as Alice.

“Um,” Bella mumbled, looking up at me. “I have to throw up.” Before I could respond Bella was up and hurrying to the bathroom down the hall.

“Shit.” Ignoring the curious glances from my family I followed her and caught up to her just as she started heaving into the toilet. I quickly pulled her hair back as it started sliding over her shoulder, rubbing her back until she was finished.

When she was done she sat back against the wall opposite of the toilet. I searched through the cabinets and found a toothbrush still in the package and some toothpaste. Helping Bella to her feet I handed her everything she needed and watched her in the mirror as she brushed her teeth.

This was the first time I really thought about how hard the next few months would be on her, and the hell it was going to be to have to watch it. The things she listed earlier were just a few of the symptoms she was going to have to deal with.

“You okay?” I asked as she finished rinsing her mouth out.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around my waist. We stood like that for a minute until she pulled away and grabbed my hand. “Okay. Let’s go.”

When we got back to the living room everyone looked at us with suspicious eyes.

“Are you okay?” Jasper asked. He had Alice draped over his lap now, like he had to hold her down to keep her from following us.

“Yes. I’m, um,” Bella stuttered, the pressure of her hand increasing by the second in mine. “I’m pregnant.”

The room was silent. Everyone’s eyes widened. I smiled down at my wife.

“Really?” Rosalie asked, her voice hushed.

We both nodded.

“How?” Alice asked, then rolled her eyes at herself. “I mean, I know how. But… _how_?”

“The doctor said it was a one in a million kind of situation.”

Within seconds Bella was enveloped in hugs by the women. I gave her hand one last squeeze before leaving them to talk. Emmett and Jasper retreated to the bar after saying their congratulations.

“Congrats, man,” Emmett said as I walked over, a big smile on his face. “When did you find out?”

“Just a few days ago.”

“You’re supposed to wait until the first trimester is over to tell people, you know.”

“Thank you, Mr. Mom. She’s sixteen weeks pregnant.”

“Shit, really?” Jasper asked, looking over at her again. I couldn’t blame them, she definitely didn’t look like the average four-month pregnant woman.

I nodded. “Apparently a combination of stress and exercise and genetics. She just started showing a little bit today that we noticed.”

“Damn. That’s amazing. You could tell, you know? That she wanted it.”

“Do you know the sex?”

“Not yet. We have it written down, but we haven’t looked.”

“If it’s a boy –“

“I know.” If it was a boy he would become first in line to inherit everything; the entire Cullen legacy. But, damn, a girl with Bella’s genes would be one hell of a leader too.

The rest of dinner was spent talking about pregnancy which was odd on many different levels. It was still something I was getting used to, the idea of what Bella was going through and what we would be doing five months from now. Talking about it with everyone made it seem a bit more real.

Bella was freaked out again when we got home. She didn’t talk much once we left, and as soon as we walked in the door she slunk off to our bedroom. I gave her a few minutes alone before I followed.

When I found her in our ensuite she was standing just as she had before we left, shirtless and staring at her stomach. Her eyes were a little sad this time.

“What is it?”

“I’m going to tell you all of the things I’m worried about and then you’re going to tell me I shouldn’t worry about them. I was talking with Alice and Rose and… I don’t want to be scared and worried for the next five months. Some women love being pregnant, and this’ll probably be my only chance.

“There’s the not so fun parts like the whole misplaced organs thing but I should enjoy it and not worry so much… right?”

“Right,” I told her, walking over to stand behind her. I wrapped my arms carefully around her, resting my hands over hers on her small bump. “I think a certain amount of fear and anxiety over the whole thing is expected, but you tend to go worse-case scenario on everything. We’ll get in a warm bath and relax and you can tell me every worry in that pretty little head of yours, okay?”

We did exactly that. Bella sat with her back against my chest and talked for hours. There were so many worries in that mind of hers I didn’t know how she concentrated on anything else. There were some that I expected, about something happening to the baby because of her issues, but there were some unexpected ones too.

“What if you don’t like me when I’m fat?”

“Most of your worries so far have been valid, but that one has no place taking up space in your head, Bella.”

“I’m going to get fat, Edward. What if –“

“First, you’ll be pregnant, not fat. There’s a difference. Second, I’d love you no matter what; if you were fat, if you shaved your head, if you got a sudden interest in facial tattoos… don’t worry about things like that, Bella.”

It was another thirty minutes before I had answered every one of her fears. Most were completely valid considering this wasn’t something she ever though she would have to deal with. Hell, I felt the same way about a lot of the things she said, but we would figure everything out together. First, we just had to get through the next five months.


	20. Lucky Ones

_I got so scared, I thought no one could save me. You came along, scooped me up like a baby. Every now and then the stars align, boy and girl meet by the great design. Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones? Everybody told me love was blind, Then I saw our face and you blew my mind. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Lucky Ones**_

**BPOV**

Nearly everyone in Chicago was petrified of my husband. I saw the looks he got walking down the street. They weren’t the same ones I got, people looked at me like I was an animal in a zoo; something exotic and exciting to stare at for hours. Edward got the looks I would imagine an escaped convict would get running down a crowded street still in their prison uniform. They were all scared eyes and slack jawed looks.

It was odd, thinking that so many people could be scared of him as I watched him sleep. All I saw when I looked at him was crazy bed hair and a jawline that was perfect for kissing. This morning though, I saw him as the man whose baby was currently growing inside of me. Somehow it made him more desirable than he was before if that was possible.

He had been so good to me, checking on me when we were at work and talking through every single one of my fears last night. He never told me any of them were irrational or stupid and he never made me feel guilty about being so scared.

I kissed his pouty, sleepy lips once, twice, three times before his eyes slowly opened. Hazy green staring back at me and making my heart skip. He gave me a good morning smirk and I took my free hand and ran it down his deliciously bare chest. I kissed my way down his jaw just because I wanted to and found my favorite spot in the crook of his neck.

“You smell good,” I whispered, mostly talking to myself but I felt his body shake with a small laugh. It was true, so I wasn’t embarrassed to admit it. He smelled like the bubbles from our bath and fresh cotton sheets and a warm summer day all in one.

Strong fingers got tangled in my hair as Edward pulled my lips to his. Our kiss was slow at first, just lips barely brushing. I could tell Edward wasn’t expecting more than a morning kiss because he tensed when I started biting at his lips and hitched a leg over his hip.

He let me push him onto his back easily. I braced my forearms on the bed beside his head and enjoyed the way his lips moved with mine. It was when I rolled my hips against his that he froze again.

“Are you sure?”

There were very few things I was sure about these days, but wanting my husband was one of them. I nodded and resumed my adoration of his lips. Warm hands slid along my back, fingers lightly skated over my spine and sent a shiver through my entire body. 

Edward sat up quickly, his back against the headboard, and pulled me right into his lap. My arms wrapped around his neck as tightly as I could without actually choking him. There was a new desperation coursing through me, the need to be as close as possible to him overpowering everything else.

As I sunk down on his length I worked to keep my eyes open and locked on his. I loved that I could practically see the pleasure in his eyes. We were both still for a moment, having a silent conversation, reveling in the closeness and enjoying every spot where we touched.

The soft squeeze of a hand on my hip spurred me on as I started steadily raising and dropping myself over him. It wasn’t long before we set a frantic pace. My hands grasped at anything that could give me more leverage and help me move; the wall, Edward’s shoulder, his hair, nothing was off limits.

We didn’t communicate in anything more than grunts and moans. Edward kept a hand on my hip, steadying me over him. His other roamed as he pleased; squeezing my ass, sliding along my back, flicking a nipple with just enough pressure to make me groan.

I threw my head back as my orgasm shot through my body, prolonged by Edward leaning forward and nipping at my neck as he came inside me.

The time it took us to recover was calm. Hands continued to roam but not as frantically as minutes before. Lips caressed places where teeth had left harsh red marks.

Sometime later Edward stood, keeping me in his arms, and carried me to the shower. He smiled down at me, peppering kisses along my forehead and cheeks as he washed my hair. Hands that were feverishly grasping at me moments ago caressed my skin carefully as he washed me. This time when he knelt and kissed the small bump of my abdomen there were no hysterical sobs, just happy tears.

_…Dark…_

“I can tell them by myself,” Edward repeated, turning the car off. We had just pulled up to Carlisle and Esme’s home. It was Sunday and Esme was having her usual dinner with the family, the one Edward and I hadn’t come to in nearly a year.

The last time I had seen Carlisle or Esme had been at the hospital. I didn’t even remember all of the fights I had with Esme there. Maybe the pregnancy hormones caused me to overreact, but everything about her infuriated me. It had been months since she and Edward had talked, years since she had really been a mother to him. She had no right to waltz in there and act like the grieving mother.

I had set aside my feelings on the issue and put up with her for years. There was nothing for me to feel guilty about regarding the whole situation anymore. Edward didn’t seem heartbroken over the issue, so I didn’t give it much thought either.

Now, though, I was pregnant with her grandchild. Edward and I wouldn’t stoop so low as to not tell them about it, but I wasn’t sure I really wanted them involved in much with the baby. I knew the other grandkids had a pretty solid relationship with their grandparents, though.

“No, I should be there.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and by the time I was free Edward was opening my door. I got a kiss to my cheek as he wrapped an arm around my waist and led me to the door.

At dinner last night everyone had agreed to tell Carlisle and Esme Edward and I were coming tonight. Emmett opened the door before we could even knock and the look on his face said it all; tonight was going to be rough.

We were on time for once. We figured if things went south once we told them it would be easier to make an escape during drinks as opposed to dinner.

Everyone was in the lavish living room. Esme was sitting in a chair opposite of Jasper and Alice, who had little Delilah in her arms. Emmett joined Rosalie and Alec on another couch, and Carlisle was pouring a drink at the bar. Jared was sitting a near the kitchen, some gaming system in his hands.

“Edward, Bella,” he greeted us with a smile. “Can I make you a drink?”

“Scotch,” Edward said immediately.

“Water, please.”

Edward and I stood somewhat awkwardly near one of the couches. Carlisle handed us our drinks and sat in a chair next to Esme. An uncomfortable silence fell around us.

“Bella’s pregnant. We thought you two would like to know.”

My eyes widened and I looked up at Edward. He was in full business mode, which made me sad. Telling his parents he was having a child shouldn’t be work.

“Pregnant?” Carlisle asked, his eyes probably as wide as mine.

“Yes. Sixteen weeks.”

“Well, that explains your attitude at the hospital.” _Don’t take the bait. Don’t take the bait._ “How irrational, keeping me from my son after he was in a plane crash,” Esme huffed, taking a sip of her martini.

“Irrational,” I puffed to myself. Edward tightened his grip on my hand. “How self-centered to make your sons plane crash all about you.” I still remembered the way she talked the whole time. She either talked about Edward like he was dead or was going on about how she had felt something was wrong all day. Always making things about her one way or another.

“You get pregnant and you think you know how to be a parent?”

“I know that if I had a son and he was happily married I would try my hardest to get along with the person who made him that way,” I snapped back. “You were polite in the beginning, I guess. It was all for appearances sake, obviously, but it was polite. Then something happened, I don’t know what, and you just got spiteful and mean.”

“I’ve never thought you were –“

“A proper wife for him, yes, I know. We’ve had this conversation before. But it’s more than that.”

I didn’t spend my time caring much about the Esme issue, but now that I thought about it, there had to be more. She still had her polite façade going when we got married, but it was shortly after that when she got cold and standoffish. _Shit._

“A proper wife, meaning a wife who could give him a child,” I gasped. It was Emmett and Rosalie’s wedding that turned her so cold, the night she found out I couldn’t have a baby.

Esme said nothing, but I could see a slight change in her expression that told me I was right. God, this woman was infuriating.

Edward stood and pulled me with him, but I wasn’t done. “So you looked down on me because your husband had me fucking shot and I couldn’t have a child.”

“You obviously can, though. Was that all a lie? Were you just trying to hold peoples’ attention?”

“Enough, Esme,” Edward said, pulling me toward the door. “You know now, that’s the only courtesy we’re giving you.”

She didn’t mean for me to hear her, but I did. It was just as Edward pulled me past where she stood that Esme whispered, “That baby will end up just like you; tossed aside because its mother couldn’t handle it.”

I didn’t think, just acted as my hand connected powerfully with her cheek. There was an audible gasp among everyone. Edward grasped Esme’s hand as she raised it to retaliate.

“Touch her and this night will end in a _very_ unfortunate way,” Edward grunted.

“Never speak to me again,” I told her, eying the bright red spreading across her cheek.

Edward pulled me out and put me in the car. He gripped the roof and door, looking down at me for a minute. “Please don’t believe anything she says.”

I scoffed. “I won’t. She’s fucking insane.”

Just as Edward closed my door the front door opened and everyone except for Carlisle and Esme came out. I rolled down the window to hear what they started telling Edward.

“Dinner at our place. Bring your slapping hand, Bella!” Emmett shouted, jumping into his Jeep.

It was late that night, not long after I had gone to bed that I felt Edward climb in next to me. I was too tired to move but I felt a soft kiss to my forehead. I expected a subsequent arm to wrap around my waist and pull me close, but that didn’t happen. The bed dipped in the middle and then I felt his hands on my stomach, underneath my t-shirt.

“Hey,” he whispered. For a moment I thought he was talking to me. I had just worked up the energy to respond when he kept going. “Your mom and I… Christ, that sounds weird. Anyway, we don’t really know what we’re doing with this whole baby thing. There might be some bumps along the way, but I promise we’re going to make sure you have a better childhood than she did, and a better adult relationship with your parents than I do with mine.”

I felt his breath against my abdomen as he sighed. “While we’re talking, I need you to take it easy on your mom. She’s the most important thing in the world to me and I don’t like seeing her sick. I know you need her a lot right now, but try to go easy on her, okay?”

The bed dipped again and Edward was next to me, an arm draped over my waist.

_…Dark…_

It had been a full week since Edward came home and found me surrounded by pregnancy tests. It seemed like once my tiny little bump appeared, it decided to make up for lost time. There was a definite bump now, there was no denying it. Not as big as most people at seventeen weeks according to my recent google history, but it was there. It was a good thing it was winter and I could get away with wearing a sweater that concealed it most days.

It was nearing midnight now and Edward still wasn’t home. He told me he had to work late, much to my disappointment. I had become very needy with him lately and I knew it. Things just felt better when he was around, I wasn’t as anxious or nervous about everything. I had tried to go to sleep earlier but couldn’t get comfortable in bed without him.

That was how I ended up sitting up in bed, a plate of snickerdoodles next to me, and my list in front of me. This morning I started writing down everything that needed to be done within the next few months. I was already a few pages in; it covered everything from creating a nursery to learning what went into a nursery to buying clothes that would fit me in a week.

Earlier tonight I had called Heidi and told her I couldn’t do any press for _Savage_. It was originally slated to come out in a few months, and I wasn’t going to risk anything by putting too much stress on myself. I couldn’t tell her that, of course.

The production on the film had hit a snag and it was already a few months behind schedule, which worked in my favor. Heidi gave in eventually when I told her I would do the press in about a year if they wanted to push it back that long. If not, I wasn’t doing anything. I didn’t even really want to do it in a year, but I had a contract.

I crossed off _Call Heidi_ from my list with a smile. There was nothing like the adrenaline rush of crossing something off of a to-do list.

Just as I took another bite of a cookie the bedroom door opened. Edward looked surprised to find me sitting up in bed. “You should be asleep.”

“Couldn’t sleep without you,” I said, my voice slightly grumbled from the cookie.

Edward came and sat next to me, giving me a quick kiss to my cheek. “That’s quite the list you have there.”

“There’s a lot to do.”

He grabbed the pad of paper and started scanning over the items. I grabbed another cookie.

“We don’t need to hire someone to paint a nursery. I’ll do it.”

My brows shot up. “You don’t do things like that. You always hire someone.”

“I don’t paint every room in the house because I don’t have the time or desire. It’s a fatherly thing to do, I think. Just pick out the color and I’ll handle it.”

_Color_. That was also on the list. “We need to know the sex to pick a color.”

“We’ve got the envelope,” Edward said, reaching into my bedside table to get said envelope.

Of course, a whole new slew of worries popped into my head at the sight of the envelope. Edward had told me time and time again it wasn’t necessary for him to have a child, a son specifically, to carry on his legacy. I had a feeling he was making it sound far less important than it actually was.

“Are you going to be disappointed if it’s not a boy?” I whispered, dropping my eyes to my hands.

“Isabella,” he said, tugging my chin up gently when I didn’t look at him. “You’re pregnant when, a week ago, we both thought it was impossible. Nothing about this is going to disappoint me, okay?”

“Okay.” I sat on the edge of the bed next to him, my stomach a jumble of butterflies. Looping my arm with Edward’s, I watched as he slowly opened the envelope and pulled out a small piece of paper.

_Boy._

I pressed my face into Edward’s neck, attempting to hide the tears that started spilling the moment I read the card.

“Good tears or bad tears?” Edward asked quietly.

“Good. I’m sorry all I do is cry now.” It was really getting ridiculous. The minute Edward told me not to push down anything I was feeling it was like I had no control over my emotions anymore, something I had once been an expert at doing. Now all I could picture in my mind was a miniature Edward walking around the house, crazy hair and all, and it was making my mind spin.

I looked up at Edward and could see the wheels turning in his head, his eyes still locked on the paper. There were thoughts running through his mind that I knew I wouldn’t want to know. Thoughts about who our son could likely become in the future. Things he would do that I didn’t want to think about right now.

But, if he became anything like the man sitting next to me, there would be nothing to worry about.

_…Dark…_

“I don’t want you to go,” I whined, wrapping my arms around Edward and locking my hands together behind his back. I was being petulant and childish but I truly didn’t want him to go. I wanted him with me at all times and him flying to New York for the night did not sit well with me.

“I’ll be back as soon as possible, I promise,” he said, lightly kissing the top of my head.

Before I could beg some more, the front door opened right behind us and Jasper walked in. “Ready?”

“She just needs to go pack a bag,” Edward replied.

“What?”

“You’re going to go stay with Alice and Jasper for the night. Just while I’m gone.”

“No, I’m not.” I was upset at being left by Edward, but I wasn’t desperate enough to pawn myself off on Alice and Jasper, the ones with a newborn child they had to take care of.

“Yes, you are.” He used his firm _end of discussion_ voice that he still thought worked on me.

“You’re going to send me there so they can babysit me? I’m a grown woman, you know.” Yes, I was just begging him to stay and no I didn’t want to be left home alone but that didn’t mean I wasn’t physically able of doing it. I was just pregnant and needy.

“The last time I left you alone you spent a year in jail.”

“No, the last time you left me alone you were in a plane crash.”

“Either way, it’s best if you’re not alone.”

With a sigh I looked up at him, intending to frown but the sight of his worried eyes made me stop. He was just trying to take care of me in any way he could. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” he whispered against my cheek, giving me one more kiss before turning toward the door and Jasper. “Take care of her for me.”

“I will,” Jasper said, a smirk on his face. “Alice has quite a few plans for you, Bella.”

Edward turned and winked at me before he walked out the door. _Smug bastard_. Could have told me at any time this afternoon what his plan was, but he waited until five minutes before he had to leave.

“Anything I could do to make you tell him I’m with you but leave me here?” He shook his head. “Fine. Give me ten minutes.”

Upstairs, I packed a quick bag and changed into my go-to outfit these days; some leggings and an old Northwestern sweatshirt of Edward’s. As soon as I was within reach Jasper pulled the bag out of my arms and led me to his car.

“He’s just looking out for you.”

“I know,” I sighed. I truly did appreciate the thought. I just wasn’t great at handling things being sprung on me these days. I wasn’t great at handling anything, really. My emotions were a bit scattered.

Jasper carried my bag in once we got to his home, making a quick getaway as Alice accosted us at the front door.

She led me toward the family room where she had Delilah set up. Rosalie was already there, dressed comfortably in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“You’re so cute pregnant, Bella,” Alice said happily.

She meant her statement to be comforting, but all it did was remind me of how uncomfortable I felt. “I feel gross,” I grumbled, sitting on the couch next to Rose.

“Gross?” she asked while Alice sat in the chair next to Delilah’s bassinet.

“Just… different I guess. I feel like my body looks different every day and I can’t keep up with it. I think… I had a lot of people telling me I had to look a certain way for my career and this is the complete opposite of what has been engrained in my mind. It’s just… hard. Everything seems harder these days.

“God, I’m a horrible person. I’ve got an actual miracle baby and I’m complaining about feeling fat.” _Christ, I need to pull myself together._

“You’re entitled to complain, Bella. Being pregnant is hard _._ You don’t feel like yourself half of the time, you’ve got this _thing_ inside of you living off of you, and your body changes a lot. It was hard for me, and I knew we were trying to get pregnant. It all came out of nowhere for you. It’s only been what… a week?”

“Almost two.”

“So, you’ve known you were pregnant for two weeks, and you’re already in your second trimester. I’d be surprised if you weren’t feeling weird.”

“So… all of this is normal?” It was only the last couple of days that I had started feeling weird. Weirder, I guessed. My stomach was growing and my face a little bit rounder. I always had control over how I looked, and it was now taken away from me. I didn’t really care for it, though I knew it would be worth it.

“Of course,” Alice said, standing and picking Delilah up. She walked over and set her carefully in my arms.

I didn’t have much experience with babies. I had none, really. But it was amazing, holding a tiny little human in my arms that would grow into someone special one day. Terrifying, but amazing.

“So… you were both terrified the whole time, too?”

“Of course. We had Maggie and Jared already, but it was different. This time it was my child, that I would have from the moment it was born. It’s amazing and frightening all at the same time.”

“I had absolutely no experience with babies before I had Alec. I took every class, read every book, but nothing prepares you for having one in your house with you all the time.”

That was another thing that was worrying me. I had absolutely no experience with children either. Never babysat as a young kid, never had friends with babies until now. Not once had I ever changed a diaper.

“You’re one of the only babies I’ve ever held,” I told Delilah, smiling as a drool-y smile covered her face, too.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, Edward asked if you two could watch Delilah for a night sometime soon. He actually looked a little nervous to ask, which isn’t a look I’ve ever seen on him.”

“Really?” He hadn’t told me about it. It would be great practice, of course he would think of it. He thinks of everything these days.

“Yes. He seems to be taking everything very well. How’d you tell him about the baby?”

I told them the slightly insane story of how we found out I was pregnant. Halfway through Delilah started to get fussy and I immediately panicked and handed her back to Alice. I was a complete baby novice.

“Now, he’s just… perfect. He brings me breakfast in bed every morning. If I’m in the office he brings me snacks throughout the day and checks on me. He came home early and made me snickerdoodles a few days ago because that’s all I want to eat now. I feel like all I do is eat and cry but he never complains or makes me feel stupid. He’s frustratingly perfect.”

We talked a while longer, about everything that was making me internally panic all of the time. It made me miss Edward, because I knew this is what he wanted to happen. He sent me here so I could have uninterrupted time with the girls to get all of this off of my chest. I had no idea how he always knew what I needed, but he did.

We all called it a night early. Rose had to get back home, Alice had a baby to deal with, and I was too exhausted to stay up any longer. As usual, I was exhausted but couldn’t fall asleep without Edward next to me. He had texted me earlier once he landed, and then I got another saying he was calling it an early night so he could work early tomorrow. He would be asleep by now, so calling him wasn’t an option.

I snuck down the hall, walking as quietly as I could because somewhere in the house was a tiny, sleeping baby. I ended up in the kitchen, and found my absolute favorite flavor of Ben & Jerrys right on top.

With my ice cream in hand I wandered to the kitchen table. I pulled my legs up to my chest, realizing quickly that I wouldn’t be able to sit like this for much longer when my stomach got just a little bit bigger. I pulled my sweatshirt over my legs and ate a spoonful of ice cream.

I wondered if I would ever feel normal again. The pregnancy would be over in a few months, but then I would have a child. Someone who depended on Edward and I for everything. Would that feel normal?

There was never a time in my life that I longed to be a mother like I had heard other women describe. There was part of me that was terrified I would hate it all, that I would miss how life used to be before the baby.

Would Edward and I still be able to be us? Would our entire lives begin to revolve around the child and our relationship fall apart? Every little thing he had done for me the past two weeks floated through my mind, and even in my panic I quickly shut that thought down.

Then, milestones that I would get to see from the little boy growing inside me swam through my head. I would see his first smile, be there when he took his first step. One day I would take him to his first day of school and see him learn to read and write. I would throw him birthday parties and fight with him as he became a teenager.

Every day wouldn’t be perfect, and I was realistic enough to expect more than a few bumps in the road. But this was, without a doubt, something to look forward to. It was a big life change, but a good one.

“You okay?” Jasper asked, walking into the kitchen and making me jump.

“Yeah. You?” He looked a little rough around the edges as he sat next to me. I looked at my phone and saw it was nearing three in the morning.

“Yeah, rough night.” I knew better than to ask for specifics. “I see you found your ice cream.”

“Mine?”

“Edward said it was your favorite and to have it on hand in case you needed it.”

I laughed to myself to try and keep from crying at the sweet gesture, both from Edward and Jasper. “Thank you.”

“I saw the way Edward looked at you that night at the benefit. It wasn’t the way he looked at women before. There was a… tenderness to it. It’s been there ever since. You’re not a woman that needs to be taken care of, obviously, but I think that’s why he likes to take care of you when he can. But you, Bella… you take care of him too. You took care of all of us when we had no one else.”

My entire body tensed and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I knew exactly what he was talking about, and it was something I had vowed never to talk about with anyone other than my husband. I broke my own vow at the hospital, and now I was paying for it.

“I know it’s probably not something you want to talk about. I just wanted to thank you for what you did.”

I kept my eyes down and swirled my spoon in the ice cream. How was I supposed to respond? _Oh, it was no problem plotting the murder of my biological father and spending over a year in jail on trial for it. Thanks, Jasper!_

Jasper stood, patting my shoulder for a moment, and walked out of the room.

“You’re welcome,” I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear as he left.


	21. American

_Drive fast, I can almost taste it now. LA, I don’t even have to fake it now. You’re so sick, everybody said it. You’re way ahead of the trend, get it. Elvis is the best, hell yes. Honey put on that party dress. ~ Lana Del Rey, **American**_

**EPOV**

“I missed you,” Bella murmured, placing a soft kiss to my chest. I was gone less than twenty-four hours, but I had to admit I missed her far more than was usual. It could have been my imagination, but I was certain that her baby bump grew while I was gone.

“I missed you, too.” I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She had been waiting for me when I got home. The moment I walked in the door there were frantic lips at my neck and hands on my belt. I vaguely remembered Emmett and Jasper talking about this aspect of their wives’ pregnancies, but I tuned it out for the most part. I had no interest in my brother or sister’s sex lives.

Bella had definitely started to show more symptoms as she got along in her pregnancy. Her belly was growing, something I loved but I could tell she was uncomfortable with it. Her face was a little rounder and her mood swings still unpredictable. She’s complained with some cramps a few times and blamed it on her misplaced organs again. Most recently was some increased energy and sex drive.

In the back of my mind I told myself to enjoy it while I could because I knew the situation would be different in a few months. A lot of things would be different in a few months.

I tried not to dwell on that too much, but I couldn’t look past the fact that things were about to change in a very permanent way. It wouldn’t just be us anymore, there would be another little human added to the mix. A little human who needed constant care and attention.

Not once in my life had I longed to be a father. In my early twenties I was too distracted by work, drugs, and women to really think about it. It was always expected, of course, and I imagined myself ending up in a lifestyle much like my parents. Stuck in a seemingly happy marriage, and a few boys to carry on the name and business.

That wasn’t what I had, though. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that my marriage was stronger than my parents. Bella worked just as much, if not more than me while Esme worked on planning parties most of the time. Bella never let herself fall into the typical role of _mob wife_.

I had heard stories of men who had to set strict boundaries with their wives. Men who cheated because they loved the power behind it and only had a relationship with their wife for public purposes. That wasn’t us, and never would be. I was starting to see that it was my parents’ lives, though.

Besides that, Bella and I spent the last ten years thinking we could never have a child. We had broken the biggest rule that had been set out for me the moment I was born, but we had both dealt with it in our own way. It had never been something either of us longed for in our youth, but it had become a hard pill to swallow as the years went on.

For me, it wasn’t so much that I longed for a child as much as I wanted my wife to be happy. I saw the look she got when she saw Alec running around the house, or when Alice announced she was pregnant.

Now I had less than five months to get ready for a child. While I had never pined for a kid, I felt this pull toward it now. My chest tightened whenever I thought about meeting my son for the first time and seeing Bella with our child in her arms. I wanted to teach him things like how to throw a baseball or how to talk to the pretty girl in his class, but I also still wanted Bella and I to be us.

I wanted to take her out to dinner so she had an excuse to get all dressed up, and I wanted to fly her to New York with me just because. My biggest worry, after everyone’s health, was that a child would slowly tear us apart no matter how much we tried to hold ourselves together.

“You’re doing too much frowning for what we just did thirty minutes ago.” Thirty minutes ago, I had her bent over the edge of the bed with her hands tearing at the sheets. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said rather unconvincingly.

Bella pulled the sheet around her, sitting up and staring at me. “What is it?”

I wasn’t going to worry her with my errant thoughts. She had too much on her plate as it was. “Bella, it’s nothing.”

“I know I’m really high maintenance these days, but just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t still talk to me.”

She sat up completely now, crossing her legs beneath her and giving me a stare that I knew I wouldn’t be able to get out of. Even with the melancholy thoughts running through my head, the sight of her tousled hair and swollen lips made me smile.

“I don’t want to lose this,” I told her honestly, tracing a thumb across her bottom lip. “Afternoons where we can’t keep our hands off of each other, or weekends where I can take you to a cabin in the middle of nowhere just because we want to escape.

“I’m excited about our child but it’s a challenge we’ve never faced before. I don’t want to lose you, _us_.”

As soon as I was done Bella pressed a loud kiss to my cheek, pulling away with a big smile on her face. The smile confused me. “You never tell me what you’re worried about. I get that a lot of it is work related and I can’t know, but I like knowing.”

Bella situated herself in my lap, her legs on either side of my hips. Despite our lack of clothing there was nothing sexual about the movement, just a way to get eye to eye for the conversation.

“I think now is a good time to make a promise.” She held her pinky out in front of us, and I hesitantly wrapped mine around hers. “After the first few months with the baby we’ll have date night once a week, just you and me. We could work out a system with everyone, where every few weeks we rotate who watches kids and one couple gets a quiet weekend. Or a not so quiet weekend.”

We shook pinkies, then Bella wrapped her arms around me, burying her head in my neck while I did the same to her. “I thought the same thing last night, then I realized we’re _us_. We didn’t give up when you told me what you really did or when I was shot. You put up with me making movies about our lives and didn’t leave when the press had something to say about everything we did. We survived my incarceration, trial, and your supposed death and we haven’t fallen apart yet.” Somehow, she made it sound so simple. _We made it through all of that, and we’ll make it through this too._

She pulled away slightly, her nose brushing against mine. “A baby won’t change the fact that you’re my best friend.”

I had held many titles when it came to my wife; lover, boyfriend, husband… but best friend would always be my favorite. Neither of us were good with the friend thing; we didn’t have many outside of our family. But we had each other. 

_…Dark…_

“You won’t be her primary security. I want you more on the perimeter of wherever she is. You’ll report to the second in command, Eric Yorkie.”

Tyler and Beau Crowley both nodded. The brothers were both former military and looked the part; buzzed hair, strong builds, and the kind of stoic glares that kept people from getting in their way. They came recommended from Liam, who was deployed with them for a year before an injury got him sent home. It took three weeks of background checks and surveillance for me to believe that they were trustworthy enough to go near my wife.

“Yes, sir.”

The sound of the front door closing caught my attention. “Follow me.”

Bella and I had gone to yet another doctor’s appointment this morning, then she wanted to stop by her office and pick up a few things. She worked from home mostly now, because she was getting tired of trying to cover up her little bump. It was much more than little these days, now a completely obvious baby bump.

I sent her with Ben to the office and met with the two new members of her security detail at home. I didn’t want to take any chances, not with her now being a much bigger target than before. Literally and figuratively. There were too many people in the area who would love to say they took not only my wife but my child from me as well.

Ben dropped a box in the foyer as he entered behind Bella. Eric followed closely behind. They both already knew of the two men, but Bella looked at them with a frown. I wrapped an arm around her waist.

“This is Tyler and Beau Crowley. They’ll be part of your security detail for the next few months.” I wouldn’t let her know I was considering them for full time, especially once she was taking the baby out with her.

“Oh, hello.” She shook their hands quickly, and they each gave her a quick nod.

“You’re all excused,” I said and within thirty seconds we were completely alone. I expected Bella to fight the new security, but she reached down for her box and grabbed a few personal items she had in her office out.

“Are you okay?” I asked, following her to her office down the hall. Bella was never one for the silent treatment when she was mad. She much preferred fighting about it immediately to get it out of the way.

“I’m fine. Kind of hungry. You?” She put her things on her desk and turned to me with a smile. _Huh._

“Fine. Do you want me to get you a snack?”

“That’s okay. I can fend for myself,” she said, walking past me and giving me a quick kiss as she headed to the kitchen. Again, I followed.

“You’re not mad?” I asked, finally growing tired of whatever game she was playing.

She pulled out a jar of peanut butter from the pantry and grabbed a spoon. As soon as I asked if she was mad she frowned up at me. “Why should I be mad? Did you do something?”

“No. The new security. You’re not going to fight me on it?”

Bella shrugged, digging her spoon in the jar. “Well, no. Do you want to fight about it?”

“No.”

She sighed. “The last time I fought you on security I got shot a few weeks later. If you think we need them, whether it’s for the baby’s safety or for some other reason, then I trust you.”

“It’s for you and the baby mostly. Just a precaution.” It was the perfect opportunity to tell her about the murders that had been happening around town, but I didn’t want her worrying.

“Okay,” Bella nodded, taking one more bite of peanut butter before leaving the kitchen. “I told you Elena is coming over for dinner, right?”

“Yes. Eight o’clock.”

“Good. I’m going to go find something to wear that doesn’t make me look like a whale.”

I followed her again, because I had seen this happen too many times lately. In half an hour Bella would be surrounded by clothes, close to tears because nothing fit. She had maternity clothes, Alice and Rosalie helped her find some stuff online, but she didn’t like any of it.

“You know, I like the bump.”

Bella snorted. “I think it’s more than a bump these days.”

“It’s cute.” I wasn’t lying to make her feel better. It seemed like she got more adorable every day, the way her bump stuck out a little bit more, the roundness of her face, the glow about her that I always thought was a figure of speech.

“You used to think I was more than _cute,_ ” she spat the last word out like it was the harshest of insults.

I pulled her to me, gently backing her up against our bedroom door. “You’re much more than cute,” I told her, trailing my lips along her neck. “Beautiful, alluring, sexy… all things that describe you. The bump is cute, you _plus_ the bump is drop dead gorgeous.”

I kissed along her cheeks and nose until she smiled. “You go sit down and I’ll choose your outfit.”

“What? No.”

I ignored her and went to her side of the closet. There was one dress I saw that I knew would look perfect on her. It was a long sleeve navy blue flowing piece that would wrap perfectly around her.

I hung it up in the ensuite and went back to the bedroom. Bella sat on the edge of the bed glaring in my direction. “Your clothes are hanging up, I’ll go put dinner in the oven.”

Bella came back down thirty minutes later, wearing the outfit I set out. She shrugged and looked at the floor when I told her she looked beautiful.

“Hey,” I said, walking over and lifting her chin up. “You do.”

“I guess it’s not that bad.”

I hadn’t expected Bella reluctance to gain weight, but I should have. She grew up in an age where any sight of excess weight was seen as a negative and she worked in an industry where people constantly told her to look a certain way. Before I could say anything else, there was a knock at the door.

“Are you ready?”

Bella nodded, and I went to get the door. Elena smiled as I let her inside, quickly asking how I was doing after the crash. Our moment of small talk stopped as we walked into the living room and she saw Bella standing in the middle of it.

“Hi,” Bella whispered. I went to stand next to her, taking a shaking hand in mine.

“You’re… pregnant?” Bella nodded. “I thought…?”

“It was a shock for everyone, doctors included.”

Without warning, Elena wrapped Bella in a gentle hug. It took her a moment, but Bella eventually reciprocated. This would be a monumental moment for her, one I hoped was a positive one. As far as I knew, this was the most contact she had ever had with her mother. She didn’t seem uncomfortable, so I stepped aside and let them have their moment together.

_…Dark…_

“Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Cullen,” Detective Ateara said, closing his small notebook. Someone was going on a murder spree in the city, but for once it wasn’t me. They seemed to want the police to think it was, though. Something that was really starting to piss me off.

I hadn’t told Bella, but I had talked to Detective Ateara a few times in the last week or so. Several past associates had turned up dead, and a few current ones. Of course, I was usually the first stop whenever a body turned up, but usually I had actually done what they could never pin on me. This time I was just as confused as them.

Ateara was somewhat new to the Chicago Police Department and seemed to be a stand-up officer. None of my research came up with any red flags, which was rare these days. Most people usually had at least one skeleton in their closet.

“Of course,” I replied, wanting the man out of my office so I could go home to my wife. My adorably pregnant wife.

“There is one more thing.”

_Of fucking course there is._ “What do you want?” I grunted. I had been fairly pleasant with the man. There was no reason for me not to be. He was doing his job, and I respected that. He hadn’t appeared prejudiced at all toward me, so I had no reason to dislike him. The way he was talking now, though, made me tense.

“I’d also like to speak to your wife. The man who just turned up, Royce King, was on her list from –“

“I know of the list,” I snapped. “You can’t speak to her.”

“All due respect, Mr. Cullen, you can’t stop me. I just need to talk to her, she’s not under arrest.”

“She’s… ill,” I lied, though not smooth enough for my standards. He would see right through me.

“I can go to her if that would make things easier.”

I sighed. “Come to my home tonight at nine. Alone.”

He nodded. “I’ll be there.” His bravery at coming alone was surprising.

I left right after him. I had two hours to get home and explain to Bella what was going on before she had to talk to him. She had nothing to worry about, obviously, but she was more sensitive than usual these days.

When I got home I found her puttering around the kitchen. She turned and smiled at me, though it faltered when she got a good look at me. I hated taking away her moment of happiness.

I decided to rip off the band-aid, so to speak. “A detective will be here in less than two hours to talk to you about the murder of Royce King.”

Bella’s eyes met mine, no longer shining with happiness as they were a moment ago. “Excuse me?”

“There have been a few disappearance and murders. They’ve talked to me about most of them, though I’m not responsible. Royce King is the latest, and he was –“

“On the list,” Bella finished. “Shit. What do we – _fuck_.”

She was panicking, which was expected. But she seemed to be forgetting a very important detail. “You didn’t do anything, Bella. He’ll come and ask a few basic questions and leave. That’s it.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “But…” Her hands went to her stomach.

“I know. He seems to be a trustworthy detective. I’ll make sure he doesn’t say anything.” The last thing we needed now was for word about her pregnancy to get out. We had told everyone we planned on telling, and that was that. Detective Ateara was joining a very small group of those in the know.

Precisely at nine there was a knock at the door. Bella sat at the dining room table while I got our guest. As soon as he was inside, I stopped him before he could go any further.

“I like you, Detective Ateara. You’re a clean, reliable member of law enforcement and I have no ill will toward you. I’m going against my better judgement and trusting you with something very few people know. If you tell anyone, I will know and I will have to rectify the situation. Do you understand?”

“I assure you, Mr. Cullen, I simply have a few questions for your wife. That’s all.”

I nodded and led him to the dining area. Bella stood as we entered. Ateara gasped from behind me.

“Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Cullen,” he said, regaining his composure and holding his hand out to her.

Bella shook it, giving him a stoic nod and took her seat. Unsurprisingly, any kind of law enforcement made her uncomfortable.

“I just have a few questions for you about Royce King, if you don’t mind,” Ateara said, bringing out his notebook. He asked Bella much the same questions I got. She answered politely and honestly, something I was glad she was able to do. Ateara had told the truth and was simply marking us off of his list of suspects. He seemed to only be here to be able to say he was and get everyone else off of his back.

He stood when he was done, stowing his notebook in his breast pocket. “Congratulations, Mrs. Cullen,” he said, leaving quietly after that.

Once I had gotten rid of him I found Bella in the living room, lying on the couch. “Was that okay?” she asked as I sat at the end, pulling her feet into my lap.

Silently, I pulled her shoes off and started rubbing gentle circles in the soles of her feet. “It was perfect. He’s just talking to us because he has to, not because we’re suspects.”

Bella sat up, pulling her feet out of my lap and situated herself right next to me. “Is everything okay?”

Her question was simple, but I knew there were many layers to it, many different ways she needed me to interpret it so she didn’t ask what she really wanted to know.

“Everything is fine, I promise.”

The murders weren’t anything for us to worry about. There were no physical links to us from the crimes, only the prejudiced ones the police had. Once they got those out of the way, they would move on from us.

_…Dark…_

“I don’t know how I feel about this,” Bella muttered, keeping a fierce grip on my hand. She was blindfolded, so I understood her concern. Not that I would let anything happen to her blindfolded, but having any sense taken away was disconcerting.

“Almost there.”

I situated her perfectly centered in front of her gift. Standing behind her, I pressed a kiss to her neck and gave her hand a squeeze before pulling off her blindfold. She was silent for a minute, her head cocked to the side as she took in the sight in front of her.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s gorgeous.” I saw the moment she realized what was really going on. “You bought us another house?”

“It’s more of a cabin, really.” It was, technically, called a cabin. It had every possible amenity anyone could want, but it was still a cabin.

“A luxury cabin.”

“Well, yes.”

I had started looking for a place like this before we found out Bella was pregnant. I thought a close vacation home might be good, get us away from Chicago from time to time without having to be on a plane for twelve hours. She liked the cabin I rented months back, so I thought this would suit her as well. 

“I thought it would be a nice escape from Chicago whenever we needed it. There are too many people that just walk in our home whenever they want. This is where it can just be you, me, and him.” I pressed my hands softly into her abdomen. At twenty weeks there was no denying she was pregnant after a quick glance. Some larger sweaters still concealed it, but most of the time I could see the delicate curve of our child whenever I looked at her.

A quiet sniffle caught my attention. “You’re really good at making me cry these days.”

“No offence, Bella, but it doesn’t take much anymore.” It was never my intention to make her cry, but it seemed like any time I tried to do something for her or the baby I got at least a tear or two.

“I know. I’m a mess.”

“A cute mess. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

Grabbing her hand, I led her into the cabin. It was a beautiful piece of property, completely different from the more modern feel of our home in Chicago. Stacked stone columns met log posts. As requested, all of the lights were on, illuminating the windows in the front. As we walked in we were met with the foyer, a large wooden staircase slightly to our left, and an entryway toward some living space to the right. Nearly every interior was either dark wood or stone. We walked around the whole property, Bella gasping at every new room we went it. The stone fireplace in the living room caught her attention immediately, and she dipped her feet quickly in the chilled water of the hot tub in the backyard.

There were a few more tears when I showed her the room I thought we should turn into the nursery, a spare bedroom not too far from the master suite. Originally, I was going to renovate it before our trip, but I thought Bella would want to decorate it herself.

When we got to our suite, Bella gasped at the large window opposite of the bed, overlooking the mountains. She sat on the bed, looking out the window and not paying much attention to the stone fireplace to her left or the sitting area in front of the windows.

“Where are we?” she asked, looking over at me with wide, brown eyes.

“A little bit outside of Telluride, Colorado.”

“It’s so beautiful. This house is… amazing. _You’re_ amazing. You’ve been so good to me the last month. You bring me breakfast in bed and you listen when I complain about my misplaced organs.” She sighed, standing to come over and wrap her arms around my waist. “Thank you.”

I wrapped my arms around her and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.

_…Dark…_

On day two of our little vacation we were relaxing in the warm bathtub that was big enough to fit about three other people. Bella had her back to my chest, her fingers fiddling with the bubbles that floated around us.

I had both of my hands resting comfortably on her abdomen. I didn’t want to bring much attention to it all of the time because I knew Bella was still slightly uncomfortable with how she looked, but it fascinated me. The fact that there was a human growing just beneath my fingertips was awe-inspiring.

I let my hands wander as I kissed along her bare shoulder. “Do you have any names picked out?” Bella asked, breaking the comfortable silence surrounding us.

“No.” Fuck, a name was a big deal. The poor kid would be stuck with it his whole life. “Do you?”

“I have one that I like so far,” she admitted, but sounded adorably nervous about it.

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to give it away just yet. What kind of names do you like?”

“It’ll need to be a strong name, something he can grow into,” I told her. Typically, the men in my family were named after predecessors, but there was no way in hell I was naming my son after Carlisle. He may be slightly more reliable now, but the damage was done.

“Does it have to be Irish?”

“No. Is yours not Irish?” I asked, desperate for some kind of clue.

“I’m not sure. Probably. I think so.” Bella looked awfully proud of herself, keeping her name from me. She smiled up at me, distracting me from my questioning.

“It’s starting to feel more real, I think. Is it to you?” I asked her. Sitting here with my hands on her stomach I was surprisingly calm. My mind wasn’t racing with the thousand things I felt I had to get done in the next few months. I wasn’t worried about things that could possibly go wrong. I was simply a man sitting with his pregnant wife trying to come up with a name for our child.

“Sometimes. I’m more used to the idea, I guess. But there are still times when I panic. Like a few days ago when I realized that I had unknowingly taken our unborn child to a junk yard to murder two people.”

There was no way for me to stop the snort that came out after that.

“It’s not funny!” Bella said, playfully splashing water my way. I ignored it and pulled her closer.

“You have to admit it is kind of funny.”

“No. Ironic, maybe. I don’t know the right word. It’s definitely not funny.”

_…Dark…_

“Edward.”

I grunted and rolled over, toward the soft sound of my wife’s voice. She talked in her sleep sometimes, so I threw an arm out to pull her closer. The bed beside me was empty, but warm. Then I felt her weight settle by my legs, and warm hands slide up my thighs.

My eyes popped open when soft lips kissed and nibbled down my abdomen. Bella looked up at me, smirking as she kissed her way down to my cock. How it was still functioning, I didn’t know.

We had been here four days, and it seemed I had planned the trip at just the right time for Bella to be full of energy. Energy she seemed to want to only expel with sex. Christ even I needed a nap after a few rounds.

Bella seemed unfazed no matter how little sleep she got. Hence the fact that it was three in the morning and she had her lips around my cock.

“Bella,” I sighed, reaching down to run my fingers through her hair. I may be exhausted as hell, but I’ll be damned if I turned down anything she was offering. I had done enough research to know what came next in her pregnancy.

Her movements were slow and her eyes roamed my body as she worked me over. She knew I didn’t want slow. I told her I didn’t want slow, but she smiled around my cock and kept up with her unhurried movements.

“Come here,” I grunted, carefully pulling her to lie next to me. I practically attacked her mouth, not caring about clashing teeth or swollen lips. Before she could protest I flipped her on her other side, her back to my chest. I ran my fingers lightly over her neck, across her arm, and down her side until I reached her knee. I hitched her leg back and let it fall over mine, opening her up just enough to slide into her slowly.

“Is this what you wanted, baby?” I whispered against her ear, forcing myself to slowly move within her. “Nice and slow?”

She was about to reply when I pinched her nipple and all I got was a quiet squeak. We kept our movements slow until eventually Bella started pushing herself back into me, whispered pleas leaving her mouth.

I wrapped my arms securely around her, one resting carefully around her stomach and the other wrapped around her chest. She screamed my name as I quickly went from slow and sweet to rough and hard movements.

Bella’s head lulled back and I covered her lips with mine, swallowing every noise she made. Her hands gripped my arms where they were wrapped around her, nails digging into my skin.

I felt her entire body tense and watched her orgasm move through her. After another minute I found my own release, burying my head in her neck and surrounding myself with her scent as I came down.

A few minutes later Bella rolled over, pressed a soft, sated kiss to my lips, and fell back asleep against my chest.

I woke up alone a few hours later. It seemed like I was needing more sleep than Bella these days. I pulled on a pair of discarded boxers and went searching for her. I found her sitting at the kitchen counter on her computer. There was a plate of snickerdoodles next to her.

I watched over her shoulder as she scrolled through a website that seemed to be selling cribs. Damn, sometimes it still felt surreal that we would need one of those. She was adorable, wrapped in a fluffy robe with her hair a mess on top of her head.

Sitting next to her, I grabbed a cookie and helped her sort through the various crib options.


	22. Gods and Monsters

_In the land of Gods and monsters, I was an angel living in the garden of evil. Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed. Shining like a fiery beacon. You got that medicine I need; fame, liquor, love, give it to me slowly. Put your hands on my waist, do it softly. Me and God we don’t get along so now I sing. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Gods & Monsters**_

**BPOV**

“This tab goes here…” I mumbled to myself, concentrating on the baby in front of me like it was a ticking time bomb. Gasping when everything was in place, I realized I had done it all right. I carefully lifted Delilah up and the diaper didn’t go anywhere. “I did it!”

I had spent a lot of time with Alice the past few weeks since Edward and I had returned from our little vacation. Just thinking about our week in Colorado made me practically swoon over my husband. How he managed to pull off such extravagant surprises was beyond me.

Time started moving too fast after that though. I was now pushing past six months in my pregnancy and still felt entirely too unprepared for what was coming. So, I decided to latch onto Alice who had become somewhat of a Parenting 101 instructor for me.

It worked out well, because I would have gone stir-crazy if I couldn’t leave our house for four months. My abdomen was entirely too big to cover up now, and I was adamant about keeping this private for now. So, I spent three or four afternoons a week with Alice, who seemed completely grateful for the company and help.

It made me feel a little better when she admitted she wasn’t really sure what she was doing either. We made a pretty good team. Today was my first time changing a diaper on my own, and I had passed with flying colors in my book.

I walked down the stairs with Delilah, still admiring my handiwork. The kitchen was full when I walked in, the men having joined Alice as she cooked our Saturday dinner.

“You’re here early,” I said, handing the baby off to Jasper.

The look on the men’s faces wasn’t what I would have expected. Everyone looked tense, uneasy. _Not good._ “Is everything okay?”

Edward sighed, walking over and grabbing my hand. “Can I talk to you for a minute.”

“No,” I said defensively. I didn’t want to know whatever it was. I knew it wasn’t good, and that was enough. “I don’t want to know. Whatever it is –“  
Edward silenced me with a quick kiss and then pulled me along behind him. I begrudgingly followed him up to Jasper’s office. He sat behind the desk, and I took a seat across from him.

“Zafrina Senna is dead.”

“W-what?”

“She was found yesterday, dead in her home. The police have ruled it a homicide.”

“Oh, my God,” I muttered to myself. I hadn’t thought about her in years. Obviously, I stopped going to her after what she said during the trial, but I never would have wished anything like this to happen to her. She had been my confidant for years and now she was just… gone.

“An agent from the FBI is coming to our house tomorrow morning to talk to you.” My eyes, which had fallen to a scratch on Jasper’s desk as I thought, snapped to Edward. He didn’t look nervous, he seemed more tired than anything else.

“They think I had something to do with it?” My heart started working overtime as the words came out of my mouth.

“After what she said during the trial, it isn’t surprising.” Edward kept his tone very business-like, very monotone, which I didn’t like. It wasn’t him.

“Do you know who did it?”

He shook his head. “No. But I’ll find out. It’s probably the same person who took out King and the others around town. I thought…”

“What?”

“I thought they were trying to frame me. They hadn’t left any physical leads back to me, but they seemed to be hinting it was me at their victims. But with Zafrina –“

_Shit._ “You think they’re trying to frame _me_.”

“Yes.”

_Fuck._ It was one thing for my mind to go to the worst-case scenario. Edward was much more logical than me in moments of crisis, so for him to confirm my suspicions was a little unnerving. “What do we do?”

“ _We_ do nothing. I’ll find out who is doing it and why, and you’ll stay as relaxed as possible about the whole thing. The agent will ask similar questions Ateara asked you about King. It’ll be fine.”

My right hand started to shake, a tremor left over from the bullet to my shoulder. Edward walked over and knelt in front of me, taking my hand in his and giving it a firm squeeze.

“Hey,” he said, pulling my chin up to look him in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”

_Stupid question._ “Yes.”

“You don’t have anything to worry about. I’ll take care of you. Both of you.”

_…Dark…_

The days following my questioning by the FBI were tense. Edward was gone a lot, working through the night like he used to. He had made sure to be home every night by at least ten from the day we found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t mad he was working more, but it did make me more nervous.

We hadn’t really talked about the situation since the questioning. Edward told me he thought it went as well as it could have, and that was that. I had only seen him for an hour or two at a time since.

Tonight, I had stayed at Alice’s a little later than usual because she seemed especially overwhelmed. It was nearing nine by the time I walked in. Not necessarily late by most people’s standards, but when you’re in your third trimester it feels like two in the morning.

I stood in the living room, contemplating whether I should just sleep on the couch or make the trek upstairs when Edward came down the stairs, smile on his face.

“You’re home?” I asked, confused.

He didn’t answer, instead walked straight to me and planted a kiss to my lips. The kind that completely took my breath away, even when I was about three minutes from falling asleep. “You’re as beautiful as ever, Mrs. Cullen.”

I frowned. “Why are you so happy?”

Again, he ignored my question and simply grabbed my hand to pull me upstairs. I obliged, despite my exhaustion, because I hadn’t seen him really smile in days. I missed it.

When we were at the top, he told me to close my eyes. I did, because it was Edward and the last thing he would do is let me trip or fall. He guided me a few steps and then stopped. I vaguely heard the click of a door handle.

Soft lips pressed into my cheek before he whispered “Open.”

I only managed to last a few seconds before tears blurred my vision. Not only had he painted the room we were turning into a nursery, he had put every piece of furniture I had bought over the last few months together and decorated the entire room. Perfectly.

The walls were a neutral blue-green. The crib we had picked out while we were on vacation was set up against the far wall, all of the bedding in place. There was a changing station to the left, piled with everything we could possibly need. I didn’t need to open the cabinets under it to know they would be stocked as well. There were shelves with books lining the walls, some artwork the girls had helped me pick out hanging around, and a comfortable chair in the far-right corner.

“Edward…” I choked on my words.

“Do you like it? I painted a week ago, so all of the fumes should be gone. Alice told me where to put everything, but I can rearrange whatever you’d like.”

I walked around the room, running my fingers over the soft blankets and the piles of clothes all around me. All things mothers used for their children. My mind was flooded with everything Renee had ever said to me. Every backhanded compliment, every insult, every time she tried to subtly tell me she didn’t care about me and never wanted me around in the first place.

She had a child forced on her and lived to resent me for it for twenty-one years until I walked out on them. What if I wasn’t fit for being a mother, what if I was every bit as selfish and vain as she had always told me I was?

Not once had I ever had a positive motherly figure. I didn’t know how moms were supposed to react in certain situations. I could play house with Alice all I wanted, but that would never be the real thing.

“Oh, my God,” I muttered, stumbling over to the chair to sit down. “Please don’t let fuck all of this up.” It was inevitable that parents messed up, but I was great at messing up at epic proportions. “I’ve spent time with Alice and Delilah, but I always hand her off to someone else eventually. All I know how to do is change a diaper and hold a bottle.

“And this is a room for someone who knows what they’re doing, Edward, and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. Every parental figure in my life has either abandoned me or tried to…” _Tried to kill me._ “We should’ve been more careful. We shouldn’t have brought a baby into this world with my genes, I’m a fucking wreck.”

“ _Hey.”_ Edward stood above me, forcing my chin up so I looked at him. “You are not your parents, any of them. Do you think I’m going to turn out to be like Carlisle?”

“No,” I said vehemently. There was no doubt in my mind Edward wouldn’t be anything like his father; he cared about family above all else. Carlisle may have tried to make up for everything the tumor caused him to do, but it would always linger over the family.

“Then why would you turn out to be like yours?”

“Because you’re stronger than me,” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Edward huffed out a breath, staring at me with wide eyes. “That is… absurd. Bella, you’re _you._ I’m constantly blown away by everything you do, everything you’ve accomplished. I can assure you, I’m not stronger than you.” I rolled my eyes at him, so he continued. “I was trained from a very young age to do what I do. I went to college to know how to run my businesses. You built yourself and your career out of nothing. You saw an opportunity at sixteen and took it, and made yourself one of the most awarded entertainers in the industry.

“You’ve put up with shit from my life for years, you’ve had guns pointed at your head and never blinked once. You were on trial for murder and came out on the other side. Christ, Bella, you’re stronger than anyone else in this family.

“I know Renee and Charlie gave you a skewed view on what parents should be, and then Aro and Elena fucked that up even more. But, we’ll figure it out together. I promise.”

There was on part of my brain that believed him, and another that was still in complete panic mode. It seemed like part of me was always panicking these days, and only Edward could calm it down. I was a mess on every level, all the time.

“I’m sorry I’m constantly up and down all of the time. And that I cry every day. And that I keep kicking you in the middle of the night.”

Edward smiled down at me, leaning forward to press a kiss right to the corner of my lips. “I love you, kicking legs and all.”

_…Dark…_

In the days following my minor freak out, Edward had taken his sweetness to a whole new level. Every morning the house had new notes scattered around it with little reminders for me. Some simply said _I love you_ while others said things like _You’re going to make an excellent mother,_ or _I can’t wait to meet our son_.

I think it was a combination of pregnancy brain and my own personal issues that had me going all over the place. Some days I was fine, and others I was a wreck. It was exhausting.

For most of today I had been with Rosalie. We had talked a lot about the actual giving birth part of this whole situation, which was becoming too real as the days went on. I still hadn’t been able to force myself to watch the video of a live birth Alice gave me. By noon I was exhausted so I decided to head home even though I knew the house would be empty.

I worked my way upstairs, a workout in itself because of the belly in front of me, and heard shuffling from Edward’s office. Smiling to myself, I knocked quietly before walking inside. Edward wasn’t the one shuffling through his desk, though. It was Carlisle.

“Oh, hi, Carlisle,” I said, unsure what to do now. I didn’t spend much time around him.

“Isabella,” he sighed, looking uncomfortable.

I stuffed my hands in the pocket of the sweatshirt I was wearing. Where my phone was resting. Because the look on his face and the body language of him hovering over Edward’s desk didn’t sit well with me. I pressed the button on the side of my phone five times, knowing it would immediately call Edward. _Thank you, Jasper._

“What are you doing here?” I asked, as politely as I could. It was obvious what he was doing. Snooping. Spying. Eavesdropping.

“You’re supposed to be at Rosalie’s.”

Keeping my face as neutral as possible I asked, “How do you know that?”

“I’m not someone from off of the streets, Bella. I’m your father-in-law.”

Hearing him say that, the way he sounded as if it was a threat, made my stomach churn. “You of all people know how bad I am with fathers.”

Line drawn.

“Why are you going through my husband’s desk?”

“I needed to know what he knew.”

“Why not ask him?”

“Because he doesn’t trust me.”

I pointed to the desk, covered in papers that Carlisle was snooping through. “For good reason, obviously.”

Carlisle’s face twitched. _I hit a nerve._ I didn’t know what to do now, though. Obviously, I couldn’t just leave him here, and there was part of me that knew _he_ wouldn’t let me leave him here either. There was no doubt in my mind that he had a gun on him somewhere.

My suspicious were confirmed when he slowly raised one from behind his back. “Well, we’ve been here before, haven’t we?”

“If I had known how big of a hassle you were going to be, I would have gotten rid of you then.”

_Well, shit._

“I’ve never understood why you and Esme hated me so much. I make your son happy, that should make you happy.” Right now, it was the least of my worries why they hated me but I wanted him to do more talking and less shooting.

“You glued my family together when I was in the process of tearing them apart. Edward and Emmett were always fighting, Edward too high to give a damn about anything. Alice and Jasper were thinking about moving away. Then, you came along and somehow everyone started getting along. Edward got clean, became a better leader. All because of you.”

I wanted to snort at the ridiculousness, but I held it in. “Why were you trying to tear them apart?”

“Drop the gun, Carlisle,” Ben said, appearing in the doorway. I wanted to relax, knowing that Edward probably sent him in because of my phone call, but there was still a loaded weapon aimed right at me.

“This isn’t your fight, Benjamin. Leave.”

My eyes stayed glued to Carlisle but I could feel Ben inching closer to me. It was nerve-wracking, just waiting for one of them to shoot first. Knowing I could be on the receiving end of one of them. Shit, the suspense right now is probably more excruciating than an actual bullet would be.

Except I didn’t have to worry about the pain I would feel. I had another little one to worry about too.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why would you want to tear apart your family?” I asked again.

Two shots rang out. I think I screamed, I wasn’t sure. Ben was on the ground though. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

“If you would be so kind as to kick his gun to the side, Isabella.”

There was no choice for me to make. I couldn’t bend down fast enough to get it for myself, so I softly kicked the gun away from Ben despite every fiber of my being protesting against it.

“I’ve hated what this family stood for since my father brought me here. He dictated everything about my life; who I could be, who my friends were, who I had to marry. I never had a choice.”

“So, you decided to ruin the Cullen name. Something I’m sure your father would have hated.”

“It was working fine until you got involved. Edward started caring more and caught on.”

“You never had a tumor. It was all a cover up because you got caught.” Jesus, and I thought my family was fucked up. Carlisle has been out for his own flesh and blood for years.

“You’re much smarter than I ever gave you credit for,” he said, scowling at me. I saw his fingers twitch as he held his weapon.

“What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?” Edward sneered, walking in with his own weapon raised.

“It’s time for all of this to end, Edward!” Carlisle shouted, but I didn’t really understand what he was talking about. This entire thing was a giant cluster fuck of confusion.

“Don’t hurt her. _Please_.” The second the last word was out of Edward’s mouth I dropped as carefully and quickly as I could to the floor, covering my ears as shots rang out around me.

I was there for a minute, maybe two, with my eyes squeezed shut, too scared to see what happened around me. I jumped when a hand gripped my shoulder.

“It’s okay. Come on,” Edward said, helping me up and pulling me out of the room. He kept my head pressed into his chest so I couldn’t look around. He took me to our room, but only for a minute. I stood in the middle of it, unsure what to do with myself. My head was spinning and I was pretty sure there was a dead body in Edward’s office. It was an all too familiar realization.

Edward threw a bag over his shoulder and was next to me again. We were walking out the front door before I could even ask a question.

“Are we running away again?” I questioned, panic rising in my chest.

“No, you’re going to Alice and Jasper’s. Rosalie will be there with Alec as well.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, but there were still so many things I wanted, needed, to know. Opening my mouth to ask them, Edward interrupted me.

“I don’t have any answers yet. I need some time.”

“Um, is Ben –“

“He’s fine. I’ll take care of it.”

Ben was alive. Edward was alive. I was fine. Everything would be fine.

I watched Edward as he drove. He was more tense, more concentrated than I had ever seen him. I wanted to grab his hand or do something to make him feel better, but I couldn’t move. Carlisle’s words kept repeating in my head, over and over.

When we got to Alice and Jasper’s, Edward rushed me inside, dropping my bag on the floor. Everyone else was already here, all of them wearing similar looks of concern as we entered.

Edward nodded his head toward the front door and Jasper and Emmett left. When he looked at Alice and Rosalie they both retreated to the kitchen. When we were alone he pulled me into his arms, as close as we could get with my stomach in the way. For just a second, my Edward was here. Not the one who was about to leave this house and face unimaginable horrors.

“Are you okay?” he whispered in my ear.

“Yes.” _Mostly._

“Fuck, Bella, I –“ he sighed, pressing a strong kiss to my forehead. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Then, a second later, he tensed again and dropped his arms. With that, he was gone.

Alice and Rosalie asked a lot of questions for a while, and I answered them all honestly. Carlisle was Alice’s father and she deserved to know the truth about what happened. Even though we didn’t really know anything. Everything he said was cryptic and could be interpreted a million different ways.

It wasn’t until a few hours later, when I was finally alone in the guestroom, that I was able to really think. I was exhausted but I paced the room for hours, trying to piece everything together.

Carlisle wanted me gone, that much was obvious. He said he should have gotten rid of me before, that morning we talked in New York. Then, there was everything about tearing apart his family. It was obvious, now, that he didn’t care for them much, if at all. But, _why?_

The closest thing I had to an answer was what he said about his father. He resented him, I guessed. Ronan must have forced the life on Carlisle, forced him to be the prodigal son he needed to build an empire. Carlisle must have spent decades burning with hatred toward everything he had become.

Then, he got caught and had to fabricate the brain tumor to explain his actions. Fuck, Edward would be furious that got past him, that he believed the lie. The one thing that infuriated him to no end was people deceiving him.

I still couldn’t understand my role in all of it. It made no sense to me how I became the one Carlisle wanted to take his anger out on. He said I glued the family together, but I had always thought I had torn them apart.

_…Dark…_

Three days.

It had been three days of replaying every word Carlisle had ever said to me over and over in my head. Three days of wondering what the full story was, though I knew I would probably never know everything. Three days being sequestered with Alice and Rosalie without a word from my husband.

Emmett and Jasper made appearances every once in a while, and it infuriated me every time they said “He’ll be back soon,” or “He’s sorry.” I didn’t want apologies. I wanted him here.

“How do you always handle things like this, Bella?” Rosalie asked out of the blue as we were all in the kitchen cooking one night. Well, they were cooking and I was sitting at the counter chopping vegetables.

“What?”

“We know you… _work_ with the men sometimes. You know a lot more about their work lives than we do. You went to jail for Christ’s sake. I don’t know how you keep it together all of the time,” she admitted.

I shrugged. “This is a lot different than anything I’ve dealt with before. I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing and it’s slowly driving me insane.”

“I prefer not knowing,” Alice added. “When they’re working late and they come home with bloody clothes, I don’t want to know what they were doing. The second I know what an average night is like for them I know I’ll start worrying a hundred times more than I already do.”

Rose nodded. I understood their perspective, but I didn’t necessarily agree with it myself. I didn’t need to know everything Edward did, but I liked knowing the gist of what was going on. If he was having issues with a certain family, I liked to know what name to keep an ear out for. I didn’t like admitting to myself I liked having the names in case something happened and I had to take matters into my own hands again. It wasn’t part of myself that I enjoyed.

The front door opened and I didn’t bother getting my hopes up. It would be Emmett or Jasper, not Edward.

“Are you ready to go?” Ben’s deep voice asked from the doorway.

I gasped, looking up and seeing him for the first time in days. All I knew was that he was alive, but that was it. My eyes scanned over him, thankful that there were no noticeable injuries to him. I wasn’t even sure where he got shot.

“You’re okay?”

Ben nodded. “Mostly flesh wounds. A few stitches was all it took.”

“I’m sorry, I –“

He held up his hand. “No apologies necessary. Are you ready to go? Mr. Cullen is at home waiting for you.”

I frowned. He sent Ben to take me home? Why didn’t he come get me himself? “I’ll come back and get my stuff later, okay?” I told Alice as I left with Ben. I didn’t hear her reply. I followed Ben quickly to the car, ready to finally get some answers.

My first instinct when I walked in the house was to be furious. Edward had left for days without a word and I wasn’t used to being shut out like that. But seeing him hunched over on the couch, a bottle of scotch on the table in front of him, I knew anger wasn’t what he needed right now.

I sat next to him, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder, and he looked up at me. Sad green eyes met mine, and I could immediately tell he hadn’t slept at all in the days he had been gone. He opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him.

“You need to sleep.”

“You deserve answers,” Edward said, his voice gruff.

“I’ll get them after you sleep, come on.” Grabbing his hand, I pulled him up. I didn’t have to actually expel any energy doing it, but Edward let me think I had won. Up in our bedroom I noticed a fairly large cut on his forearm as I was pulling his shirt off.

I didn’t ask any questions, even though there were a million running through my mind. I pulled him into the ensuite and grabbed the large first aid kit I had stashed under the sink.

Edward was quiet, leaning against the counter and watching me as I moved. He didn’t flinch when I cleaned the cut with antiseptic even though I knew it had to sting. “It doesn’t look deep enough to need stitches,” I mumbled, taping some gauze around it.

Edward cocked his head to the side and looked down at me. “How do you know?” he asked softly. He didn’t say it in an accusatory or condescending way, just quiet curiosity.

I shrugged. “I learned some basics; what needs stitches, what just needs a good cleaning, how to do stitches, things like that. Just in case.”

He dropped his head to my shoulder, his mouth quickly latching on to the pulse point of my neck. I reveled in his closeness for a minute, but had to step away when he pressed himself closer.

“You need to sleep,” I repeated.

Once I had him in bed, Edward was quick to fall asleep. I hadn’t realized how exhausted I was too, so I wasn’t far behind.

Sometime later I groggily woke up and found a bright pair of green eyes staring at me. “You need more sleep,” I grumbled, tucking myself as close to him as possible. It was quite the challenge with the belly I was working with.

“He’d been fucking with us for years,” Edward said, his voice calm and quiet. It seemed like once he started talking, he couldn’t get it all out fast enough as he told me everything he had found out.

Carlisle hated his father, hated the family he was forced to lead. Apparently, his resentment started when he fell in love with another woman, someone Edward was still trying to find the identity of, and Ronan forced him to marry Esme. She was a better match and would make a good wife for the life he had to lead.

He had kids because he had to. He played his part for years without anyone knowing how miserable he was. But, then he started planning. He wanted to destroy everything about the family that he thought stole his life from him.

Carlisle didn’t care when Edward started using drugs and slacking on his responsibilities. He let Jasper be a major part of the family business despite the fact that he had no blood ties, hoping he might have ulterior motives. He let Emmett get kicked out of three colleges before graduating. He groomed his family to fall apart.

“But then, you came along,” Edward said, smiling at me in the dark.

Apparently, Edward getting clean sort of leveled out the family. He started picking up the slack Carlisle purposefully left and the family started thriving again. That was when Carlisle partnered up with Aro, why they had me shot. He wanted to send Edward back to his old ways.

He had to fabricate the story of the tumor when he knew Edward was getting too close. He needed a reason for all of his erratic behavior, and didn’t trust Aro not to tell Edward about his involvement.

Then, once he was back, he had to do damage control. He had to play his part of remorseful father looking to get in his family’s good graces again. He didn’t expect Aro to go rogue and try to take me out himself, but used the situation to get back on Edward’s good side. Helping me through the trial would erase a lot of the checks he had against him.

He laid low for a while after that, needing to wait for the aftereffects of everything else to die down. Then he started up again a while ago, talking with Petrov and leaking bits and pieces of plans to people throughout the city.

I had been his newest target. With me being pregnant the family line could continue, something Carlisle never wanted. He was the one going around the city, killing people to get the cops’ attention on Edward and I. He knew Zafrina would be linked directly to me.

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore. The FBI knows what they need to.”

I nodded, not wanting to know what kind of deal he made with them. There was so much information to process. I supposed a lot of things made more sense now. Carlisle and Esme’s relationship for one.

Everything fit, though. Their sometimes-obvious disdain for each other. Carlisle never caring when Esme and I got into fights. Hell, I slapped her and he never even flinched.

Esme’s attitude came into perspective as well. If I had grown up a Volturi it was possible I would have been in her position, forced to marry someone for the sake of status. The thought of being forced on someone is horrible in itself, but having that someone be as unreliable and erratic as Carlisle had to be hell. Throw in the fact that I broke the mold that she never could and I finally understood a fraction of the hate she felt for me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Edward’s cheek when he frowned at my apology. “Mine might have been on a slightly smaller scale, but I know the feeling of having a parent suddenly not be who you thought they were.”

Edward held me close for a few minutes, then let out a shaky breath against my neck. “Your phone call… Fuck, Bella. When I heard you say you’d been there before I knew he had… But you remembered our code.”

“Well, yeah. It’s not something I would forget.”

Edward wasn’t a man who begged. Even at gun point he wouldn’t beg for anything, except me. On the island, during one of the many sessions where he would teach me some self-defense, he told me that if we were ever in any kind of standoff and he said something along the lines of _Don’t hurt her, please_ that was my cue to drop immediately so he could take care of things.

“You’re okay? Both of you?” he asked, placing a hand lightly on my stomach.

“Yes. He was kicking me all morning.”

Edward smiled and gave me a soft kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now, get some more sleep. You still look exhausted.”


	23. Change

_Change is a powerful thing, people are powerful beings. Trying to find the power in me to be faithful. Change is a powerful thing, I feel it coming in me. Maybe by the time this song is done I’ll be able to be honest, capable of holding you in my arms without letting you fall when I don’t feel beautiful or stable. ~ Lana Del Rey, **Change**_

**EPOV**

“Edward, do you have a minute?”

I looked up, too engrossed in my work to have heard my office door open, and saw Alice walking in. “Is everything okay?”

“I wanted to talk about Bella, actually. Make sure she was okay. I haven’t seen her since…” _Since the three days I abandoned her at your house_ I guessed is what she was trying to refrain from saying.

It had been nearly a month since everything went down. A month of knowing my father had been out to destroy us all. Most of us were handling things fine, I had no guilt for what I had to do because I did it for the safety of our family. The one person I thought would have a hard time with it was Alice, but she was surprisingly calm about the whole thing.

“She hasn’t been going to see you?” That was news to me. As far as I knew, Bella had been keeping up her routine of spending her days with Alice and Delilah, or Rose and Alec.

“No, Rose hasn’t seen her either.”

It had been a stressful fucking month, and I had been trying to take care of everything so Bella wouldn’t have anything to worry about. I kept her away from the funeral, for a few reasons. One, she was far too pregnant to hide. The last thing we needed was the world weighing in on her pregnancy. Two, she shouldn’t have to pretend to mourn a man who had threatened her more times than I could count, a man who would have killed her and our unborn child in a heartbeat.

I had been working nonstop since everything went down. When I saw her, Bella seemed fine; healthy, always smiling when we went to doctor’s appointments. Those appointments were sometimes the only time I saw her awake for a few days. I had just assumed she was still spending time with Alice and Rose while I was working.

“I’ll take care of it,” I told her, discarding what I was working on and heading toward the door.

“Edward?” Alice said quietly beside me before we left the office. Then, a second later, she wrapped her arms around me. I froze for a moment, but gently returned her hug a second later.

“Thank you for everything you do. Da – Carlisle might not have seen what a good leader you are, but I do. I know there are a lot of things you guys do to protect us that we know nothing about. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I replied somewhat awkwardly. I never really talked about this kind of thing with Alice.

“I know Bella’s done a lot, too. Things I never could have done. Tell her she can come back over any time, okay?”

“I will. Thank you, Alice.”

With that, we went our separate ways. I berated myself the entire way home for letting Bella fall to the sideline while I dealt with everything. This wasn’t the time for that to happen.

When I walked in the house it was silent. She wasn’t in the kitchen, or in her movie room. I was heading toward our bedroom when I spotted her; sitting in the middle of the nursery surrounded by boxes. We both looked at each other, surprised to see one another.

“What are you doing here?” we asked at the same time.

“Folding baby clothes that I bought online. Why are you home?”

I moved a few piles of tiny clothes she had sitting around her, and sat cross legged on the floor in front of her. “Why haven’t you been going to see Alice and Rose?”

“Because if I don’t leave the house nothing bad can happen to either of us,” she admitted, placing a hand lightly on her belly.

_“Bella.”_

“It’s safe here, so I’m going to stay here for a while. It’s no big deal, Edward.”

“It is a big deal,” I told her, trying to keep my frustration at myself out of my voice. “I’m supposed to make sure you feel safe and I haven’t done that.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s his.” Bella’s head fell, her eyes trained on the floor. I had never seen her look so defeated. It was heartbreaking.

“I need one week.” Her head popped up and she eyed me skeptically. “One week to tie up a few loose ends at work and then I’ll be here, with you, until the baby comes. I already blocked off three months, for the most part, after the due date.”

“Edward, we still have at least –“

“I’ll still work from home for a while, but we need some time. Just you and me to get things ready.”

Bella sighed and leaned forward, her head resting on my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to apologize?”

“This isn’t anything pregnancy related. I’m sorry for everything else. Carlisle snapped because of me. If we had never met –“

“If we had never met I would be the same egotistical asshole hooked on cocaine. I have many regrets in my life, Isabella, but meeting you is not one of them.”

“He said –“

“I know what he said.”

The words my supposed father said to my wife that day were forever engrained in my brain. The panic I felt when I answered Bella’s call and heard their conversation was unparalleled. There was this menacing quality in his voice, something I had never heard from him before.

I listened to their conversation as I sped home, racking up a few red-light tickets along the way. I nearly swerved into oncoming traffic when I heard the gunshots. It was an all too familiar sight when I got home, seeing Carlisle with a gun pointed at my wife. The only difference now was he was pointing it at my unborn child now, too.

There was no guilt to be felt when I shot him in the shoulder that afternoon, or when I had Emmett and Jasper tie him up in his house for the next three days. None of us felt bad about what we had to do to get all of the information out of him before we got rid of him for good.

Our family business had a very simple goal; protect the family at all costs. It was what I had grown up knowing, and helped me rearrange my morals to fit with my lifestyle.

“Carlisle had his issues long before you came along, Bella. Now, we’re going to forget about the whole fucked up situation. He’s not our problem anymore. We’re both going to focus on this, okay?” I placed my hand over her belly, enjoying the slight kick I felt underneath my hand.

“He likes the sound of your voice. He kicks more when you’re around,” Bella said, smiling up at me. The first real smile I had seen in weeks.

_…Dark…_

“Are we _ever_ going to get to know what you’re having, or are you going to make us wait until you pop?” Alice said from across the dinner table.

“I already told you, Alice,” Bella said, rolling her eyes and taking another bite of chicken.

“What? No, you didn’t!”

Bella cocked her head to the side, frowning at Alice. “I didn’t?”

“No!” Alice and Rosalie both said this time.

It had been a little over a week since I had found Bella on the floor of the nursery and we hashed some things out. True to my word, yesterday was my last day going into the office for a while. It was time to focus on my family. _Fuck, I’m going to have a family._

I dropped an arm around Bella’s shoulder’s and pressed a kiss to her head. The seed of panic that had started bubbling up in my chest receded.

“You know, people don’t get educated enough on pregnancy. Who knew growing a human fucked with your brain so much? And, you know, that whole organ shifting thing still freaks me out.”

“Bella! Tell us!”

“Huh? Oh, well…” she looked up at me and I smiled down at her, enjoying the slight blush that covered her cheeks now that everyone’s attention was on her. “It’s a boy.”

Emmett and Jasper immediately looked at me, knowing what it meant now that I was having a son. We left the women at the table and took the dishes to the kitchen. We silently cleaned up until we heard an all too familiar voice join those of our wives.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her as we all re-entered the dining room. Esme was standing across from the table where the girls sat, staring at her with wide eyes.

“I just came to say goodbye.”

I had seen Esme twice since the incident. When I had to kick her out of her own house, and at Carlisle’s funeral.

_Thankfully Esme had been gone when we dragged Carlisle into the house. He was gagged and tied up in his office. I was letting Emmett get a few words in while I dealt with Esme as she got back from shopping._

_Walking downstairs, I purposefully left the few splatters of blood on my shirt. I stood out of her sight for a moment and watched her as she set her shopping bags down on a chair. We hadn’t gotten much out of Carlisle yet. Hell, Bella got more out of him than we had so far, but we would get there. Right now, I had to see if Esme was part of the problem._

_My parents’ relationship never crossed my mind growing up. I got into drugs and alcohol around fifteen and never really noticed things like that anymore. Looking back, there were a few things that didn’t add up. Recently, especially._

_My gut told me Esme was just a girl who had been forced into an arranged marriage, something not uncommon in our community, but I couldn’t be too careful. Not after what had happened today._

_“Did you know?” I asked, startling Esme as she rifled through her shopping bags._

_“Oh, Edward, I didn’t hear you come in.” She frowned at me, her eyes zeroing in on the blood that stained my white shirt._

_Walking toward her, I leaned against the doorway opposite of her, and crossed my arms over my chest. “Did you know how much of a fucking piece of trash the man you married was?”_

_She sighed and sat down unsteadily. “I knew he was in love with another woman when we got married, but I didn’t know how hateful he was. It’s gotten worse as time goes on, his façade is fading. What did he do?”_

_“You didn’t know he was trying to fuck the entire family over?”_

_“Of course not,” Esme gasped, looking entirely too offended than she had the right to. Staring back at her, I didn’t back down as she stared right back. It only took a few moments before she slumped into her chair. “I’m not the best mother, but I would never try to physically harm any of you, Edward.”_

_She couldn’t physically pull it off even if she tried, but I agreed with the statement. Kind of. Most of her issues with Bella had been mental wounds, but they were still there._

_“Go upstairs and pack a bag. You won’t be back here for a few days. Don’t go in his office.”_

_Esme stopped as she walked past me. “Is he…?”_

_“He’s as good as dead,” I told her, no remorse in my voice or mind._

_“Good riddance.”_

It was a tricky situation, but I was confident Esme had no idea of how fucked up Carlisle was and what he was really doing. She knew he was an asshole, obviously, but that was as far as her hatred extended.

None of us were ready to rebuild a relationship with her, at least not yet. Regardless of Carlisle’s shortcomings, Esme was never a great mother to us either. We just understood why that was now. It wasn’t a valid excuse, but it helped to understand.

“I’ve got a flight to New York in a few hours.”

“Have a safe flight,” Alice said softly.

Esme looked toward where Bella sat, and I tensed immediately and went to stand next to her. “Good luck with the baby,” she said. Her voice sounded unexpectedly sincere. Then, she was gone.

I should have felt more. My father was dead and my mother running away from us. It should have felt wrong, unnatural. Instead, it felt like freedom. The six of us were the only Cullen’s left in charge now. It was a lot of pressure, but the best kind because we all knew we could handle it.

_…Dark…_

With about a month until Bella’s due date, it seemed the only place we ever went was the doctor and back. For the most part, things seemed to be going fine with Bella and the baby, but this time she had slightly high blood pressure so the doctor told her to take things easy. Spend more time off her feet than on. Something my wife had never been good at.

Despite Bella’s inability to do much, even before being told to rest, my time taken off was good. It was needed. It helped ease both of our anxieties to spend time together, organizing our house and getting ready for the newest chapter of our lives.

I drew her a bath and helped her get in. I was going to give her some privacy, but as I turned to leave she asked me to join her. I was tentative at first, because Bella was becoming very sensitive to everything these days. Sometimes she wanted me constantly touching her, and a moment later she would politely ask me to back the fuck away.

My wife was the only one who was able to tell me what to do. Especially when she was in the middle of creating a human inside of her. She could ask me to fly to Italy to get her a pizza and I would.

About half an hour ago, when she was lying in bed and I was across the room working, I had been informed I was breathing too loud. Her little outbursts, if they could be called that, usually made me chuckle internally. Lord only knows what would have happened to me had I laughed out loud.

“I know I said I wanted to enjoy the whole being pregnant thing, and I have to an extent, but everything is _hard._ Every day something happens to my body that is either gross or painful.

“And I feel like it’s hard to be us. All I can do or think about is the baby. I guess that’s how it should be for a while, but we’ll get back to us, right?”

I took a chance and pulled her foot into my lap and started gently rubbing the sole. She was leaning against one edge of the large tub, and I was opposite of her. “We will, I promise. We’ll make a list of things you couldn’t do while you were pregnant and do them all in one night after he’s born and we’re all settled in. Okay?”

A bright smile lit up her face. “Everything we eat will be fried, and we can have as much coffee as we want. And we can have wine and I’ll be able to walk and see my feet. And sex. Lots of sex.”

Like some sex deprived teenager, my entire body tensed at the word falling out of her mouth. It had been weeks, maybe a month or longer since we’d done _that._ I would never complain; again, the fact that the woman was growing a human being trumped all else. But, I missed my wife. She was right, it was kind of like we had already dropped all focus from us and our relationship to the baby.

We just needed to find the right balance, which was hard when Bella and the baby were still a package deal. We would find our balance and I would make damn sure she got her night of indulgence when she was able to.

“You know, you still haven’t told me the name you came up with,” I said, hoping to change the subject and calm my body down.

“I guess we are running out of time. Do you have any ideas?”

I had tried to come up with something, but nothing I could think of seemed right. “No, nothing sharable yet.”

Then, Bella told me the name she had chosen, and the story behind it. The way she blushed explaining it, and the small smile she had on her face as she talked said it all. It was perfect. Not something I had expected from her, but the sentiment meant just as much, if not more to me.

“I still don’t know what I did to deserve you, Isabella Cullen,” I said, lifting her leg lightly and pressing a kiss to her adorably swollen ankle.

_…Dark…_

I never thought about how stressful the weeks before Bella’s due date would be. It seemed like both of us were constantly on edge, just waiting for something to happen. Bella was starting to get more and more uncomfortable, which seemed to mean that something was going to happen soon.

When I awoke this morning, Bella was surprisingly fast asleep so I got up as quietly as I could and left her alone. She hadn’t been sleeping much the last few days. I worked in my office for a while, but after a few more hours had passed I went to check on Bella again. I hadn’t seen her sleep this late in a month.

Her eyes popped open as soon as I knelt on the floor next to her side of the bed. I frowned, seeing a light sheen of sweat across her forehead, and the deep frown on her face. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t feel good,” she mumbled softly.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._ “Are you having contractions?”

“I… think so. I started feeling something yesterday but I didn’t know what it was. It’s definitely _something_ now.”

I forced myself to take three deep breaths before I stood, holding my hand out for Bella. “Okay. Let’s go.”

She sat up, but didn’t stand, letting her legs hang over the edge of the bed. “I’m scared.”

Leaning down, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I know. Me too.”

“You won’t leave me if I scream at you and yell that your magic sperm impregnated me when it wasn’t supposed to be able to?”

Damn, this woman and her mind were never not amusing. “No, I won’t.”

She finally grabbed my hand and stood. “Okay.”

The drive to the hospital was odd, realizing the next time we went home we were going to have a baby with us. I had Ben drive because I was too distracted to think clearly, and because Bella seemed suddenly very needy. The last few weeks, as she got more and more uncomfortable, she seemed to not want me touching her or fussing over her. Now, she had her arms wrapped around one of mine and her head buried in my neck.

While we were in the car I made the decision not to think about what came after this and to simply focus on my wife. The woman who was about to go through something excruciating that I could never comprehend. There were still a million and one other things to worry about, but for the next however many hours that she was in labor that was going to be my focus.

With that in mind, we got to the hospital and were immediately led to a private room. Bella changed into a hospital gown the nurse gave her, telling us the doctor would be here soon.

We were both silent. Bella sat on the edge of the hospital bed and I stood leaning against the wall opposite of her. This was unchartered territory for both of us. Neither of us felt completely confident in the scenario, at it wasn’t something we were used to.

After Doctor Hartman came in, time seemed to slow down. She told us Bella was in an early stage of labor, but because of her sensitive condition she wanted us to stay until the baby was born. It could be a couple hours until things changed, or it could be a day.

I called our family and told them what was happening, but informed them Bella didn’t want to see anyone “until this shit is over with,” as she so eloquently put it. That took up about an hour. The next few passed slowly. Bella actually managed to sleep here and there, but at one point, about five hours into our stay, even I could tell things started changing.

Bella closed herself off completely, squeezing her eyes shut as a pain I could never imagine ripped through her body. Fuck, I felt useless. There was absolutely nothing I could do to help her.

Doctor Hartman came in and said Bella was in active labor, whatever that meant, and asked Bella if she wanted the pain medication. Then, for the first time in months, it felt like I had my girl back.

“Yeah, I want the drugs. I want every fucking drug you have. Jesus, what kind of question is that?” she huffed, glaring at the doctor who just returned it with a pleasant smile. She was obviously trying not to laugh at Bella’s outburst.

Once Bella had gotten her injection, it was another waiting game. I sat on a chair next to her bed, letting her squeeze the shit out of my hand whenever she needed to.

“You’re so lucky you have a penis,” she mumbled, somehow maneuvering us so she could rest her head against me as I leaned awkwardly over the bed.

“I’m well aware,” I replied with a slight smirk. Bella’s dry wit was something that her pregnancy anxieties had taken away from her, but I was glad to see it coming back.

“Thanks for putting up with me the last few months.”

I sighed, brushing the hair off of her damp forehead. “Thanks for being the strongest, bravest, most breathtakingly beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”

She gave me a tired smirk. “Always such a sweet talker.”

Hours and hours and a few more hours passed. Hartman came by, and it seemed every time she left she had a deeper frown on her face. This latest check-up, she asked the other nurses in the room to leave as she took a seat on the other side of Bella. My Bella who was burying her head in my arm next to her, wiping her tears on my shirt.

“You’re not progressing as easily or quickly as we’d like, Bella. You’ve been at six centimeters for hours. Labor is painful, but there’s a certain point where we need to decide if it’s too much pain.”

I gave Bella’s hand the lightest squeeze as Hartman continued. “It’s hard to tell right now whether the complications you’re having are simply your body’s normal progression time or if it’s a complication from the damage you sustained before. I’d like to give you another hour, and if you’re still not progressing I want you to consider a cesarean.”

Hartman looked at me as she spoke, and I could tell she was doing her best to avoid the surgery, but the look in her eyes told me it was inevitable. I gave her a quick nod as she left and leaned down to whisper to Bella. Nothing in particular, because there was nothing I could say that would make her feel better, but I told her any comforting thing I could think of.

The hour passed and I met Hartman outside the room as she was coming back to check on Bella.

“It’s more serious than you’re letting on,” I said, because I knew it was true. I could see right through her, and if Bella was more lucid she would have been able to see it, too.

“I was hesitant to perform a cesarean because of all the scar tissue that she has built up. There are certain risks associated with it, but it seems we’re not going to have a choice.”

“I won’t lose her,” I told her. That wasn’t a possible outcome I would accept.

“I’ll take care of her. I promise,” Hartman replied, looking at me with strong, intense eyes that made me believe her.

Everyone moved very quickly after that, again alerting me to the fact that the situation was more serious than everyone was saying. Bella was too worn out to notice, and I realized that might not be a good sign. Was it another signal that something was wrong, or was it normal after so many hours in labor?

I ended up in a pair of dark blue scrubs, sitting at Bella’s head as they prepped her in an operating room. Looking around, everything seemed to be in place; there was an area off to the side with little things surrounding it, sized for a baby.

Sitting right above Bella, I pressed a kiss to her forehead and rubbed my thumbs along her cheeks. A quick glance up and I saw Hartman getting started and got to work distracting my wife.

She kept her eyes on me as I rambled. I talked about the day I had promised her where we would do everything her pregnancy denied her, and I told her how constantly in awe I was of her.

I thought it would take longer, but the sudden cry of a baby caught both of us off guard. We both watched as a nurse carried him over to the side of the room.

“He’s real,” Bella mumbled.

Leaning down, I kissed her forehead and cheeks and chin and lips. “You did so good, baby.”

There was a muttered curse from the doctors surrounding us, and everyone started moving much faster.

“Put her under. There’s too much bleeding.”

“Get him out of here.”

I looked down as Bella’s eyes started to droop, and saw an anesthesiologist to my right. The baby was gone, the crying noticeably silent, and a nurse was beside me, pushing me out of the room.

“No,” I grunted. “I need to –“

“There’s nothing you can do for her right now, sir. A pediatrician is looking over your son. If you go to the waiting room down the hall to the left we’ll come find you in a few minutes when he’s been checked out.”

My ears started ringing as I walked down the hall. As promised, there was a waiting room to the left. It was filled with our family. They all looked at me as I walked in, smiling faces and novelty balloons everywhere.

I was completely numb everywhere, my mind fuzzy and unable to focus. I saw a wastebasket in the corner and hunched over it, expelling what little contents my stomach had.

“What’s wrong?” Alice asked, her voice small.

“After the cesarean… something went wrong. The baby’s fine, I think, but Bella… Fuck!”

I think I punched a wall. My hand hurt, so that was probably what happened. I ended up hunched over in a chair, my hands in my hair and my heart about to explode in my chest.

A nurse walked in. “Mr. Cullen? Your son is being taken to your wife’s room.”

I wanted to do a million different things; go back to where I knew Bella was and watch over every move the doctor was making with her, I wanted to punch something else to get rid of the excess aggression that was forming in my chest, and I wanted to be next to Bella as we met our son for the first time. But, right now he was alone and new and needed someone.

Leaving my family in the waiting room I followed the nurse to our room. She told me she didn’t have any information on Bella before I could ask. When I walked into the room there was another nurse standing in the middle, a tiny blue bundle in her arms. Without a word she transferred him to me.

He was small. So much smaller than I thought he would be. He was all puffy cheeks and big blue eyes. His tiny hands grasped at the air and I shifted my hold on him so I could grab the tiny fingers.

He was equal parts Bella and I. A little human we created, and he had his little fingers wrapped around one of mine. He was mesmerizing.

“Congratulations, Dad,” the nurse said with a smile in her voice.

I looked up at her before she left. “My wife –“

“We know where you’ll be. You’ll be the first to know when she’s done.”

When she was gone, I sat down carefully and adjusted my hold so he was nestled comfortably against my chest. He started crying a bit, and I imagined that he missed Bella, the one who he had been connected to the past nine months, the voice he constantly heard every day.

“I know, buddy. I miss her, too. She’ll be back soon,” I whispered to him, praying that the first thing I had said to my son wasn’t a lie.

_…Dark…_

I refused to let anyone other than a nurse inside the room while we waited for Bella. No one else was going to meet our son before her. The nurses were a necessity, considering they had to check on him and feed him, but that was it. Each nurse told me Bella was stable and still in surgery.

I learned my first two new things about babies while we got to know each other. One, they were easily chilled because they had never been exposed to air before. Something that seemed so obvious after the nurse patiently told me. Two, they liked skin-to-skin contact. I unbuttoned the top few buttons of my shirt and he snuggled his head against me.

We talked as we waited for Bella. Well, I talked and he slept or cried or stared at me like I was insane. I was in the middle of telling him about Bella’s fear of spiders when Hartman walked in the room.

“She’s fine,” were the first words out of her mouth and for the first time in hours it felt like I could breathe.

I set the baby down in the little crib-type bed they had in here as she went into more detail. Only bits and pieces made sense to me, because all I could focus on was the fact that she was okay. I could have lost her, but she was okay.

Hartman made it very clear that this pregnancy was a one-time thing for Bella. There was absolutely no possible way she could ever conceive or carry another child.

There were many aspects of my life where I was a greedy man; I had more money than I possibly needed and I wanted the best of everything. I had no qualms about that. This, however, was one thing I wasn’t going to be upset about losing. We had more than we ever thought we would, and that was more than enough.

“Thank you,” I told her sincerely, giving her hand a strong shake.

Hartman returned the shake just as strongly. “It was a pleasure working with you and your wife. You’ll make great parents,” she said with a smile. “Bella will be brought here in just a few minutes. She should wake up in a few hours.”

She smiled down at the sleeping baby and left.

Looking down at my son, his eyes squeezed shut, I whispered softly. “Just a few more hours, buddy. Then you can meet your mom.”

The past five months had been full of fear and anxiety about this little guy in my arms, but it was all gone now. As I paced around the room, watching every move he made, there was no room in my mind of worries. Everything was falling into place.

I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as Bella was wheeled into the room. She was still asleep, but she was here. I could hear her heartbeat from the monitor, and I could hold her hand.

Every few minutes I would give Bella’s hand a squeeze, or drop a kiss to her forehead as she slept. I hated that such an important moment had been taken from her, that she wasn’t one of the first people in the world that our son saw. But, she was safe now. On her way to recovering for a lifetime of firsts with him.

I talked to the baby again as we waited for Bella to wake up, told him about the family waiting down the hall to meet him. Then, we got back on the subject of Bella.

“You’re a lucky little guy, you know that? You get to meet your mom in a little bit when she wakes up and she’s the best,” I sighed. “She’s the bravest person I know, but sometimes still needs someone to protect her. That’s our job, now. I’ll keep it up for a while, but once you grow up a bit she’s going to need you, too, okay?”

A soft sigh caught my attention, and I looked over and saw two chocolate eyes staring at me.


	24. Safe & Sound

_Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I’ll be safe and sound. Don’t you dare look out your window, darling everything’s on fire. The war outside our door keeps raging on. Hold onto this lullaby even when the music’s gone. ~ Taylor Swift, **Safe & Sound**_

**BPOV**

“You’re a lucky little guy, you know that? You get to meet your mom in a little bit when she wakes up and she’s the best. She’s the bravest person I know, but sometimes still needs someone to protect her. That’s our job, now. I’ll keep it up for a while, but once you grow up a bit she’s going to need you, too, okay?”

I sighed, forcing my eyelids open even though it felt like they weighed fifty pounds. My mind was fuzzy, but when I tilted my head to the right I saw everything I needed to know. Edward, sitting in a chair right next to me, holding a tiny bundle of blue.

I tried to sit up as Edward stood, but hissed as a sharp pain shot through my entire body.

“No, don’t move.” Edward maneuvered the baby to one arm like a pro and pressed a button that made the bed move so I was sitting up. It still hurt a little bit, but it was bearable. Then he set the little bundle on my chest.

A baby.

My baby.

_Our_ baby.

He squirmed a little bit against me, but quickly got himself comfortable enough to fall back asleep. All I could do was stare at him. He was tiny and warm against me and had the cutest chubby cheeks I had ever seen.

It was only when Edward reached down and wiped my cheeks that I realized I was crying. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and sat back down in his chair, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

“We made him,” I said in awe, watching every tiny movement he made, feeling his heartbeat against my own. I looked over at Edward and he just smiled at me, resting his head on the edge of the bed and staring at me.

“You’re amazing,” he said simply, but honestly. I scoffed. “But, there are some things –“

He got cut off by the door opening and a swarm of nurses coming in. All I wanted was to be alone with my husband and baby, but it didn’t seem like that was going to happen any time soon. They taught me how to breastfeed which was… odd. They checked me out repeatedly, asking how I was feeling before Hartman came in. Someone, I wasn’t sure who, took the baby from me and set him in his own little crib when she arrived.

Edward sat next to me and squeezed my hand as she talked. I could tell they were both expecting me to have some sort of breakdown over what she was saying, but I didn’t. I expected something like this. Maybe not something as drastic as emergency surgery after the cesarean, but I knew this was our only shot. Hartman made it very clear that this wasn’t like last time when I was told I couldn’t have children. This was a definite.

Hearing those words this time wasn’t as daunting, maybe because I had Edward right next to me and heard the soft breathing of my son in the corner. If I was being honest with myself, I didn’t want to put myself through another pregnancy anyway, not with the complications we had at the very end. It wasn’t safe for me or another child.

I kept my eyes between Edward and the baby, the only ones I really wanted around. Everything felt weird, new in a way. I didn’t really know what to do with myself as the doctors and nurses poked and prodded and told me how much pain I would be in for the next few days. I tried to get them to discharge me today but Hartman, and Edward, quickly shut that down. I glared at Edward after he sided with Hartman, but he simply shrugged and said he wasn’t going to take any chances.

Finally, everyone was gone and Edward and I were left alone with our little one. He was sleeping peacefully in my arms.

“Do you think the name fits him?” I asked Edward as he sat in the chair next to me.

He ran a finger along my bare arm. “Yes, do you?”

It had taken me a long time to decide on a name combination that I liked. I knew I wanted Edward represented in there, though I hated _Jr_ names. Alec already had the middle name of Edward, so I didn’t have that as an option. If his first name was Anthony I knew he would get nicknamed Tony, and I hated that name.

Edward had told me that he didn’t need a family name, but I liked the idea of it. I never had a strong sense of family loyalty growing up, but I did now. I was proud to be a Cullen, and I liked the thought of my son carrying not only Edward’s name, but another one as well.

I had met a lot of Edward’s family over the years, and most were very kind to me. I had plenty of options for male family names, but one I hadn’t met had kept coming back to me. He had shown me compassion and kindness for something that didn’t necessarily deserve it, but it did in this family. He had left me something obviously very valuable to him, one of his wife’s prized possessions. He thanked me for protecting his family and hadn’t seemed to blame me for anything Carlisle and Esme were so quick to do.

A few quick knocks distracted me from my thoughts. I looked over at Edward who frowned at the door as it opened.

“Can we _please_ come in?” Alice said, taking a small step into the room. I smiled and nodded, and she entered followed by Jasper, Emmett, and Rose. They came with what seemed like a whole gift shop full of balloons and stuffed animals and flowers.

Everyone crowded around me, all eyes on the little one in my arms.

“Do you have a name?” Rose asked softly.

I looked at Edward, and he gave me a nod. _Decision made._ “Aiden Anthony Cullen.”

_…Dark…_

For me, the whole parent thing was turning out to be easier than the pregnancy part. I wasn’t wracked with fear every second of the day that something I had no control over would go wrong. For a majority of the day, I had my son and my husband right by my side.

Of course, it had only been about a week since we had brought Aiden home, but things were going much more smoothly than I expected. Edward and I were both used to only getting a few hours of sleep, so that wasn’t that big of an adjustment for us.

The hardest part for me so far was the physical strain I was still under. There were still moments of pain if I moved the wrong way from the cesarean and subsequent surgery. Stairs were a bitch to go up and down, and even though Edward told me to ask him whenever I needed anything I still did most of it myself. I usually came back upstairs to a glare from him.

But, I was tired of being so dependent. The pregnancy made me feel like an entirely different person. I was whiney and uncomfortable with myself and I hated it. I was finally starting to feel a little more like myself and I wanted to be able to walk down some stairs alone.

Aiden was enjoying himself in some swinging contraption that captured his attention as he rocked. I sat on the couch, one eye on him and the other going through the pictures I had uploaded to my computer. I had become one of those people that thought every little thing the guy did was adorable, but I had no shame about it. He was pretty fucking cute.

One second Aiden and I were enjoying the peace and quiet and the next my living room was full of people. Our family, including Maggie, Jared, and Alec, and there were some others as well. Elena, which surprised me, then Heidi and Kate. _Kate!_

“What are you doing here?” I asked as I walked over to her as quickly as I could, giving her a hug.

“Alice invited us to a surprise party for you. We didn’t realize it was a surprise _baby shower,”_ she said, smiling at me through her sarcasm.

“Well, I know why you had to postpone everything now,” Heidi said with a smile.

Turning back toward everyone else, I saw all of the supplies they had with them. Decorations, food, and presents filled the room now. “You guys really don’t –“

“Don’t bother, Bella. This is happening,” Alice said, throwing some decorations along the coffee table. “It was supposed to happen a few days ago, but you went ahead and popped early. We had to improvise.”

I wasn’t usually one for parties centered around myself, but I was actually excited at spending time with everyone here. It had been the strangest week of my life, and being around family might be a nice way to bring some normalcy back.

“Let me just go change into something less… vomit covered,” I cringed, knowing the plain t-shirt I was wearing had at least a stain or two on it. When I got upstairs I knocked softly on Edward’s office door. He was on the phone when I peeked my head in, but waved me inside as he finished his conversation.

“Did you know about the impromptu party currently happening downstairs?” I asked when he hung up the phone.

“What? That’s not until –“ he looked at the clock and cursed under his breath. “I was going to warn you beforehand. I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “It’s okay. It’s a good surprise.” Edward frowned at me, looking like he expected me to actually be upset at him. I probably would have if it had happened when I was hopped up on pregnancy hormones. Poor guy had to put up with a lot of tears and a lot of instability the last few months.

I got up and went to sit on his desk, right next to where he sat. “I’m sorry for all of the tears and irrational fears and… everything.”

Edward stood between my legs, his hands resting on my hips. “You don’t have to apologize for being pregnant, Bella.”

I smiled up at him, feeling traitorous tears start to form behind my eyes. I hid my face against his chest and wrapped myself as close to him as possible. There was never a moment when his arms around me didn’t bring me peace. Even when I was having contraction after contraction and in what had to be the worst pain imaginable I would look up and he was there. It didn’t ease the pain, but it made me feel safe.

“You might have to put up with the irrational tears a while longer,” I admitted. Edward’s chest shook with laughter.

“I think I can handle that.”

Edward finished up what he was working on while I went to change. I didn’t have many options, because my body was all kinds of weird sizes after Aiden and the doctor hadn’t cleared me to start doing much in the way of physical activity again. I pulled on a blue dress that was flowy enough that I fit into it. The only hassle was getting my breasts to cooperate.

“What am I supposed to do with these?” I mumbled to myself, trying to situate… everything.

“Do you need help?” Edward asked from the doorway, looking at me with a smirk.

“Are you actually going to help or are you going to use it as an excuse to feel me up?”

Edward shrugged, unashamed. “Little of both.”

I sighed, looking at myself in the mirror. “I think it’s as good as it’s going to get. Thank you, though.”

As expected, most people were huddled around Aiden as Rosalie held him. A few had obviously done some work in my absence as more decorations covered the area. Balloons were tied to chairs and streamers floated around. There was a cliché _It’s a boy!_ sign, but it was surprisingly adorable. Aiden started getting fussy when we walked over despite Rosalie’s best efforts to calm him down.

“He misses Edward. He hasn’t held him in a few hours. His favorite place to sleep is right next to Edward,” I told her, not wanting her to think he didn’t like her. She knew he was just a fussy baby, but she looked a little sad she couldn’t calm him down.

I thought it was the cutest thing when Aiden would obviously let us know he wanted Edward. He did the same thing to me, but it wasn’t as often. It didn’t make me sad or jealous that they had such an intense connection, I loved it.

Edward carefully took over and went to sit on the couch next to Heidi as he calmed Aiden down. I heard them start talking numbers so I knew they were talking business and would be distracted for a while.

Elena was surprisingly engrossed in conversation with Emmett and Jasper, and I ended up in a cluster with Alice, Rosalie, and Kate.

“You know you could have told me, Bella,” Kate said, looking a little upset.

“I know,” I sighed. “The past few months have just been kind of a blur. Everyone always talks about how great pregnancy is but I just don’t get it.”

“Even though he was my first, I had a pretty easy pregnancy with Alec. Just a little morning sickness the first few months, and then the usual minor aches and pains but nothing too bad.”

“I’m with Bella. There were good parts, but it’s a lot harder than I ever knew,” Alice said.

Kate nodded with a small smile. “Every pregnancy is different. My first was pretty easy compared to my second.” Kate sighed and shifted herself toward me. “So, tell me how you found out about this miracle pregnancy.”

We talked for a while, some about children and some about life. After a little bit I saw Elena excuse herself from her conversation and wander into the kitchen. I did the same and followed her.

It was still awkward being around her, but it was getting a little better. I found it a little ironic that she was the last parent Edward or I had in the city, the one that should have cared the least about us turned out to be the only one left.

I walked over to the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of water and sliding one across the island where she sat. “Thank you for coming.”

“Of course. You’ve got a wonderful family. Not just Edward and Aiden, everyone.” It dawned on me that Elena had never really met everyone else. She had run into Rosalie and given her that letter, but that was it.

“Yeah, they’re all pretty great,” I said honestly.

“Bella… I’m –“

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m… glad at how things turned out.”

I’d like to think that Edward and I were destined to be together, but odds are if things were different we wouldn’t be here. If Elena had kept me Aro could have been my father figure, or he would have killed us before his affair got out.

“Growing up with Renee wasn’t ideal, but I would do everything all over again if it meant things turned out like this.” I smiled at her from across the island, and she smiled back.

Before either of us could say anything else Edward walked in, sans baby. “Heidi’s got him. I’m pretty sure she’s having him sign a contract with the firm. Last thing I heard from her was something about your genetics and my hair combined. She did want to talk to you, too, though.”

I nodded, leaving Elena and Edward alone. Edward stopped me in the doorway, an arm around my waist, just to press a soft kiss to my forehead before he let me walk by.

Walking into the party, I saw Heidi sitting on the couch with Aiden in her lap, talking animatedly to him. “I never knew you were a baby person, Heidi.”

She was married, had been for years, but the subject of babies never came up with her.

“This guy just might convert me,” she said with a smile. “We do need to talk about what you want to do, though. I can try to get you out of the _Savage_ press, but I don’t know if they’ll go for it. Not after everything you did to get the part in the first place.”

I sighed. “I know. I’ll do it, but it can’t be a month-long press tour. A week, maybe two at the most.”

Heidi sighed, obviously relieved I wasn’t going to make her try to cancel the whole thing. “What about a press release about this guy?”

I knew we needed one, but I didn’t like it. I didn’t want pictures of my son all over the tabloids, but I also didn’t want to hide him away at home all of the time. “Something simple. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

She nodded. “I’ll tell Claire. She’s sorry she couldn’t be here, she was just swamped with work.”

“That’s okay. I’m glad you and Kate could come.”

Later that afternoon everyone was still lounging around, talking with old friends and making new ones. I remembered Alice’s baby shower, all of the women sitting around giving her expensive gifts. That wasn’t the kind of celebration I wanted. I liked this quiet get together where everyone could meet my son and none of the focus was centered on me.

I was heading back downstairs after feeding Aiden when I heard voices coming out of Edward’s office. I froze right before I passed the open door when I heard Jared in there.

“I just wanted to apologize for everything. I’ve been talking with Jas- _Dad_ and Emmett a lot lately, about what it is you do. I realized I… want to stand for something. I want to protect my sister and – and our family. I know I have to earn your trust and respect…”

I started feeling guilty for eavesdropping, so I quietly walked past, feeling Edward’s eyes follow me past the doorway. Somehow, it seemed like everything was falling into place. I had a house full of family downstairs, and a troubled nephew that finally seemed to be on the right path. Most importantly, I had my son in my arms, healthy and surrounded by love.

It was late that night when I jerked awake, somehow not by the sound of crying or by Edward softly telling me the baby needed to be fed. Edward wasn’t next to me, so I pulled myself out of bed and walked down to the nursery with a yawn, just to make sure everything was okay.

The first few nights Aiden was at home, I didn’t even want to sleep in our bed. Edward found me the second night, wide awake in the rocker just staring at the sleeping baby. All of the things the doctors told us before we left were constantly running through my mind. Every random disease or illness ran through my head and I felt like if I didn’t watch him, if I let my guard down for one second, he would be gone. Edward, being the rational thinker that he was, was able to calm me down and get me back in bed. 

Tonight, though, I stood in the doorway of the nursery and watched Edward sway in the rocking chair, Aiden asleep on his bare chest. I remembered the dream I used to have, standing in this exact spot looking at Edward with a baby in his arms. It was a dream that used to leave me crying into his chest in the middle of the night because it was impossible.

Quietly, I walked over and knelt beside the chair, crossing my arms on the armrest. I pressed a soft kiss to Edward’s arm, and sleepy green eyes looked down at me.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Did he cry? I didn’t hear him.”

“No. I just…” he shrugged softly, and I understood. Edward had the sweetest bond with Aiden. I think it was the first few hours they had together. They were each other’s only support system while they waited for news about me. Aiden, obviously, was oblivious to the whole situation, but Edward wasn’t. I loved watching them together. I had no idea, before, how incredibly sexy it was to watch a man become a father.

“You should get some more sleep,” Edward whispered.

I kissed my way up his arm, across his neck, and stopped at his lips. “I love you.”

Edward lifted his head and pressed his lips harder against mine, for just a moment. “More than you know, Isabella,” he whispered against my lips.

_…Dark…_

I was entirely too relaxed; I was warm and content and comfortable, and had been for too long. My body jerked awake to find Edward sleeping half on top of me. He grumbled incoherently against my neck, rolling over slightly and taking me with him. That was when I noticed the clock and tried to scramble out of bed.

“He’s with Rosalie,” Edward told me, pulling me back down.

“What?”

“Rosalie came and picked him up last night after you went to sleep so _we_ could sleep.”

“But –“

“I do believe I promised you a post-pregnancy day of fun, did I not?”

He did, I remembered. After one of my not-so-minor freak outs before Aiden Edward had promised me that once he was here and we were all settled he would make a day just for us, to do everything I couldn’t while I was pregnant.

“Yes, but –“

“No buts. It’s already done. We have another hour and a half to sleep, and I suggest you take advantage of it,” Edward said, pulling me so close the only things I could see, feel, or smell were him.

My mind wanted to put up a fight, but my body was too exhausted to follow through.

We got a late start that morning, but it was the first time in the ten weeks since we had Aiden that we could focus on ourselves. Neither of us had to keep an eye on him or stop in the middle of getting ready to feed him or change him. As much as I loved my son, it was quite the treat.

I didn’t bother asking any questions about where we were going or what we were doing. It wasn’t all that important. I was just looking forward to a relaxing day with my husband.

Edward drove us downtown, and I smiled as he parked under The Isabella. As I turned toward the elevators, he pulled me out of the garage. “Not yet,” he told me.

Hand in hand, we walked through the city. I wasn’t sure what our destination was, but it was nice to simply be outside. It felt like I had been locked away for months.

Heidi and Claire had released a statement about Aiden weeks ago, and photographers were camped outside Edward’s office and the gate in front of our neighborhood for about a month before they gave up. There were articles that said I lied before to make my film interesting, and ones that said I was lying now because no one had seen Aiden. All complete bullshit.

Thankfully the public had mostly moved on from the news, and there were no photographers following us today. I saw people scramble for their phones as we walked by, but there was nothing I could do about that.

I was so lost in my thoughts, distracted by the warmth of the sun on my skin, that I nearly tripped when Edward stopped walking in front of a restaurant. Well, restaurant may be too formal a word for this place. It looked more like a shack.

Walking through the door as Edward held it open, I was skeptical about what we were doing at a place like this. It definitely wasn’t his usual choice.

“Edward! It’s been too long, my boy,” a man greeted from behind a counter. He walked over, his white apron covered in food, and gave Edward a firm handshake.

“Elijah, good to see you,” Edward said with a smile. The smile told me this wasn’t a business acquaintance, Edward never smiled at them. This was simply an old… friend? Edward didn’t really do the friend thing, so I was intrigued.

“Bella, this is Elijah. He runs this dump,” Edward told me, mockingly motioning toward the restaurant. “I used to come here when I was in college. Nothing cured a hangover quite like the greasiest burger in town.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said with a smile, shaking Elijah’s hand and enjoying the playful banter between the two.

“Ah, the woman who tamed this hellion deserves nothing but the best,” Elijah said jovially, leading us toward a table in the center of the empty room. It was prime lunch time, and I had to assume that Edward had closed the place down for us.

“Two specials,” Edward told him, pulling my chair out for me.

“You got it, kid,” he said, walking off toward the kitchen.

“You used to come here in college?” I asked, looking at the eclectically decorated walls. There were photos everywhere, and the most random objects adhered to the walls. But it still felt cozy and welcoming, despite being a bit run down.

“Whenever I could. I never ran into anyone I knew here. It was nice.”

“Elijah seems to know you.”

“That’s because the first time I walked in here he tried to kick me out. Thought I was trying to cause him some trouble. I told him all I wanted was a table in the corner and a burger and he gave in.”

I smiled across the table at Edward, picturing him at eighteen and just wanting an escape from his life and wandering into this place. “Did you ever bring any dates here?”

He scoffed. “God, no. Those girls never would have stepped foot in this place. I’ve never even told Emmett about this place, let alone any of them,” he admitted.

“So, all it took was me having your child to be trustworthy enough to come here?”

“If it meant I would have gotten more time with you, I would have brought you here the night I met you.” The sincerity in his words made me want to cry, but I held myself together.

Our lunch was delicious; the perfect greasy, unhealthy meal I had been denied for so long. We left Elijah with a promise to come back again and continued our walk around the city. We ended up back at The Isabella, and Edward led me inside this time. When we got up to the penthouse, it was nearly unrecognizable.

“What did you _do?”_ I asked him, looking at all of the new things that surrounded us in the living area. There was a pool table off to the right, and what looked like a… dart board across us on the wall. The lights were dimmed and the curtains shut creating a dark, closed off atmosphere.

“I didn’t think you’d want to go to an actual bar, so I created our own. Pool, darts, peanuts, and whatever drink you want.”

“How…” I wasn’t even sure what I was asking. How did he do it, how did he pull of such extravagant surprises?

With a sigh I walked around the room, running my hand along the pool table. “You know I’m horrible at pool.”

“Oh, I know,” Edward said, a smile evident in his tone as he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I’ll teach you how to play and next time Emmett challenges you he’ll be in for quite the shock.”

That’s exactly what we did. Edward made us each a drink and got to showing me how to really play. We would take breaks every once in a while and switch to darts, which I was much better at than pool. We talked about the little things that got pushed aside when a baby got added in the mix.

We were taking a break, lounging on the sofa when an unwelcome thought popped into my head. Something I had been too distracted to think about lately.

“I have a question,” I admitted. “But I don’t want it to ruin our good mood.”

Edward pulled one of my legs in his lap and gently massaged my calf and foot. “One question, then.”

He didn’t look tense or worried, so I went ahead with it. “What ever happened with Petrov?”

Last I heard Edward said he was responsible for contracting Felix and Demetri to crash his plane. Life got a bit complicated after that, and I didn’t have room in my head to worry about him.

“He skipped town,” Edward said, unfazed. “He got nervous, but he’ll be back. Getting rid of Carlisle made him realize I had no qualms about getting rid of anyone if they got in my way.”

Edward talking about how dangerous he was considered by people equally as deadly shouldn’t have made my entire body heat up, but it did. Maybe it was the glass of wine I had, my first in months, that had gone to my head. All of a sudden, the simple foot rub and the soft touches along my calf became much more distracting.

Edward seemed unfazed, not feeling the sudden desperation that I felt. Slowly, I pulled my leg out from his grasp and settled myself over his lap. Pressing myself as close as possible to him, I pressed my lips to his softly once. Twice. Three times until he took control, cradling my face between his hands and turning the kiss into much more.

“I missed you so much,” I mumbled against his lips, somehow unable to get close enough to him. Edward’s hands snuck under my shirt, his warmth making every nerve in my body jolt.

We were moving then. Edward’s hands gripped my thighs as he stood and took us to the bedroom. I pulled at his shirt as he walked, reveling in the small patch of skin I was able to get to as he held me.

My back hit the soft bedding as Edward knelt over me, discarding his partially torn shirt. His mossy eyes burned into mine for a moment before he pressed himself into me, his lips devouring mine. My hands reveled in the feel of his back, the strong muscles clenching with his movements, under my fingertips. It was when one of his hands started to dip into the waistband of my jeans that I tensed.

Sucking in a quick breath, I tensed for a moment. Just long enough to get Edward’s attention. “Are you okay?”

My cheeks burned with embarrassment as he studied me, looking at me with such care and devotion that it made my reaction even more unnecessary. Edward kissed the tip of my nose, repeating his question when I didn’t answer.

“I’m nervous,” I admitted with a sigh.

Edward smiled down at me, caressing my cheek. “It’s okay.”

Everything slowed then; our kisses became languid and hands went from frantic to playful. We took our time to reacquaint ourselves with each other, to become lovers again instead of simply parents.

_…Dark…_

_I love my job. I love my job. I love my job._ I repeated my mantra over and over as I was asked the same question for the hundredth time in the last week and a half. At its core, my statement was true. I did love my job, but I considered my job to be acting, not promoting. It was really only the promoting part I had an issue with, because it was pretty fucked up that I got more sleep when taking care of my six-month-old child than I had on this press tour. 

With a sigh, I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the countless pictures Edward had sent me since I left home. I missed my husband and my baby, who had more and more personality every day. The little guy had a smile that could break anyone. I got all kinds of pictures as the days went on. Edward and Aiden lying next to each other in bed, Aiden looking so tiny next to his dad. Rosalie had sent me one of Edward and Aiden asleep on her couch, little Aiden resting comfortably on Edward’s chest.

I stared at that picture for the last few minutes of my flight to New York. It was my last stop, finally, but I had two days of non-stop interviews here. It was nearing midnight right now and I had to be up in three hours to get to the Today Show. Then the afternoon was filled with reporter after reporter, followed by a couple hours of getting ready for a premiere, then more reporters, then a few hours of sleep, and then shooting an interview with Jimmy Fallon tomorrow afternoon, _then_ I was done.

There hadn’t been a time since the trial that I had done press like this, and I knew they were going to be vultures. More often than not, Claire had to step in and tell a reporter they either needed to drop the questions about the trial and my personal life or leave. My first day in New York went on par with that as well.

I was seriously dragging by the time I got to my dressing room for Fallon. I had only managed a text or two from Edward the last day or so, and the coffee in my hands was doing nothing against my exhaustion. The gift basket that was waiting for me did perk me up a bit, what with the _Tonight Show_ themed onesies.

Pulling on my white silk camisole and dark jeans, I stuffed my feet into a pair black heels that would probably get the better of me at some point today. Claire walked with me, reminding me of what to say and what to avoid. Putting on my best smile, I walked out with a wave as my name was announced.

This interview went better than the quick ten-minute sit downs with every little news outlet. It was professional but fun, and the fact that I had known Jimmy for years helped. We talked mostly about me with only a sprinkling of mentioning the movie, but when it was done I couldn’t help but have a genuine smile on my face as I walked past the crowd outside to the car. _I’m free!_

When I got in the car, there was an envelope and a single rose sitting in the seat next to me. Opening the letter slowly, I was greeted with Edward’s elegant handwriting.

_I know right now you’re probably itching to get to the plane, but I have an evening of relaxation waiting for you in your suite. Take the night to take care of yourself; eat, relax, decompress before you come home. You’ve earned it. Aiden and I will be waiting for you when you get back. All my love, Edward._

With a sigh, I lifted the rose to my nose and inhaled the classic scent. It was conflicting. On one hand I was itching to get on the plane and home to my normal life. I missed my husband and I missed my son. On the other hand, going home to them as exhausted and run down as I was wouldn’t do much good.

There was also the fact that Ben was probably instructed to not let me leave the city until tomorrow morning. Fighting it was out of the question.

That night, after an evening of massages and facials, I laid in bed finally feeling like myself again. Sometimes, when I worked, I had to put on a face of someone I knew the public wanted to see me as; someone who constantly had a witty comeback for everything and looked completely put together. That’s not to say I was a completely different person when I was working, but sometimes I knew being myself wasn’t entertaining enough for late night television.

Edward was right when he said I needed a night alone. Time to decompress and come back down to reality. My life didn’t revolve around Hollywood or promoting films anymore. It revolved around my family.

My phone beeped and I quickly reached for it off of the nightstand. There was a picture from Edward of a sleepy Aiden sitting in his lap, with my pre-taped interview on the television in front of him. _Fuck, they’re cute._

I managed to get the first full night’s sleep I’d had in weeks, and by the time I was in the car driving home in Chicago I was an excited mess. My leg was bouncing and my hands tugging at the sleeves of my sweater.

When we pulled up to the house, Edward was sitting on the porch, Aiden in his lap. Looking at them like that, I knew that Aiden was going to turn out to be a younger twin of Edward. His hair was coming in as just a slightly darker version of Edward’s, and I had this perfect vision of them side by side.

My heart warmed when Aiden’s face lit up when he saw me walk over and Edward quickly handed him to me. The whole parent thing still terrified me, but it was hard to be scared when you had tiny little arms around you. 


	25. State of Grace

_So, you were never a saint, and I loved in shades of wrong. We learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts. But this love is brave and wild. I never saw you coming, and I’ll never be the same. This is a state of grace, this is the worthwhile fight. Love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right. ~ Taylor Swift, **State of Grace**_

**EPOV**

Our family had started a routine where every two weeks the children were divided amongst two couples and one got the weekend to themselves; from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. It was Bella’s genius idea, giving each of us a break just when we needed it. Thankfully, this just happened to be our weekend free from Aiden.

I loved my son. Loved the tuft of reddish-brown hair on top of his head, a few shades darker than mine, and the brown eyes that matched Bella’s perfectly. He was constantly curious, and it was amazing to watch him learn simple, new things and see the confusion on his face turn into fascination. In the two years since we had Aiden, we had grown into our own, becoming our own little family.

I should have known, though, that a child with Bella’s stubbornness and my reluctance to do what people told me would be a handful during what I now understood were the terrible twos.

It seemed to be getting worse and worse, no matter how we handled it. It had started nearly the moment he turned two a few months ago and showed no signs of stopping. No matter what we said, Aiden either immediately started crying or did the exact opposite. I still loved the little guy, but he was driving both of us slowly insane.

Delilah was about six months older than Aiden and had the same thing happen, but after a few months she calmed down. Aiden seemed to be picking up steam, so I was more than eager to have a weekend alone with Bella. Not to mention the fact that it had been exactly twenty-eight days since I had seen her naked. 672 hours since I had gotten more than a kiss. It was like Aiden knew just when to cry or scream to keep things from going too far.

Bella had texted me earlier, telling me she took Aiden over to Rosalie and Emmett’s early because she couldn’t work with him in her office anymore. We typically had dinner together on Friday’s before the kids got divided up amongst the two couples. As they got older they liked to sometimes all stay together, and sometimes bicker until one of us told them were to go.

I was the last one to get to Emmett’s for dinner thanks to a talkative meeting with people in the finance department. Aiden ran to me when I walked in. I lifted him easily, listening to him mumble something unintelligible and carried him to the living room.

Bella sat on the couch, next to Alice, with a wine glass in her hand. She looked understandably frustrated and seemed to be venting to Alice about something, most likely the guy in my arms.

I left Aiden with Alec and Rosalie, grabbing Bella’s hand and pulling her with me. We ended up in a guest bathroom down the hall, away from prying ears. As soon as the door closed I had Bella sitting on the counter, my lips attached to her exposed collarbone.

“What…” her words faded into a moan as I pulled her against me.

“We just have to get through dinner,” I mumbled against her warm skin. “And then you’re mine.”

Bella gripped my hair in a strong hold and pulled my lips to hers, the kiss surprisingly frantic. “Did you know it’s been twenty-eight days since the last time we –“

I didn’t let her finish, knowing all too well that it had been twenty-eight days. The fact that she had the same countdown in her head as I did made me squeeze her tighter to me.

As we sat down for dinner I kept a hand on Bella’s thigh, enjoying the fact that she was wearing a sundress in the mid-July heat. Usually whenever I tried to slide my hand past a certain point on her thigh at a dinner like this, I got stopped. Tonight, however, I got all the way to the line of what felt like lace before she gently, reluctantly, pushed my hand away.

After saying goodbye to Aiden, who thankfully was in a good mood, we left before the good mood vanished. It was only a few minutes’ drive to get home, and I got passed the ‘do not cross’ line on her thigh again.

As soon as we were inside, I had her back against the front door and her lips on mine. My suit jacket was discarded quickly, but I was already losing my patience. I dropped to my knees, dipping my head under Bella’s dress and shoving the black lace covering her pussy aside.

I groaned as her taste hit my tongue, lifting one of her legs over my shoulder and steadying her with a hand on her ass. My eyes met hers as she lifted her dress, looking down at me with hooded eyes. Her other hand pulled roughly at my hair.

The sounds coming out of both of us were animalistic, primal. I hadn’t had the taste of her on my tongue in weeks, hadn’t gotten to feel so much of her under my fingertips in too long. I flicked her clit with my tongue and felt her body start to shake above me, heard the long groans that I knew meant she was right on the edge.

I pulled away before she could fall over it, knowing she was just as wound up as I was now, just as desperate. Letting her leg fall to the floor, I stood back up. Bella’s hands went right for my belt while I pulled my button down out of the way, not caring about the sound of buttons falling.

The straps of her sundress were flimsy and easily fell off of her shoulders, the entire dress silently falling to the ground. I pushed the lace down her legs just as she pushed the slacks and boxers down mine. I wasted no time in lifting her up, wrapping her legs around my waist and finally plunging inside her.

Bella’s back pressed against the door as we moved together, her hips trying to match my frenzied pace. I couldn’t get close enough, could never have enough of her touching enough of me.

Her bra was, unfortunately, still in the way. I pulled the cup down roughly and kissed my way down to her rosy nipple, reveling at the moan I got in response.

We were both too worked up for this to last long. As soon as I felt Bella’s muscles clench around me, my own release shot through every one of my nerves. I was nowhere near sated, having weeks of desire for her pent up.

Nothing had to be said as I carried Bella upstairs, her head resting softly on my shoulder. I fell back onto the bed; my beautiful wife lying right on top of me and curling herself around me.

“I missed you,” she sighed into my neck.

We had been around each other, slept in the same bed and ate at the same dinner table, talking about our days. Our marriage was as stable as ever, but things always started to feel off when we went too long without the more intimate parts of our relationship. I didn’t just want to talk about her day as we ate dinner, I wanted her to tell me everything.

With Aiden in the mix, our priorities shifted and us and our relationship started coming in second to someone who needed constant care and attention. We had made a deal from the start to never go too long without going out on our own, or having a night to ourselves. It was hard to keep that promise all the time, though. That was when nights like tonight popped up, nights where we were both distracted and frustrated with everything because it had been nearly a month since we had a moment to ourselves.

“I missed you, too,” I whispered to her, kissing the soft spot behind her ear.

Even though everything was ten times harder when you added a child into the mix, our lives were good. Great. Aiden gave us both something we never realized we were missing. He completed our family and no matter how many temper tantrums he threw he was still our favorite thing in the world.

Gently, I rolled us over and pinned Bella to the bed beneath me and began worshiping her body the way it deserved. I may love the little guy, but I was sure as hell going to take advantage of him being gone for the next day and a half.

_…Dark…_

“It’s a great school, Bella. Emmett, Alice, and I went here.”

Bella and I were touring the elementary school we were planning on sending Aiden to in the fall. The one I thought we had already decided on, but apparently Bella wasn’t sold. It was a great place, top of the line, safe, and somewhere most people in the city wish they could send their kids to.

“It’s just so… formal for an elementary school,” Bella said, eying the hall as we walked through. “Shouldn’t it be more colorful? More drawings on the walls or something like that?”

It was a very formal place, but it wasn’t like they were torturing the kids. They were here to learn. “He’ll be very happy here. You know how advanced he is for his age; public school would be boring for him.”

Aiden was six and already too smart for his own good. He loved reading, loved it even more when he started to be able to do it on his own and didn’t need Bella or I to read to him. Bella worked with him on some things at home as he grew up, reading and writing and things like that. But Aiden was smarter than any average six-year-old, and had this need to know everything.

If we walked through a zoo he had to know everything possible about every animal he saw. We would have to stop at each exhibit and get a lesson about the animal. We took him with us to New York for a business trip a few months ago and he was fascinated with the history of every building we were in, asking everyone he saw what they knew about it. He was smart and curious and I wasn’t going to let that get lost on him because a public school didn’t know what to do with it.

“I went to elementary school with about twelve other kids in my class, Edward. It was basically a shack compared to this place. I think it’s too much pressure, sending him to a place like this. We should wait another –“

I pulled Bella into an empty classroom, ditching the woman guiding us around the building. Cupping her cheeks between my hands, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “He’ll be fine. Ever since we told him about starting here, he’s talked about nothing else.”

Bella sighed. “He’s only six,” she mumbled, making it obvious what she was actually worried about. She didn’t want to lose her buddy.

It had been Bella’s choice to step back from acting and focus more on the production company while Aiden was young. On countless occasions I had told her that we would work around her schedule, make it so Aiden and I could visit her as often as possible if she was filming, but she was adamant that she didn’t want to miss anything about his childhood. She also didn’t want the spotlight on her, and subsequently Aiden.

They worked well together. Aiden often came to the office with Bella and I, though we usually kept him on Bella’s floor. Too many unsavory people visited my office at unknown times. Aiden was content to sit and play and entertain himself a lot of the time. But, at least once a day when I went to visit them I found Bella sitting on the floor with him.

“Just because he’s going to school doesn’t mean you’re losing him.”

“I know… I’m worried about what people are going to say to him, what they’ll tell him about us. How can we trust the teachers or parents, or even the kids?”

It was a constant worry for both of us, but I had quickly realized it was something completely out of my control. Aiden wasn’t really aware of the fact that his mother was in movies and his father was a criminal. Bella and I wanted to give him the most normal childhood that we could, so we never talked much about those things.

He went to work with us, and as far as he knew we both just worked in the office. I always made sure he never saw me coming home late or leaving the house in the middle of the night. We made sure he never saw any of Bella’s films, though he did love the shiny statues in her office at home. For now, he was too young to know any of that.

Our career’s likely wouldn’t come up in an elementary school, but Bella’s incarceration might. Kids these days had too much access to the internet and information that was over their heads.

“You can’t worry about things that are completely out of your control,” I told her.

“You’re underestimating my ability to worry about everything, at all times.”

With a laugh, I wrapped my arm around her waist and led her out of the room. “Come on, my little worrier. We have ten thousand in tuition to pay.”

Bella froze, staring at me with wide eyes. “ _Ten thousand?_ For elementary school? Are you kidding?”

I frowned. “It’s a very good school,” I repeated. I supposed it was a lot for elementary school, considering it was about what some paid for college, but it wasn’t like we couldn’t afford it.

“It better fucking be if it costs ten thousand dollars,” Bella grumbled.

On the drive back home, Bella kept mumbling to herself about private school. I held her hand, giving it a squeeze every time she got herself more frustrated. She wasn’t actually mad about spending the money. I knew it was just the stark contrast between her upbringing and how she was raising Aiden.

Alice had picked up Delilah and Aiden from pre-school, so we stopped off at her place to pick him up. I frowned at the unfamiliar black BMW in the driveway as we walked past it. Then, an all too familiar voice floated through the house as we entered.

“You really shouldn’t be here,” Alice said, sounding torn.

“It’s been a long time, Alice. I’d like to try and reconcile with my children and grandchildren,” Esme’s soft voice floated through the foyer.

“Your hair is lighter, like my dad’s. My mom says that my hair is a perfect mixture of hers and his. I saw this book at the library a few weeks ago about genex – ge-nex-ticks that explains that kind of thing, but mom told me I wasn’t old enough to read it.”

_Fuck._ Before I could grab her Bella was in the living room. I followed close behind. Esme was sitting on the couch, Alice standing across from her. Delilah was playing in the center of the room, and Aiden was in a chair two times his size across from Esme.

“Come on, Aiden. Time to go,” Bella said, narrowly hiding the panic in her voice.

Aiden, completely oblivious to the tension in the room, ran over happily. He grabbed Bella’s hand and started swinging their arms.

“Edward, Bella,” Esme said, standing and nodding in our direction.

Over the years I had kept tabs on her, simply to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid. She never went to the press, never seemed to acknowledge her family ever again. She had made a life for herself in New York, and that was fine. We didn’t need her.

“Look, Mom! We have matching hair!”

Bella smiled down at him, kneeling to his level and scuffing up his hair. “I know, buddy. Why don’t you and Delilah go play outside with Uncle Ben?”

Delilah skipped over, and Ben took both of them outside. He put on a good front, but everyone knew he loved playing with the kids just as much as they loved him. They just didn’t understand the reason he was around all of the time was to protect them, not to play.

As soon as the door shut behind them, the tension started to boil over. “What are you doing here?” I grunted out. I had no fucking clue she was in town, no idea why she would bother coming back.

“It’s been years, Edward. I wanted to –“

“Why should I care about what you want?” It was infuriating. Once she was gone I started realizing how little she ever did for us. She let us get caught up in Carlisle’s games, didn’t care when I started using drugs on a nearly daily basis. She was never a mother to us.

“I’ve changed, Edward. I just needed time away from all of this to become myself again. I’d like to be part of my children’s lives again, part of my grandchildren’s lives.” Bella was already shaking her head before Esme finished her sentence.

“No,” I said definitively. “You and Carlisle didn’t take having a family seriously, but all of us do. I can’t speak for Alice and Emmett, but you’re not getting anywhere near my son.”

“I –“ Alice stuttered, looking conflicted. I could tell what she wanted to say, but she also still longed for her own mother’s approval. “I don’t want you here, either.”

“Go get in the car with the kids,” I whispered to Bella. Thankfully, for perhaps the only time in our relationship, she did what I asked immediately.

“If you want anyone to ever consider forgiving you, you need to prove that you’re serious and that you care. Showing up like this, forcing us to talk to you isn’t going to do that. After all of the shit you pulled on us, after the way you treated my wife,” I shook my head, remembering every backhanded insult she tossed at Bella. “You have to do a hell of a lot more than visit for a weekend before any of us trust you. Now, get the fuck out.”

Alice and I were silent as Esme left, only relaxing once the door closed. “I’m surprised you didn’t want to talk to her.”

She shrugged. “I just don’t get it. All of us have changed as we became parents. I don’t understand why she couldn’t.”

It was understandable that Esme had a hard time living with Carlisle. That could be part of the reason she turned out the way she had. She wasn’t trapped, though. She could have left him, tried to make it on her own. Esme liked the luxurious lifestyle and couldn’t do that by herself. She chose luxury over family.

I sighed with no answer for Alice, and led her outside to get Delilah from Bella. 

On our drive home, Aiden talked about his day; from coloring to snack time. It was still the early afternoon, but Aiden took a nap when we got home. He was having a sleepover with Alec tonight and didn’t want to be too tired for it. He was the most logical six-year-old I had ever met, not that the list was that long. He definitely inherited Bella’s preparedness.

With Aiden asleep, I wandered down to the kitchen where Bella was supposed to be cooking. It sounded more like she was just tossing pans around. I stood in the doorway for a minute, watching her and listening to her mumble to herself.

“You’re not appropriate enough to be a Cullen… You’ve used my family for the last time… fucking bi – Oh. Hi.” Bella turned and saw me behind her, the amusing mumblings silenced.

“She won’t be a problem. I’ll take care of it.”

“I know you will it just… it makes me a hypocrite,” Bella sighed, leaning over the island in the center of the kitchen. I copied her stance opposite of her.

“How?”

“Because I forgave Elena. Esme was a horrible mother, but she didn’t dump you as a newborn.”

“You’re not obligated to forgive everyone. You forgave Elena because you moved on. Her abandoning you as a baby isn’t the same as Esme emotionally fucking with all of us. If we don’t want to let her back in, we don’t have to.”

Personally, I didn’t care. She was my mother, and I knew I _should_ care, but I didn’t. Family and trust were the two most important things to me, and I had all I needed now. The family business ran as smoothly as ever since Carlisle was taken care of, and I had my siblings and Bella and Aiden. If I could get by just fine the last six years without Esme, I knew I didn’t need her or her approval to be happy.

“If, someday, if she proves herself to be trustworthy and proves she wants to be part of the family for the right reasons, we’ll let her build a relationship with Aiden. Until then, we don’t need to worry about it.”

Bella sighed, dropping her head to the counter in frustration.

“What is it?”

“You’re always so… logical and level headed. Don’t you ever just want to throw something at someone, or scream and be irrational for once?”

I couldn’t stop the loud laugh from coming out. “Trust me, I have a few very good ways at getting my… frustrations out on people.” I did plenty of shouting at people on a daily basis. I just never let Bella see any of it.

Bella smirked at me from across the counter, coming over to my side. She hopped up on the space next to me, situating herself on the counter right in front of me. “What do you do when _I_ frustrate you?”

I sighed and pulled her legs around me, attaching my lips to her exposed collarbone. “I would take all of my frustrations out on you in the best way possible.”

Bella and I were never one of those couples that fought constantly. We had our moments, of course. You didn’t spend as much time with someone as we did and never get into an argument, but they were typically quick little spats. Usually followed by a good fuck to get out any residual anger.

Before things could go too far, the sound of tiny feet padding down the hallway broke us apart. “Tonight,” I whispered, giving her neck a quick nip before backing away.

“Mom, no sitting on the counter!” Aiden said, skidding to a stop in the middle of the kitchen.

I easily picked him up, situating him on my shoulders, one of his favorite spots. “Yeah, Mom, don’t be so frustrating.” Bella playfully glared at the both of us as she hopped off the counter. When she looked at me I sent her a wink. Her scowl softened and her cheeks turned a satisfying shade of pink.

_…Dark…_

“Have you been teaching him to fight?” Bella asked me as we walked through the halls of Aiden’s elementary school.

“He’s eight, Bella. I haven’t been teaching him to fight,” I told her, though I could hardly be upset at the accusation considering the track record I had.

We had gotten a call that Aiden had gotten in a fight with another student this afternoon. The principal wouldn’t tell us who it was with or what it was over, just that we needed to come down for a meeting.

We were ushered into the principal’s office where Aiden sat glaring at another boy and his parents. I recognized them immediately. Before Aiden started here I got background checks on every teacher and every student’s parents. Alexander Wilson and his wife Valerie were fairly boring people. He had a small, family law firm and mostly survived off of the money his grandfather left him. Valerie prided herself on being a socialite, though they didn’t run in the same social circles as us.

“What happened?” Bella asked as we took the two empty chairs next to Aiden.

“It seems Aiden and Simon got into a small fist fight,” the principal, Clay Lawson, told us.

“It wasn’t small, he punched me in the face!” I glared over at the child situated between Alexander and Valerie.

“You called my mom a murderer!” Aiden shouted.

_Fucking hell._ What kind of eight-year-old goes around calling people murderers? Bella stiffened next to me, her hand squeezing mine.

“Aiden, Simon, why don’t you two go wait in the office?” Lawson said, and the boys immediately walked out.

“Is there something you’d like to say to my face?” Bella asked, looking over at the couple. Both ignored her. Cowards.

“What kind of punishment will their son face for attacking Simon?” Valerie asked.

“Neither boy is going to be punished here. It was a first offence from children who are usually perfect students, and it’s a… sensitive topic. I’d like you all to talk to them about the situation at home. I already talked with them and they understand if anything like this happens again they’ll face serious consequences.”

I barely refrained from smirking. Cullen’s had been going to this school for decades. We made generous donations every year, far more than these two could ever contribute. We didn’t cause disruptions, usually, and the staff was very accommodating to us. They would easily choose making us happy over anyone else, no matter what.

“That boy attacked my son and you’re not going to do anything?”

“Your son provoked him based on shit you talk about at home,” I grunted out, trying my best to keep my temper in check.

“Yes, you Cullen’s are… easily triggered, aren’t you?” Alexander asked, sneering in Bella’s direction. _Not acceptable._

“About as easily triggered as your wife will be when she finds out you’re having an affair with not just one, but two other women,” I said, not caring about the consequences. “We’ll talk to Aiden. It won’t happen again.” Grabbing Bella’s arm, I led us out just as the satisfying sound of a slap echoed throughout the room. Finally free of wandering eyes, I smiled to myself.

We were all silent as we drove home. Aiden looked like he wanted a hole to swallow him up, and Bella stared distractedly out the window. It wasn’t that big of an issue to me, the punching. It was a sign that he was starting to inherit what it took to lead the family. That, however, _was_ an issue for me. It was a topic Bella and I had actively avoided for years.

Aiden tried to scurry off to his room when we got home.

“Not so fast, big guy,” I said, leading him to the living room and plopping him on the couch. Bella sat on the coffee table across from him, and I stood beside her.

“You know you can’t go around punching people, Aiden,” Bella said softly.

“He said you deserved to be in jail, that you were a murderer. He just kept going and I didn’t like him lying about you like that.”

Bella sighed, and I could practically feel her confusion take over the room. Obviously, with Aiden getting older it was something we were going to have to talk to him about. That, and Bella’s celebrity status were things we put off as long as possible, wanting Aiden to have a normal, stress-free childhood. It seemed we ran out of time on at least one of our issues.

“Here’s the thing, buddy,” I said, sitting down on the couch next to him. I pulled Aiden onto my lap, and Bella onto the couch next to me. “A long time ago, your mom was home alone and someone broke in the house.” Aiden gasped, his eyes widening in a way that would have been comical in any other situation. “She defended herself, and the man ended up dead. She’s not a murderer, not like that boy said. She just protected herself, so she could be here with you and me.”

Aiden sat still, his eyes frowning at the ground. Bella looked like she was a second from crying herself, so I gave her hand a firm squeeze. Then, out of nowhere, Aiden launched himself at Bella, arms around her neck.

“Don’t worry, Mom. Me and Dad will take care of you. Right, Dad?”

“That’s right,” I said, ruffling his hair.

Bella pressed a kiss to his hair. “We don’t want any more calls home from school, though, okay? No more fighting.”

“Okay,” he sighed.

Bella’s phone rang, and she looked guiltily at it sitting on the table.

“It’s okay,” I told her with a smile, leading Aiden upstairs as she talked. I knew she was in the middle of acquiring the rights to something she desperately wanted, and I had something else to talk to Aiden about anyway.

Aiden hopped in the chair opposite of my desk, one of his favorite spots. He always said he thought it made him seem like “one of the grown-ups” when he talked to me in here.

I knelt in front of him, taking his tiny hands in mine. “You don’t need tell your mom I told you this,” I started. “But I’m proud of you for what you did today.”

“But…”

“You stood up for your mom without a second thought. That’s what our family does, protects each other. But, if someone says something like that to you again, tell me first, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” he mumbled, still looking sad.

“Why don’t you go get your ball and mitt and we’ll go out back and work on your swing?” Aiden didn’t even answer, just jumped out of his seat and ran to his room.

It was late that night, long after Aiden was asleep, that I finally retreated to the bedroom. Bella had gone to bed hours ago, and I was surprised to see her still sitting up in bed. Her eyes followed me as I got in next to her.

“How did your parents tell you about your family?” she asked me.

“Carlisle and Esme never tried to keep it a secret,” I told her, not welcoming the thoughts of my childhood in my mind. It was bad enough when Esme came to visit, though they were rare. She tried to rebuild her relationship with us years ago, but it was never enough. And, in all honesty, she never tried too hard. The kids got letters from time to time, and the occasional visit a few times a year. Aiden knew she was his grandmother, but never called her as such. She was just like the Esme I knew growing up. Wanting the recognition of being a great mother, or grandmother, but not wanting to put in the work.

“I was seven when I saw Carlisle come home with bloodstained clothing. He sat me down and told me exactly what he did that night – kill a man and his wife for not repaying their debt on time. From then on, I was more of an employee to Carlisle than a son.”

Carlisle and Esme never tried to make it so I had a normal childhood, never tried to hide the conversations from me or my siblings. Though Carlisle wasn’t the mentor I needed, the Cullen blood that ran through my veins told me what I needed to know; protect the family. I never went about it the same way as Carlisle, I had my own agendas and ways of working that seemed to be doing just fine.

When Bella spoke, her voice shook. Almost as if she were scared. “What if Aiden doesn’t want to do that?”

“He already does, Bella.” I saw it in his eyes, when I talked to him in my office. He had that desire, the need to protect the family. He also had the fire inside of him to get it done.

“He’s _eight,_ Edward.”

“It’s in him, that desire to protect at all costs. I had the same feeling.”

“So, you’re telling me that when you saw Carlisle covered in blood, when he told you he had just killed a man and his wife, you wanted to be just like him?”

“Aiden’s situation and my situation are not the same and you know it,” I snapped. Just the thought of Carlisle still infuriated me, even after all these years. Turning off the light, I laid back in bed, though I was too frustrated to sleep now.

I wouldn’t force Aiden into anything, but I knew I wouldn’t have to. Especially after today. Hell, Emmett had already told Alec everything and he was thirteen. He hadn’t done anything, but he was itching to be part of the business.

There was this need in me to protect Aiden in the best way I could, and the only way I knew how was to teach him everything I knew. All of the ways I had protected myself and Bella all of these years.

“Please, don’t be mad at me,” Bella whispered, wrapping an arm around me and lying her head on my chest.

“It’s in you, too, you know. That need to protect, to be the best.” Whether it was something she learned on her own, or something in her blood just like mine, I didn’t want to think about. Scenarios of Bella as a Volturi would only worsen my mood.

“You felt it then, I know you did. You still do, that’s why you always have one foot in the door with this stuff.”

Bella had never had to do anything big for us again, I made sure of it. But, she never shied away from the family business. She had no qualms about running a production company that was laundering dirty money. Though I never asked her to do anything else for us, she did like to be informed if anything big happened, and I didn’t mind telling her. Nothing ever scared her off, and she knew how to handle herself if anyone ever asked her questions.

Bella sighed against me and we were both quiet for a while, sleep impossible for both of us.

“You’ll teach him, right? So, he’s as good as you?” Bella asked out of the blue.

“Of course.” I wouldn’t do what Carlisle did to me; abandon me without the proper training to run the family.

“And if Aiden decides he doesn’t want to…”

“I won’t force him into anything.”

I wouldn’t have to. Aiden was a perfect mixture of Bella and I; smart, strong, and passionate about what he wanted.

_…Dark…_

The bed was cold when I woke up in the middle of the night. I waited for a few minutes, thinking Bella had gone to check on Aiden or get something to drink, but she never came back. After checking Aiden’s room, my office, and the kitchen I found her in her own office, staring at the wall that housed her awards.

I watched her for a minute, and it wasn’t hard to realize what she was thinking about. She hadn’t worked on anything other than the production company in the ten years since we’d had Aiden. It was only a few months ago that he started to understand what Bella used to do.

We had decided it was better to tell Aiden about Bella’s career as opposed to letting another kid talk to him about it in school. We sat him down one night and simply told him she was an actress and that was it. He was completely fine, even when we said he wasn’t old enough to watch any of her films.

That was the thing about Aiden. He didn’t have a rebellious bone in his body. He was always quick to do the right thing, always following whatever rules Bella or I gave him. There were times when he was a typical ten-year-old and fussed about not getting his way, but it wasn’t nearly as often as we heard about Delilah having fits.

We told Aiden he could start watching some of Bella’s films when he was thirteen, and he accepted it and went back to his homework like nothing was different.

“I’m bored,” Bella said, looking over in my direction. I guessed I hadn’t been as stealthy as I thought. “I’m tired of the production company, tired of finding films I like and giving them to other people.”

I went and stood beside her as she leaned against her desk. “Call Heidi.”

“I can’t do that to Aiden. The more attention is on me, the more attention is on him. He likes his school, he has good friends… I don’t want people to start to make fun of him or –“

“Don’t think about it like that. If his friends are truly good for him, they won’t care and their parents won’t care either. If this is what you want to do, you should do it,” I told her, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze.

She had put her career on hold for years to raise Aiden. Yes, she had the production company but that was never her dream career. Not once did she say anything as the years went on about wanting to go back, but I was sure the desire was there. She had done what most mothers did; put their lives on hold for their children.

Neither of us had good examples of parents doing that, but Bella didn’t hesitate for a second. She wanted to be there for Aiden, and I knew she cherished her time with him. 

“Aiden will probably get a kick out of it, visiting you on a movie set. You’ve gotten him hooked on films, you know.”

Usually, about once a week Bella and Aiden had a movie night. Sometimes Aiden picked the movie, and sometimes Bella chose an old favorite or a new release she thought he would like. He was probably the only ten-year-old that wasn’t hooked on Disney Channel.

“You really think I can do it? Film and not completely abandon him or you?”

“I think, out of all of the shit we’ve had to do, it’ll probably be one of the easiest. I can adjust my schedule as needed.”

“You don’t think it makes me a bad mother, wanting to do this?”

“Bella… you’re an incredible mother. Have been since day one. He’s old enough now to understand why you might be gone for a while if this is what you want to do.”

Bella and I each had a different kind of bond with Aiden. Bella got him to explore his creativity, find new outlets to learn through. She taught him how to play the piano a little bit and taught him the song she wrote for him as a baby on the guitar. He still asked her to sing it to him on nights he couldn’t fall asleep.

Somedays I would come home to music blasting and both of them dancing around the living room, and sometimes it was a kitchen creation that went wrong. Bella never let him think anything was out of his reach.

With me, Aiden explored his manly interests. He loved baseball and was on a little league team. He went on short runs with me through the neighborhood, and loved testing out the small weights we had in our home gym.

Aiden also loved going through the books I had in my office. Some were medical books, though he didn’t know I used them to find out various ways to kill people, and some were old classics. As his reading improved he loved picking out new ones and coming to me with questions or opinions.

After our late-night conversation, Bella seemed very contemplative for a few days. She was quiet, and I gave her the space I knew she needed. After a week, as I was driving home, I decided I would talk to her about it again.

It wasn’t fair for her to keep her focus on the production company if her heart wasn’t in it anymore. She put her career on hold without a second thought for Aiden, and he was old enough for her to get back to what she truly wanted to be doing.

When I walked through the door, I was determined to talk to Bella when Aiden came barreling down the stairs toward me.

“Hey, buddy. Where’s your mom?” I asked, ruffling his hair.

“She told me to give you this!”

I grabbed the envelope from his hand and carefully opened it.

_It’s my turn to surprise you. Meet me on the airstrip in an hour._

“She said you guys were going to be gone for a while, but I get to have an extra-long sleepover with Alec. Mom told me to be on my best behavior,” Aiden said with a firm nod, like he was reminding himself again.

Kneeling down to his height, I placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be good for Rose and Emmett?” He nodded. “Did your mom tell you what her plan was?” Again, he nodded.

“I’m not supposed to tell you,” he told me, with a secretive smile.

Damn. “Are you all ready to go?”

Just as I asked, Rose walked down the stairs with a suitcase. “Me and Mom packed this morning!”

“Bella wanted you to be able to say goodbye before I took him,” she said, dragging the suitcase behind her. Rose and Emmett had never been able to have another kid, so Rose took any opportunity to take care of Delilah and Aiden. Plus, Alec loved playing the role of the older sibling.

After putting the case in Rose’s car I looked down at Aiden, practically shaking with excitement about his time with his cousin. This was a good test, seeing how he was on his own for a while. Bella and I had never both left him with someone else for longer than a night.

Aiden waved excitedly out the car window as he drove off, and I went back inside and got ready for my mystery vacation. 


	26. Wonderland

_Didn’t they tell us don’t rush into things? Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me? Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds? Oh, didn’t it all seem new and exciting? I felt your eyes twisting around me, I should’ve slept with one eye open at night. We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it. And we pretended it could last forever. We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it. And life was never worse, but never better. ~ Taylor Swift, **Wonderland**_

**BPOV**

Leaving Edward asleep in the bedroom, I wandered around the house silently for a while. It was a beautiful place, situated a short walk away from the beach. The home we were in was open and airy, perfect for our Hawaiian getaway. My original idea had been to go to the island, but that was a whole day’s travel to get back to Chicago if needed. Hawaii to Chicago was still a long flight, but quicker than most other tropical spots. We were situated in a little alcove, up on a hill overlooking the water. 

We had been here a few days, all bright and sunny. Today, however, the sky had opened up and the soothing sound of rain surrounded me. It was still pretty humid outside, so I still changed into a bikini top and some shorts before heading out to the covered deck. There were lounge chairs situated on the little deck that overlooked the beach below us.

This trip was really just the beginning of my present to Edward. I had been avoiding my real one though, too nervous to give it to him. Grabbing my computer and Edward’s phone from my bag beside me, I set them up in my lap and got to work. Once everything was set, I let the computer do what it needed and watched the steady rain fall around me.

Sometimes, even after everything Edward and I had been through, it still amazed me that he was mine and this was my life. There were moments when it felt like who I was in Forks wasn’t really me. When I started acting I thought I had found who I was supposed to be, but I hadn’t really. It was only a part. 

There was no doubt in my mind that had I not found Edward, I never would have been this happy with my life. I would have survived, probably not knowing what I was missing out on. After releasing _Welcome to the Badlands_ I would have gone back to my life in Los Angeles, getting lost in the web of Hollywood lies and deceit. Back then, I liked to think I was fine and in charge of my life, but I wasn’t. I was young and naive and too focused on what my next project would be.

I still loved my job, but it wasn’t what defined me anymore. There was nothing more important to me than being Aiden’s mother and Edward’s wife. It was amazing, getting to see Aiden go from that tiny little guy that I would rock to sleep to the kid he was now. He was so smart, too smart really. He was only in fourth grade but he came home talking about things that were already starting to go over my head.

Since he started school teachers constantly said he could skip a grade, but I didn’t want him growing up so much, so suddenly. I didn’t want to push him too hard, even though he was dying to do it. Edward was starting to push for it now, too, so it was only a matter of time before I gave in.

Aiden was so much like Edward, it was absurd. They were nearly identical; Aiden’s hair was a bit darker and he had my eyes, but he had that glimmer in them that matched Edward’s perfectly. The one that told me he was going to be just as much of a devious genius as his father. I knew as he got older, more and more similarities would come through.

He was, unfortunately, inheriting a few of my more annoying qualities. He tended to ramble when he got nervous or in trouble. He would just start talking as fast as he could, explaining his side of things. Something I did all too often.

“That’s too much thinking for the first morning of vacation,” Edward said from behind me. I jumped, slamming the computer shut and quickly disconnecting his phone. Of course, that earned me a questioning look.

“I have a present for you.” I sat forward in my chair, leaving just enough room for Edward to sit behind me. Sitting back, feeling his solid chest against me calmed my nerves as I plugged the headphones into his phone and handed them to him. There was no backing out now.

I got another confused look, but he did it anyway. Pressing play, I watched the confusion change to a smirk and relaxed against him as he listened. He never said anything, but his hands would randomly squeeze me; my hands, my arm, whatever they were on at random intervals. Maybe in response to whatever he had just heard.

Edward was listening to something that I had been working on for years. It was never my intention to make another album, but this one sort of just happened. As I wrote over the years I realized I had this group of songs that went well together, so I worked on getting them recorded and produced whenever I had time.

Edward let little reactions slip, and I imagined what caused them as he listened. When he wrapped his arms tightly around me, squeezing me as close as possible, I thought of _‘Cause he knows I’m wasted, facing time again at Riker’s Island and I won’t get out._ When he let out a laugh, the line _Love you more than those bitches before_ went through my mind. When he pressed a kiss to my cheek I imagined him listening to _Now my life is sweet like cinnamon, like the fucking dream I’m living in._

“Fuck,” he muttered. I heard the headphones get tossed aside, and Edward’s hands pulled at my hips until I turned around, situating myself in his lap. “Bella, it’s…” Instead of finishing, he pressed his lips to mine, smiling through the kiss.

“You like it?” I asked, smiling at him and tugging nervously at the hairs on the back of his neck.

“It’s incredible. Are you doing another movie?”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no.” The thought of turning these songs into a film never even crossed my mind. I wasn’t going to be doing anything like that again. “These are just for you.”

“That whole album, just for me?”

“Well, yeah,” I shrugged.

“You can do another movie, Bella. If you think I’ll get upset, or…”

“No, that’s not it. I don’t want to do another one like I used to. That whole thing started because of the lawsuit and the fact that I couldn’t get paid to act for a year… it was kind of my ‘fuck you’ to the whole situation. Then, with _Hopeless Kingdom_ I thought people would want to see what came next, how happy I was with you. That kind of backfired a little bit, but I’m still proud of it.

“I had to do _reputation_ because I needed people to know my side of things, to see me as someone other than the insane murderer I had been made out to be. But, I don’t need any of that anymore. The public has all of the information about me they need. I never made this with the idea of turning it into a project like that. I made it just for you.”

Edward was quiet for a minute, making me second guess everything for a second, before gentle hands were in my hair and soft lips on mine. “Do you know how it feels?” he mumbled against my lips. “To know you write those songs about me?”

I didn’t answer, to distracted with his warm hands on my back, inching closer to the ties of my top. With no warning I had frantic lips against mine and was being carried back in the house, toward the bedroom. I wrapped myself around Edward as he walked, partly for support and partly because I wanted him as close as possible. All of the air left my lungs when my back hit the fluffy mattress a second before Edward’s body crashed over mine.

Edward ripped at the strings of my bikini top, taking his time and kissing a trail along my collarbone, down my sternum and stopping at the top of my shorts. His hands kept a hold of my hips, keeping me still as I tried to squirm while his teeth nipped lightly at my abdomen.

“You, making all of those songs just for me…” He pulled my shorts down just low enough for the tattoo of his name on my hip to be visible, only to cover it with his tongue. “You are the most exceptional woman I have ever known.”

When Edward slid my shorts down my legs and pressed a soft kiss to my center, I knew I had to make my move before I got too distracted. I pulled him back up to me and he begrudgingly followed and smirked when I pushed him to his back, settling myself on top of him.

“You – ah – really liked it?” I asked when my lips were free. Pressing my hands into his chest, I reveled in how solid he was. How his physical and mental strength always outweighed my own.

“Loved it. Love _you_.”

_…Dark…_

Ever since Aiden started school, Edward insisted we had him in the most prestigious places in the city. The ones that cost the same as college tuition and looked like museums and not schools. I thought it was a bit much, but most were the same places Edward went. They were the same places Alec had gone to as well.

Most families at the school had the same structure; a father with a high paying job and a mother who prided herself on her socialite status and ability to plan a function. Our structure was a bit different, especially after I stepped back from the production company and got back into acting.

It took me a while to find a script worth leaving home for, but I eventually found one. I loved the irony that the woman I was playing was getting released from prison in the beginning of the movie, only to move on to plan on robbing one of Hollywood’s biggest events.

Aiden was twelve when I officially had the part. A lot of the filming was done in New York over the summer, and Aiden and Edward stayed with me for a few months. We had an apartment overlooking Central Park and they both visited me on set nearly every day.

In typical Aiden fashion, he took in everything around him when he was on set. The crew was amazing with him, always patiently answering his questions and letting him do little things around set. Part of me loved that he was interested in movies and the process, and part of me wanted to keep him as far away from everything as possible.

We had a few run ins with some photographers while we were in New York, but I usually distracted them and let Edward get Aiden out of the way and away from the cameras.

We were only in New York for a few months. Eventually school started again and filming moved to Los Angeles. Aiden went back home with Edward to start the new school year and I went to the mouth of the beast; Hollywood.

Not only did I have to deal with paparazzi following me to and from set on a daily basis, stories dropping every day about me ‘reconnecting with old flames’ and cheating on my husband and all of the bullshit that came with being in that city, I also had emails from bored housewives telling me I wasn’t meeting the required volunteer hours parents were expected to keep at the school.

There were less than a hundred kids in my entire middle school, and Renee never volunteered for anything. We didn’t have bake sales or big school dances or fieldtrips. None of this was familiar territory for me.

So, here I was, an hour after finishing six months of filming, on a plane back home at midnight because tomorrow was career day. Edward offered to cover it, though I was definitely not going to send my career criminal husband to our son’s career day. He had legitimate businesses, of course, but I didn’t want to risk anything. So, while our options were career criminal or actress with a criminal past, I thought I was the lesser of two evils.

I wasn’t quite sure what exactly I was going to have to do, but I expected it to be a quick few minutes of talking about my job. I had lived through grueling press tours where that was all I did, so I didn’t feel the need to prepare much. 

The plane landed and I heaved my tote bag over my shoulder, which felt like it weighed a ton though it really only held a laptop and my phone, and stumbled out of the plane. I was exhausted and wanted to sleep for the next day or so, but I only had a few hours before I had to brace myself for the day I had ahead of me.

Maybe it was because I was so tired, or maybe I was too used to Edward hiring men to do practically everything for me, but I barely realized it was Edward holding the car door open for me as I ambled toward the car. Dropping my bag, I lunged at him with the last of the energy I had left.

“I missed you,” I sighed into him, taking a deep breath of his scent. It had been close to a month since I had seen him.

Edward pulled back, his thumbs gently tracing my cheeks. “You’re exhausted, let’s get you home.”

The next thing I knew, soft fingers were tickling down my spine. “You’ve got to get up, baby.”

With a sigh I stumbled out of bed, frowning at the alarm clock that was flashing six. My entire body was sore, my head was fuzzy, and I could barely keep my eyes open as I took a shower. It wasn’t that the film was physically draining, at least not compared to some things I had done in the past, but six months of living life on a movie set with odd hours fucked you up for a while.

“I can go in your place,” Edward offered again, as I stood wrapped in a towel in our closet, trying to decide what to wear.

“It’s okay, I can handle it,” I told him, pulling on a simple, soft black dress that fell to my knees. It was November and already too cold outside so I pulled on black tights, a pair of booties, and grabbed a cream sweater as well. “Is this okay?”

If I had my way, I would be in jeans and a nice blouse, but I had been to this school too many times to know that wouldn’t fit here. Everything had to be formal, but this was as formal as I could get with as tired as I was.

I wasn’t someone who thought that just because I was a mom, or just because I was getting older meant that I needed to dress in conservative, baggy jeans and t-shirts now. I kept my body healthy and could wear most of anything I felt comfortable in, but I did drop the crop tops and more edgy parts of my wardrobe when I started attending more school functions than anything else.

I turned around toward Edward, waiting for his answer, but he just leaned in the doorway and smirked at me.

“What?”

He walked over and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. “It’s good to have you home.”

It was probably the exhaustion, but the sweet statement made me want to cry. I didn’t get a chance to, because incessant knocking interrupted us.

“Dad? Mom?” Aiden shouted from the other side of our bedroom door. “It’s almost time to go!”

“That’s your fault, you know,” Edward said with a chuckle as we both grabbed our things and headed for the door.

“What is?”

“His absolute need to be everywhere at least ten minutes early.”

“Oh, you’d rather we always be late everywhere we go?” I could admit I was usually early to things, but I liked being punctual. Aiden was the same way, always making sure he got to school on time. I thought it was adorable, but apparently Edward didn’t.

“There’s a difference between punctual and paranoid,” Edward said jokingly as we walked downstairs. Aiden was waiting, backpack and coat on, ready to go.

“Finally,” he muttered under his breath as he walked over. He gave me what he intended to be a quick hug, but I kept him even after he started to pull away.

He was getting too big. He was only twelve, but it was obvious he was on track to be just as tall as Edward, who was a good head taller than me. It was only a matter of time before we hit the phase where he hated everything and everyone, so I was going to enjoy the voluntary hug while I could.

Edward drove himself to work while Ben took Aiden and I to his school. In the car Aiden asked about the film, how things went on without him and such. He also told me about his classes and friends, and how he was pretty sure he wanted to skip eighth grade and go straight to high school next year. That gave me a momentarily sense of panic that I would have a child in high school, but I would have to deal with that later.

Aiden ran off to class while I followed all of the signs laid out for the parents participating. I groaned as Ben opened the door for me and I saw that nearly every parent here was a man. Of course, considering most of the mothers here didn’t work, I should have realized this was how the day was going to turn out.

The more I had worked in the business side of things with the production company, the more I realized how much I hated men in business. Yes, that made me a hypocrite because of who Edward was, but he wasn’t a sexist pig like most of the high ranking men I had to deal with. Hollywood had its sexism issues, but I was lucky enough to not have had to deal with it in years. People also respected me more in that industry, here people just thought I was a pretty face.

I went to the table that, thankfully, had coffee on it and poured myself a cup. It didn’t take long for everyone to notice me.

“The women are setting the stage up across the hall,” one of the men said as he came up and grabbed a donut from beside me.

“I’m not here as a volunteer,” I sighed, taking a sip of my coffee. I was too exhausted to be offended.

“Parents, if you’ll follow me…” A woman came in, ushering us out of the room. Ben waited until everyone was out for us to follow, keeping close as we walked.

It was only a matter of minutes before our small group of parents, maybe ten or so people, were ushered onto a stage in an auditorium. An extravagant place that I would never picture a middle school needing. I had to repress the urge to roll my eyes.

There were chairs lined up in the middle of the stage and I sat on the end because Ben told me to. Something about it being an easier exit strategy. I may have been miserably exhausted, but I looked around and quickly saw Aiden waving at me and smiled through it.

There had been instances that he told us about, of kids talking about Edward and I more often as he got older. He never let it get to him as much as the first time. Maybe because he already knew about it, or maybe he just got better at ignoring it. He had a good group of friends, kids from families Edward had thoroughly checked out, and he was happy here. That was all that I cared about.

I tuned out most of what the men beside me said, because I didn’t care about them. The school seemed to just let the men talk about work and money and education. It seemed like heavy topics to be giving to kids in this age range, but everything about this school seemed to be too much to me.

“Trust me, kids, it takes more than a pretty face and the ability to sing to make a good living.”

_That_ caught my attention. “Excuse me?”

“These kids need to know they need real jobs to make real money,” the man said with a cocky smirk.

“Are you insinuating that I don’t make ‘real money’?”

“All due respect, Mrs. Cullen, the kind of money people like us make, and the kind of money you make, it’s not the same. We work hard for our livelihood.”

I had to roll my eyes at that. “Let me guess… you come from a rich family, grew up with everything you ever wanted, right?” He reluctantly nodded. “I grew up in a town whose population was smaller than the kids enrolled in this school. I started working when I was sixteen and haven’t stopped since. You may think I make an easy living, but I know several businessmen who would attest to the fact that I work longer hours, harder hours, than you do sitting behind your desk looking at a computer.

“These kids don’t need to be CEO, or make millions a year to be happy and considered successful. I pay just as much tuition as you do, and I don’t want my son being told he needs to go a certain direction with his life by someone as egotistical and misogynic as you, you insufferable prick.”

The kids in the auditorium let out an audible gasp and then a few started cheering. A hand grasped my shoulder, and I looked up at Ben. He led me off of the stage and as soon as we were out of sight of the children the principal, Andrew Cavanaugh, met us.

“I’d like to talk to you, if you have time, Mrs. Cullen. Nadine will escort you to my office while I handle this… situation. I’ll be with you shortly.”

With a deep sigh, I followed the woman next to him through the school. It wasn’t the best idea, coming here tired and already irritated, but the asshole had it coming. Kids didn’t need to think they had to follow their parents’ footsteps or work a high paying job to be respected. 

Ben waited outside the office for me, while I waited inside for Cavanaugh. I huffed in my seat as I waited, knowing I would be sitting here for a while waiting. I had never liked Cavanaugh, the phrase insufferable prick could also be used to describe him as well.

There was no regret for what I said. The guy was an asshole and deserved to be taken down a peg, but I supposed it wasn’t the best idea to do it in front of not only Aiden but all of his classmates as well.

Maybe twenty minutes later the door opened and I glared over at it, but it wasn’t Cavanaugh that walked in, it was Edward.

“They called _you?_ Like I’m some child that got in trouble? This is fucking ridiculous.”

Edward frowned at me. “You’re the one in trouble?”

_Huh._ “What did they tell you?”

“That I needed to come in for a meeting with Cavanaugh. I assumed Aiden got into some kind of trouble.” His frown turned into a smirk. “What’d you do?”

I sighed as he sat next to me. “Called one of the other parents an insufferable prick in front of all of the students.”

“Was he?”

“He said I didn’t make ‘real money’ and didn’t work hard for my livelihood. And insinuated that kids had to be multi-millionaires in order to be happy,” I grunted out just as Cavanaugh came in.

It shouldn’t have been as amusing as it was to watch him and Edward get into a fight, but I had to say I enjoyed it. It wouldn’t have mattered if the man had deserved it or not, Edward would have just as vehemently defended me if I had been in the wrong. It was those little things that made me fall in love with him all over again.

As we left the office, no longer with the necessity to meet parent volunteer hours, Edward was grumpy but I was smiling up at him. Aiden still had hours left of school, and we knew better than to sign him out early. When he was in fifth grade I signed him out as a surprise, planning on taking him out for lunch and then doing whatever he wanted for the day, but I got a stern talking to about how he needed to be in school and didn’t like missing out on his classes.

Once Edward and I were in the confines of his car, I leaned over the console and pressed my lips to his, quickly erasing the grumpy pout he had.

“What was that for?” he asked, his frown now a smirk.

“For always defending me, no matter what I do,” I told him, momentarily flashing back to one of the worst times in my life. Sitting behind a desk, next to Jenks, as Edward came forward from the crowd in the courtroom to try his best to ease the doubt Zafrina’s testimony put in the jury’s minds. 

Edward dropped me off at home, giving me strict instructions to get in bed and take a nap, before he went back to work. It was Friday, and we had a family dinner with everyone at Rose and Emmett’s place tonight.

Thankfully, as we were all heading over there, Aiden let us know that the kids loved my little outburst at the school. It was just the parents that were upset about it. When we got to dinner Aiden immediately went off with Alec. They both acted more like brother’s than cousins. It was nice that they had each other, because neither had the option of having a biological sibling.

“I hear you got sent to the principal’s office today, Bella,” Emmett smirked at me from across the living room. We were all relaxing for a few minutes before dinner.

“Oh, shut up, Emmett,” I groaned, hearing the sound of the kids coming down for dinner.

“Yeah, don’t be an insufferable prick Uncle Emmett,” Delilah said with a childish smirk.

All eyes in the room went to her and everyone was silent for a moment. I was the first one to break and snort out a laugh.

_…Dark…_

“ _Please_ , Mom?” Aiden asked me, following me every step I took around the kitchen as I cooked us dinner.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re only fourteen,” I repeated. He wanted to have a party, parent-free. Edward was out of town, doing something that he told me I didn’t want to know anything about. That alone had me on edge, then this party thing happened. He wanted no supervision, and unlimited food budget, and girls.

_Girls._

As far as Edward and I knew, Aiden hasn’t really entered a girl phase yet. Not that I hadn’t seen girls try. I saw the looks he got when he walked around his school or even if we were in a restaurant. He was only fourteen, and I didn’t have the energy to deal with girlfriends.

“Yeah, I’m _fourteen._ I can handle it. The house will be fine, it’s only about twenty people. Just the baseball team and a few other friends.”

It had to be Edward’s genes that made him like this; popular and athletic. Both things I had always seriously lacked as a teenager. Aiden was on the baseball team, something he and Edward bonded over constantly. Once Aiden could actually understand the game, he and Edward took advantage of my media room to watch games, sometimes joined by Emmett, Jasper, and Alec.

Jared joined on occasion as well. It took Jared a long time, but after years of trying, he eventually proved himself to Edward. I wasn’t quite sure how involved he was in the family dealings, but it wasn’t hard to figure out his main job. After finally graduating high school he went to college, at the family alma mater of Northwestern, and found his odd love for the justice system.

He never became a practicing lawyer, but he loved the history and study of the law. Once he started at Northwestern, he never really left. He had worked his way up from a teaching assistant as a student there and was a professor at the law school now. A bit ironic considering his family, but the legal knowledge had to be useful.

Maggie was still in the city, too. She had been in school nearly as long as Jared, becoming a licensed psychiatrist. She had her own practice with her fiancée, Connor. It seemed obvious when Maggie told us she was going into psychology. She was always easy to talk to, never judgmental.

“Ma?”

“What?” I asked, distracted from my own thoughts.

“So, the party?”

I sighed, leaning over the island and looking at him. He was a good kid, a great kid. We never had to tell him to get his schoolwork done or clean his room, though we only had two deal-breaking rules in the house; no drugs, and no getting arrested. But, I knew he put a lot of pressure on himself with school and the baseball team. Maybe he just needed a night to relax and unwind.

“Twenty people, no more. Absolutely no alcohol, and no one wandering the house. Keep all bedroom and office doors locked. Everyone gone by midnight. I’ll be gone, but Eric will be around, just in case.”

“But –“

“No buts. Eric stays or no deal.” Aiden still wasn’t very aware of what the family did, but I was sure he had his guesses. Edward hadn’t told him point blank, not yet, and we had always told him to never trust anything someone said about the family.

“Deal,” he said with a smile, holding his hand out to me from across the island.

With a laugh I grabbed it, keeping hold of it when he tried to let go. “If things get out of hand, you call me, okay?”

“I will. Thanks, mom!”

A few days later I was at Alice’s place with her and Rose, glass of wine in hand. I was grumpy and frustrated already, knowing the odds of Aiden abiding by all of the party rules was slim. He was a good kid, but I could tell he was starting to get to that age where he cared more about being cool than anything else. This party was just the beginning. But, I didn’t mind that much. He could rebel, I just wanted to keep it somewhat contained.

To make matters worse, Edward was supposed to get home this afternoon but something happened and now he wasn’t getting home until tomorrow morning.

Alice and Rose were talking about… something while I sat on the couch, wine in one hand and television remote in the other. I was blindly flipping through the channels, looking for something to distract myself from my bad mood when my own face caught my attention.

“After the announcement of the Tony Award nominations, we could see a new EGOT in Isabella Cullen, who is nominated for her part in co-writing…” I quickly changed the channel.

“What was that?” Alice asked, frowning over at me.

“Nothing.”

“It didn’t sound like nothing. You’re nominated for a Tony?” Rosalie questioned.

“Kinda.”

“How can you _kinda_ be nominated?”

“Well, I am nominated. When I was in New York a few years ago I helped a friend write a few songs… they ended up being in a musical. And now they’re nominated for some Tony’s,” I shrugged. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. It wasn’t going to happen anyway, me becoming an EGOT.

“I think it’s a pretty big deal, Bella.”

Again, I shrugged. “I mean, if I win it’s a big deal. Becoming an EGOT is… everyone’s dream. But, I’m not a live musical kind of person. I never thought I’d ever go for a Tony.” This entire thing was kind of a fluke, really. I was just passing some time with an old friend. I didn’t want to focus too much on the award, because I didn’t want to admit to myself how much I wanted it.

The rest of the night passed quickly, mostly because we now had a new, exciting topic to discuss. Alice and Rose were always quick to look up dresses for me for events, especially because I rarely went to anything too big these days. I’d done a few movies since my first one back, even snagged a few high-profile award noms, but I didn’t bother going because I knew I wasn’t going to win. It wasn’t that I was bitter about it, I would just rather spend my night with my family than pretending to be sad about losing an award.

By the time Ben was driving me home, thirty minutes after Aiden’s party was supposed to have ended, I was only a tad tipsy. I did manage to catch Edward during a free minute of his with a few texts. They were just dirty enough to convince him to get on the plane a few hours earlier and get home sooner.

I was all smiles when Ben first drove up to the house, but then I saw the mass of cars parked along the street and my mood, which had slowly been improving, quickly crashed back down.

“Do you want me to …?” Ben asked, motioning toward the house as he parked.

“No, I can handle it,” I sighed, heading inside.

The main level of the house was trashed. Solo cups littered the floor and the stench of beer assaulted my nostrils. The music was loud enough that most people could barely hear the person standing right next to them. I pushed my way through what was definitely more than twenty kids who didn’t seem to recognize me at all in their drunken haze.

I had to take a few deep breaths when I finally found Aiden; sitting on the couch with a girl in his lap. The breathing didn’t help and my frustration started to boil over. Kneeling against the back of the couch, the girl in his lap froze as she saw me but Aiden was still oblivious.

“Having fun?” I asked.

Aiden froze, his head snapping in my direction. “Oh, uh…”

Standing up, I walked over to the stereo and shut it off. “Anyone still left here in three minutes who I didn’t give birth to is getting arrested,” I shouted.

Everyone froze for a moment, then I heard a few kids whispering to my right. “Nah, she wouldn’t call the cops.”

“Try me,” I grunted. “Two and a half minutes!” Leaning against the wall, I watched everyone scramble out of the house. It would have been more satisfying if in the wake of their absence I didn’t see how much of a fucking mess the house was.

By the thirty second mark everyone was gone, leaving Aiden sitting on the couch in front of me.

“Twenty people, huh?”

“Ma, people just showed up and I couldn’t –“

“Yes, you could have. This place is a mess, and you can be damn sure that’s the last party you’ll be having here for a long time.”

I could see that he wanted to fight back, defend himself. He was quickly inheriting Edward’s temper, but he held himself back. “I’m sorry. You won’t… you’re not going to tell dad, are you?”

That I had to scoff at. Edward was never too hard on Aiden, but he was his father and he would be furious at this. “I’m not going to tell him.” The relief on Aiden’s face was instantaneous, and I almost hated to burst his bubble. “You’re going to tell him. It’ll probably blow over better if his house wasn’t destroyed when he got home. Which…” I looked at my watch. “Should be in about four hours.”

It should have been comical, seeing him jump up and grab at whatever he could, but I wasn’t so upset that I would actually make him clean up all alone. He was a kid, kids made mistakes.

“You’re not mad?” Aiden asked eventually as I tied up a trash bag full of plastic cups.

“Oh, I’m mad. And exhausted. And I can’t trust you with something like this for a while. You’re smart enough to know you can’t get away with shit like this.”

It was hours later when the house finally looked normal. I left Aiden downstairs and went to get a few hours of sleep. He was staying downstairs to wait for Edward. He may have fucked up, but he wasn’t making a million excuses or trying to get out of anything.

The next morning, after waking up from a quick few hours of sleep, I heard Edward down the hall. I pulled an old, comfortable robe around my shoulders and headed down the hall to his office. I watched him from the doorway for a moment as he finished his phone call, walking over as soon as he hung up and sitting myself in his lap.

“Now, this is what I thought I was coming home to,” he told me with a smile, his hands on my hips.

“Did you, ah, talk to Aiden?” I asked him, though it was the last thing I wanted to talk about right now.

Edward sighed, resting his head against the back of his chair. “Yes. And now, I need to talk to you.” He stood with me in his lap, setting me down in his chair and leaning against his desk next to me.

A pit formed in my gut as he looked at me. He was standing in what I liked to think of as his ‘serious talk’ stance; legs crossed in front of him, arms crossed as well. “Oh, no,” I grumbled, crossing my legs beneath me.

“I need to tell him. The truth.”

I sighed. “I know.”

“You’re okay with it?”

“I kind of have to be, don’t I?” I didn’t like it, never wanted him to be under the same pressure I knew Edward was under since he was twelve. But, even I could tell it was in him. The way he was so fiercely protective of everyone in the family. He was so passionate about so many things, though. He loved baseball and he was actually really good at it. He played the guitar, only when he was alone in his room, but I heard him in there constantly. I had also seen a flyer for a school play in his bag more than once.

He had other interests. His entire life he thought he would get to choose what his path was. Aiden had no idea his life was practically planned out for him already.

Edward cupped my cheek, forcing me to look up at him. “It’ll be okay. He’ll understand. You should know, though, he might get a little… temperamental for a while after.”

“Oh, you mean telling a teenager he’s next in line to run the most powerful crime family in the city doesn’t typically go smoothly?” I snapped.

“I just want you to understand that he’s going to need some time to adjust to the idea. Do you remember how you felt, after you found out?”

I did remember. I remembered feeling hurt and betrayed and like the man I had fallen in love with was a complete stranger. _Fuck._ “We should have told him sooner.”

“No. He’s had a great childhood, Bella. That wouldn’t have happened if he had this hanging over him. Trust me.”

“How are you going to…”

“School gets out in a few weeks. He’s about to turn fifteen. Emmett, Jasper, and I’ll take him on a trip and fill him in.”

“You don’t think I should be there?”

“I don’t want him to lash out at you. I’ll handle it.”

Running my hands along his arms, I realized there was something else Edward needed to talk to Aiden about.

“You need to talk to him about sex, too.”

“W-what?” he asked, looking completely taken aback.

“Last night at the party he had a girl on his lap. He knows not to treat girls like objects, but you need to talk to him about the… specifics.” This wasn’t really a topic I wanted to talk about or think about. By Edward’s sneer I could tell he didn’t want to deal with it either.

“You two share the same… equipment, so it’s your job. If we’d had a girl I would have dealt with it. Just make sure he doesn’t…“

Edward raised his brows, smirking at me. “Doesn’t what?”

“Doesn’t turn into the manwhore you were when we met.”

“Ah,” Edward said, pulling me into his arms and switching our places. He lifted me onto the desk, my legs wrapping around his waist. “Those were dark times before you, Mrs. Cullen.”

Wrapping my arms around him, I slumped into Edward’s chest. “You’ll take care of him… right?”

“I will. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics used in the beginning of the chapter are from Off To The Races, Blue Jeans, and Radio by Lana Del Rey.


	27. Holy Ground

_Darling, it was good, never looking down. And right there where we stood, was holy ground. Spinning like a girl in a brand-new dress, we had this big wide city all to ourselves. We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you.’ And for the first time I had something to lose. ~ Taylor Swift, **Holy Ground**_

**BPOV**

The first time I had a full-fledged panic attack was a few weeks into filming my first movie. The entire process was so much more than I ever expected it to be; more work, more pressure, more stress than my inexperienced sixteen-year-old self could handle. I remembered the moment perfectly. We had been shooting for about ten hours already and I had gone back to my trailer for a ten-minute break before we got back to it. I had been feeling off all day, and the second I was alone the intrusive thoughts that had plagued me all day got to be too much.

My hands started to shake, my head got fuzzy, and my breath started coming in shallow pants. All I could think about was failing. That in a few months I would have to go back home to Charlie and Renee with my head down and spend the rest of my life in Forks. I ended up throwing up the little contents of my stomach thirty seconds before someone knocked on my door and told me to get back to set. Since then, I had worked through too many meltdowns to count.

Since then, I had been prone to anxiety and panic attacks. Kate learned the signs pretty quickly and always tried to keep me from any triggers while I was working. The strategy didn’t always work though. And now, so long after the first time it happened, I didn’t have Kate. But, here I was, throwing up what little I had in my stomach as my eyes started to black out.

Flushing the toilet, I stumbled over to the shower and turned on the cold spray, not bothering to get out of the t-shirt and shorts I was in before falling into the corner. I tried to calm myself down, but my mind was spinning faster than the room seemed to be spinning.

I felt like everything was falling apart. After Edward and I decided it was time to tell Aiden the truth he started working longer hours. I never asked why, but it wasn’t hard to guess he was getting things ready to tell Aiden. All I knew was he was planning on taking him on a boys trip with Emmett, Jasper, and Alec. Every time I thought of it I felt nauseous.

My mind was constantly fuzzy because there were too many things I needed to worry about. I was exhausted but I couldn’t sleep. Edward thought I had gotten into the habit of waiting up for him to get home, but the truth was I just couldn’t relax long enough to rest. Sometimes once he got home I was able to relax a little bit, but that was it. I was going on two weeks with getting only an hour or two of sleep a night.

I was worried about Aiden’s reaction.

I was nervous about how Edward was going to tell him.

I was scared that Aiden would resent Edward and I for not telling him sooner.

I was sad that my son’s childhood was officially over.

The worst part was I hadn’t told Edward any of it. Partly because he had been so busy lately, and partly because I had gotten back into the habit of feeling guilty about my own emotions. It was all a recurring cycle that I couldn’t get out of. A cycle that had landed me hyperventilating on the floor of the shower.

I vaguely heard my name being called, but it sounded far away, kind of like I was in a tunnel. Squeezing my hands together, trying to stop the shaking, I dropped my head to my knees as I felt my warm tears mix with the cold spray of the shower.

“Fuck _._ ” I barely heard Edward’s voice through the ringing of my ears. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

There was no way I could have brought myself to actually look at him. I squeezed my eyes shut and burrowed further into myself. Edward’s knees hit the tile with a thud in front of me, and I flinched as he tried to pry my hands apart.

“Baby, you’ve got to tell me what’s wrong,” he said, his voice more desperate than I’ve ever heard it. It made me feel all the more guilty about everything. My breath became more shallow and it felt impossible to get enough air in my lungs.

Giving in, I looked up at Edward, still unable to catch my breath. “I can’t…”

“ _Bella,”_ he sighed, grabbing my hands and placing them on his chest. “Breathe with me, slow and steady.”

Edward started taking slow, deep breaths and I did my best to match him. I focused on his face, watching his eyes dart over my body, obviously looking for some kind of injury. It was enough of a distraction to break the cycle of my intrusive thoughts, if only for a moment.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I…”

“Shh. Just breathe.” He kept taking exaggerated breaths, letting me feel the rise and fall of his chest under my hands.

When I could finally breathe it felt like my mind was numb, too exhausted to worry about the list of things I knew I should be worried about. The tension that I had been holding in every one of my muscles started to relax.

Looking up at Edward, a few stray tears fell as I saw how worried he looked; eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide. He seemed confident that I could finally breathe and reached over to shut off the icy water. Nothing was said as he pulled me to him, cradling me in his arms and getting me out of the shower. We stopped in the closet, both of our clothing sopping wet. Edward sat me on an ottoman, carefully tugging my clothes off and replacing them with a warm, oversized sweatshirt that smelled like him. 

“I ruined your suit,” I mumbled, watching him toss the soaked garments on the floor.

“It doesn’t matter,” he told me as he pulled on a pair of sweatpants. Edward lifted me in his arms again, carrying me to bed.

“It was an expensive suit,” I murmured to myself, not sure why I cared so much about something so mundane. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a closet full of them, or an unlimited budget for new ones. Maybe it was just easier to think about than what I should be thinking about.

Edward situated me in bed, tucking the comforter tight around me, and knelt down beside me. “I’m going to go tell Aiden to go over to Alice and Jasper’s. I’ll be right back. Will you be okay?”

“Oh… We should – “

“You should stay here while I take care of it,” he instructed, pressing the softest of kisses to my forehead before heading out the door.

Relaxing back into the bed, I tugged at some of the strings on the blanket over me as I waited. There was no way I would be able to close my eyes and relax without falling back into the spiral of overwhelming thoughts that took me down before.

Thankfully Edward wasn’t gone long. He climbed into bed next to me and I pressed myself into him, focusing on the steady beat of his heart and trying to match my breathing to his.

“I’ve got you. Everything is fine. Get some sleep, okay?”

“Everything’s not fine…” I mumbled, but my body was too exhausted to put up much of a fight. It had been too long since I got anything more than a few hours of sleep, and with Edward’s arms around me it wasn’t hard to finally relax.

_…Dark…_

“Why was the doctor here?”

“To check on your mother. She’s fine.”

“I haven’t seen her in days, and you haven’t left the house in days either. Is –“

“She just needs some rest. Weren’t you going to do some hitting practice with Michael today?”

“Yeah, but –“

“She’s fine, Aiden. I’m taking care of it. Go get some fresh air.”

The door clicked shut softly, waking me out of that spot between awareness and slumber. Sitting up slowly, my body felt like it had been beaten down and run over.

Edward scrubbed his hands over his face as he walked over, and froze for a moment when he saw me sitting up. A second later he was by my side, handing me a glass of water. “Drink.”

I did as I was told and downed the entire glass before handing it back to Edward. He stood over me, obviously pleased I followed his instructions without any trouble.

“How do you feel?” he asked, pressing a hand to my forehead, his eyes worried.

Memories flooded back to me; sitting on the floor of the shower, Edward finding me, being too weak to even stand on my own. “Stupid,” I replied.

“You’ve been out of it for nearly twenty-four hours. I had Banner come over to make sure you were alright,” Edward said, his voice tight.

I had a vague recollection of seeing Banner. Not the same doctor we used to go to, he retired a few years ago. He had a son though, and had the same _no questions asked_ deal with Edward. I couldn’t remember how long ago it was, but I remembered seeing him here, checking my pulse and asking me some questions. I was pretty sure my response had been ‘fuck off’ but I wasn’t positive.

“It was just a panic attack,” I whispered. Leaning against the headboard, I pulled the comforter tight around me. Edward let out a long sigh and started pacing the room.

“Christ, Bella, you weren’t breathing! You were fucking freezing, your eyes glazed over…”

“I’ve had them before,” I shrugged, keeping my eyes down. They used to be a pretty common thing when I was younger. Before I met Edward.

“That’s happened before? When?” Edward sat on the bed beside my legs, squeezing my calf through the blankets.

“Not for a long time. I used to get them a lot before we met.”

He frowned at me. “When you were exhausted, stressed, and overworked?”

“That’s not the issue now. I mean, I haven’t slept in weeks, but that’s because I’m just… scared. I haven’t been handling it very well I guess.” I hated how shaky my voice sounded.

Edward got beside me under the covers and pulled me as close as possible. His arms were just on this side of being too tight, but I didn’t care.

“He’s going to hate us. He’s going to know what I did,” my voice cracked thinking of the little boy that stood up for me when he was in school finding out that everything we had told him was a lie.

“He’s going to be mad and he’s going to be hurt. He’ll try and rebel against us and probably try and provoke us, but most of that is shit teenagers pull anyway. It won’t last forever, and his anger isn’t going to be directed at you. I’m sure a majority of it will be at me.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I asked, looking up at him and his wry smile.

“It was worth a shot.” Edward tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You really don’t need to worry about it so much. I’ll take care of him.”

“I feel like I should be doing more,” I admitted. It didn’t feel right to let Edward take him away and handle the entire situation himself.

“Give me two weeks with him. Depending on how he’s handling it, you can come out to meet us. Deal?”

“Deal,” I sighed, throwing the covers off of me to stand. Before I could move, Edward pulled me back to him and rolled so I was on top of him.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Um, getting up. I’ve been in bed for a day, I have – “

“You have some more relaxing to do. Go pick out a move and I’ll make you something to eat.”

I sighed, watching him get back up and pull on an old tour t-shirt. He ran a hand through the mess of hair on top of his head and I smiled through the feeling of wanting to cry. Without thinking, I hopped out of bed and wrapped my arms as tight as I could around him.

Following Edward’s instructions, I did spend the rest of the day relaxing. As much as I could. None of my issues were solved, but I didn’t have to deal with them alone now. I didn’t have to feel like the world was falling apart.

Throughout the day, Edward had tried to convince me that we should cancel Saturday dinner with the family, but I refused. I started to feel a little more like myself as I got dressed, the white stripped summer wrap dress making me feel more put together than I actually was.

Edward smiled at me as I came downstairs, grabbing my hand and making me twirl for him. I knew, when he pressed a kiss to my hair, that he only did it to make me smile. Aiden came down a minute later, hair still wet from his shower and eyes wide when he saw me.

“You okay, Ma?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” I told him, pressing a kiss to his cheek even though he tried to dodge me. He was still trying to wipe off a smear of lipstick when we got to Emmett and Rose’s.

It was one of the rare nights when everyone was here for dinner; including Maggie and Jared. The men headed up to Emmett’s office before dinner to discuss things I had no interest in knowing while Aiden and Alec headed to the backyard for more baseball. I ended up in the kitchen with Alice, Rose, and Maggie. I sat at the counter next to Maggie and chopped whatever Alice and Rose put in front of me.

“So, you and Uncle Edward are going to tell Aiden the truth soon, right?” Maggie asked.

I frowned, wondering who told her. Maybe Jasper. “Yes, they’re going on a ‘boy’s trip’ in a few weeks.”

“Are you nervous? About his reaction?”

I shrugged. “Of course. I know what it’s like to have your parents keep a big secret like that for years.” I started pulling at the garnish Rosalie had put in front of me. “He’s going to hate us. We’re taking his entire future away.”

“You shouldn’t look at it like that. You’re just giving him a different future.”

“But he has hopes and dreams now that he won’t ever be able to act on. He won’t be able to become a professional baseball player or have a normal life. It’s going to…”

Fucking hell. “You’re analyzing me.”

Maggie’s eyes got wide. “I was just curious about the situation.”

 _Lie._ “Edward told you, didn’t he?”

Maggie sighed, her eyes drooping as she looked at me. “Yes. I’m sorry… I was supposed to be more subtle about it. He was just worried about you.”

“I don’t need a psychiatrist. I’m fine,” I grunted.

“Edward said you had a pretty serious panic attack, Bella,” Maggie said softly.

Alice and Rosalie came over, leaning across from us on the island. “What happened?”

“It was nothing. I used to have panic attacks all of the time.”

“You mean before you had one that sent you to rehab?” Maggie’s words were harsh, but her tone soft. It wasn’t meant as an insult, but it still stung.

“It’s different,” I said defensively. “I can’t really talk about most of the things that stress me out now.”

“You can talk to me,” Maggie said with a soft smile.

“You can talk to us, too,” Alice added.

“I’ll think about it,” I mumbled, grabbing my glass of wine and downing it as I left the kitchen. I headed upstairs as the men were coming down, grabbing Edward’s arm as we passed and pulling him into the bathroom to our right.

Part of me wanted to be mad, but I knew I couldn’t be. He was just trying to make sure I was okay. And the truth was, I wasn’t sure if I _was_ okay.

“Do you think I need to go?” There was no need to specify, he would know what I was talking about.

Edward sighed, leaning against the vanity with his arms crossed. “I think sometimes you bottle things up. I don’t want you to get in the habit of closing in on yourself again.”

“Maybe… maybe sometimes you would go with me?” There were some things I was scared of that I didn’t even know what they were. Edward knew, though. 

His entire demeanor softened as he pulled me to him. “Whatever you need.”

_…Dark…_

There had been a handful of times in my life where I was sure my career was over, where I thought no one would ever want to work with me again or when I thought the public was completely sick of me. When I was shot I was scared of being in the spotlight ever again and thought quitting was the best option. After Edward and I got married I thought even my most loyal fans had decided I was a horrible person and didn’t deserve their support. Of course, during the trial I was certain that I would never work again if I didn’t spend the rest of my life behind bars.

None of that happened though. I had six Academy Awards to my name, seven Grammy Awards, three Screen Actors Guild Awards, four Golden Globes, an Emmy, and more random awards than I knew what to do with. Despite nearly everyone I had ever met telling me a girl from the middle of nowhere Washington would never make it, I did. I had to fight tooth and nail to survive, but I did.

And, now… now I had a Tony to add to my list. I had done something only a handful of entertainers had ever been able to do, winning one of each of the four most prestigious awards in this industry. Emmy. Grammy. Oscar. Tony. I had them all.

The entire family had come to New York with me for the ceremony. They had all been much more confident than I was about the outcome. Although, ever since my panic attack a few weeks ago I had been a bit more cynical than I would like. I was working on it, though.

It was late when I was finally free from all of the press. I had told everyone to head out as soon as the show was over. Press was boring for me, I couldn’t imagine how boring it would have been for them. Edward, of course, refused to leave with the others.

After the day I’d had, I should have been exhausted, but my entire body felt like a live wire as Edward and I got in the car. As soon as the door closed I practically threw myself at him, fighting with the long dress to get my legs on either side of his. It was partly because of the champagne that I had been given during every interview, and partly because I knew this was my last night with him for a while. Tomorrow afternoon he was leaving with Aiden for their trip.

I pushed those thoughts out of my head and focused on his hands wrapping around my waist and his tongue sliding against mine. Knotting my hands in his hair, I groaned when I ground my hips into his and Edward pulled away with a groan of his own.

“If I had known this was going to be your reaction to winning, I wouldn’t have…”

Sitting back, I frowned at him. “What did you do?”

The car stopped and I peeked outside, realizing that we weren’t in front of the hotel, we were outside of a fancy restaurant that looked packed inside. Edward lifted me out of the car with him and led me inside. As soon as the door opened, a chorus of _congratulations_ echoed around us.

My eyes widened, looking at all of the faces around us. Our family was in front, including Maggie and Jared, both of whom I didn’t even know were in town. Kate, Claire, and Heidi were there, along with nearly every friend in the business I had. Peter was there, nearly the entire cast of the _Tainted_ series, producers that I worked with on my music, and the few friends that didn’t turn on me after the trial.

“What did you do?” I repeated, my eyes darting from face to face, ending on Aiden smiling over at us.

Edward leaned in to me, his lips brushing against my ear. “Congratulations, baby,” he whispered, softly pushing me toward the crowd of people.

The entire thing was a blur for a while. A hundred different conversations that were all similar congratulations. It was hard, living in Chicago and keeping these kinds of friends and relationships alive. But, it was heartwarming that these people still cared enough to celebrate with me tonight.

It was about an hour into the celebration when Edward got everyone’s attention, drink raised.

“I’m not typically one for speeches, but I decided to make an exception tonight. When I first met my wife, I didn’t know what it really took to do what she did. I didn’t realize how rare the title of _Academy Award winner_ was. All I knew was a pretty little brunette covered in tattoos was next to me and I wanted to know the story behind every one,” he said, smirking at me where I sat next to Peter.

“But, since then, I’ve watched you accomplish everything you set your mind to. I’ve seen you go outside of your comfort zone for your art, watched you tour the world, and I got to see you become the most spectacular mother.

“You are a woman of many talents, Isabella, and it comes as no surprise to anyone in this room that you’ve managed to add a Tony to your collection. You are the most remarkable woman I will ever know. Congratulations, my love.”

Staring at him, I let my emotions get the best of me for a moment. Edward didn’t care about movies or music or the fact that he was standing next to the most notable actors in the world. He put up with the constant media scrutiny that came with being with me, he walked every red carpet I had to do with me because they still made me nervous after the shooting, and he never once made me feel bad about it.

Making my way through the crowd, I got to him as fast as I could. As soon as he had his arms around me I melted into him, always comforted by his strong embrace. He whispered how proud he was of me in my ear and pressed a soft kiss to my neck.

“Thank you for… _everything_.”

No one ever expected us to make it to where we were today. Carlisle constantly tried to sabotage Edward, from nearly the moment he was born. Articles had been written about me nearly every day since I was sixteen, talking about how I didn’t have what it took to have a lasting career. Then there were articles, usually around our wedding anniversary, that proclaimed one of us was cheating and the other was about to go on a rampage. Despite all of it, we were both doing better than ever.

We were happy. Life was as calm as it could be. Edward hadn’t come home with any injuries in years, and it had been just as long since the last time I had handcuffs around my wrists. And Aiden… Aiden was happy. He had friends and was a typical teenager, and Edward assured me he could have most of that when he got back, too. Even though he would know everything and would start _working_ with Edward more, he would still be able to be himself.

That was what I held on to, what kept me from spiraling again.

Now… now I was relaxed and tipsy and had a very handsome husband that threw a wonderful celebration for me. I wanted to drag Edward out of here and back to our hotel, but it was hard to leave a party thrown just for you early.

I didn’t let Edward leave my side the rest of the night, no matter who I was talking to. As the night started to wind down, we ended up sitting at the bar because my feet needed a break. It was one of the first times I had seen Aiden all night. I noticed a flash of white in his coat pocket, and grabbed a stack of napkins.

My mouth fell open as I flipped through the stack, phone number after number scribbled on them. Most of the people here were my friends, but there were a few friends of friends that I didn’t really know. I didn’t recognize most of the women’s names written on the napkins.

“What are these?” I asked, frowning at him.

“They’re not _all_ girls’ numbers. A couple are directors, a few agents. Apparently, I have a natural charisma that would make me a great actor,” Aiden said, smirking at me.

“Since when do you want to act?” I questioned. When he was seven he was in a school play, but every kid in the school had to be in it. He was fucking adorable, up on that stage saying his two lines, but that was the only time he had done anything remotely theatrical.

Aiden shrugged. “Since the best people in the business told me I’d be good at it.”

A number I recognized jumped out from the pile. “Heidi!” I gasped, looking around the room and spotting her at a table not far from us.

“Oh, please, Bella. A kid with your genes and Edward’s charm?”

“He has no interest in acting, Heidi,” I sighed.

“Maybe I do. If I could –“

“You’re doing it for the wrong reasons. All of the work is only worth it if you actually enjoy the job. Think about baseball. You love practice and the game, and it doesn’t feel like work, does it?” Aiden shook his head. “That’s where your passion is. My passion was acting and music. Your father’s is… well, he has varied interests.” I couldn’t very well say what his father’s interest was.

Aiden shrugged. “You’re just worried I would break some of those records you set,” he told me with a joking smirk.

I smiled at him, glad he wasn’t serious. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to act, I would have loved to see him have an interest in it, but I knew it didn’t interest him enough for all of the work to be worth it to him.

Aiden’s passion was very obviously baseball. He was fucking amazing, and I had gone from a girl who knew nothing about sports to one who knew that my son was damn talented at the game. In all the years he had been playing, I had only missed three games. There had been many red-eye flights that I had to take to get back to work the next day, but it was always worth it to see him out there.

Later, I was saying goodbye to the last people left, when I saw Edward and Aiden in the corner of my eye. They were talking intently, but I could see a soft smile on Edward’s face. I never got tired of watching them together. I loved catching them together when Aiden was a baby, watching Edward throw a ball in the backyard with him as he grew up. They were my two favorite people in the world, and they were both leaving tomorrow afternoon.

I excused myself as quickly as possible and met them by the door. “Ready to go?” I asked, sliding my hand in Edward’s. He gave it a soft squeeze.

“Congrats, Ma. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Aiden said as Alec dragged him away, following Emmett and Rosalie to a waiting car.

“Where’s he going?” I asked Edward.

“Back to the hotel room. I have one last surprise for you.”

The surprises were appreciated, but all I wanted was to be alone with my husband. The car ride was torture, Edward sitting next to me with that cocky smirk and a hand on my thigh. I started to really appreciate the surprise when the car stopped and I looked out the window.

I couldn’t help but laugh as Edward practically dragged me through the lobby, toward the elevator. The place had gone through a million changes since the last time we were here, but it was just as prestigious. It was the same place Edward took me so long ago, the night he was trying to show me who he really was.

Once we were in the elevator, he backed me up against the wall and I braced myself for his touch, but nothing came. He simply leaned on the hand rail behind me, his body close enough to let me feel his heat but not touching me. He looked down, his mossy eyes sparkling with mischief. Every time I tried to lean up to kiss him or touch him, he moved just out of my reach. It was torture.

Then, as the elevator dinged, his hands gripped my waist and lifted me over his shoulder. I couldn’t stop the squeak that escaped me as the air left my lungs. Edward conveniently left a hand on my ass as he unlocked the door, kicking it closed behind us. I took the time to appreciate _his_ ass.

Once he set me on my feet in front of him, all rational thought went out the window. I threw myself at him, pulling his lips down to mine and getting as close as humanly possible to him.

His hands tangled in my hair, but the intricate up-do it was in made it difficult. He let out a loud groan of frustration before twisting me around, pulling my back to his chest and carefully pulling all of the pins out that kept everything in place. My moan as he gently massaged my scalp once they were all gone was only slightly embarrassing.

Edward started walking slowly, hands on my waist leading me toward the bedroom. He stopped at the foot of the bed, his hands slowly pulling the zipper of my dress down my back.

“Fuck, I’m going to miss you,” he whispered, his hands pushing my dress down to the floor. One snuck into my panties, immediately starting to rub slow circles into my clit. I squirmed under his touch which only meant I got to feel his increasingly hard cock against my back. With his free hand, he quickly undid the front clasp of my strapless bra and let it fall to the floor, and pushed the offending panties down my legs.

I twisted out of his arms and sat on the bed. My hands fumbled with his belt while Edward tossed his jacket to the floor and got rid of his shirt. Once he was finally as bare as I was, I stopped and smiled up at him. He was every bit as gorgeous as he was the first time I saw him.

His cock was straining in front of me, but I actively avoided it and ran my hands along his lower abdomen, enjoying the feel of his muscles tensing. When I kissed just below his navel, Edward let out a frustrated sigh. When I kissed the head of his cock, his frustration evaporated. Before his hands could tangle in my hair, I grabbed them and pulled him on the bed with me.

We ended up a mess of limbs, tongues tangled and hands groping for an immeasurable amount of time. No matter how many kisses I got, how many times his hands skimmed along my skin, nothing would ever be enough.

I looked down at Edward beneath me, taking in his swollen lips and the haystack of hair on top of his head. With a quick shift of my hips he was finally inside me. I kept my movements slow, gently rocking my hips against his and savoring the moment. It was obvious from the way his hands gripped my hips and how hard he thrust up against me that he wasn’t in the mood for slow, but I kept my pace.

“ _Bella._ ”

Leaning back, my hands on his legs, I switched the angle but slowed my movements. My hands squeezed his legs every time I moved, because as much as I wanted more I wanted Edward to crack first. It didn’t take long.

His grip on my hips tightened as he flipped us over, pressing me into the soft mattress. Edward hitched my legs around his waist, burying his hands in my hair. His eyes locked on mine, so intense I felt my cheeks flush.

“You like driving me insane?” he asked as he started moving torturously slow. When I tried to thrust up to him, to get just the slightest more friction, he nipped at my bottom lip. “I thought you wanted it nice and slow?”

_Oh, how my plan has backfired._

“I like driving you insane,” I admitted, my hands digging into his back.

“So, what is it that you want, baby?”

“Just you,” I replied. “Always you.”

_…Dark…_

We both needed to sleep. Edward was heading out with Aiden and the boys in the afternoon and I rarely slept in the days leading up to big events, but neither of us slept that night. We were in the bathtub, watching the sunrise out the window instead of getting any last-minute sleep.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Edward asked me, his slick hands running along my abdomen under the water.

“I think so.”

“We might be out of cell service for a while. If it’s an emergency –“

“If it’s an emergency I should call Greyson and he’ll get the message to you.” Greyson was one of Edward’s guards, had been for as long as I knew him. He wasn’t like Ben, though. He rarely talked to or acknowledged anything going on around him unless something was wrong.

“There is one more thing I should mention.” My back stiffened at his tone. “Emmett and Jasper are coming with us, at least for the first week. Depending on how things go, I’ll have Emmett come back to keep an eye on things here and have Alec come out.” I nodded, already knowing of the plan. Of course, all three of the men couldn’t stay gone for long. Someone had to be in the city, running things. I supposed Alec was excited about being somewhat in charge for the week they were all gone.

“Alec is too young to be completely in charge,” he said, pausing like I should know what he was trying to say. I was completely clueless.

“Okay?”

“I need you to take over.”

Take over.

His business.

The Family.

No.

“No.”

“A week or two at most. Alec will handle most of the family side of the business. I trust you to take over the company and –“

“No.”

“Bella –“

“There are a million other more qualified people in the _family_ and the business to do that, Edward.”

“I don’t trust any of them like I trust you.”

“The last time you left me in charge I nearly went to prison for life.” My heart was racing and I could quickly feel myself start to panic.

“Nothing like that will happen this time. Alec will take care of most of that. You’re mostly taking over my responsibilities at the company.”

Shaking my head, I started to lift myself out of the tub but Edward held on to me. “You’re going to need a distraction, something to keep you from worrying about Aiden.” I relaxed back against him. “It’s just for a week or so until Emmett gets back.”

I supposed it made sense. I had much more experience running a business now, too. If I was being honest, it did seem like a welcome distraction for the weeks ahead. Still, the phrase _history repeats itself_ kept echoing through my mind. Agreeing to do this could be very, very stupid.

“Okay.”


	28. Innocent

_Wasn’t it easier in your firefly-catchin’ days? And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you? Wasn’t it beautiful runnin’ wild ‘til you fell asleep? Before the monsters caught up to you. ~ Taylor Swift, **Innocent**_

**EPOV**

“I’m… confused,” Aiden said with a frown for the fifth time in the last hour. Emmett, Jasper, and I had just finished telling him the first half of our family history. Our troubles with the Volturi’s, how Ronan came to Chicago with Carlisle, all of the stuff that seemed like it happened eons ago. We hadn’t even gotten to the real issues yet. But he knew. He knew what we did, what _I_ did. The drugs, the weapons, the money, he knew it all.

It was simultaneously freeing and gut-wrenching. It wasn’t that I was ashamed of what I did. I had felt no intense guilt for my job since I was a teenager. There were times I regretted it, of course. When Bella was shot. When Bella was in jail. And now, when my son was looking at me like I was a stranger.

“Is this some kind of joke?”

“It’s no joke, Aiden. The Cullen’s have been running the Chicago crime world for decades.” _I’ve been running it for decades._

He was so much like his mother, his emotions so obviously playing through his face. Confusion lasted the longest, then I could see him start to piece things together, start to believe. He got up and started to pace in front of the fire.

We were in the middle of nowhere in Ireland, not too far from the small home I took Bella to after the shooting. I owned all of the land, and we had hiked for nearly a whole day to get to the perfect camp ground.

“You’re all… in the _mob?_ ”

“We are the mob,” Emmett said with a cocky smirk. I frowned at him.

“Holy shit,” Aiden mumbled, pulling at his hair. “Holy shit.” He kept pacing, kicking whatever rocks or twigs were in his way.

“I mean… I always knew our family was different. I hear people talk, you know? People are intimidated by you guys, everyone stops talking as soon as any of you guys enter the room. You were always so strict on me not looking into anyone online. It was like, the only serious rule you guys had for me. Which I guess makes sense now because what would I find?”

We all let him talk, watching as years of lies became clear to him. Maybe it would have been easier to never keep the secret from him. We could have followed the same route Carlisle did with us and just let it be common knowledge as soon as he was old enough to keep the secret. But my childhood wasn’t a childhood. It was stressful and gory and felt more like a business than a life.

Aiden had a wonderful childhood. He had experiences most children never got; he spent summer’s on movie sets and traveling the world. He went to school without wondering if his father was out getting blood on his hands. He was able to become his own person before my world sucked him in.

But, fuck, what if that wasn’t a good thing? I had always been confident that he would want to join the family business, but what if he didn’t? Forcing him wasn’t an option, I would never do that to my son and Bella would never allow it in the first place. I had an undeniable desire to have him by my side, though. Teach him everything I knew and watch as he adapted to the situation.

Either way it was a fucked up situation. Either I stole his childhood and forced him to make decisions before he knew what he was doing or I crushed him when he was old enough to understand. What’s done was done and that was that.

“How did you guys keep it a secret for so long? How are you not locked up if me googling you would turn something up? Shit, how does _mom_ not even know?”

_Fucking hell._ He thought Bella didn’t know?

“Oh, my God. She’s going to be furious. Remember that time she was out of town and I didn’t tell her about my rescheduled game and she missed it? She was so upset… and you’ve been lying to her for your entire relationship? That’s… fucked up Dad.”

Aiden went on, focusing his worry on his mother instead of himself. Part of me wanted to let him continue to think Bella was in the dark. I knew he never watched any of the films she made about herself, didn’t know the extent of the home invasion he knew happened so long ago. It would be work, but we could put off telling him she was part of the lie.

But that lie would lead to a thousand more, and Bella wouldn’t want that. I interrupted his senseless rambling he learned from Bella. “Your mother knows, Aiden.”

He froze in his tracks. “Mom knows you’re ‘in the mob,’” he stated, using air quotes around _in the mob_ like he still didn’t really believe it. “ _Mom_. My mother who bakes us snickerdoodles every weekend and cries whenever a dog dies in a movie? She knows what you do?”

Fuck. I didn’t want him turning this around on Bella. “This isn’t about your mother. It’s about –“

“No, it _is_ about her, because she married you and you both had me. You’ve both been lying to me my entire life.”

That was when I lost him, because all of my planning revolved around him hating me for what I did. I didn’t expect him to turn it around and focus his anger on Bella. Never wanted her relationship with Aiden to suffer because she kept my secret. She had been through too much keeping it already.

“It wasn’t your mother’s secret to tell, Aiden.”

“No, but she’s… You’ve always said it was our job to protect her. I remember, that day in your office you said you were proud of me for sticking up for her. I’ve always thought of her as… fragile, I guess. Sweet, caring… _innocent._ She’s not, though. Not if she knowingly married you.”

“Watch yourself, Aiden,” I warned. He was walking a thin line talking about Bella.

“Yeah? Or what?” he said defiantly. If it was anyone else, they’d have a bullet in their head right now. “This is so fucked!” he shouted, storming off through the trees.

Jasper stood to follow him, but I shook my head. He needed time to think. Bella needed time to think, too. He would come around.

_…Dark…_

Aiden hadn’t said a word to me in a week. He responded in grunts or one-syllable answers when Emmett or Jasper talked, but that was it. We all constantly tried to talk to him, but it was obvious he wasn’t listening.

I left him with Emmett and Jasper and hiked back to the house alone. It was the closest place to get any kind of reception. Things weren’t going according to plan and I needed to regroup alone.

I took a quick shower before collapsing on the couch and grabbing my phone. The last time I talked to Bella had been when we left Chicago. She sent messages through Greyson, some simple updates and other times my ex-military bodyguard had to say ‘I love you’ to me.

As expected, she answered on the first ring.

“Hey, baby,” I said, sighing at the sound of her voice. Decades together and the woman still had me wrapped around her finger.

“Is everything okay?” she asked skeptically.

“Everything is fine, everyone is safe. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Everything here is… good.” We both understood the undertones of what we were asking. “Is Aiden okay?” she asked softly.

I sighed, not knowing the answer to her question. “He’s alright. Still adjusting.” All true, if not exceptionally vague. “I don’t know if you should come out in a week, though. I think we’ll need more time with him before –“

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“No. I just… I need to be there, Edward.”

“Bella…” How did I tell my wife that our son seemed to hate both of us now?

“You still have a week to sort out whatever issue you’re having. I’ve seen you solve bigger issues in a shorter amount of time.”

“This is different, Bella.” None of my usual tactics worked because this was my _son._ My flesh and blood that was turning on me. And it was all my fault.

The line was silent for a while before Bella spoke again softly. “Are you okay?”

“That’s my line,” I said with a humorless chuckle.

“Well, I am sitting at your desk doing your job. Must be something about the office.” I could picture the little smirk she would have on her face as she talked.

“Fuck, I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” she sighed. “Where are you guys, anyway?”

“Do you remember that little house I took you to in Ireland?”

“Yeah. That’s awfully small for four people.”

“We hiked a few miles away. We own all the land, so we’re camping out there.”

“Oh.” Her voice was oddly high pitched. “Camping is… nice.” She paused before continuing. “So, I’ll see you in a week?”

I wanted to say yes, but I didn’t want Aiden taking all of his pent-up anger out on Bella in person. It would destroy her. “I’ll call you again in a few days. We’ll see how things are going.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

“You’re sure everything is okay there? You’re being careful?”

I spent weeks trying to decide who should keep an eye on things while we were gone. Alec was in his early twenties, not nearly experienced enough to take over completely for any period of time. There were a few people who were qualified, but I rarely trusted anyone completely.

Incarceration excluded, Bella did a phenomenal job up until that point last time. She had more business experience now, and I knew she would need the distraction. Plus, we didn’t have anyone actively trying to destroy the family now.

Still, there was part of me that needed confirmation that everything was going smoothly.

“Yes, everything is going fine. You were right. It’s a good distraction from thinking about what you guys are doing.”

“Good. If anything goes wrong –“

“Nothing is going wrong. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“Now you’re telling me not to worry? We really have switched places.”

“I love you and I’ll see you soon,” she laughed.

“I love you, too.”

The line went dead and I leaned back and closed my eyes for a minute. I never considered myself a _soft_ person, except with my family. Bella and Aiden were the only ones I would fold for, ever. But I had given him a week to himself, a week to think things through without any major disruptions. If he was going to follow in my footsteps, he was going to have to learn to deal with change and adapt quickly.

It was time to have another talk.

_…Dark…_

“So, did she do it?” Aiden asked, his tone that of the annoyed teenager that he was. He was no longer the sympathetic kid who punched a classmate that called his mother a murderer.

“I tell you that your mother was attacked in our home and defended herself, unfairly put on trial for the murder of the attacker, and your response is _did she do it?_ ”

I had reached my breaking point. The attitude would no longer be acceptable.

“If she was on trial there had to have been evidence that she planned it. Did she?”

“You think your mother would have planned someone’s death?” It was hypocritical, but this was one secret that I wouldn’t be divulging to Aiden. Too many people knew the truth already.

“I think I don’t know anything anymore! I’ve been lied to my whole life. I don’t know who any of you are anymore. When you go to work are you going to your office or are you going to – “

“Am I going to kill someone? Check on a shipment of drugs coming in? Weapons? Maybe. Just because you know now, doesn’t make any of us different.”

“How can you just talk about killing people like that?” Aiden asked, looking at me like I had three heads.

“This is the only life I’ve ever known, Aiden. My father never hid anything from me. He came home with bloody shirts when I was a child, never caring if I saw or not. From the time I was twelve we had a strictly business relationship. I don’t want that for us.”

“What?” I frowned, unsure what had him so shocked. “You expect me to work with you? God, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Aiden got up to storm off into the forest again, but I stood and grabbed his arm as he passed me. “You can’t keep running off.”

“Well, I can’t talk to any of you about how I’m feeling. What else am I supposed to do, Dad?”

“You can talk to us, Aiden. That’s why we’re all here.”

“No, it’s not the same. I can’t talk to you about these things now that I know. You’re the only people I would want to talk to about it, but you’re not the same anymore.” I could see it in his eyes, all of the same fears that I saw in Bella’s years ago. His words were eerily similar to what she told me.

I realized in my effort to protect her from Aiden’s outbursts, I failed to connect the dots. The only person in the world who could possibly understand what he was going through was her. She’d had the same bomb dropped on her before, been the one blissfully unaware of who she was really with.

I would give him a few more days, more time to come to terms with the family history that he had heard today. But after that, it was time to move forward. Time for Bella to help him in ways that I couldn’t.

_…Dark…_

“Your mother is getting here tomorrow afternoon,” I told Aiden as we sat around a campfire. It was just us and Jasper now. I sent Emmett back to the states a few days ago so Bella would have time to brief him on whatever had been going on in our absence before she left.

Aiden shrugged, staring at the flames in front of us.

“I don’t want you pulling shit like this with her.”

“She’s lied to me my entire life.”

“Aiden,” I warned.

“Upset I don’t do whatever you say like everyone else? Uncle Emmett just goes wherever you tell him… I’m sure Uncle Jasper would rather be anywhere but here. Everyone just does whatever you say, huh?”

Before I could say a thing, Jasper interrupted. “He’s not a fucking dictator, Aiden,” he snapped.

“No, he’s a mob boss. Same thing.”

“No, it’s not. If you bothered to listen to what we were trying to talk to you about the last two weeks, you would know that.”

“Whatever,” he huffed. “I’m going to bed.”

The next morning Jasper and I were silently sitting outside, looking over the horizon. Jasper had always been the most sensitive of us all. He wasn’t born into the lifestyle like Emmett and I, so I thought having him here would help Aiden understand. It might still, if he ever listened to a word we said.

“You know, we should have seen this coming.”

“What?”

“He’s too much like his parents,” he said, glancing over in my direction. “He’s got Bella’s stubbornness and your temper. You’ve both figured out how to use those traits to your advantage, but Aiden doesn’t know what to do with them yet.”

Before I could respond, we both stiffened at the sound of footsteps in the distance. “ _Son of a bitch_. Whose idea was it to camp all the way out here?”

The smile was already on my face before I turned and saw Bella making her way toward us. Ben had a firm grip on her arm as she regained her footing. I stood and watched her for a minute as she walked over, her eyes on the ground to keep herself from tripping again. It didn’t matter how many years I had spent with the woman, every time I saw her she was prettier than before.

Then I had her in my arms, her tiny frame fitting perfectly against me. It had been two weeks of hell, and she was just what I needed. “Damn, I’ve missed you.”

Before she could reply, the sound of a tent unzipping made us all freeze.

“Hey, Ma,” Aiden said, his voice quiet. More calm than I had heard him in weeks.

“Hey,” Bella said, turning herself toward him. She gave my hand a soft squeeze before going to him. “Want to go for a walk?”

Aiden shrugged and Bella reached for a bag Ben had been carrying. Jasper and I watched as they wandered off together.

“If anyone can get through to him, it’s her,” Jasper said, patting me on my shoulder before walking over to Ben.

It was an invasion of privacy on every level, but I had to know what Bella was going to say to him. What he would say to her. I wasn’t sure if I would get the whole story from either of them after.

I followed silently, keeping close to the tree line they seemed to be following. It didn’t seem like either of them were saying anything yet. Bella eventually pulled him over to a fallen tree, both sitting on the trunk while she ruffled through her bag. I made my way a little deeper into the forest and sat against a tree to listen.

“Dad said you’ve known for a long time,” Aiden said tentatively. “How did he tell you?”

I heard Bella sigh before she started talking. “Someone had sent him pictures of me, like they were following me. Your father thought I was in danger and told me so I would take the threat seriously.”

“Were you? In danger?”

“I was shot twice a few weeks later.”

“You were… what? Mom –“

“You’ve never seen this scar on my shoulder?” I heard a ruffling, probably her showing him the scar. “There’s a lot we haven’t told you. And I’m so sorry about that, but we wanted you to have a normal childhood. We wanted you to be able to make friends and find interests outside of all of this. We –“

“Before you start this whole speech… You’re not trapped, are you? Is Dad forcing you to –“

“You father has never forced me to do anything. He’s never hurt me, I’m not being blackmailed or tricked into anything. I don’t know what he’s told you, but I think if you heard my side of things you might understand this family a little better.”

_…Dark…_

Bella only stayed for a few of days. I hardly saw her while she was with us. For three days, her and Aiden went off on their own for hours and talked. It took every ounce of my willpower not to follow every time. Only a few minutes into their conversation the first day I knew I was overstepping and I left them alone. I knew, eventually, Bella would tell me what they talked about but it would be a long time before I got her to myself.

On Bella’s last night, as we all sat around for an awkward dinner, she sheepishly announced there was going to be a continuation of the _Tainted_ series, the films that had started her career. The author of the original books came to Bella personally with the idea, hoping she would not only star in the film, but produce and work on the music for it.

It was a hell of a lot of work, and I could see how guilty she was that it would be taking her away from Aiden, but he seemed genuinely happy when she told us about it. Somehow, Bella had brought him out of the shell he was forming on this trip. He wasn’t as confrontational with her around, and I had even seen him smile a few times.

“Do you think I helped him at all?” Bella asked her last night here as she got into bed next to me. The air mattress in the tent was about three sizes smaller than our bed at home, but that had its perks. I pulled her right into me, enjoying having her close.

“He actually looked me in the eye today. He hasn’t done that since the first night we were here.”

“Maybe I should turn down the –“

“No, Bella. You want to do the film, yes?”

“Yes, but – “

“But, nothing. He’s growing up. He doesn’t need our constant supervision. Depending on how the next few weeks go here, Aiden might be spending more time working with me anyway.” He was still young, but I wanted him to start getting comfortable around the family business.

“You’re sure it’ll be okay if I’m gone? We’ll be filming in the winter and spring. Usually I would work during the summer so –“

With my fingers under her chin, I lifted her face so she was looking at me. “We’ll be fine.”

Bella’s entire body relaxed into me, and I pressed my lips to her forehead. Without thinking about the fact that we weren’t really alone, I moved my lips to hers and got lost in the feel of my wife finally beside me.

As soon as I had her pinned to the bed beneath me, I felt her tense again.

“You know I love you, a lot. And I _really_ love having sex with you. But I can’t have sex in the woods. In a tent, on an air mattress. With Jasper and Aiden right outside,” Bella rambled.

I understood the last reason, but the first few confused me. “What’s wrong with being in the woods?” I asked, situating myself on my back with Bella’s head on my chest. She looked up at me, guilt swimming in her chocolate eyes.

“I hate camping.”

“What?” It was the last thing I expected her to say. I took her once, when we were traveling after the shooting. She didn’t seem to hate it at all, she had told me how much fun she had on multiple occasions.

“I know, I lied to you about it. It’s the biggest secret I’ve ever kept from you. But you had so much fun on that trip! And seemed so excited about fishing and being outdoors that I couldn’t tell you I was miserable. I’m not an outdoor person. Or a sleep on dirty ground person.”

Maybe it was the stress of the last few weeks, or the adorable blush on Bella’s cheeks, but the whole thing made me laugh. Especially the fact that the biggest secret she’d ever kept from me was that she hated camping. Not the fact that she had once planned and executed a murder.

“I’m going to miss you,” I sighed, smiling down at her. She was leaving again tomorrow morning, and I wasn’t sure how much longer we would be gone. Now that Aiden finally seemed open to hearing what I had to say, we could finally talk about the real issues. And we had a lot of those.

_…Dark…_

After Bella left, my conversations with Aiden slowly improved. We left the campsite a few days later and stayed in Dublin for a while. I thought about calling our family in the area, but didn’t wait Aiden to be too overwhelmed. I knew I was still walking a thin line with him, and I didn’t want to push it.

As the days went on, he finally seemed to be comfortable around me again. He wasn’t constantly looking at me like I was going to go on a rampage. Jasper and I gradually threw in bits of our life as we traveled. We told him the rest of our family history, though I left out the details of Bella’s arrest and how serious the situation was. I wasn’t sure how much she told him during their talks.

We were at a pub, talking about the game on the televisions, when Aiden started asking questions. Finally showing more interest than his quiet nods as Jasper and I would talk.

“What happened when… when Mom was shot? She didn’t tell me a lot of details.”

“He was a hired hitman. Your uncle’s and I spent a month afterwards tracking him down.”

“Who hired him?”

My instinct was to lie. Maybe be vague enough that he wouldn’t know the extent of our issues with Aro, but I had to tell him the truth. I needed him to know all of the facts to be able to decide about whether he would work with us or not.

“The man who broke into our home and attacked your mother two years later.”

“The one she…” He thought for a minute, then his wide eyes looked up at me as he put the pieces together.

“Yes.”

“The hitman… you _got_ him?”

“We took care of him, yes.”

It was the first individual person I had told him I killed. He knew, of course, that it wasn’t the only one. But it was different, having an individual person identified as opposed to an unknown group. I thought he would get closed off again, storm off in a huff.

His answer was unexpected ,but encouraging. “Good.”

We left Ireland shortly after that, Jasper heading home to Chicago while Aiden and I traveled a bit. Aiden seemed more interested in knowing the details. He didn’t get uncomfortable about them anymore. I could see his mind constantly working through what I was telling him. He saw the job for the puzzle it was, and now he wanted to solve it just like I did.

We didn’t spend all of our time talking about work though. I wanted Aiden to understand that the job didn’t define us. We spent some time in New York City. When we arrived at the hotel there was a basket of Aiden’s favorite snacks and an envelope of tickets to a Broadway play from Bella. She made a point to have something waiting for him at every place we stopped.

It had been nearly two months since we left Chicago, and I was itching to get back. There was still one final step I knew I had to take. One more thing Aiden needed to know, needed to see before he could truly know what it took to be part of this business. Emmett and Jasper had done most of the leg work and planning. I was the one doing the executing.

Then, finally, we would go home. I would get to talk to my wife for more than half an hour a day, would get to see her for the first time in six weeks. We would be able to start this new phase.

“I didn’t know you had a place in Los Angeles,” Aiden said, dropping his bag by the door and wandering through the entryway.

“I don’t. This was your mother’s place when we met.” The house was kept up through the years, and Bella stayed whenever she was in town working. It still gave off the perfect _Bella_ vibe. Calm and cozy.

“Oh, cool,” he said, walking toward the piano in the corner of the living room. There were a few old plaques hanging around it, sales records from her first album. “Sometimes I don’t think I understand how… big Mom was. Is, I guess.”

“That’s because, first and foremost, she’s your mom. As it should be. I don’t see her as the woman with all of the fancy awards, either. She’s just Bella.”

Aiden nodded, looking closer at the plaques before turning to me. “So, what are we doing here?”

“Tying up a loose end,” I said, just as Emmett and Jasper showed up. 

It was an odd, rainy day in Los Angeles. I cleared my mind as Emmett drove, watching the dreary day around us. It was gloomy, but I felt a rush of adrenaline. I had been waiting for this day for years.

“What are we doing here?” Aiden asked as we pulled up to the anything-but-modest home. His career had been over for years, but he obviously knew how to handle his money. It was miles away from any neighbor, that was all that mattered.

“If at any point you get uncomfortable, tell Jasper and he’ll take you out of there, okay?”

Jasper and Emmett had been here earlier, getting everything set up. All I had to do was pull the trigger. Literally.

“Dad, what are we doing here?”

“Don’t say anything, don’t touch anything, just watch, okay?”

I buttoned my suit coat as I got out of the car, relishing in the difference of the high-quality fabric as opposed to the jeans and t-shirts I had been wearing the last two months. It was good to be back.

The house was dark and empty. He was sitting in the middle of his bedroom, gagged and tied to a chair. I pulled another chair up in front of him and sat as Emmett pulled off his blindfold.

“Hello, Jacob.”

_…Dark…_

“Are you okay?” I asked again as we walked through the front door. The house was dark and quiet, but it felt good to be back. Aiden had been quiet for most of the flight, but not the same quiet as the first few weeks of our trip. He was contemplative, but not angry.

“I, uh, I think so. Just tired, you know?”

I ruffled his hair as he turned toward the hall to his room. He moved from the room down the hall from our bedroom a few years ago to a bigger room on the ground floor. “Get some sleep, kid. We’ll talk in the morning.”

I sighed against the bedroom door as soon as I closed it behind me. It felt like I had been on a rollercoaster the last two months. It had been necessary, and I was glad that Aiden knew everything now, but I was damn glad to be back home. I was especially glad to be back with the woman currently taking up the entire king-sized bed in front of me.

Kneeling beside the bed, I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and traced a finger along the cluster of necklaces she had around her neck. The same ones I gave her on our wedding night. The second my fingers touched her neck she stiffened and then the barrel of a gun was pressed into my chest.

“Christ, it’s me, Bella,” I whispered, carefully pulling the weapon out of her hands.

“ _Fuck._ You’re not supposed to be back until tomorrow,” she said, falling back into bed, though her eyes were wide open now.

“You’ve been sleeping with a loaded gun under your pillow?” I asked, dismembering the weapon and setting it on the dresser across the room.

“Um, well, yes,” she admitted, pulling the comforter closer to herself and fiddling with the end. The thought of her scared and alone in this house made my chest hurt.

“Are you scared to be here alone?”

“No, not usually. It was just a long time and I got a little… paranoid I guess.” Bella knelt on the edge of the bed and pulled me to her. “I’m really glad you’re back,” she mumbled against my neck, her arms wrapping around me. “I should go check on –“

“He’s probably already asleep,” I told her, running my hands along her bare thighs, up under the oversized t-shirt she was in. I stood there, relishing in her company for a few minutes. Enjoying the way her fingers tugged lightly at my hair and the way her hair tickled my nose as I breathed her in.

“Two months is too long,” I whispered against her, gripping her waist and pulling her to me. “Too long since I’ve heard that breathy little moan you let out every time I slide into you the first time. Too long since I’ve felt the way your legs shake when you’re about to come on my tongue.” I slid my hands down her waist, under the simple cotton panties she had on. “Too goddamn long since I’ve had you moaning my name.”

“Edward,” she whispered, her hips grinding against my fingers.

“Oh, we can do better than that, baby.”

I pulled her legs out from under her, watching with a grin as she fell back against the bed with a laugh. Bella looked up at me and watched as I slowly unbuttoned my shirt. She made a quite noise of protest when my hands went to my belt and quickly sat up, pushing my hands out of the way. Soft lips peppered kisses along my abdomen as she undid my pants as slowly as humanly possible, never missing an opportunity of brush her fingers against my straining cock.

With my clothes out of the way, I tore her shirt over her head. I pushed her up the bed, situating myself over her. Something in me clicked when she smirked up at me, as she pressed her lips so softly to mine once, then twice, then a third time before she deepened the kiss. It was like all of the stress and worry and adrenaline from the last two months took over. The groan I let out as her tongue gently traced my bottom lip was almost pained.

My hands were rough as they traveled over her soft skin, tweaking her nipples until they were hard peaks and nibbling on her neck until I knew there would be a mark there in the morning.

I pushed her panties to the side, too impatient to deal with discarding them. As always, I was rewarded with the sweetest little moan in my ear as I slid inside her. I braced my arms on either side of Bella’s head, careful not to tug on her hair that was spread out around her. Small hands gripped my back as I pulled out and pushed back inside, quick and hard.

I was finally able to let go of all of the stress from the last two months. The adrenaline from finally getting rid of Jacob Black. The pride of knowing he would never hurt my wife again. Every emotion I had held in while dealing with Aiden was finally getting released.

As much as I wanted to worship my wife the way she deserved, I was too pent up. “Bella,” I groaned.

Her nails dug into my back and her passionate, strong, sloppy kiss told me everything I needed to as I finally let my body take over and my mind rest. My movements were hard and fast, the feeling of Bella warm and wet around me too good to control myself. Her soft curves pressed against me were an all too familiar comfort, and the moans the encouragement I needed to continue.

It wasn’t long before she buried her head in my neck, biting down as her hips frantically bucked up against me. I froze, buried inside her as she came around me, mumbling incoherently in my ear.

I kissed her, sucking on her bottom lip before I leaned up and carefully flipped her over. I admired her back, the dark tattoo that covered her pale skin. The soft curve of her waist and the perfect slope of her ass. Just as perfect as the day I met her. I squeezed her ass, smiling at the deep moan it got me, and slid slowly back inside her.

Leaning over her, I kissed and licked and nibbled on the tattoo covering her back. Nothing compared to the way she tasted, covered in a light sheen of sweat and moaning my name. When she gripped the bed, using the leverage to push herself back into me I knew I was done for. Burying my head against her neck, I grabbed her waist and pounded my release into her as she came around me again.

I collapsed on my back beside her, careful not to crush her under my weight and pulled her beside me. There were a million things we had to talk about, but as soon as Bella mumbled a quiet, “love you,” I felt her body relax as she fell asleep against me. Talking could wait. For now, I was content with my wife in my arms.


	29. Innocent Pt. 2

_I guess you really did it this time, left yourself in your warpath. Lost your balance on a tight rope, lost your mind tryin’ to get it back. Wasn’t it easier in your lunchbox days? Always a bigger bed to crawl into. Wasn’t it beautiful when you believed in everything? And everybody believed in you? It’s alright, just wait and see, your string of lights is still bright to me. ~ Taylor Swift, **Innocent**_

**EPOV**

“Dad? Can I talk to you for a minute?” Aiden knocked softly on my office door, peaking his head inside. “Oh, sorry, Ma.”

“That’s okay. I should go start dinner anyway. You two can talk,” Bella said with a smile, getting up from the couch where she was working. She spent most of the morning scolding me for getting rid of Jacob, but it was all done half-heartedly. She could pretend to be upset that he was gone, but I knew the real reason she was upset was because I could get in trouble over the whole thing. She pressed a kiss to my cheek as she left, doing the same as she walked past Aiden.

Aiden had slept most of the day, recouping from the weeks of travel. Bella spent the morning filling me in on what had happened in my absence, which I was pleased to hear wasn’t much. Thankfully, things had been going smoothly.

As soon as Bella closed the door behind her Aiden sat across from me, picking up a pen from the desk and fidgeting with the cap.

“Is everything okay?”

He huffed out a breath, looking at me like it was an insane question. “I just spent the last two months on a crime spree with my father.”

“We weren’t on a crime spree. It was one crime at the end of our trip,” I rationalized. It was hardly the worst thing I had ever done. 

“Dad, you,” he looked around and drastically lowered his voice. “Killed someone. In cold blood.”

“If you knew exactly why I did it would it make you feel better?”

He looked genuinely confused. “You had a reason?”

“Yes, Aiden. I had a reason,” I told him with a smile. Perhaps I should have explained the situation before hand, but he had inherited his mother’s ability to overthink everything. I didn’t want him psyching himself out.

“What was it?”

I thought for a minute, trying to decide on how to phrase what the bastard did in the least-crude way possible. “He tried to touch your mother without her consent.”

He was quiet for a minute, keeping his eyes on the pen in his lap. “Mom said…” He looked, contemplative. Confused. Scared.

“Hey,” I said softly, getting his attention back on me. “You don’t have to be afraid to talk to me, no matter what it is you have to say. If you don’t want to be part of this, you don’t have to be. I won’t force you into anything.

“But if you _do_ want to be part of it, I’ll always be your dad first. I don’t want our relationship to be anything like mine was with my father,” I said sincerely. Aiden knew of Carlisle’s betrayal, and he also knew that I was more of a business partner to my father than a son.

“You’re only fifteen. I’m not looking to stuff you in a suit and have you come work with me full time. You can go to school, play baseball, be yourself and still be part of this kind of life.”

“But once I’m old enough…”

“Age doesn’t matter. Once I think you’re ready, you could take over. If you wanted. The time leading up to that would be a training period, you finding your own footing in the city before taking over.”

With a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair. “If you don’t want anything to do with this life, that’s okay, too,” I repeated.

“I…” Aiden hesitated. I sat back, patiently waiting for him to continue. “I’d like to know more, I guess.”

It wasn’t a lie when I told him I would be fine with it if he didn’t want anything to do with this life. But, damn, I wasn’t expecting the surge of pride I felt when he said he wanted in.

I didn’t want to overwhelm him, so we spent the rest of the afternoon in the backyard, tossing a ball around, working on his swing, normal things to let him know his life didn’t have to end because of this. Every once in a while, I could feel eyes on me and I would see Bella from the kitchen, staring out at us. She would give me a quick smile before getting back to what she was doing.

It was Saturday, so everyone would be here for dinner. About an hour before I knew the vultures would be arriving, Aiden and I went back inside. He wandered off to his room and I met Bella in the kitchen. Without a word I twirled her around and lifted her onto the counter.

An unfamiliar black blur caught my eye as she reached a hand up. I caught her wrist and looked down. While there was usually a tiny Academy Award inked in her skin, three more miniature statues were right alongside it. Solidifying her EGOT status.

“These are new,” I said, staring. “When did you get these?”

“A few days after I got back from the camping trip,” she said with a shrug.

“I didn’t notice them last night,” I muttered, pressing my lips against each new addition. “I’m really fucking proud of you, you know.”

I knew she didn’t do much to celebrate her win this summer. It seemed like she was too distracted by what was happening with Aiden to really enjoy the moment. But, damn, it was a big fucking deal. After all the shit people said about her, no one could deny she was talented as hell.

“It is pretty cool,” she said with a sly smirk. I was helpless against her, and kissed the smirk away.

“Hey, Ma, when is – gross, guys,” Aiden grunted.

We both looked over at him, covering his eyes in the doorway. Bella blushed, pushing me away and sliding off of the counter.

“Everyone should be here – “ before she finished her sentence, the front door opened. “Now.”

Half an hour later we were all sitting around the table. Aiden was talking with Alec, and I was relieved to see he wasn’t angry at him. They would need each other. Alice was gossiping with Bella, asking her about some tabloid article she read when there was a knock at the door. Everyone froze and frowned, looking at each other around the table. We were all here.

When I got to the door I was met with the unfortunate sight of Jane Swan. “Is Bella here?” she asked quickly, almost franticly.

“No,” I lied smoothly, only to be outed when Bella walked around the corner.

“I told you not to come back,” she said quietly, looking behind her toward the dining room. The subject of Bella’s paternity was still somewhat of a secret to Aiden. He had met Elena, knew she was Bella’s birth mother, but never had the unfortunate luck of meeting any of the Swan’s.

“I can’t believe you won’t help. She’s your mother and you’re just going to let her die?” Jane shouted, incredibly irritable for someone interrupting _our_ dinner.

“Jane, _leave._ ”

“What’s going on?” I asked, looking over at Bella.

“She won’t pay for my mother’s health care! She’s just going to let her die!”

By now, everyone who was at the table had snuck around the corner to watch the show.

“Do you think I’m that fucking gullible, Jane?” Bella replied, no longer trying to keep herself quiet. “After you barged in last time, I looked into it. Renee isn’t sick. You, on the other hand, have yourself quite the opioid addiction now, don’t you?”

“Ah.” It made sense now, her desperation and the shouting. She was going through withdrawals.

“You selfish bitch!” Jane shouted, lunging in Bella’s direction. A second later I had her pressed against the wall, an arm twisted behind her back.

“You and your family are lucky I haven’t lost my temper with you yet. If I ever see you near her again I won’t be so level headed,” I told her, pushing her toward Ben who would get her off of the premises.

Once the room was silent, I looked at Bella with a raised brow. “So, nothing really happened while I was gone?”

She sighed. “I thought I had taken care of it.”

“How did I never suspect that something was off with this family?” Aiden grumbled, looking from Bella to me.

We had spent weeks talking about our family and history, but I supposed there was still more to talk about.

_…Dark…_

“I miss you,” Bella sighed, her voice slightly distorted by the computer. It had been about a month since I saw her last, and that was only for a day or two. If she wasn’t so positive that the film was turning out perfectly, I would be upset at how long it was taking them to finish. But, it had been a long time since I had seen her this invested in a project.

It was the end of March and she had been filming since mid-November. We managed to talk at least every forty-eight hours, but sometimes it was only a quick hello. There were days when I wanted to drop everything and visit her for a week, but I couldn’t leave Aiden. Bella already felt guilty enough about being gone so much.

It was hard to read him some days. He was too much like his mother in that he liked to hide how he felt a lot. Sometimes it seemed like he was handling everything perfectly fine, others he was argumentative and upset. I knew, despite the fact that he said he wanted to learn more about the family business, that it would take a long time for him to really come around to the idea. I could hardly be upset about the fact that he was taking a long time getting used to the idea of becoming a career criminal.

I watched as Bella took her hair out of the tie it was in, frowning when it stopped at her shoulder. “You cut your hair?”

“Oh, I had to. The wigs looked awful and… what? Does it look horrible?” she asked, all panicky as I studied her.

“You look cute.” I sat back in my office chair, smiling at her over the computer. “Reminds me of when I took you away the first time.” She had Alice cut her hair before we went away then. If I was being honest, I couldn’t care less about the length of her hair. Short, long, she looked beautiful either way.

Bella sat back on what looked like her bed, and smiled at me. “You know, we haven’t had to run away together in a long time. We must be growing up, following the law and everything.”

“Speak for yourself,” I said with a smirk. Her laugh turned into a yawn, but she protested when I told her to get some sleep.

Later that night, after I had finally convinced Bella to go to bed, I was downstairs getting a water when Aiden came home from practice. Four hours late.

“You’re late,” I said, watching as he tried to sneak past me.

“Sorry. I went to Jackson’s after, lost track of time.” I had known where he was, of course. He had a tail, just like everyone else in the family.

“Your mother says hello.”

Aiden nodded and sulked off to his room.

I stood in the kitchen for a while, listening as the hum of his television made its way through the quiet house. It had been nearly a year since we left on our trip, since I started incorporating him into the family business. He hadn’t done much. He listened as I talked with Emmett and Jasper sometimes, asked questions whenever he wanted, but I hadn’t let him near any of the action yet. I didn’t want to overwhelm him or scare him, but we seemed to be in a bit of limbo. Maybe it was time to start pushing. Perhaps I should start taking him with me on other meetings, start showing him more of the gritty aspects of the job. 

After that, would he need even more time to come to terms with everything? It was so simple for me to join the business. Maybe because I didn’t feel like I had any other choice. I didn’t remember having as much difficulty with the whole thing as Aiden was having. He was turning sixteen in a few months. By the time I was sixteen I was calling Carlisle by his first name and sitting in with him as he talked about how the police had nothing on him for the latest string of murders in town.

A year. I would spend the next year gradually showing him what it took to do this instead of talking about it. If he was still having a hard time, I would make the decision for him. I would let him go.

_…Dark…_

“Kristen, I’m going to my son’s game. Clear everything for the rest of the afternoon,” I spoke into the speaker of the office phone, grabbing my things from my desk and standing.

“You have your three o’clock here now, Mr. Cullen.”

“I don’t care. Clear everything for the rest of the afternoon,” I grunted. Just barely managing to suppress the groan as my office door opened. I wasn’t sure who my three o’clock meeting was, but it didn’t matter. “I don’t have time for you, today.”

“Oh, well, I guess I can go back to Atlanta. I have the week off, but…”

My head snapped in the direction of her voice, taking in her cocky smirk and the short hair swishing around her shoulders as she walked over to me. Without another word I had her pinned between myself and the desk, her soft lips pressed against mine.

“What are you doing here?” I asked against her neck.

“I’m going to be missing too many of his games this season, no matter how hard I try to get to them all. I thought I should at least be there for the first one.”

“How’d you get away?”

She shrugged, smiling up at me. “I pulled a few strings. Reminded a few people the movie wouldn’t be happening without me in the first place. Got myself a whole week here.”

“Perfect.” I got one more kiss before we left the office, hand in hand, and made it to the field just as the game started.

The parents here were, thankfully, desensitized to seeing Bella and I at the games. Their kids had often been at our home, they had our kid at their house, they knew that we wouldn’t mess with them. A few even dared to make small talk with us on various occasions.

“Bella, Edward, good to see you two still supporting the team this year,” one woman said, though I had no idea what her name was, as we took a seat on the bleachers.

“Why wouldn’t we support the team?” Bella asked.

“Well, Aiden quit weeks ago.”

“What?” we both asked at the same time.

I squeezed Bella’s hand and left her talking to the woman. Getting away from the crowd and screams, I pulled my phone out and called Aiden. No matter what was going on, he knew better than to ignore me when I called.

“Where are you?” I asked the second he answered. He was silent. “I’m at your baseball game. I know you quit. Where are you?”

“Shit.”

“Aiden.” I was the first to admit I had a temper, but I rarely lost it on him. I was dangerously close to losing it now, though.

“I’m at Jackson’s.”

“I’ll meet you at home in twenty minutes. Don’t be late.”

By the time Bella and I made it home he was already there, pacing back and forth in the living room. His eyes bulged as he saw Bella walk in behind me.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came home to go to your game. Why didn’t you tell us you quit?” Bella pulled him to the couch, sitting softly next to him. I leaned against the wall opposite of them. Watching, thinking.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It is. You’ve been playing baseball since the second you could lift up a bat.”

“Mom, it’s not that important.”

“If you lost interest in it, that’s fine. But, why didn’t you tell us?”

“You’ve both been busy. There just hasn’t been a good time.”

I let them talk, let Aiden tell his mother lies I didn’t believe, ones I’m sure she had trouble buying as well. There was more to it. A bigger reason why he would quit and not tell us. Why he would bribe the idiot bodyguard I thought would be good enough for him. This could be a typical teenage rebellion, but it could turn into something more if he didn’t get a good outlet for everything. If he wasn’t going to talk to us, then he needed something else to get his anger out.

Two days later I pulled up to an old shooting range outside of the city. It was the same place Carlisle took me to when I was a kid. I brought Bella here a few times over the years, just to keep her sharp. I did everything in my power for her to never need to use a gun, but I always wanted her prepared.

“What are we doing?” Aiden asked with a yawn. It was ten in the morning, but he typically didn’t get up until noon on the weekends. That wasn’t going to work for me anymore.

“Practicing.”

We signed in, got our supplies and headed to the individual blocked off sections. Bella stood back while I stood with Aiden, showing him what to do. He had tensed immediately when he figured out we were at a gun range.

“You can always say no,” I reminded him. Somehow, in the last few weeks, it was like I was begging him to drop out. He was changing every day, and it didn’t seem to be for the better. I wasn’t sure if he was angry or scared or confused. All I could do was lay out everything I could for him and let him make his own decision, until my year ran up and I made it for him.

“No, I… I guess I should learn.”

I stood beside him for a while, watching as he got the hang of it before I turned to Bella. “Do you need to practice?”

“I’ve been running around with a fake gun for the last four months,” she said with a smirk. “You’re looking at a two-time rebellion leader, here.”

She was still giggling at her own joke as she walked past, so I gave her ass a quick pinch before I got her all set up in her own station. Her entire first round stayed in the center of the target.

“ _Damn_ , Mom,” Aiden said from beside us. “Who taught you how to shoot?”

“A few different people,” she told him. “Your father taught me how to perfect it, though. It can be a good stress reliever.”

Ever since we told Aiden the truth, Bella liked to randomly insert little stories about our life into conversation with him. She was trying to show him there were no lies anymore, even though there were a few.

He knew the basics of our family history, knew everything he needed to be able to understand what we did. He didn’t need to know that Bella killed her biological father, or that she’s committed perjury a time or two. He also didn’t need to know the extent to which my father fucked the family over royally.

It was probably a mistake, still keeping so many secrets when we were trying to earn his trust back, but that was the decision we made and we were going to stick to it. Knowing about things like Bella’s incarceration would only scare him. Nothing like that had happened since, and I worked every day to make sure nothing like it happened again.

_…Dark…_

During Bella’s week back, I realized a few things. Aiden was more relaxed with her around, more like himself. When it was just us, he was usually quiet and contemplative. He asked me about business sometimes, something he never used to do. It wasn’t me making the mistake of having our relationship become strictly business, it was him. He was making me out to be more of a boss than a father. I didn’t expect that to gut me as much as it did.

In the weeks since Bella went back to work I had started taking him out with me more, having him sit in on meetings with suppliers and getting acquainted with a few business friends. I paid more attention to Aiden and his reactions than the actual meetings. I still got the feeling that there was something he was hiding, or another shoe that had to drop before he fully accepted everything he had been told in the last year.

“How did you react? When Emmett told you?” I asked Alec. The entire family was inside, getting things set up for Saturday dinner. I pulled him aside, needing advice from someone who had been in a similar situation.

“Dad never really kept it a secret. It was always obvious to me,” he shrugged.

“Do you ever wish you hadn’t known so young?”

Again, he shrugged. “It’s different for Aiden than it was for me. I grew up watching Aunt Bella on the television. People didn’t stop talking about that shit for years. I never really had the option of not knowing. Aiden also has the pressure of being _your_ son.”

“I’ve told him he can say no. Repeatedly.”

“Yeah, but he still has to know that its expected for him to take over one day. That, on top of having the bomb dropped on him only a year ago… it’s hard to accept it. Especially at fifteen.”

“Hmm.” Alec told me nothing I didn’t already know. Before I could ask anything else, the door to the backyard slid open and Maggie walked out. As if on cue, Alec snuck back inside and Maggie came to sit beside me.

“How are you doing?” she asked softly.

“Fine,” I replied instinctively. She raised a brow and waited. “My son is all over the place; some days he hates me other days he tolerates me. Sometimes he looks at me like I’m a stranger and it breaks my fucking heart. I haven’t seen my wife in a month, haven’t spent more than a few weeks straight with her in… Christ, I don’t know how long.”

“Bella still calls me once a week, did you know?” I frowned. I didn’t know. She went to Maggie a few times, right before we told Aiden. I went with her a time or two, but that was it. “The only reason I’m telling you this is because I know you two aren’t going to sue me for breaching doctor-patient confidentiality, but she’s worried about you, too. Feels guilty that you’re having to deal with all of this alone.”

“It’s not her problem to deal with.”

“She knows that, but the woman’s guilt knows no bounds.”

Fuck, I missed her. She was getting home in a few days, but would still be busy working on the soundtrack for the film. She would be here, though. That was what mattered.

“Your family is in a transition period. Aiden is growing up, trying to come to terms with the family business. Bella’s been busy and gone for a long time. You’re trying to handle all of it but it’s a lot for one person.”

“I can do it,” I grunted, taking a sip of my beer.

“You’ve been thinking non-stop about Aiden and what he’s thinking and doing for the last year. You’ve been incorporating him in more work events, right?” I nodded. “Maybe you both just need to step back from the situation. Get back to your own life, and let him come to you.”

Christ, was I pushing everything down his throat? Forcing him into this without even realizing it?

“You and Bella are both worriers, sometimes you can get so fixated on something you don’t see other options. Just take some time for yourselves. Relax. Let him come to you. You guys are great parents. He might be pulling away now, but he’ll come back.”

I nodded, knowing she was probably right. But also knowing that we were also running the risk that he would pull away and never come back.

_…Dark…_

With Bella gone, I didn’t want Aiden sulking around at home alone, so I usually had him come to my office after school. It was big enough for us both to have our own space while we worked. Aiden may be going through a tough time at home, but he never let his grades slip. He wasn’t the kind of kid we had to constantly monitor; he knew his education was important and that was it.

There were other reasons I wanted him around as well. I wanted him to see I didn’t just go on crime sprees around the city every day. It was important he knew that most of my job was sitting behind a desk and ordering other people to do my dirty work. At least, now it was. I did plenty of dirty work throughout the years.

We were getting home a little late tonight. I knew neither of us had been home since the morning, so the light I saw shining inside as I drove up made me frown. There was never a security alert, those went straight to my phone and a private security company.

It was too late to turn back. If someone was inside they would have heard the car pull up. I didn’t have long to figure out a strategy. There were too many unknowns. I didn’t know who was inside, the list of possibilities too long to narrow down, I didn’t know how many, or what kind of defense they had set up.

“Dad?”

Christ. I couldn’t do this with him here. Maybe if I went in Aiden could take the car and they wouldn’t notice before he was already gone.

Before I could do anything else the front door opened, and Ben gave me a nod. _Fucking hell_. It was Bella.

“Let’s go,” I told him, brushing off my momentary panic. Once we were inside I let Aiden follow the clues toward Bella and stopped by the door where Ben was waiting.

“Some warning next time she wants to surprise me would be nice,” I told him. “I very nearly had a heart attack outside.”

“Sorry, sir,” Ben said with a smirk. “I was under strict instructions to keep everything secret.”

It should have frustrated me that he followed Bella’s orders over mine, but their bond was special. Ben had been there for Bella since she was twenty-one. He was there when I wasn’t, and there during the biggest moments of her life. There was no one else I would trust her safety with.

Rounding the corner to the kitchen, I saw piles of food covering the counter. Bella was standing beside Aiden, and their height difference was even more pronounced than the last time I saw them together.

“I made everyone’s favorites,” she told him with a smile.

Aiden interrupted before she could get to the specifics. “What about –“

“Snickerdoodles are in the oven,” she laughed. “They should be almost done, why don’t you check?”

With Aiden distracted by the cookies, Bella sauntered over in my direction, nearly falling into my arms as soon as she was close enough.

“I missed you so much,” she mumbled. I could practically feel her exhaustion.

“You worked all night and flew straight here, didn’t you?”

That was the bad thing about Bella getting back to work. She always worked herself too hard. There was a difference between a good work ethic and a dangerous work ethic. There had been more than one occasion over her career where she had collapsed from exhaustion.

“Then came home and cooked four different meals?” I asked, eying the food surrounding us. She nodded. “Let’s eat and get you to bed, okay?”

“No, it’s family night. I have movies and snacks,” she said through a yawn.

Just as she wanted, we did have family night. We got ourselves situated in the movie room, surrounded by more food than any of us could eat, and watched a movie. Aiden seemed to enjoy it, but Bella fell asleep pretty early on. We were all quiet as the credits rolled.

“You thought someone was in the house. When we got home,” Aiden whispered, pulling apart some twizlers but not eating anything.

“Yes,” I answered honestly. It was a hard habit to break, always trying to cover things up for him.

“Does that happen often? I mean, do you spend all of your time waiting for the next bad thing to happen?”

“No. I spend my time making sure the bad things don’t happen. Making sure we’re always on top so no one comes near us.”

“But, with Mom and the home invasion…”

I sighed, not wanting to get into the specifics of how I fucked that up. “My father had left me in charge without any warning. I was in the process of fixing a lot of things he messed up. Things slipped through the cracks. But, nothing like that has happened in a long time.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was only a matter of time before something else bad happened. When you lived like we did, something was always lurking around the corner.

Aiden went to bed not long after our conversation. I carried Bella up to bed, but sleep never came for me. With Bella beside me, I focused on her deep breaths, hoping it would distract my mind from everything else. After only a few hours of rest, Bella stirred beside me, frowning up at me.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” she mumbled, stretching out beside me and wrapping an arm around my waist.

It was hypocritical of me, considering I always made sure Bella told me whenever she was worried about anything, but I hated bothering her with mine. Work wise, I rarely told her unless it meant she was in danger. Personally, I didn’t worry about much. I never had to worry about our relationship, we were solid and had been for years. Aiden never caused us much trouble. He was a good kid most of the time. We were all healthy and happy.

Now, that careful balance we had for so long was slowly starting to crumble.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted, staring at the dark celling like it held all of the answers.

Bella stiffened in my arms, and I could feel her looking at me. Her eyes never leaving me until I gave in a looked down at her. “About what?”

“Aiden.” As soon as his name was out of my mouth I decided to fuck it and let it all out. “I didn’t expect him to take it this hard. I never know what he’s thinking or how he’s handling it. He’s too good at keeping things to himself.” Much like the woman in my arms.

“Christ, half of the time I’m at work I can’t get anything done because I can’t focus. I know I shouldn’t, but I want him to work with me. Then, I want him to just turn me down because obviously he’s struggling with everything. Fuck, that doesn’t even make any sense.”

“Hey,” Bella interrupted, pulling my face down to hers, her thumb rubbing along my cheek. “I didn’t know you were so worried about everything.”

I shrugged. “I planned everything out. What I would tell him, what we would do once we got back… but nothing works. Sometimes he’s interested, sometimes he’s not. I don’t know if the times he’s interested are just him pretending for my benefit, or if the time’s he’s not interested are because he feels guilty about wanting to work with me. I didn’t know it would be this… confusing.”

Bella sat up beside me, her back against the headboard. We were both silent, sitting in bed and staring at nothing. “Maybe… maybe he just needs to see how normal our lives can be. All he’s heard about is the bad stuff, the big things that we kept from him. Maybe we spend some time just being ourselves again.”

With a sigh I pulled her into my lap, rubbing my hands along her curves and enjoying the way she tugged at the hair at my neck. “Is this how you feel a lot? The constant worry and anxiety? Not being able to focus on anything but the stress?”

It had never been a problem for me before. I left work worries at work, most of the time, and was able to relax when I had the free time. But I knew it was different for Bella. She got so anxious she had panic attacks, and she had nervous habits that she picked up because of the anxiety.

“Sometimes,” she said with a shrug. Before she could elaborate my phone rang.

“What?” I answered.

“We have an issue,” Conor, one of Daniel’s men who recently relocated here, said. He was supposed to be monitoring an incoming shipment tonight.

“I’ll be there in half an hour,” I said, hanging up quickly.

With a sigh, I pressed a kiss to the top of Bella’s head and got up. “I’ve got to go.”

I thought Bella would stay in bed as I showered. It was three in the morning, she should’ve stayed in bed. But, I felt her warm body pressed against my back and squeezed her hands as they wrapped around me.

“You’re a great father, and a great husband. You’re one of my two favorite people in the whole world. I’m sorry I can’t…” she sighed. “You always solve all of my problems when I get worried but I don’t know how to solve this one for you.”

Pulling her around to face me, I pressed her lightly into the tile in front of me. My intention was for my kiss to be soft and sweet, but Bella quickly turned it into a desperate fight for dominance.

“I missed you,” she breathed out, peppering kisses along my chest.

“I really do have to go,” I grunted out just before she sunk to her knees in front of me.

She smirked up at me, one hand already gripping my hardening cock. “I’ll be quick.”

“Isabella.” I intended to pull her back to her feet, but my hands tangled in her hair the moment her lips were wrapped around me. I had to brace myself with an arm on the wall in front of me.

Bella’s chocolate eyes looked up at me as she worked me over. She braced herself, her hands squeezing my thighs, and froze. All things I knew meant she was giving me whatever I wanted, needed.

A countdown ran in the back of my mind, knowing I had an unknown situation to deal with. With my hand on the back of her head, keeping her secure, I set a steady pace, pushing my cock just as far as I knew she could take it down her throat.

“Fuck, fuck, _fuck,_ ” I chanted, letting myself get lost in the way her tongue slid along my length with every movement.

She knew what it did to me, and hummed around my cock just as I hit the back of her throat, triggering my release.

I massaged her scalp, knowing I probably tugged a little too hard at her hair. She didn’t seem to mind though, not as she smirked up at me and licked her lips as she stood.

Bella made me sit on the ledge in the shower, washing my hair quickly and without a word. None of our problems were solved, but that wasn’t important. What mattered was that I had a wife who took care of me when I didn’t know I needed to be looked after. A woman who went from smirking up at me with my cock in her mouth to gently massaging my hair with complete concentration.

I grabbed her hand, kissing each of her fingers, up her wrist, and along her arm. “I love you.”

Bella simply smiled and kissed my forehead. “I know.”

_…Dark…_

Since Bella’s return, things were still rocky, but stable. Every night when I came home soft melodies were flowing out of her music room. She worked on her soundtrack and got back to her life here. Aiden was slightly less unpredictable, but we were all still unsure of his future. It had only been about a month since Bella returned, but I was hoping things would steadily improve as time went on.

Aiden had turned sixteen. Bella stood next to me and cried as he drove off with his newly-earned license. We gave him more freedom this summer; a later curfew, a new car, and hopefully some trust that he was deserving of.

It was late, nearing midnight, and I was still strategizing with Emmett and Jasper in my office.

“We still don’t know his motive,” I repeated, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration. The call I had gotten, the one on Bella’s first night back, had been because someone hijacked not just one of our shipments of weapons coming into the city, but seven. All across the city.

Most of our intel said it was Viktor Petrov, but it didn’t make sense. Yes, he had every reason to hate me after I led the cops to his sex trafficking ring, but the Petrov’s had moved out of the city a long time ago. Luka died years ago to lung cancer thanks to his habit of smoking a pack a day for the last thirty years. He was lucky I never took care of him myself. After that, I never did anything else to them. As far as I was concerned, we were even.

“Viktor always seemed… unstable to me,” Emmett said, leaning back in his chair.

“Okay, times up,” Bella said, standing in the doorway.

“We said midnight. It’s only eleven,” Jasper said, looking at his watch.

Bella shrugged. “I got impatient. He’s mine for the rest of the weekend.”

I watched, amused, as she shooed them both out of the office. Once we were alone she lifted herself onto my desk, right beside me. “Are you ready to go?”

“That depends,” I told her, tracing my fingers along her exposed thigh. It was hot as hell outside, even late as it was. “Where are we going?”

She never told me, but I followed her anyway. I would blindly follow her anywhere, but thankfully this time we simply flew up to our cabin in Colorado for the weekend. It was the middle of the night when we arrived and I didn’t bother asking for the reason behind our surprise getaway.

My plan had been to wake up before her in the morning. Make her breakfast, bring it to her in bed, spend the rest of our day naked. I was groggy when I woke up though, which meant I slept far more than I usually did. I woke just as Bella was tip toeing back in, a tray of food in her hands.

“Are you going to tell me the reason behind the sudden weekend getaway?” I asked as we ate the assortment of fruit she brought in.

“You needed a break.” I looked at her, brows raised, confused by her answer. “You’ve never… in all the time I’ve known you I’ve never seen you get overwhelmed like you did the night I got back. And I know it’s my fault – “

“Hey,” I interrupted, lifting her chin so she had to look at me. “It’s not your fault.”

“I was gone. For a long time. I left you alone to deal with everything you and Aiden were – are – going through. I’m a horrible, selfish person and I’m sorry.”

I set the food aside and pulled my wife into my lap. “First of all, it’s not your fault. This situation… it’s not your responsibility. It’s my job to work this out with him, not yours.”

“But –“

“I’m not done,” I said, pressing a finger over her lips. “You left to work. You love your job and you deserve to do what you love. You put that aside for years to take care of Aiden because you’re a fantastic mother. We both understand why you have to leave sometimes. I would never think less of you for working.”

“I’m still –“

“Not done,” I repeated. “If anyone else called my wife a horrible, selfish person I would think long and hard about their punishment. Please don’t talk about yourself like that.”

We were both silent, Bella’s eyes watching me carefully. “Are you done now?”

I smiled. “Yes.”

“Regardless of what you just said, I am sorry I was gone for so long. And that you felt like you couldn’t tell me how bad things were until I was back. And that I had to wait a while before we could do this. I just got back and I didn’t want to leave Aiden again right away and – “

I interrupted her with a quick kiss. “You don’t need to apologize.”

Bella sighed and relaxed against me, resting her head in the crook of my neck. “You could still punish me if you wanted.”

Before she knew what was happening I had Bella pinned on her back. “You asked for it, baby.”

_…Dark…_

It was late. I was exhausted. And whoever was calling me at four in the morning was going to regret whatever it was they had to say.

“What?”

“Is this Edward Cullen?” a deep, unfamiliar voice asked.

I frowned and sat up, careful not to wake up Bella beside me. “Who is this?”

“This is Officer Wilson with the Chicago Police Department. We’ve got your son, Aiden Cullen here. He was arrested for possession of multiple illegal substances. He’s been processed and –“

“Aiden Cullen,” I said, confused about how any of this was possible. “Aiden Anthony Cullen?”

“Yes, sir. Your son, Aiden Cullen.”

_Fucking hell._ Possession of multiple illegal substances. Jesus Christ.

I hung up and gently shook Bella awake. Shit, she was going to be furious. “Bella, you’ve got to wake up.”

“Not now, Edward. In the morning,” she mumbled, pushing my hands away.

If I wasn’t so furious, I would have laughed. “Aiden was arrested.”

“What?”

“Get up. We have to go.”

We were both silent as we got dressed, not putting much thought into what we were doing. My mind was a flurry of questions. None of which I had any answers to.

“ _Multiple_ illegal substances?” Bella asked as we drove downtown. There was no traffic, considering it was four in the morning.

“Yes.”

“Were they, um, yours?”

If I were her, I would have made the same assumption. Maybe even hoped they were mine. “No. I haven’t let him near any of that.”

There wasn’t a reliable dealer in the city that would have sold to him, though. By our last count, at least eighty percent of all the drugs in this city went through me and my people, and none of them would have given Aiden anything. Shit, where was he getting his supply from? Was he selling or using?

Bella’s steps faltered as we walked into the station, thankfully not the same place I walked her into all those years ago. The officer behind the desk looked at us for a moment before rushing away. A few minutes later, Aiden was led to the lobby by another officer. This one didn’t seem as intimidated as the receptionist.

“Shit,” Bella mumbled beside me as he roughly freed Aiden from the cuffs around his wrists. I gave her waist a comforting squeeze.

“Chief Clearwater said we had to release him, but he’s got an arraignment next week. He supposedly trusts you’ll make him show.” The officer didn’t try to hide his disagreement with Seth’s orders, but I didn’t care. He handed Aiden a packet of papers and everyone left us alone in the lobby.

We all stood there, silent. Aiden didn’t look at either of us, but I couldn’t blame him. The glare on my face was uncontrollable, and I knew Bella looked about a second from tears. When we left, Aiden halted outside of the car.

“My car is –“

“I don’t care. Get in the fucking car,” I grunted. His car was the least of my worries right now. The drive was tense and silent. My eyes darted from Aiden sulking in the backseat to Bella fidgeting beside me, to the road. Reaching over, I grabbed Bella’s hand and gave it a firm squeeze, for my comfort as much as hers.

Aiden broke the silence as we walked in the house. “I know you guys are pissed, but –“

“Pissed?” I shouted, slamming the door closed behind us. “Pissed doesn’t begin to cover it, Aiden.” I forced myself to take a few deep breaths before I spoke again. “Wait for us in my office.”

“Dad, I – “

“ _Go._ ”

With a sigh, Aiden did as he was told and slowly walked up the stairs. As soon as I knew we were alone, I turned to Bella. This was uncharted territory for us. Aiden had never done anything like this before. He never acted out, was hardly confrontational. The worst thing he had done lately was sneak a few girls in his room, something I let him think he got away with.

“We can’t go easy on him,” I told her. I assumed she was just as furious as I was, but Bella also never wanted to be too hard on him.

“I know,” she sighed. “I just don’t understand. How could he have been doing this and we didn’t know? How –“

“We’ll figure it out.” I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “We’ve gotten through worse.”

“Just because he’s not going on trial for murder doesn’t really make me feel better, Edward.”

I sighed. “I know. Come on.”

I needed our short talk in order to calm down. Aiden deserved to be punished, and I was still furious, but I didn’t want to go in there and say or do anything I would regret.

Aiden was pacing the room as we entered. I sat behind my desk and Bella took one of the two chairs opposite of me.

“Who did you get it from?” I asked, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible. Aiden was silent. “Who did you get it from?” I repeated.

He rolled his eyes in my direction, leaning against one of the bookshelves in the corner. “Why does it matter?”

Christ, he was smarter than this. “It matters because if you have an arraignment they’re going to charge you with possession of an illegal substance.” My calm façade was quickly slipping away as he rolled his eyes again. “You think that’s a fucking joke?”

“What, you can snap your fingers and help mom get out of an even worse situation but you’re gonna let them charge me with –“

“You think I snapped my fingers and she got away with it?” I pulled at my hair, knowing he was trying to distract me and fighting the urge to point out how very fucking different the situations were.

“I haven’t joined your little _gang_ like Mom did and –“

“Watch your mouth,” I grunted. For years I had listened to people talk shit about my wife. I’ll be damned if my son became one of those people.

“God, do you not see how fucked up this entire thing is? Our entire _lives?_ ” Aiden shouted. “Me enjoying some recreational drugs is hardly the biggest problem this family has.

“Let’s see if I’ve got everything right. You’ve been working for the fuckin’ mob since you were a teenager. Killing people, selling drugs, shit like that, right?” Aiden bellowed.

“Aiden, _stop,”_ Bella pleaded, but he continued.

I sat back in my chair, wanting him to finally, _finally_ , tell me the truth. It had been close to sixteen months since he found out, and this had all been bubbling up since then. He could say whatever he wanted about me if it helped him finally move on.

“And Mom… Mom you brainwashed when she was younger and made her think you were this great guy. Got her to do some of your dirty work if what Alec says is true,” he said, with an almost maniacal laugh. “Or, maybe she’s always been that fucking insane. Crazy enough to actually think you were a good guy.”

 _“Damnit, Aiden!”_ I shouted, slamming my fist on the desk. My eyes darted to Bella, who had her head down and was twining her hands compulsively together in the chair. She was never one to stand down from a fight. Hell, she had literally lunged at Esme a time or two, but I knew what Aiden had said would break her. Completely.

“Bella, leave.”

“No, I… I’m okay,” she said, her voice attempting to hide the sadness.

“Isabella, go,” I told her as softly as I could manage. It was no secret, least of all to me, that Bella had her issues. Sometimes she was sad for no reason and sometimes she got lost in her mind. Sometimes she needed her blankets folded a certain way and sometimes she cried alone in the shower. It wasn’t her fault her brain didn’t make the right chemicals to keep her moods normal or nervous ticks in check.

But, to hear our son, the kid who we had always told to be open minded to others struggles and feelings, call her _fucking insane_ was the last thing I could handle.

“Fuck, Ma, I’m sorry. I –“ Aiden reached out to her and I saw red.

“Don’t fucking touch her,” I growled. Aiden dropped his hand immediately.

Finally, Bella did as I said and got up and slowly walked out, her head down.

Sitting back, I grabbed the first thing my hands touched and crushed it, the pen easily snapping in two, and stared at my son. His eyes were red and he had deep circles under them. His hair was a mess, probably similar to mine. His face looked a little shallow. This wasn’t a one-time thing, or a recent thing. He’d been using for months, at least. Probably longer.

Walking around the desk, I leaned on it, standing beside Aiden where he sat. “We have a lot of problems to solve. But if you ever talk about your mother like that again –“

“What? You’ll do to me what you did to Jacob Black? What you do to everyone around the city?”

“You know why –“

“ _Protect the family. Protect the family,”_ he mocked, knocking his chair over as he stood. “I never asked to be part of this fuckin’ family, the son of a couple of criminals.”

There was no reasoning with him right now. He was hot and cold and unstable. As much as I wanted to solve all of his problems, take away all of the pain he was hiding behind the drugs, there was nothing I could do. Not yet.

“Get out.”

His bloodshot eyes shot to mine. “What?”

“Get out of my house,” I replied clearly. “Go to Jasper’s or Emmett’s. Sleep off the fucking withdrawals. I’ll deal with you once you’ve come down from whatever the fuck you’re on.”

“You’re kicking me out?”

Instead of answering for a third time, I grabbed his shoulder and led him toward the door. Aiden squirmed under my hold, and finally managed to break free as we rounded the corner to the front door.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he grunted, pushing against my chest. A second later I had him pressed into the wall, an arm twisted behind his back. There were a million things I wanted to say, to yell at him so he finally understood, but nothing would get through to him. Not right now.

Pulling him with me out the front door, I walked him to where Eric was pacing the perimeter.

“Take him to Jasper’s. Watch him like a fucking hawk; he doesn’t go anywhere. No school, no friends, nothing.”

Eric nodded and got in one of the waiting cars as I pushed Aiden in the back seat. I watched as Eric drove away, sighing as Aiden flipped me off through the window.

Slamming the door shut behind me for a second time, my knees gave out from beneath me. I scrubbed my hands over my face, giving myself a moment of emotional distress before I heard a crash and remembered my wife was somewhere all alone. Following the noise, I ended up in Aiden’s room. Bella sat of the floor, surrounded by tiny bags.

“This is why,” Bella said gravely, never looking up at me. “This is why I always knew I shouldn’t have kids. I just… I knew they would turn out just as fucked up as I –“

“Don’t,” I grunted. I couldn’t take anyone else making digs at her, let alone herself. “You’re not fucked up, Bella.”

She huffed, but didn’t argue. “I don’t even know what any of these are,” she said softly, holding up a bag of cocaine.

Kneeling in front of her, I picked up a few. “Cocaine,” I said, holding out one of the bags. “Heroine. Ecstasy.”

“How did this happen?” Bella asked, her voice cracking as a fresh set of tears started falling down her cheeks. “How did we not know?” I didn’t have any comforting answers for her, and she quickly started hyperventilating through her sobs.

Wrapping her in my arms, I carried her quickly to the kitchen and away from the bags she had surrounding herself. “It’s okay, Bella. We’ll take care of him, he’ll be fine. Please, calm down, baby,” I whispered, brushing away her tears with my thumbs. As soon as I got one away, two more replaced it.

Setting her carefully on the kitchen counter, I knew there was nothing I could say to her to calm her down. I left her for a moment, quickly rummaging through the medicine cabinet and grabbing the bottle of sedatives Maggie gave me after Bella’s last panic attack.

When I tried to give them to her, Bella pushed my hands away, but I quickly popped them into her mouth and waited for her to swallow.

“It’s okay,” I said softly, hugging her as closely as possible. Relishing in her head resting on my shoulder, stroking her hair as I felt her heart beat finally start to slow. “It’s okay. We’ll all be okay.”

I really hoped I wasn’t lying to her.


	30. Carry You

_I know it hurts, it’s hard to breathe sometimes. These nights are long, you’ve lost the will to fight. Is anybody out there? Can you lead me to the light? Is anybody out there? Tell me it’ll all be alright. You are not alone, I’ve been here the whole time singing you a song. ~ Ruelle, **Carry You**_

**APOV**

My family had never been normal, that was something I always knew. Even before Mom went back to acting when I was twelve, I knew she was more than the head of the production company she worked at with Dad. I grew up playing with shiny gold statues in the shape of megaphones and used the heavy golden men statues as action figures. Ten minutes in front of the television on the wrong channel told me what those really meant.

My family might not have been normal, but it was all normal to me. There was nothing unusual to me about flipping through channels and stumbling on one of those _Tainted_ films Mom was in, or seeing trailers for her more recent projects either. I actually thought it was pretty cool, especially watching ones where I got to visit her on set. It was awesome, seeing something filmed and then a year later watching it all put together.

I was also one of the only kids at school that had a couple of guys follow me everywhere, but Dad said that was just for my protection. He never elaborated, but I assumed it was because of Mom’s status.

I never spent much time on the internet, but I knew she was still a celebrity that people cared about. Had been for practically her entire life. Girls at school constantly talked about other celebrities, so I assumed it was something like that. Just a precaution.

But, now, I had to question everything I ever knew.

“You’re all… in the _mob?_ ” I asked, looking at everyone surrounding me. Uncle Emmett, I guessed, looked intimidating enough to do something like that. He was bulky and, even though he seemed like a giant teddy bear to me, I guess that strength could be used for other not so gentle things.

But, Uncle Jasper? He used to show me these old trinkets he inherited from his adoptive parents, things from the civil war. We would talk for hours about history. He helped me write nearly every paper I had to for every history class I had ever taken. That didn’t scream mob to me.

Then, I looked at Dad and could practically feel my blood run cold. He was my _dad_. He wasn’t some cruel hitman. He was the one who dropped me off at school when mom was out of town. We talked about sports and bugged mom to make us snickerdoodles every weekend. He came home early on Friday’s to throw a ball around the backyard or help me with my swing.

“We are the mob,” Emmett said, throwing a sinister smirk my way. It made me nauseous.

“Holy shit.” My entire body was jittery, so I got up and started pacing in front of the fire. I thought this was going to be a fun camping trip. Eating junk food, fishing, not showering for days. Shit mom never let me get away with.

Were there signs that I ignored? Yeah, I heard people talk about my family. I saw people tense when Dad walked in a room. But, ever since I started school, Mom and Dad engrained in me that I shouldn’t listen to what other kids said about us. Ever since I punched out that nosy fucker Simon Wilson most kids stopped talking about my parents. At least when I was around.

“I mean… I always knew our family was different. I hear people talk, you know? People are intimidated by you guys, everyone stops talking as soon as any of you guys enter the room. You were always so strict on me not looking into anyone online. It was like, the only serious rule you guys had for me. Which I guess makes sense now because what would I find?”

Damn, what would turn up if I googled them? “How did you guys keep it a secret for so long? How are you not locked up if me googling you would turn something up? Shit, how does _mom_ not even know?”

 _Mom._ Damn, she’s going to be furious when she finds out. Did Dad expect me to keep it a secret from her? The woman knew instantly whenever I tried to lie to her. She always said it was the acting thing, that she could tell when someone was trying to act or when they were honest. Personally, I thought it was a mom thing. They just… always knew.

“Oh, my God. She’s going to be furious. Remember that time she was out of town and I didn’t tell her about my rescheduled game and she missed it? She was so upset… and you’ve been lying to her for your entire relationship? That’s… fucked up Dad.”

There was no way I could keep something like this from her, even if I wanted to. Fuck, this had to be a joke. Some cruel joke Emmett wanted to play.

“Your mother knows, Aiden,” Dad said softly.

I froze, staring at him. He was sitting on a folding chair, staring at me, telling me my mother knew he was… no. “Mom knows you’re ‘in the mob.’ _Mom._ My mother who bakes us snickerdoodles every weekend and cries whenever a dog dies in a movie? She knows what you do?”

Dad shook his head. “This isn’t about your mother. It’s about –“

“No, it _is_ about her, because she married you and you both had me. You’ve both been lying to me my entire life.”

It was like my entire life was flashing before my eyes, trying to catch every time they lied to my face. It made me dizzy.

“It wasn’t your mother’s secret to tell, Aiden.”

 _Bullshit._ “No, but she’s… You’ve always said it was our job to protect her. I remember, that day in your office you said you were proud of me for sticking up for her. I’ve always thought of her as… fragile, I guess. Sweet, caring… _innocent._ She’s not, though. Not if she knowingly married you.”

“Watch yourself, Aiden,” Dad warned, his voice deep and intimidating. I used to think of it as his ‘Dad voice,’ the one that meant I was in trouble for not cleaning my room or leaving dirty dishes around the house. Now, I had to wonder if that was his ‘work voice,’ the one he used when he had to… take care of someone. Fuck, I couldn’t even think the word.

“Yeah, or what?” I asked, surprising myself. But I didn’t care. I didn’t want to talk about this, think about it anymore. “This is so fucked!”

I couldn’t look at everyone anymore. They all looked different. Intimidating, scary, unknown. All I knew was I needed to get away from them. Wandering through the trees of the forest we were near, I kept close to the edge so I didn’t get lost, but was hidden enough I knew they wouldn’t be able to see me.

I walked, kicking every rock and twig in my way. My mind was overloaded, trying think about twenty different things at once. No matter how long I had to myself, I still had more questions than answers. What did it mean, that they were in the mob? What did they do? How much did Mom know?

_Why the fuck didn’t they tell me?_

_…Dark…_

I didn’t talk to anyone for a while. I couldn’t look them in the eyes. There were still a million different questions in my mind, it seemed like every day I had a new set of them, but I never asked. I was pretty sure I didn’t want to know the answers.

The other day Dad tried to talk to me again. He was trying to earn some trust back, I think, telling me stories. Telling me the truth. How was it that after being their child for fifteen years I had no clue my mother had been in jail for over a year?

There were so many things I didn’t know about them. So many secrets they purposefully kept for so long. Every day I got more and more upset, realizing how many times they could have told me the truth.

I was mad at Dad for what he did, disgusted at all of the images that flooded my mind every time I looked at him. I was disappointed in my Mom for getting herself caught up in all of this. All I wanted was for it to all be a nightmare and to wake up, at home, back to my normal life. No matter how hard I tried, I knew my life would never be normal again.

I stayed in my tent as long as possible, like I had been doing every morning since we got here. I was especially dreading today because I knew my mother was out there. Never would I admit it to anyone else, but a hug from her, even after everything I knew now, sounded really damn good.

Pulling on my hoodie, I ventured out and everyone froze. Emmett and Jasper sitting by the fire, and Mom and Dad, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

“Hey, Ma,” I whispered, not used to talking at all these days.

“Hey,” she told me with a smile. It wasn’t as comforting as I thought it would be. “Want to go for a walk?”

I shrugged, and she grabbed her bag from Ben. The security guard she needed because she was the wife of a criminal. I internally shuddered. It seemed like every time I had a second of not thinking about it, something new and worse popped in my mind.

We walked for a bit, following the same tree line I usually did, until she sat on an old tree stump. I sat beside her, stuffing my hands in the pocket of my hoodie, staring out at the scene in front of us. It was cloudy and cold, but the grass was bright green. There were some hills in the distance, a small lake not too far away.

“Dad said you’ve known for a long time. How did he tell you?” I asked, even though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know. It was stupid, but I thought if I didn’t know any details that maybe it would be easier to ignore.

“Someone had sent him pictures of me, like they were following me. Your father thought I was in danger and told me so I would take the threat seriously.”

Shit. “Were you? In danger?”

“I was shot twice a few weeks later.”

My eyes widened and I looked at her, in the eyes for the first time today. “You were… what? Mom –“

“You’ve never seen this scar on my shoulder?” she asked, pulling her sweater over slightly. It was faded, but there. I had seen it before, but I didn’t know what it was from.

“There’s a lot we haven’t told you. And I’m so sorry about that, but we wanted you to have a normal childhood. We wanted you to be able to make friends and find interests outside of all of this. We –“

“Before you start this whole speech…” I interrupted. Seeing the scar, hearing her talk so plainly about nearly being assassinated because of Dad… I had to know one thing before she started. “You’re not trapped, are you? Is Dad forcing you to –“

I didn’t know how, but maybe we could run. If he was hurting her, maybe blackmailing her to do all of this, we could get out.

“You father has never forced me to do anything. He’s never hurt me, I’m not being blackmailed or tricked into anything. I don’t know what he’s told you, but I think if you heard my side of things you might understand this family a little better.”

I sighed. It was horrible, but I was wishing she wasn’t doing all of this willingly.

“But, first, we need a snack,” she said with a smile. Mom shuffled through her bag and pulled out a container of Oreos and a jar of peanut butter. I grabbed one, only because she looked so excited about them, and waited.

“We had only been together a few months, your dad and I. He was different from anyone I had ever met. He didn’t care about my job, didn’t care that people knew me wherever I went. He was one of the first people I ever met seemed to like me for me, not my status.” Mom had an almost wistful look on her face as she talked, staring at the cookie in her hands.

It was obvious, watching my parents together, that they were completely in love. It was disgustingly obvious sometimes, but it was better than the horror stories I heard from kids’ whose parents were divorced or unhappy. Dad brought Mom flowers once a week, surprised her with jewelry or weekend getaways all the time. Mom’s face lit up whenever he got home, whether he had a present or not.

All of those memories were tainted now, though, because all I could do was wonder whether the presents were to keep her quiet about what she knew, or to thank her for her silence.

“When he told me what he did, what his _real_ job was, I panicked. I was in a hotel room, in Denver maybe, I don’t remember. He was worried and showed me the pictures and told me these people were after me because of _him_ , not my job. I remember I got sick, I was throwing up and he tried to pat my back and it made it worse because I didn’t know what else his hands had done that day.”

_Yes,_ I thought. _Exactly._

“I know how hard it is to understand all of this. I spent weeks dazed and confused, going back and forth on what I should do, what I should feel.”

“How did you get over it?” I blurted out. Maybe she had some secret weapon, something that would solve all of this.

“I don’t know if _get over it_ is the right phrase. It’s more of something you come to terms with. You learn to accept.”

“I have to accept that my father is a monster?”

Mom frowned, her body tensing. “He’s not a monster. There are reasons for the things he does. He came to me that night and told me because I was in danger, and he was right. I was shot a few weeks after he told me.”

_Shit._ How could she even consider staying with him after she was attacked because of him?

“How did you… come to terms with it, then?”

“I see him as the man who would do whatever it took to protect his family, a man who puts their needs above his own safety,” she said with a sigh. “It’s a whole different world that he lives in, Aiden. Full of people who would do anything to get ahead of him, who would use us to do that. Everything that your father does is to protect us, and I can’t be mad at him for that.”

Protecting the family. That phrase had been thrown around a lot lately. I wasn’t buying it, though. If our family wasn’t in the middle of all of the crime, we wouldn’t need protecting.

Mom and I talked a lot over the next few days. It wasn’t always about the shit storm that was our family, which was nice. Sometimes it was about how everyone was doing back at home. She told me some baseball stats that she had obviously memorized for me. I could tell she had no clue what she was even saying when she talked about it.

But there was also a lot of talk about the big issues. About Dad and what he does, mostly. I understood how Mom looked past it; she loved him no matter what. She loved him because he took care of her and loved her just as much. She was blinded by it, though.

“You went to jail,” I said on her last day here. We were at our usual spot, sitting on a tree trunk, leaning against a few still-standing trees.

The change in her was almost instant. Her back went rigid, her eyes dark and dazed. I watched her hands, frowning at how she ran her fingers along her wrists. Like she was making sure there was nothing around them.

“Yes,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. I could tell she was intensely uncomfortable. Panicked. Even though I wanted to know, needed to hear her say she didn’t plan the whole thing, I couldn’t ask her. Not like this.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” I asked instead. Another question I wanted, needed, answered.

“Carlisle, your grandfather, he never kept it a secret from your father. He was strict and didn’t see him as anything other than another employee by the time he was twelve. Neither of us wanted that for you. We wanted you to have a childhood. Make friends. Become your own person.”

That was all great, except for the fact that it now felt like they were trying to force me to be something else entirely.

_…Dark…_

I was more confused and angry than ever by the time we finally got back home. I knew more, but that didn’t help anything. Just because I knew my father killed a man who had once attacked my mother, didn’t mean I agreed with it. Because I knew there were rival crime families across the city that could want us dead, didn’t mean I wanted to be the one responsible for keeping them in line.

Dad wanted me to follow in his footsteps though, I could tell. He constantly reminded me that I didn’t have to, but I could see it in his eyes, the restraint he was using. He followed his father, and I was supposed to follow mine.

I spent a long time trying to push my feelings about the issue aside. It was easier when mom was gone, because she was better at reading people than Dad was. It was also more confusing, being home with just Dad, because I felt like he was constantly studying me. Sizing me up to see how I could fit within his businesses.

That was when I started spending more time out, usually with Jackson. He was the first friend I made after I skipped a grade. He was a year older, but didn’t treat me like the baby of the class like most people did. He was more of an outsider, but I didn’t mind. We both liked sports, we had similar tastes in music, and he constantly steered clear of the topic of my family. All great qualities for a friend of mine.

We had been back home a few months, back in school just as long. It felt like I hadn’t slept more than a few hours a night ever since I watched my father inject Jacob Black with some concoction of drugs I didn’t want to know about. I watched the news obsessively, paranoid that somehow, they would know what we did.

There was nothing. No mention of foul play. As far as everyone else knew, he had died of an overdose. It was completely fucked up.

It was late Saturday night and Jackson and I were in his basement, watching shitty tv and eating junk food.

“Nah, man, change the channel,” I told him as the opening credits for _Unknown_ started. With my luck, it would be an episode with my mother in it.

Jackson just shrugged, but before he could grab the remote, there was a knock on the sliding back door. I frowned when I looked over and saw a guy standing there. Probably a few years older than us, at least. He had messy blonde hair and was holding a helmet.

“Who is that?” I asked as Jackson jumped up to get the door.

Jackson let him in and I sat up in my chair, watching both of them. This guy, whoever he was, made me tense.

“This is Tony, a friend of a friend,” Jackson said as they both came over. “This is Aiden.”

“Ah, Cullen, eh?” he asked, holding a hand out to me. He was definitely older, no one under eighteen would shake hands like this.

“Yeah.”

“I won’t be long. You got it?” Tony asked, looking over at Jackson. He pulled out a wad of cash and handed it over, and Tony handed him something as well, but it was hidden in his hand.

Tony left quickly after that, but I didn’t miss the odd wink he sent my way as he was walking out.

“What was that about?”

Jackson smirked at me and held up a tiny bag full of white powder. “Wanna try some?”

“Since when do you do… _that_?” We’d been friends for a few years, and I never got the impression that he was on drugs. This was either a new development or he was excellent at hiding it.

“Few months,” he shrugged. “Shit with my parents isn’t great. My brother has been more of an ass than usual, and school is kicking my ass. It’s a nice escape for a while.”

I could use an escape. A getaway from the images that constantly flooded my mind of what my parents did, of who they were. A moment without thinking about who I was supposed to become sounded like heaven.

I couldn’t do it, though. Yeah, I was pissed at them but they would be furious if they found out. There were very few strict rules they ever set for me, and drugs was one of them. The other was not to read articles about them. Not to find out who they really were before they dropped that bomb on me themselves.

The television caught my attention then, Jacob Black’s dark eyes looking at me from the flat screen. Just like they had while he was dying.

“I’m in.”

_…Dark…_

I started out slow, telling myself I wouldn’t get hooked on anything. It was only going to be for a little while, while I got used to things, to this new life I was being forced into. All of that didn’t seem so bad when I was using.

I wasn’t hurting anyone. I didn’t drive under the influence or do any stupid shit like that. There were more than a few lies I had to tell, especially to the idiot guards Dad had following me around. But we were a family of liars. It came naturally.

The only real collateral damage was baseball. Coach was strict and the school gave him a practically unlimited budget, so there was random drug testing done to make sure no one was using any performance enhancers. I wasn’t sure about the different types of tests they ran, but I assumed a regular mixture of cocaine and ecstasy would probably show up on them.

Quitting wasn’t hard. I didn’t have the drive for it I used to now that I knew nothing could come of it. Diffusing the situation after Mom and Dad found out I quit wasn’t too hard. What was hard was keeping of the façade when mom was around. Hard, but not impossible.

She would be back in a few days. For tonight, though, we had a family dinner. Dad picked me up from home and we drove to Rosalie and Emmett’s.

Dad wandered off with Emmett and Jasper when we got there, and I found Alec talking with Jared in the basement.

It was where he used to live. He had graduated from Northwestern not too long ago and was living downtown. He was working at his dad’s company. I was counting down the days until I didn’t have to be stuck in a house with my parents constantly.

Alec and Jared were years apart in age, and I was even farther behind them, but they were the only ones I really talked to openly about all of this shit. They didn’t have any hidden agendas; they weren’t trying to convince me to be something I didn’t want to be.

“You doing okay?” Alec asked as I sat on the small couch.

I shrugged, and he went to the small fridge in the corner and pulled out three beers. I stared at him, confused.

“You look like you could use one. We won’t tell your dad.”

With a sigh I grabbed it, eagerly taking a swig.

“Your parents are doing their best, you know,” Jared said, eying me over his beer. He frowned when I scoffed. “I get it. I used to hate everyone in this family.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. When Mags and I were first adopted, we’d heard of the Cullen’s. I hated your parents especially, probably because they were in the news the most.”

Wasn’t surprising. I was starting to hate them too.

“But, no matter what I did, they never gave up. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t a blood relative, they kept me from seriously fucking my life up.”

With a roll of my eyes, I took another sip of my beer. Everyone seemed to think my parents were fucking saints or something.

“Edward keeps the entire family from falling apart,” Alec said. “And, if it weren’t for Bella… most of them would either be dead or in prison.”

“Yeah, she’s great, murdering Volturi and all that.”

“It’s not just that. The trial and the bank – “ Alec started, but Jared cut him off.

“Everything she’s done has been to protect the family, and protect you. It’s hard to understand until something happens and you’re forced to understand.”

I thought about what Alec said, or was going to say, all through dinner. What else had Mom done? More than commit a fucking murder for my father? My head was spinning with possibilities by the time we got home. I retreated to my room, as usual, and slumped in my desk chair. I had never searched for anything about my parents online, but Alec’s words had me seriously considering it.

Flipping open my laptop, I pulled open the drawer to my left while it booted up, and quickly swallowed the few pills I had left of my latest stash from Tony. By the time my computer was up, I didn’t care about what Mom had done anymore.

_…Dark…_

_I’m fucked._

_I’m fucked._

_I’m fucked._

That was all that I could think about as I paced Dad’s office. Tony had fucked me over. I was supposed to be sleeping over at Jackson’s, but I snuck out to meet him. It was our usual meeting spot, an abandoned storefront downtown. Someone must have seen us meet before, maybe saw Tony walk in before me, because a minute into our meeting a couple of cops showed up. Before I could say anything, Tony was gone.

Leaving me with a hand full of drugs.

The longer I sat here the angrier I got. I was sixteen. When my parents were sixteen they were both working and getting to practically live their own lives. Why couldn’t I do what I wanted?

I also really needed a hit. Of anything. I knew Dad was in charge of dealing this kind of shit throughout the city. Maybe he had a hidden stash somewhere in here. Before I could start searching the door opened and he walked in with Mom.

Dad sat behind his desk, acting like the man in charge that he thought he was. Mom sat down opposite of him, pretending to look worried and sad. Always acting.

“Who did you get it from?” Dad asked.

I ignored him.

“Who did you get it from?” he repeated, obviously coming close to losing his temper.

I rolled my eyes, leaning against one of the bookshelves in the corner. “Why does it matter?”

Why did he care about who I was getting my supply from? Probably didn’t like the competition. Maybe he was only upset _he_ wasn’t profiting off of me.

“It matters because if you have an arraignment they’re going to charge you with possession of an illegal substance. You think this is a fucking joke?”

I hadn’t been worried about the arraignment. If Mom could get away with murder, Dad could pull some strings so I got away with a tiny possession charge. “What, you can snap your fingers and help mom get out of an even worse situation but you’re gonna let them charge me with –“

His eyes bulged at me. “You think I snapped my fingers and she got away with it?” he shouted.

“I haven’t joined your little _gang_ like Mom did and –“

“Watch your mouth.”

I wanted to laugh. They were both so blind. “God, do you not see how fucked up this entire thing is? Our entire _lives?_ ” I shouted. “Me enjoying some recreational drugs is hardly the biggest problem this family has.

“Let’s see if I’ve got everything right. You’ve been working for the fuckin’ mob since you were a teenager. Killing people, selling drugs, shit like that, right?”

“Aiden, _stop,”_ Mom whispered.

Glaring at her, I continued. “And Mom… Mom you brainwashed when she was younger and made her think you were this great guy. Got her to do some of your dirty work if what Alec says is true. Or, maybe she’s always been that fucking insane. Crazy enough to actually think you were a good guy.”

There had to be something wrong with her if she had willingly stayed in this family for so long. There had to be.

 _“Damnit, Aiden!”_ Dad shouted, really shouted. Angrier than I had ever seen him. He looked over at Mom, softening just barely. “Bella, leave.”

“No, I… I’m okay,” she said, her voice shaking and making me feel just a twinge of guilt.

“Isabella, go.”

Mom kept her head down as she got up, never looking in my direction. It hurt more than I thought it would, seeing her so submissive, so unlike herself. “Fuck, Ma, I’m sorry. I –“

“Don’t fucking touch her,” Dad growled and I dropped my hand.

Fuck, I was tired of doing everything he said. Tired of following every order like the little employee he wanted me to be. I took a seat across from him.

“We have a lot of problems to solve. But if you ever talk about your mother like that again –“

“What? You’ll do to me what you did to Jacob Black? What you do to everyone around the city?” I snapped, surprising myself. We hadn’t talked about that day, me watching him kill someone, since the day after it happened.

“You know why –“

“ _Protect the family. Protect the family,”_ I scoffed. I was tired of this family, done with them all. “I never asked to be part of this fuckin’ family, the son of a couple of criminals.”

I expected more yelling, waited for the anger I knew was inevitable at calling not only him but also Mom a criminal. The silence as Dad stared at me was incredibly unnerving.

“Get out.”

“What?”

“Get out of my house,” he repeated. “Go to Jasper’s or Emmett’s. Sleep off the fucking withdrawals. I’ll deal with you once you’ve come down from whatever the fuck you’re on.”

“You’re kicking me out?” I asked, confused. He couldn’t kick me out, Mom wouldn’t let him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I grunted as he grabbed me by my shoulder and started dragging me through the house. _Christ, he was strong._

Dad had me shoved in the back of a car before I could do anything else. Eric, one of Mom’s guards, got in the driver’s seat. I looked out the window, glaring at my father. It was pretty fucking hypocritical, punishing me for using something he so willingly sold to anyone else in the city. The thought made me furious all over again so I flipped him off as Eric started to drive.

Jasper was standing on the porch as we pulled up, cell phone pressed to his ear. Probably talking to Dad. Even after the car was parked and turned off, I didn’t get out until Eric opened the door and pulled me. _Shit, how is everyone so much stronger than me?_

The sun was just starting to come up as Eric shoved me inside the house. Jasper quickly hung up his phone and stared at me. It was like I could feel his disappointment seep into my skin.

“You know where the guestroom is. Go. Get some sleep,” he said. His words were comforting but his tone told me he wanted to be anything but accommodating. If I wasn’t so fucking exhausted I would have started something with him, because I was already going down. I had nothing left to lose.

I didn’t have it in me, though. My body was exhausted and my mind fuzzy from everything that had happened in the last few hours. Sleep would be good, but I knew it wasn’t what my body was craving. It wouldn’t be enough.


	31. Clean

_There was nothing left to do when the butterflies turned to dust that covered my whole room. So, I punched a hole in the roof. Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you. The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing. The rain came pouring down, when I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe. ~ Taylor Swift, **Clean**_

**APOV**

The last week had been hell. Literal hell. When I stopped to think about it, I realized I hadn’t gone more than a few hours without taking something in months. Maybe six, maybe longer. My head hurt too much to think about it.

Aunt Alice brought me clean clothes and food every once in a while, always asking how I was. As if the answer was ever going to change. I could see Jasper in the doorway whenever she was in the room with me, always glaring in my direction.

Rarely did I get more than an hour or two of sleep. At first it was the withdrawals; the nausea and sweating and hazy memories that kept me awake. Then, once those started to fade, it was the nightmares. Most of the time Dad was the villain in them, but sometimes it was me. Sometimes it was like my mind was trying to tell me all of this was my fault.

I couldn’t have been asleep for longer than an hour or so when I felt my bed get kicked. I jumped, disoriented and drowsy, and saw Jasper standing over me. “Your arraignment is in two hours. Get up.”

I was fidgety in the car, constantly pulling at the sleeves of the button-down Aunt Alice had told me to wear. I hated it, and the black slacks I was in. I felt like a younger version of my father. He was always in those fucking suits.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from an arraignment. My mind had been too fuzzy lately to really think much about the consequences of my arrest. My nerves kicked in as Eric stopped the car in front of the courthouse.

Jasper had ridden with me, but was silent the entire time, up until now. “Jared is waiting for you.”

Shit, Jared? I needed a lawyer?

Jared was beside me as soon as I got out of the car and gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”

It was supposed to make me feel better, but I had the urge to vomit in every potted plant we passed as we walked through the courthouse. Fuck, it was intimidating in here. Marble floors, people in suits everywhere just waiting to take away everything from me.

Jared led me to a set of double doors, shaking his head as he opened them.

“What?”

“Figures, they’d send you to this room,” he sighed.

I frowned. I had never been to the courthouse before. This room wasn’t significant to me at all. It was intimidating as hell though, the giant courtroom. Exactly how I imagined they would look if you were on trial for something big, like murder.

_Oh_.

“Is this where –“

“Yes.”

It was where Mom was. When she was on trial. Scanning the room, my eyes fell on two people in the far corner. Jared kept pulling me to the front, but I stumbled over my feet when I realized it was Mom sitting next to Maggie.

A lot of the nightmares I had the last few nights had been about her. No matter how mad I was at her, she was still my Mom. It was still engrained in me to protect her and I could see her hands shaking from here.

“What is going to happen?” I asked Jared as we sat down. He pulled out files and papers and was sorting through them on the desk.

“It’s just a formality. Don’t say anything.”

Before I could argue a door opened, the one that I supposed a judge was supposed to come out of. Only the judge wasn’t alone. Dad walked out with him, shaking his hand. The judge looked over at me and then nodded at Dad, retreating back and closing the door behind him.

_Just a formality._

Fucker bribed the judge probably. Maybe paid him off. Was Mom part of the act? Pretending to be scared, only showing up to play the perfect family?

Dad walked over, buttoning his suit jacket and frowning at me.

“What did you do?” I asked.

He stared at me, his eyes dark and tired, but intimidating. “Snapped my fingers and made it go away,” he told me, throwing my words back in my face. “Make sure he gets back to Jasper’s. I’ll be there –“ he frowned when his eyes drifted to the corner and sighed before continuing. “I’ll be there soon.”

My eyes followed him as he walked to my mother and pulled her up from her seat, gripping both of her shaking hands in his. It felt like I was intruding on an intimate moment, watching him simply kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear. I had walked in on much more… uncomfortable moments, but I had to look down as Jared walked me past them, out of the courtroom.

By the time we got back to Jasper’s, I was mentally and physically exhausted again. And thirsty. And hungry. Aunt Alice had sandwiches on the counter and I quickly grabbed one and a bottle of water and retreated to my room. She shouted something after me, but I ignored it.

The second I laid down in bed, the sandwich was forgotten as my eyes drifted shut.

_…Dark…_

Rolling over, I intended to get more comfortable and go back to sleep, but a quiet creak caught my attention. My eyes snapped open and saw my father sitting across from me.

“Shit, what are you doing here?” I grumbled, sitting up.

“The court isn’t holding you responsible for your actions, but I sure as hell am.”

_Fuck._

“Jasper and Alice have said you can stay here. You’re going to treat them and their house with some fucking respect. Understood?” Dad’s voice was hard and cold. He wasn’t smiling, his eyes were dark and the frown carved in stone on his face. He wasn’t the guy who took me out for ice cream every weekend when Mom was gone working, even in the winter, and this wasn’t the man who nearly got detained at a baseball game of mine because he thought the ref made an unfair call against my team. It also wasn’t the man I had been dealing with for the last year and a half, the one I _thought_ was the Edward Cullen the city feared. This one was much worse.

I nodded. There was a high possibility my voice would be nothing but a squeak if I said anything.

“School starts in a few days. You won’t be going. A tutor will be here three times a week to give you any help you need. You’re a smart kid, book smart at least, I’m sure three will be enough.”

The book smart comment hurt. My parents weren’t the kind to give every kid a ribbon for breathing, but they were always encouraging as I grew up. My tests got put up on the fridge and they always praised my grades, told me how proud they were of my intelligence. For just a split second, I regretted ever meeting Tony.

“There will be random drug testing. If I find out you’ve used anything stronger than an aspirin there will be major fucking consequences.”

His words made my heart stop. I didn’t think all of this through. Shit was bad, I knew that, but it never occurred to me that this was it. Everyone knew. They knew I had been using, I’m sure they found the stashes I had in my room by now. The worst part was knowing how intense my father could get about things, and knowing he was completely serious when he told me he would make sure I never had another hit of anything ever again.

“You can’t just –“

“I can, and I will,” he roared. “You’re my son. My responsibility. I’m not going to let you turn out to be some addict, roaming the streets for your next fix until you’re found dead in an old motel.”

“You’d rather I be like you? A money hungry murderer?”

“You’re not going to be like me. If you think I’d ever let you anywhere near this business now…” he trailed off with a shake of his head.

I didn’t expect the twinge of regret at his words. The feeling like I had lost something important, something I could never get back.

“Maggie will visit you every day for the next month. She tells me I can’t force you to talk to her. Logistically, it would be better if you chose her as your therapist, but if you’re uncomfortable talking to her I can find someone else.”

“I don’t need a therapist. Christ, you’re making this sound like a fucking rehab center.” Tutor, drug testing, therapy? Fuck that.

“That’s exactly what this is. You’re going to get clean and sober. I don’t care how long it takes.”

“What if I don’t want to? You can’t hold me hostage forever.”

“You’ll realize it, eventually. Realize how fucking stupid what you’re doing is. I’m not going to let you turn out like me.”

I frowned. I thought that was all he wanted. “Like you?”

Dad sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I started when I was fifteen. Didn’t stop until I was twenty-six. I didn’t start off with cocaine, but I got there eventually. If you keep doing this to yourself, if you stay on this trajectory, you won’t make it to twenty-six.”

He stood, buttoning his suit jacket and glaring down at me. “You’re going to get better. I know you hate your mother and I right now, so we’ll stay away while you’re recovering. Let Alice and Jasper know if you need anything from us.”

Panic set in as Dad started to walk out. It was all I had wanted, for months all I wanted was for them both to leave me alone. To tell me I didn’t have to be part of this fucked up family anymore. Now, the thought of it actually happening left a knot of dread inside me.

“Is Mom okay?” I blurted out. She had looked so scared at the courthouse.

“In the last week your mother has had to find out her son, the miracle child that she sacrificed everything for, became a drug addict at fifteen and then had to go sit in the same room where her entire character, her entire being was torn apart in front of the world. So, no Aiden, she is not okay.

“But, that’s my problem to worry about. You need to focus on yourself right now.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat when he turned to leave again. “Dad, I…”

He turned back one last time, finally losing the harshness in his face. Becoming my dad again. “I know.”

I sighed and fell back into bed, feeling an uncomfortable sense of finality as the door clicked closed. He knew, but I didn’t. He knew because he had been in the same position I was in, but he also knew because he was my father. He knew what I wanted to say, needed to say, before I knew myself.

_…Dark…_

While I was using, I didn’t realize how different I had become. People at school barely noticed I wasn’t there because I had exiled myself from everyone except Jackson. Not that I would know the extent, I was only allowed one quick look at my cell phone a week, under Jasper’s supervision. No one called, though. No one texted, except for Jackson. Not even Tony, which I found odd. He typically texted me, from a new burner phone, once every few weeks to see if I needed a refill on anything.

It took me two weeks to give in to everything Dad had laid out for me after my arraignment. I spent a long time ignoring the tutor and filling up the drug test cups with anything other than what they wanted. It wasn’t that I was using, I was just pissed. At everything. And more confused than ever.

It was three weeks after my arraignment that I actually started talking to Maggie. Once I started talking, it was like I couldn’t stop. She didn’t talk back or look at me like I was insane for being so angry and confused about the situation. She listened politely and offered little pieces of advice when necessary. It wasn’t at all like I thought therapy would be like.

I was still pissed and confused, but those emotions were starting to morph into denial and regret. I wasn’t sure who my parents were, who my family was, and I didn’t know how to get out of the hole I dug myself into.

“Can I ask you something?” Maggie said one afternoon, about a week into our daily talks. I liked calling them talks rather than sessions. Made me feel less like she was a therapist and more like she was just my cousin.

I nodded.

“It seems like you’ve placed a lot of the blame on your mother and not as much on your father. Why is that?”

I shrugged. This was something I had thought about a lot lately, because she was right. Sometimes I was more angry at Mom about the whole situation than Dad. “Dad didn’t have a choice. This was his life since he was a kid. Mom chose it, chose him.”

“If she didn’t choose him you wouldn’t be here.”

“Part of me would have. Dad’s only half of my genetics.”

Maggie sighed, tapping her pen on the pad of paper in front of her. “You know Bella was shot, correct?” I nodded. “One bullet got her shoulder, and the other her abdomen. She was in surgery for hours, flatlined at least once if I’m not mistaken, and when she got out they told her she would never be able to have a child. Your birth was a one in a million kind of situation.”

_Damn_. I had no idea. I knew after Mom had me there were complications and she couldn’t have another kid, but I didn’t know there were complications before. Dad’s words from the last time I saw him flashed through my mind. _Miracle child._ I didn’t understand what he meant by that before.

“Why don’t they tell me any of this?” I grumbled, getting a couple fistfuls of hair in my hands and pulling. If they had told me half of this shit years ago we wouldn’t be here.

“Because they’re your parents and don’t want you to worry about anything. They’ve been trying to protect you from the harsh reality of life from the moment you were born.”

The guilt started to sink in again. Guilt for all of this shit I had been putting them through for the last month. For all of the things I said the day Dad kicked me out. Christ, how bad did I have to fuck up for them to actually kick me out of the house?

It was moments like this where the urges always hit, when the need for the smallest escape started to take over.

“Are you still avoiding everyone?” Maggie asked, changing the subject. She did that a lot when she realized she had gotten to me. Which was often.

“Yeah.”

I ate in my room, did my homework in my room. Spent as much time in there alone as possible because I couldn’t stand the looks I got from everyone else. Jasper usually glared at me or gave me a disappointed frown. Aunt Alice gave me pity eyes, and Delilah usually steered clear of me. I hadn’t seen anyone else since I came here.

“You’re going to need to face them eventually.”

I sighed. “I know.”

“Just start with something small. Eat dinner with Jasper, Alice, and Delilah. You’ve done it a million times before.”

I paced my room for the rest of the afternoon after Maggie left. Dinner was simple enough. Most of the time people would be eating, too busy to ask me questions I probably didn’t have the answers to.

Aunt Alice typically had dinner ready at seven-thirty. She always brought me a plate before they all sat down. I finally just said fuck it and walked down to the kitchen at seven.

Aunt Alice stared at me, surprised for a minute to see me. “Is everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I just thought I would, you know, see if you needed any help,” I stuttered, kicking myself for sounding so stupid.

“Can I trust you to chop some vegetables?” she asked with a soft smile.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I usually help Mom with that.”

We worked quietly then, and I focused all of my attention on the carrots in front of me.

“She’s in Los Angeles,” Alice said out of the blue. “Your mom. She’s performing at some award show, whatever is on tonight. The first single off of that soundtrack.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to do with that. Part of me pictured Mom sulking at home the last month. I hadn’t really paid much attention to the soundtrack she had been working on before everything went down.

“She misses you a lot. You’re the first thing she asks me about whenever I see her.”

Things were getting too intense now. Too personal. I dropped the knife and grabbed the stack of plates on the edge of the counter. “I’ll set the table.”

I was able to breathe a sigh of relief in the empty dining room, but only for a moment. Jasper walked in and frowned at me. I kept my eyes on the task at hand, spreading out the plates and silverware.

Jasper kept his eyes on me all throughout dinner. Aunt Alice thankfully kept the conversation light, usually talking to Delilah about school. When we were all done I stood with Alice and Delilah to clear the table.

When I got back to my room I felt like I had accomplished something, as small as it seemed. It was my first, small step to returning back to normal. Of course, I still had the task of deciding what I wanted my normal to be.

I sat on the edge of the bed, tossing the control back and forth in my hands. Before I could change my mind I turned it on, searching the channels until I found what was obviously an award show.

Most of it was pretty monotonous; performance, award, performance, award. They were obviously teasing a big surprise at the end, though, and I had to assume that was Mom. It was weird as hell, thinking about seeing her on the television for the first time in a month and not face to face.

Mom had gone back to acting when I was twelve, but she always made a point to stay out of the spotlight so much. They were great movies, and I had seen her win an award or two, but this seemed different. Bigger. She suddenly seemed more like the actress I used to hear about and less like my mom. It was weird.

I had to sit through two hours of people I didn’t care about before Mom’s performance. The camera panned to people in the audience as they announced her name, playing a short montage of her accomplishments. It was almost unreal, how amazed and shocked everyone looked, just at the mention of my mother.

It was like night and day from the last time I saw her. On the screen Mom was confident, smiling at the loud screams when she came out. A month ago she was shaking in the corner of the courthouse.

I focused on the words she was singing. _Said I’d catch you if you fall. And if they laugh, then fuck ‘em all._ The song was supposed to be about the movie, but I knew she mostly wrote about her life. My mind immediately started grasping at any clues the words could give me.

_Tell me how’s it feel, sittin’ up there. Feeling so high, but too far away to hold me. You know I’m the one who put you up there._ Was it about Dad? Was it about me? Fuck, this was confusing.

_I’m the one who put you up there, I don’t know why._ Definitely about Dad. About her supporting him, despite his career choices. She was telling me she didn’t have answers as to why she did what she did, or why she stayed with him. Right?

_Just running from the demons in your mind. Then I took yours and made them mine. I didn’t notice ‘cause my love was blind._ Damn, it was crazy to think she wrote this for me, to tell me why she was with Dad. It was just a song.

Mom got a standing ovation. From everyone in that arena, from artists from my generation that weren’t even alive when she was making music. All of a sudden, I realized I had no idea how Mom became the _Bella Cullen_ that everyone talked about. I knew she started acting at sixteen and never turned back. Knew she made visual albums that put the world in a tailspin whenever she released them. I didn’t know any details, though.

As if on autopilot, I opened the streaming service on the television and found all of her movies. The ones all about her life. I had watched most of her projects when I was old enough, but I never watched these or listened to her music. It seemed too personal or something.

Now, I needed answers. I couldn’t talk to Mom and Dad just yet. There were still too many unresolved issues with them and I wasn’t ready to move past all of the lies just yet. That left me with three options: _Welcome to the Badlands, Hopeless Kingdom,_ and _reputation._

_…Dark…_

I watched the films, all of them in a row. There were so many things I didn’t know that I started a list, questions that I would ask my parents the next time I saw them.

Was Mom really pregnant when she was shot?

Did Dad really stop her from trying to hurt herself after the shooting?

What was the deal with Mom’s parents?

Why was Mom running Dad’s company when he was arrested?

Was there a reason Aro Volturi was going after Mom?

The movies only flooded my mind with more questions, but they were also pretty amazing. I didn’t realize how cool it would be, getting to really know more about them. Mom, mostly, because Dad sure as hell didn’t want the public knowing what he really did. But I could tell Mom tried to make the films as realistic as possible.

She became a household name practically overnight and won an Academy Award by nineteen. She had peaked at her career at _nineteen_ but somehow managed to outdo herself at everything ever since. My mom… she was a fucking legend.

And the last time I spoke to her I called her insane. Another pang of guilt stabbed me in the gut at the thought.

It was surprisingly adorable, watching my parents’ love story. There was still so much about it I couldn’t understand. When we were in Ireland, Mom said she looked past Dad’s job because she loved him, but I could tell Dad _was_ his job. How could she look past something that was so obviously part of his personality?

He was a murderer. He supplied the city with drugs and weapons and didn’t care about the consequences. Hell, how could he keep doing what he was doing after Mom was nearly assassinated?

_This_ was why I consciously avoided thinking about them the last month. Thoughts of my parents and who they were and what they did made my mind fuzzy and made my body crave the things that got me in this situation in the first place.

_…Dark…_

“I was going to look them up online after I finished the movies,” I told Maggie a few weeks later. I avoided thinking about the movies for a while, because every time I did a pang of rage shot through me. “But I was too angry after I finished. And when I get angry I…” That was something I learned pretty quickly. For me, the drugs were a fairly direct result of my anger. They made me forget everything I had to be angry about, and things that made me sad or scared. It was mostly the anger, though.

“Have your cravings been bad lately?”

I shrugged. “Some days are worse.”

Last night was the worst night I had in a while. From eleven at night to five in the morning I paced my room, trying to fight every urge to find some way out of this house. I hadn’t left the property in a month and a half. The property was huge and I got fresh air every day, but I hadn’t been in public since the arraignment. It wasn’t that I was dying to visit a coffee shop or anything, but some kind of trip to the outside world would be nice. If I left last night, though, I would have tracked down Tony. 

Not that I could have gotten out. I saw the increased security constantly roaming the grounds. I wouldn’t make it five fucking feet down the street.

“I wanted to know the real story, you know. What part of the movies was real and what was faked. Dad faking his whole death was obviously fake, but it was a bit too dramatic for my taste.” It made for an excellent plot twist in the film, but it wasn’t realistic at all.

“That was completely real, Aiden. While Bella was on trial, her and Edward were getting threats left and right. Certain… dangerous people thought he was feeding her information to keep her and the Cullen’s safe. Faking his death, showing that she wasn’t going to turn anybody in, not even Edward when he was gone, that was the only way to keep them both safe.”

“Dad… faked his death? He let Mom think he was dead for months?” I was surprised I wasn’t more surprised. After everything I had learned about my family in the last few months, my father faking his death wasn’t the most shocking.

Maggie was quiet for a while, letting my mind race through what this meant. Let me realize just how seriously Dad took the phrase _protect the family_.

“Your parents went through a lot to get to this point of their lives, your Mom especially. You know she’d do it all over again if it meant she had you and your Dad.”

I rolled my eyes. “Dad, yeah. Her fuck up son? I’m not so sure.” I wasn’t so sure her or Dad would ever look at me the same.

“You know they’ll talk to you. Answer any questions you have.”

“They won’t tell me the truth. They never have.”

“You think that just because they didn’t tell a ten-year-old his father once had to fake his death, they’ve lied about everything?”

“They never told me Mom was shot. Never told me she had lost a fucking child when she was twenty-one. They failed to mention she was nearly convicted of murder!”

“You need to think about why they kept these things from you,” Maggie said, keeping an even tone. “You think they were trying to betray you, trick you somehow, but that’s not it at all.”

Maggie always said something like that at the end of each session. Something she knew was going to keep me awake at night, trying to figure out the answer to.

Maggie sighed. “I just have one more thing for today.”

“Okay?” I questioned. She suddenly seemed very unlike herself. Unsure of what she was going to say.

“You know what we talk about is private. I don’t tell your parents anything you tell me during these sessions.” I nodded. “But, your father wants me to ask you something.” My entire body tensed. “If you answer, I’ll pass it along to him. Nothing more, though.”

“What, uh, what was his question?”

“He’s been asking since day one, but I didn’t want it to set you back at all,” Maggie mumbled. “He wants to know how you contacted Tony.”

_How the fuck did he know about Tony?_

“I didn’t,” I admitted. “He always texted me from a different burner phone.”

Maggie nodded. “Okay.”

_…Dark…_

Maggie went out of town a few days after that last session. Some conference in New York. She told me I would be fine without her, but it made me nervous, knowing I wouldn’t talk to her for over a week. I didn’t talk to her every day now, she said I was learning to cope more on my own and that three times a week was good. Part of me thought it was part of some plan, like she wanted to plant seeds in my head and force me to think of nothing else until I saw her again. It always worked.

Why was Dad looking for Tony? I guessed he got the name from Jackson. He was my friend and all, but the kid didn’t have much of a backbone. If Dad showed up to talk to him I knew he would instantly fold and tell him everything he knew. Which I knew wasn’t much.

I wanted to think he was looking for Tony because he was upset that he was dealing to me, but it was probably because he didn’t have Tony on his payroll.

Maggie said my parents didn’t keep all of this from me to manipulate me, but I still wasn’t so sure. They had both done shady shit, and this seemed like it could be in character for them.

Mom’s films helped me understand their journey here a little bit, but it still wasn’t enough. I still felt like there was another side of the story. Of course Mom’s films wouldn’t paint her in a negative light.

Tonight marked two months of sobriety for me. I hadn’t touched anything since I was arrested, even though I thought about it every fucking day. It probably wasn’t the best idea to choose tonight to finally research my family, but that was what I had to do. I spent too long in the dark, oblivious to how the world saw our family. I needed to know all sides of the story before I talked to my parents.

My fingers froze over the keyboard with _Isabella Cullen Trial_ typed into the search engine. Sixteen years of being told never to do this halted me. I rolled my eyes at myself, realizing I was hesitating more about this than I did about taking that first hit of cocaine with Jackson.

Millions of results popped up, articles from years ago and some more recent ones, but I clicked on the ‘video’ tab first. I scrolled through a few pages, not finding what I wanted. I didn’t care about seeing other people’s reactions to it, not yet. First, I wanted to see the real thing, needed to know what it really looked like. I found a video online, one that was nearly an hour long, that was titled _Highlights of Isabella Cullen’s Trial._

There were clips of Dad walking into the courthouse, looking just the same as he did today; dressed in a pristine suit with a glare that could kill. There was a shot of the courthouse as he walked in, swarming with reporters and cameras. It was just a sea of people. A lot of which would shout things at Dad as he walked in, calling Mom horrible names.

I watched Mom deteriorate in front of me. She was healthy in the beginning. She wasn’t happy, obviously, but she was herself. As time went on, as I listened to other people’s testimony and such, I saw her in her seat, slowly losing all hope.

A lot of what I heard made me cringe. I didn’t need to hear about her affair with Jacob Black, and I would never be able to go into my father’s office without remembering my mother say they fucked in there. The bias was obvious, though. From the looks on people in the crowd to the frown on the prosecution’s face. Everyone thought she was guilty.

I thought the worst part of the video would be watching the actual footage of her finding out Dad was dead. All of the shit that I thought was dramatized in her movie but wasn’t. She actually tried to run out of the courthouse after she heart shots. She tried to fight off two giant guards to get to whoever it was as they were dying. It was horrible, but it wasn’t the worst part.

No, the worst part was everything that came afterwards. She refused the prosecution’s deal, with a speech nearly identical to what I saw in her film, but her movie left out a lot of what came next. Mom visibly flinched every time Dad’s name was said. She got physically sick multiple times, hunched over and throwing up while Call talked shit about the family. Then she just… snapped.

“You have a charitable organization that you set up when you were eighteen, correct?” Call asked her.

“Yes.”

“Prior to your marriage to Edward Cullen, that organization averaged nearly fifty million in donations a year. Since your marriage, that number has dropped. Why is that?”

Mom frowned. “I don’t know. I don’t have the specifics.”

“Were you letting your husband take money from –“

“Objection! Your honor, Edward Cullen is not on trial here!”

“Sustained. Move on.”

“Your honor, Edward Cullen has corrupted Mrs. Cullen and we’re –“

_“Stop,”_ Mom hissed, glaring at Call. “Stop talking about him like he’s this awful person. Stop saying he corrupted me and made me do horrible things. He is,” Mom visibly choked on her words. “ _Was_ a great man so stop dragging his name through the fucking mud.”

“Language, Mrs. Cullen.”

Mom’s entire demeanor changed, her rage clear even on the screen. “This entire system is a _fucking_ mess,” she snarled. “He can say whatever shit he wants to me, spread horrible lies about my husband, but I can’t curse? You can all put me through hell because I shot a man, with a legally registered weapon, who broke into my home and clearly said he was going to kill me? But me saying _fuck_ is offensive? Fuck this. Fuck this whole fucking system!”

She didn’t even look relieved when the jury came back with a not guilty verdict. She looked sad and lost, like even though she won she still lost. I paused the video when Mom hunched over her chair, holding her head in her hands.

Why wasn’t she happy? She got her way; got away with whatever the fuck was really going on with Volturi. She didn’t even smile when she was told she didn’t have to spend the rest of her life in prison.

The realization crashed down on me, tightening my chest and taking my breath away. Mom turned herself in, not to protect herself from a lifetime of running, but to protect Dad and every other family member from being dragged down with her. She put herself through hell to _protect the family_ and thought she failed because Dad was dead.

The one common theme through the movies, through my parents’ lives, was that they protected each other. Then I came along and they did all they could to protect me. They kept me from seeing shit like this. Because as much as I wanted to say I could have handled it before, I wasn’t sure.

The more I read, the more I understood. There were articles calling Mom a whore after she married Dad, and articles with stores I knew had to be made up. According to the internet my parents had been unhappily married and close to divorce for years, something I knew was complete bullshit. I couldn’t imagine growing up and reading these things, knowing how the world really saw my family.

Fuck. _I understood._ I got why they didn’t tell me all of this. Why they didn’t show me any of it. They wanted to give me what neither of them had; a happy, normal childhood. And I ruined it all. Fucked everything up.

I came across another article. One about how Mom checked herself into a mental rehabilitation center following some kind of breakdown. My mind flashed back to her reaction after I called her insane that day in Dad’s office. That was what got me kicked out. That was what broke us.

It wasn’t their lies.

It was me.

_…Dark…_

I felt like shit. Complete and utter shit after everything I found out a few weeks ago. I stopped eating dinner with everyone downstairs because I didn’t deserve the little comfort they gave me. Maggie kept telling me not to think like that, but I couldn’t help it. With the drugs, I knew I fucked up. Even though I still craved the escape they gave me, I knew they weren’t good for me.

This new fuck up, me blaming everything on my parents, made me hate myself even more. I wanted to go to them and apologize but I didn’t know how. How could I make up for the horrible things I said to them?

Ever since I realized not all of the blame was on them, Maggie had been encouraging me to go to a Saturday dinner. Just to see them, maybe talk to them a little bit. The idea of seeing them, looking them in the eye, was terrifying.

It was after a month of self-loathing that I finally built up enough courage to go to a dinner. I didn’t tell anyone beforehand. I didn’t want Mom and Dad to find out and ditch me or something.

Meeting Aunt Alice and Delilah downstairs, they both gave me surprised looks as I walked over, obviously dressed for dinner. They weren’t formal events, but everyone was usually dressed in something other than my typical jeans and t-shirt. I upgraded to a button-down shirt tonight.

“Are you coming to dinner?” Delilah asked, buttoning her coat.

“Yeah, uh, if you think it’s okay?” I asked, looking at Aunt Alice.

She gave me a soft smile. “Of course. Your mother won’t be there, though.”

I frowned. “Where is she?”

“Press tour for the film. She’s going to be gone for two weeks.”

Well, fuck. Maybe it would be easier, starting off with Dad first. I still wasn’t so sure I could handle seeing Mom, not after I knew how fucked up what I said to her was. Maybe this was good.

“Oh, okay. Dad will be there though?”

Alice nodded with a smile. I wasn’t expecting the dinner to be at home. For some reason I assumed it would have been at Emmett and Rosalie’s, especially if Mom was gone. Alice and Delilah got out of the car without a worry, but all I could think about was the last time I sat in a car in this driveway.

I flinched when Aunt Alice opened the door, looking at me quizzically. “Are you okay?”

“I shouldn’t be here,” I admitted. “He doesn’t want me in there.”

“If you don’t think you’re ready, you don’t have to go in. But I know for a fact Edward would want to see you.”

“No, he kicked me out.”

Aunt Alice sighed and told Delilah to go inside. She motioned for me to scoot over and got in the car beside me, closing the door behind her.

“No matter what he said to you, or what you said to him, he still loves you, Aiden.” I shook my head, but she kept going. “I remember the day you were born. Bella went into labor early, spoiling the baby shower I had planned for her by the way, and it wasn’t an easy labor. Complications from the damage from the shooting, you know?”

I tugged at a string on my coat and nodded.

“Eventually they took her back for a c-section, but after that there were even more complications so it was just you and Edward for a while. He didn’t let anyone other than the nurses see you until Bella woke up. I was impatient, though, and I snuck a peak through the window. The door was cracked open, just a little bit, and I could hear him talking to you.

“Now, my brother has never been considered soft or sentimental, except where Bella is concerned. But in that moment, when Bella was in surgery, you were all he had to hold on to.

“You’re the most important thing in the world to them, Aiden. Yeah, you messed up, but they’ll forgive you and you’ll all move on. You have to make the first step, though.”

Alice hopped out of the car, practically bouncing inside. I sat in the car, still unsure about going inside. I knew I had to make the first step. They stepped back because I asked them to; the ball was in my court.

I didn’t have long enough to decide. Or maybe I had been sitting out here longer than I thought, because I heard a creak and saw Dad leaning against the front door.

I froze, staring at him. He stared back at me, and I felt my throat tighten. It had been three months since I had seen him, since he bribed a judge so I didn’t get in trouble and set up an entire at-home rehabilitation program for me.

Dad walked over to me, slowly like he was gauging my reaction. As he got closer I kept my head down, watching as his legs came into view beside the open car door.

“Are you going to come inside?” he asked quietly.

“I wasn’t sure if I was allowed in.”

“Are you using?”

I frowned up at him. “No! I haven’t done anything since… I’ve passed every test.”

Dad nodded, his lips pressed into a thin line. “I know. I’m proud of you.” That made me scoff. “I am.”

“You shouldn’t be. I… I’m really –“

Dad gripped my shoulder and for a moment I thought he was going to shove me into the car and make me leave. He looked at me, his eyes soft and maybe a little sad. 

“It’s okay,” he told me, squeezing my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

Without thinking I hopped up and wrapped my arms around him in a firm hug. There was a moment where I thought he was going to ignore me or push me away, but maybe he was just shocked. It was only a second or two before he returned it, just as tight.

“Ready to go in?” Dad asked as we both pulled away.

“Yeah,” I sighed, following him inside.

It was odd, walking inside after being gone for so long. It looked the same, but felt different somehow. Maybe I was different. On our way to the living room, we walked past Mom’s office and I froze.

“Can I…” I motioned toward the closed door.

Dad frowned, looking confused, but nodded. He followed me in, leaning against Mom’s desk while I went straight to the wall of awards. I had seen them a million times before, played with them when I was a kid, but I never understood the importance of them. Never realized how hard she had to fight to get them until I watched her movies.

“Two are missing,” I mumbled, reading over all of the shiny plaques again.

“Your mother gave me Best Picture and Album of the Year for _reputation_. They’re in my office.”

Right. I knew that.

“I told her horrible –“

“We don’t need to talk about it right now,” Dad interrupted. “Dinner should be ready.”

His reluctance made me nervous. Did he not want to talk to me because he was just going to kick me out again? Had I fucked things up that much?

Dinner was quiet for me. I sat next to Dad and I could feel him watching me the entire time but I didn’t have the guts to look at him. Being back here, sitting at this table and seeing _home_ for the first time in months, it made me want everything I threw away before.

My room.

Breakfast in the morning with my parents.

School.

Listening to Mom and Dad bicker down the hall, then hearing Mom laugh after Dad had won her over again.

I wanted my life back but I didn’t know how to get it.

Everyone started getting up from the dinner table and I panicked. I didn’t want to go back to Jasper and Alice’s; back to that room where I exiled myself when my life imploded.

Dad was probably waiting for me to make the first move. The last time I saw him he told me nearly as much. But, fuck, it was confusing to have to ask if you could stay in your own house.

We were all in the foyer and Aunt Alice handed me my coat. All I could do was stare at it. Then Dad grabbed it from her.

“I’ll drive him back later,” he told them, putting my coat back in the closet. Then he looked at me and frowned. “Unless you want to go now?”

Damn. I had never seen my dad so unsure of himself.

“No, I’ll stay.”

Once everyone left I expected Dad to lead me to his office. That was where we had most talks or meetings as a family. Tonight, he walked back into the living room and sat in one of the plush chairs. I sat down on the couch beside him.

“I’m sorry.” My eyes snapped to him, shocked. “As you grew up, I thought I saw the signs, characteristics that would make you want to do this one day. I knew it would take you time to get used to the idea, but I didn’t think it would push you to your breaking point. I thought I –“

“You didn’t push me, Dad.” I swallowed the knot in my throat. During my last few sessions with Maggie we had talked about this, me finally talking to my parents. I knew now that just as much of the blame was on my shoulders as theirs, but it was hard as fuck to actually admit it. “I fucked up. Ever since you told me, I made you and Mom… Hell, the entire family into these villains in my head. I never listened to you when you would talk to me about what you did. All I could see was you killing Jacob Black in front of me.”

Dad flinched at the name. “In hindsight, that wasn’t a good introduction,” he sighed.

“No, probably not,” I mumbled. “I should have talked to you, though, instead of making up all of these lies in my head about you.”

I spent so long looking at him like he was the devil. I supposed some people around the city always looked at him like that, but I should have known better. Shouldn’t have assumed everything. _Damn, my inner voice is sounding too much like Maggie these days._

“You were right. I’m not a good man,” Dad said, surprising me. “I’ve killed people, tortured people and never thought twice about it. I sell weapons to people who have no right to have them and supply the city with drugs that no one should have running through their veins. Most of the people that know me see me as the monster you created in your head.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I whispered. It was too confusing.

“A few decades ago… If I hadn’t met a pretty little brunette and chased her across the country… I would have been as vile and disgusting as my own father. I’ve done horrible things, but nothing like what he did. The one redeeming quality I have is my loyalty to my family. That’s why I do what I do. I’ve long since become desensitized to the drugs and the killing. I was fourteen when I put a bullet between Sean O’Connor’s eyes, and there was no turning back for me.”

_Jesus._ He never had a chance to be anything other than this.

“I do things very differently from my father, but at the end of the day it’s all the same.”

It was insane, that this thirty-minute conversation gave me a better insight into what my father did and who he was than the year and a half he spent trying to show me everything before.

“It’s what you want me to do, too,” I said, though my voice made it sound more like a question.

“No,” Dad answered quickly. “I want you clean and happy. I know, now, that neither of those things will happen if you do this.”

I had a deep urge to protest, but I kept it in for now. I needed to be sure before we broached that subject again.

An odd sense of peace washed over me. It was the first time I had felt anything close to content in months. It was like there was hope again.

“After everything I did… everything I said… You don’t hate me?”

Dad shook his head, smiling softly at me. “I don’t hate you.”

We were both quiet, staring at each other. There was still a lot of shit to go through, but we got the biggest things out of the way.

My dad didn’t hate me. I understood more about who he was now, and why he did what he did. There were still a million things I needed to apologize for, but for now we were okay.

“Do you want me to take you back?”

I didn’t. I wanted to be here, where it smelled like home and I knew my parents, only Dad for now, were down the hall. Maybe it made me a baby but it just felt… safer knowing they were there.

“No.”

I didn’t expect Dad to smile at my refusal to leave, but he did. “Come on, your mother has had your room ready since the day you left.”

Fuck. Mom.

I had Dad’s forgiveness, but I said horrible things to her. “Mom…”

“Is going to be pissed you came back two days after she left town.”

“I looked you guys up,” I blurted out and Dad stopped in his tracks. “I know what I said was horrible and she should never forgive me for it.”

“She already has,” Dad admitted, though he was tense. “It’s still a touchy subject for me, though.”

Of course, it was. Because there was one thing very clear in nearly every video I saw or article I read; my father was my mother’s fiercest protector and supporter. He took the witness stand for her, did a television interview to try and save her reputation. He was going to run away with her to keep her from going through the trial.

Maybe it was all backwards, and maybe I was being sucked into seeing things their way, but I was finally starting to understand and see the logic behind all of this. The things they did didn’t see so outlandish anymore. I was finally seeing the logic behind following the _protect the family_ motto. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a disclaimer… I’ve never dealt with or known anyone with an addiction like this. I know for a lot of people it’s a much harder road to recovery. This isn’t meant to offend or hurt anyone. 
> 
> Italicized song lyrics in the middle of the chapter are from Without Me by Halsey.


	32. Haunted

_You and I walk a fragile line, I have known it all this time, but I never thought I’d live to see it break. It’s getting dark and it’s all too quiet and I can’t trust anything now. And it’s coming over you like it’s all a big mistake. Holding my breath, won’t lose you again. Something’s made your eyes go cold. ~ Taylor Swift, **Haunted**_

**BPOV**

Maybe it was a universal thing, that no matter what age you were you never felt like you had your life together. It went in waves, it seemed like. Sometimes there were years where everything was fine and everyone was happy. Other times you ended up on trial for murder and were nearly sent to prison for life. I thought as time went on the waves would be smaller, not as dramatic. Now, I was nearing fifty and all of a sudden the perfect life I thought I had made for myself imploded.

Most people had it all figured out by fifty, right? Hell, Edward was already fifty so we should have been fine. There shouldn’t have been any more surprises. The worst part was something in my gut told me this was just the beginning of this wave of hell. And that feeling is what had me constantly on the edge of panicking from the moment Edward woke me up and told me our son had been arrested.

That morning was on a constant loop in my mind. It didn’t matter that I left the room halfway through the conversation. The yelling could be heard through the entire house.

_I never asked to be part of this fuckin’ family, the son of a couple of criminals._

Three months later and the words still felt like a slow burning stab to my heart. Because it was true and there was nothing I could do about it.

My entire life I avoided things that made me uncomfortable or things that were simply too hard to deal with. I hated living with Renee so I ran away, grateful for the escape of acting that was suddenly at my fingertips. Then Hollywood got to be too overwhelming and I exiled myself in the rehab center for a few months. When Edward told me who he really was I pushed him away and tried to avoid the subject for as long as possible. I had been in denial for years about being unable to have a child, but that was kind of the issue here now, too.

And for the past nearly twenty years I had avoided the fact that I was a criminal. I was married to one and I turned a blind eye to everything he did. I had sewn up his side when he was shot and washed blood out of his clothes. It had become normal for me and I didn’t think twice about it anymore.

But it was times like this when I realized so much of what people said about me was true. All of the articles that constantly called me out for being manipulative? _True._ People who said being with Edward influenced bad behavior on my part? _Correct._ Aiden saying he was the son of a couple of criminals? _Spot on._ And it fucking hurt. 

It didn’t make me love my husband any less, because I understood that it was the only way of life he knew. I was taught right from wrong, though. Renee may have been a shitty parent, but her and Charlie taught me not to steal other kids’ toys and told me that lying was wrong. I had a full set of morals instilled in me from a young age, the same set that kept the world – mostly – running smoothly.

I turned my back on all of that in an instant. I robbed a bank without a second thought and took over one of the largest crime families in the country without putting up much of a fight. I lured Aro Volturi to my home knowing he would probably try and kill me in the process.

Edward always told me that I didn’t force his hand, that I was only protecting myself that night, but the truth of the matter was I wanted him dead. I didn’t want to ever worry about him coming after any of us again or holding his parentage over our heads, and I wanted my husband out of jail for his disappearance. It was a win-win situation in my book. I felt guilty about not feeling guilty about it.

Again, it was one of the many things that I constantly avoided thinking about. My powers of avoidance started to crumble as soon as Aiden started learning the truth about the family. They were all but nonexistent since he called me insane that morning in Edward’s office. Instead of being able to avoid it like I usually did, the entire thing was constantly running on a loop through my head.

_You brainwashed her when she was younger and made her think you were this great guy._

_Maybe she’s always been that fucking insane._

_Crazy enough to actually think you were a good guy._

I had issues, and I knew it. When I was eighteen I was diagnosed with bipolar depression. I had high days and low days and mood stabilizers to try and keep me somewhere in the middle. I was prone to anxiety and had my fair share of panic attacks when things got really bad. They were all things I had come to terms with years ago, but hearing my son call me insane seemed to set me back about twenty years.

I hadn’t seen or heard Edward as angry as he was that morning in a long time. It broke my fucking heart that all of that was directed at Aiden. I wanted to interfere, try and find some kind of balance between the two of them, but there wasn’t one. Aiden wasn’t the little kid we had raised anymore; he was growing up and making his own decisions and they weren’t the right ones.

Edward and I had both been a bit of a mess since Aiden left. He was down the street, and that should have been comforting, but it was a slap in the face. He shouldn’t be living with Alice and Jasper. He should be with us.

Edward had been working on figuring out the whole mess. Legally, Aiden was clean. Edward made sure no charges were brought up against him. Evidentially it was easier to get a drug charge dropped than murder. The big question was who Aiden was getting drugs from. Edward knew, without a doubt, none of his people would have been stupid enough to do it. Most of the drugs that went through the city were Edward’s, so it should have been easy to figure out who it was.

Except Tony, the name of the supplier he had gotten from Jackson, was a fucking ghost. He only contacted the boys himself, never left them with a way to get in contact with him. And it was always from a different, untraceable number.

Most days Edward was in his office, yelling at someone new who gave him another dead end. I usually locked myself in my own office, working on the soundtrack I no longer had any interest in doing.

That was all we did the first month; work and blame ourselves until it resulted in a breakdown from both of us.

_I slammed my fingers down on the piano keys, frustrated that the melody that I knew I needed wasn’t coming to me. It resulted in a disgusting clash of notes echoing throughout the house._

_I scrubbed my hands over my face. It had been nearly a month since Edward kicked Aiden out, and I couldn’t get rid of the overwhelming sense of failure that was taking over everything._

_I had failed my son in the worst way possible; leaving him to resort to illegal drugs to escape from the life we built for him. I knew he was struggling with coming to terms with what our family was really like but I still left to go film a movie for six months, only able to make a few trips home here and there._

_It had seemed like we were doing okay, Edward and I, considering having Aiden at all had been so sudden. He was a happy kid. He excelled at school and had a good group of friends. That was all any parent could ask for right? That their child was happy and loved?_

_I slammed my hands back down on the piano, letting out a frustrated, “Argh!”_

_“Everything okay?” Edward asked, standing in the doorway holding a scotch._

_“No,” I grumbled. “We shouldn’t have kicked him out.”_

_Edward sighed and took a sip of his drink. “_ I _shouldn’t have kicked him out, you mean?”_

_“He shouldn’t be recovering at Alice and Jasper’s. He should be here.”_

_“Staying here wouldn’t have done him any good, Bella.”_

_That got me defensive. “We’re his parents. We should be the ones helping him.”_

_“I saw it in his eyes. No matter what we did, he never would have changed without a push. The shit he was saying –“_

_“He was right, Edward!” I shouted. I couldn’t take all of the pretending anymore. We weren’t good people and it was time we started to admit it. I pushed away from the piano and started pacing. “We are a couple of criminals. Half of our family belongs behind bars, ourselves included. This whole thing was just some cosmic joke. We were never meant to be parents. Maybe you were but I wasn’t. He was right,” I repeated. “I was… I am fucking insane._

_“I was insane to think I could ever be a good mother, to think I wouldn’t fuck my child up as much as me. It was fucking idiotic to think we could make this work, you and me raising him like this. To take over –“_

_“Do you want out?” Edward said, eerily calm and quiet._

_“What?” I asked, blinking in his direction. I didn’t understand._

_“Do you want out, Isabella? Away from me, away from Chicago with Aiden?”_

_They were simple questions with simple answers, but they made my eyes go black and my ears ring._

_“I wouldn’t fight you on anything. You could have all of the properties we’ve bought, the company, all of the fucking money –“_

_“Stop!” I screamed, backing myself up against the wall for support. Those weren’t scenarios I ever wanted to think about. “All I want is for both of you to be happy and I don’t know how to make it happen,” I sobbed, my feet giving out beneath me as I slid down the wall._

_I hated this._

_Hated doubting everything._

_Hated my brain for always complicating things._

_Hated hearing my husband ask me if I wanted to divorce him and leave him behind._

_It felt like someone was constantly stabbing me in the heart even though I was already dead._

_Then Edward pulled me away from the wall and into him. He held me as close as humanly possible, like he was trying to hold me together as I fell apart._

_“Please don’t leave me,” I whispered against his neck, breathing in the comforting scent I could only describe as pure Edward._

_We sat like that for a long time, muttering apologies and comforting words to each other. Promising to not let this destroy us more than it already had. Edward blamed himself because of his job and I blamed myself because of mine. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that not all of the blame was on us. Aiden made his own decisions and there was nothing we could have done._

_But, in the heat of the moment, that logic didn’t sound so logical._

Edward and I both felt a little better after our not-so-little breakdown. Sometimes it still infuriated me that he would even suggest that I leave him, and sometimes I knew he got upset at me for thinking Aiden was right that I was crazy. We were in limbo and it was hell, but there was one thing we knew for sure and that was that we would be there for each other, no matter the outcome.

Now, I was stuck on a two week press tour that I wanted no part of. Yes, I was proud of the film but I was petrified something would happen while I was gone. Which, of course, two days into the tour, it did.

“He’s back?” I whispered into the phone, like if I said it too loud it wouldn’t be true.

I was sitting in the middle of the giant bed, alone in my suite in New York. It was nearly one in the morning, but I didn’t care that I had to be up in four hours.

“He’s back,” Edward said. “He looks like _himself_ again, Bella. Acts like himself. It’s like night and day compared to the kid we kicked out three months ago.”

In my mind I was already mentally packing up the entire room. “I should come back. I can get on a plane and be there in –“

“We both know you can’t do that, Bella,” Edward sighed, sounding just as frustrated as I felt.

“I should be there.”

“I know. I called Maggie, though, and she thinks it might actually be good timing. We should take things slow. It might have been too overwhelming if he had to face both of us at once.”

I supposed it made sense, but I still hated it. As upset as I was that I wasn’t there, an overwhelming sense of happiness washed over me.

“He’s really there? In his room?”

The day after Edward kicked him out I cleaned every inch of his room. Found a few more bags of drugs hidden better than the first batch I found. But I wanted it ready for when he got back.

“Yeah,” Edward said and I could hear the smile in his voice. “He’s in his room.”

I sighed, falling back against the pillows and fighting every urge to jump up and get back to Chicago as fast as humanly possible.

“Tell me how it happened.”

_…Dark…_

Edward’s updates got me through the press tour. Whenever I was asked the same question for the hundredth time I thought about how he had taken Aiden to a batting cage the night before and they spent three hours practicing together. While I sat in my third makeup chair of the day I would think about Edward telling me they tried to bake homemade snickerdoodles but both decided they weren’t as good as when I made them. When my anxiety skyrocketed while walking a red carpet alone for the first time in years I pictured them repainting Aiden’s room together because he told Edward he wanted a fresh start.

Walking off of the filming stage for my last interview, I practically ripped the mic out of my shirt to get out of there as quickly as possible.

I was done. _Finally._

I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face as I walked up the steps of the plane. Two weeks wasn’t really that long, but it felt like a lifetime since I got the call from Edward saying Aiden was home. Now I was getting to see my son after three and a half months apart.

Things were still rocky. I knew Edward and Aiden had a few spats the last few weeks, though most of the time they were getting along fine. Edward still wasn’t over the whole ‘fucking insane’ comment and I was sure Aiden was still worried about the family business hanging over his head.

That was what we were going to figure out now, though. I wasn’t headed to Chicago to see them. We were meeting at the place Edward and I always went when things were tough.

The island.

The constant stress and long hours of the last few weeks helped me sleep on the plane. If I hadn’t been so exhausted I would have been too anxious to sleep. I was a mess of jitters as Ben drove us to the docks. My leg bounced as I sat in the boat, searching the horizon for the island I knew was out there waiting for me.

An overwhelming sense of déjà vu assaulted me as I hopped off of the boat and onto the beach. I had done this exact thing before, under entirely different circumstances.

I froze in the middle of the small island, staring at the two men standing in the doorway staring at me. Aiden was only sixteen, but I knew he was a man now. He had faced struggles that could take down the strongest men and women in the world and survived and had to come to terms with things most never had to deal with. I didn’t like it, but I knew I had to start treating him more like a man and less like the little boy I wanted him to still be.

I walked slowly toward them, like they would disappear if I made any sudden movements. This was all I had wanted for the last three months, all of us together, and now I didn’t know what to do. Was he still mad at me? Did he hate what he found out about us the last few months? Was this all another act?

I took another small step toward Aiden and he held his hands up, immediately making my heart sink.

“First, I… I’m really sorry, Mom. About a lot of things, but especially what I said that morning. You’re not – I don’t think you’re – Shit.”

“Language,” I said instinctively with a smile. It was a running joke we had ever since Aiden was about fourteen. Edward and I cursed too often and it was a habit we were never able to break so Aiden never really had a chance. Edward or I would scold him, but we all knew we never really meant it.

“Do you hate me?” Aiden asked quietly.

“I don’t hate you,” I sighed. “I’m disappointed in a few things and we have a lot to talk about, but I don’t hate you.”

Aiden let out a breath he was seemingly holding and I took that as my cue. I pulled him into a hug, one I had been craving for months.

When we pulled apart, Aiden quickly wiped his eyes, muttering something about Maggie under his breath. _That_ I understood. Therapists were annoyingly right sometimes. I wasn’t sure what this one was about, but I was sure that was what he was feeling.

“I have a lot of questions,” Aiden admitted, looking back and forth from Edward to me.

“Why don’t you go wait for us on the roof. We’ll put your mom’s stuff up and then meet you there,” Edward said, coming to stand by me. He wrapped an arm around my waist, giving me a soft squeeze.

A bright smirk popped up on Aiden’s face as he went toward the stairs. Before I could ask Edward about it he had me pressed up against him, by back to the door frame and his lips assaulting mine in the best way possible. I forgot about all of the things I had to worry about when he gripped my hips tightly and moaned when I tugged at his hair.

When we both ran out of breath Edward moved his lips across my cheek, down my neck to the spot he knew made my toes curl. It was like he knew the instant my mind blacked out and forgot what we had to be doing, choosing that second to come to his own senses.

Edward pulled away, cradling one hand around my cheek and smiled down at me. “I missed you.”

I smiled up at him and couldn’t resist wrapping my arms around his neck and burrowing myself as close as possible into him. It had been a horrible few months. We fought more than ever and distanced ourselves because we both thought the other blamed us for everything.

Maybe now we could finally start working towards getting back to normal.

_…Dark…_

I had been nervous about coming back to the island. It was our safe place, yes, but it was also the place we went when things were falling apart. This time, though, it seemed to be where we needed to be to put the pieces back together.

Aiden was in the sitting area, on a chair that overlooked the ocean surrounding us. He didn’t look sixteen, far from it. His eyes, the stoic look on his face told me that he had learned some lessons most adults had yet to learn. He was still a little on the lanky side, but I knew that would change soon. During one of our many phone calls, Edward told me they had started working out together, something to help Aiden release some anger he was still holding on to. Soon enough he would fill out and look even older than he already did.

Edward and I sat on the couch beside him. I curled my legs under myself and grabbed Edwards hand, anxiously fiddling with the wedding ring around his finger. There were going to be no more secrets after today. We would let Aiden ask whatever he wanted and answer his truthfully, because our other way obviously didn’t work.

“Before you start,” Edward said, looking over at Aiden. “Once you know these things you can never forget them. There are things that people outside of this family can never find out. If you’re not willing to lie to your friends or, God forbid, the authorities, don’t ask for the answer.”

Aiden was quiet, his eyes looking anywhere but at me. I knew what his first question was.

“You can ask it,” I told him. “It’s okay.”

“Did you…” he hesitated looking at Edward like he was waiting for him to stop him. “Did you plan it?”

“Yes,” I replied with no hesitation. “Did you know he was my biological father?” He had told Edward that he looked us up, something I was surprised didn’t happen a long time ago. I assumed he would know, but I couldn’t make assumptions anymore.

“I was kind of hoping that was fake.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“So… wait…” He was as confused as most people were when they found out. It was a complicated story to wrap your head around.

“Do you want me to start at the beginning, and you can ask questions as we go?”

“The real story? Not just what you showed in the movies?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “The real story.”

It took hours, but we told him everything. I told him about how I started my career, and how horribly Renee treated me back then. Edward told him about his childhood, growing up with Carlisle and Esme and never knowing a life other than the one he had now. Some memories were harder to talk about, like the shooting and the aftermath of it, and others were nice to relive.

We told him about how we met and Edward’s blunder of talking about airhead actresses as he approached me. I went into more detail about how I felt when Edward told me what he really did, admitting that there wasn’t really anything he could do now that would change the way I felt about him. Maybe I was blind for love, but sometimes I didn’t think that was such a bad thing. 

He knew most of our early story from my films, but we didn’t skip over anything. We were being completely transparent about everything now.

Aiden muttered something about Alec when I admitted to stealing the file out of Aro’s safety deposit box, and nodded when Edward reminded him it was something that could never leave the island.

More questions started coming up as we discussed the trial.

“You didn’t look relieved when they read the verdict,” Aiden said.

I nodded. I remembered the moment well. There was a small part of me that hoped what Carlisle had told me was true, that Edward was alive and waiting for me, but I knew that if I got my hopes up I would be crushed all over again when it was a lie to keep me loyal. Part of me thought that if I went to prison for the rest of my life I would never have to come to terms with the fact that I had killed my husband.

“I didn’t want to go out there and live in a world where I was a widow. I didn’t know what kind of life was waiting for me.”

“So, you really did think he was dead?”

It was a conversation I’d had with many people before. I did my best to explain my thought process to him, convincing myself Edward was dead in order to not get my hopes up was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. Talking about it, even now, made me a little nauseous.

We took a break after that and went to eat the dinner they had cooked together before I arrived. I had forgotten how peaceful it was to be here, the sound of the ocean constantly surrounding us. The waves in front of me distracted me from the box being put in front of me.

I frowned down at the blue box. “What is this?”

“I, uh, missed your birthday. Dad helped me pick it out. He said whenever he does something stupid, jewelry helps soften the blow.”

“Aiden, you – “

“I’m really sorry. About everything. I know how stupid it was to go down that path. I was just… scared and confused and angry. And I know I don’t know everything yet but _I understand,”_ he said, almost frantically.

“I didn’t get it before. How big some of these secrets were or why you wouldn’t tell me the truth. But, watching your movies and looking you guys up online… I get it, now. Why you waited.

“I can’t take back what I did or what I said, and I know I still have a lot of things to work through, but I’m just – I’m sorry.”

Just like that, he was our son again. The kid who inherited my ability to ramble on when nervous and the one who got Edward’s ability to charm his way out of anything.

To distract myself from the tears I knew were coming I carefully opened the box in front of me. Edward knew I didn’t need jewelry or expensive presents to forgive anyone, but I knew he was making Aiden work for forgiveness from both of us.

Inside was a silver bracelet, surrounded by charms. There were initials for Edward and Aiden, and a little microphone too. There was a little Academy Award statue, and a piano. I laughed at the tiny snake charm.

“You saw the whole snake thing, huh?”

“Yeah… but the way you turned it around on everyone? Pretty fucking epic,” he said with a smile. “I mean, that whole visual album thing you did… and the tours? You know most of the videos from you live are deleted online because of copyright or some shit, but it looked amazing. Oh! And…”

Aiden went on, talking about my music and tours and movies like he hadn’t just spent the last few hours listening to us talk about the various crimes we had committed. Like he hadn’t spent the last three months recovering from a drug addiction.

Edward reached over, clasping the bracelet around my wrist and squeezing my hand because he felt it, too.

Things were finally falling back into place.

_…Dark…_

“It’s not that big of a deal,” I mumbled to myself as I walked in the house. I slid my coat off of my shoulders, shivering at the sight of the snow still evident against the black felt. “Not a big deal.”

“What’s not a big deal?” Edward asked, coming around the corner and smirking at me.

“Shit,” I gasped, dropping my coat and purse. “I didn’t think you’d already be here.”

Edward frowned, hanging up my fallen coat and putting my purse on the table. “Everyone’s here. For dinner.”

“Damn it.” I didn’t want to sit through dinner without telling Edward what I had done, but I also didn’t want to have the whole conversation knowing our entire family was waiting for us.

“You’re very frazzled tonight. Did your meeting go okay?”

Edward started to lead me toward the family room, rubbing soft circles into my hand. Guilt knotted up my stomach and I pulled him into the corner before we were assaulted by everyone.

“I have to tell you something. I –”

“Holy shit, Ma, is this true?” Aiden rounded the corner, phone in hand.

It was a common question we got these days. In the weeks following our return from the island, we had given Aiden a little more independence. He was still being home schooled, but had started dropping hints that he was ready to go back to regular school. He had his phone back, but knew that at any second Edward or I would go through his entire history to make sure he wasn’t reverting back to any of his old tricks; mainly contacting the mysterious Tony.

_Little fucker would regret getting my son into that shit if I ever saw him._

Edward and I had also given him free reign to look into us more than he already had, on the condition that he ask us for confirmation on things before he came to any conclusions. We were completely honest whenever he asked us about our history. So, his sudden exclamations asking if something was true were pretty common around the house these days. It just wasn’t something I felt like dealing with right now.

“Is what true?” I asked, looking over at him, simultaneously thankful and frustrated at the interruption.

“You bought Milestone Records?”

Fuck, fuck, _fuck._

It was true. Stupidly true.

Peter was in town and asked me out for a drink. I went, of course, and expected the evening to go like our usual get togethers went. We talked about music and our lives and he tried to convince me to release another album. That wasn’t how tonight went.

_I took a sip of my wine, enjoying it while I could. We had gotten rid of every drop of alcohol from the house because of Aiden. Edward said it was just a precaution in case he hooked onto another substance in a moment of weakness._

_Peter slid a file across the table toward me. “What is this?”_

_“A document getting you out of your contract with Milestone. I’m selling the label and I don’t want you to feel trapped.”_

_“You’re selling it? Why?”_

_“I just need out. I’ve been doing this for too long. I want to throw away my phone and travel and actually see the world, you know? Not through a screen.”_

_“But, you could still…”_

_“I did the best I could, but I couldn’t get everyone to sign off on giving you ownership of your masters. Our open-ended contract is void now, though. You can have a lawyer look over this before you sign it.”_

_I had been signed with Peter and Milestone since I was nineteen. We’d had a very open contract. I was never required to put out seven albums in a certain amount of time or anything. Whenever I wanted to release music, I could. He never forced me into anything, and I always knew I could trust him with the music aspect of my career._

_I pulled open the file and skimmed over the paper. It was a bunch of legal jargon that I didn’t really care about, but I would give it to Jared tonight to look over. It made my stomach uneasy, knowing that some money hungry guy in a suit would soon have access to my entire back catalogue, though._

_“How much do you think you’ll be able to get for it?” I asked calmly, taking a hefty sip of my wine._

_Peter shrugged. “My lawyers already put out some feelers. They’re thinking somewhere around $300 million.”_

_I didn’t think. Just spoke. “I’ll take it.”_

That was about an hour ago, so I was pretty fucking shocked that Aiden somehow knew about it already.

“Where did you hear that?” I asked, looking over at him with wide eyes.

“I have a news alert for you on my phone. Someone went to TMZ and said they overheard you buying Milestone Records tonight. For _three hundred million dollars._ ”

“First of all, you don’t need a news alert for me,” I told him, snatching the phone out of his hands. I quickly skimmed the article, which was annoyingly accurate. “Give us a minute, okay?”

Aiden slunk off back to the family room and I cowardly fiddled with his phone instead of facing my husband.

“Bella –“

“I’m sorry. I know I should have talked to you about it first. I just blurted it out before thinking and then I couldn’t take it back,” I exclaimed.

“Bella –“

“Peter tried to get me out of his sale completely, but the other investors wouldn’t give up my masters. Then I panicked and didn’t want anyone else –“

“ _Isabella,_ ” Edward interrupted. I looked up at him and frowned as he smirked at me. “You really thought I’d be mad?”

“Well, I mean… I know you made a big deal about telling me to not worry about spending your,” I paused at his abrupt frown. “ _Our_ money when we first got married but I think three hundred million might be crossing a line, don’t you think?”

“I trust you and your judgement. I know you’ve gotten screwed over in the past and don’t like letting other people control any part of your career, and I respect the fuck out of that. You’re a remarkable businesswoman, Bella. I have no doubt you’ll do wonderful things with Milestone.”

Huh. “You’re really not upset?” It wasn’t that I thought he would be furious at me. The man didn’t blink twice about running away with me and becoming a fugitive to save me. I thought he might be a little offended, maybe. That I made such a big decision without consulting him.

“I can be upset if you want, but we both know you could afford it on your own, too,” he shrugged, then got a wicked glint in his eyes. “We can work out an alternative form of payment if you’d like.”

“It would take a lot of sex to ‘repay’ three hundred million,” I joked, leaning up to press a soft kiss to his cheek. It seemed so stupid to be worried about his reaction now.

Edward pulled me close enough to feel every hard line of his body against mine. Soft lips nipped at my ear before whispering, “Once with –“

“Hey, are you guys – oh, gross. Aunt Alice is done heating up the pasta you set out, Ma,” Aiden mumbled, retreating back to the kitchen.

Edward nipped at my bottom lip quickly. “Tonight.”

Dinner was nice. It usually was these days, because we spent so many broken up. There had been three months of dinners where Alice would look guilty and sad the whole time, never looking me in the eyes. Three months of me pestering her about how he was doing. Three months of all-around hell.

Now, my son was sitting across from me, smiling at his cousin as they talked about baseball stats, or football, or whatever was going on right now.

It was nice to finally feel like a family again.

Later that night, after everyone had gone and Aiden was in his room, I still felt guilty. Edward had gotten a call so I had my entire shower to stew and think about how stupid what I had done was. I didn’t know what to do with a record label, or what it even entailed to own one. I could pawn off all of the big responsibilities to someone else, but I hated doing that. It always ended up in me getting screwed over somehow.

After running a towel through my hair and wrapping a warm robe around my shoulders I marched to Edward’s office, fully intent on telling him I was going to back out and sign the document I had given to Jared earlier. The one Peter said got me out of my existing contract with him.

I paused outside of the closed door for a moment, listening to see if he was still on the phone, then proceeded to nearly fall on my ass when Edward opened it.

“Are you okay?” he asked, keeping a hand on my hip to steady me.

“I’m going to back out,” I blurted out, brushing past him and into his office to pace as I spoke. “I don’t know the first thing about running a label and I don’t want something to take too much of my time away from home. And it’s a lot of fucking money that –“

Edward gripped my arm and twisted me around to face him, smiling patiently down at me. “I was just kidding about the ‘alternate form of payment’ thing, Bella. It’s a lot of money, but it’s an investment. You’ll earn it back.”

“But I don’t know how to run a label, Edward.”

“You excel at everything you do, Isabella,” Edward said so matter-of-factly I couldn’t not roll my eyes. “It’s true. You are the most stubbornly tenacious person I have ever met. You went from having no acting experience to being in one of the most successful franchises ever to being the most awarded actor in Academy Award history. You got told you couldn’t act for a year so you turned to music and now you have two Grammy’s for Album of the Year. You’ve successfully started a talent agency with your friends and ran the production company quite lucratively for years.

“You don’t have to do it on your own. You can hire the best in the business to help guide you through the whole thing. I have absolutely no doubt that you’ll be able to do wonderful things with it.”

Edward always knew how to calm my anxiety, but it was more than that. He never said things he didn’t mean and he was an excellent businessman. He wasn’t just saying these things because he wanted to calm me down, he was saying them because he meant it.

Our lives had been such a mess lately and it was easy to forget all of the good things we had going. Yes, I would worry every day for the rest of my life that my son would revert back to drugs, or that I would get a phone call that he had overdosed. At this moment, though, I knew he was doing fine. Better than he had been in a long time.

There was always a voice in the back of my head that warned me that while I pictured my husband going to work and sitting behind a desk all day, there were times when he was doing much more dangerous things than that. He had been shot at more times than I cared to know, and could be taken away from me at any moment.

When bad things happened, like Aiden getting arrested, they sent my mind into overdrive. They made me a mess of worry and fear and anxiety for months. Maybe the label would be a good distraction, would help me dig myself out of the hole I had buried myself under.

Edward knew it, too. He knew me better than I knew myself. He knew that every time I picked a fight with him the last few months it was because I was scared and sad and he understood that I didn’t handle change very well. He knew and he understood because he was my best friend. Had been practically since the moment I met him.

I didn’t think. Just jumped, knowing Edward would catch me with an arm around my waist.

“I love you,” I whispered, attacking his lips with mine, groaning as his tongue rubbed sensually against mine.

We started moving but I didn’t focus on that. I focused on the hands that cupped my ass under my robe and the light stubble that scratched my chin as Edward returned my kiss.

A door slammed shut and Edward sat down. He pulled away, only to focus his efforts on my neck. I had my eyes open just long enough to notice we were in the sitting area in the far side of our bedroom. Then Edward slid a hand up my thigh, pressing this thumb against my clit lightly as he slid two fingers inside me. My eyes squeezed shut and my hips bucked against his hand.

Moaning into his kiss, I started frantically tugging at his clothing. I tossed his tie into the corner and unbuttoned his shirt as far as I could. I whimpered when he removed his hand from me, but reveled in the sound of the zipper of his slacks opening.

As soon as Edward had his cock free from the confines of his slacks, I slid myself down over his hard length. It didn’t matter that he was still nearly fully clothed or that my robe was hanging off of my shoulders, all that mattered was him.

“I love you,” I breathed out every time my hips rolled with his.

Edward was quiet, but his eyes never left mine. He kept one hand on my hip and the other cupped my neck, his fingers gently massaging and making it so my eyes stayed locked with his.

I gasped as he stood suddenly, his hands tight on my thighs as he walked. I flung my robe off of my shoulders just before Edward tossed me onto the bed. It took all of my willpower not to whine as Edward untangled himself from me to get rid of his clothing.

He was taking too long, but the second my hand reached down to ease the pressure he left building inside of me, he snapped.

“ _No.”_

Edward was over me then, his hands intertwined with mine and pressing them into the mattress. His body rested heavily over mine and I basked in it, aware of every inch of our skin that touched.

“You’re mine,” he whispered in my ear, tugging lightly at it. “Your lips are mine to kiss, your breasts mine to play with.” He accentuated his words by doing just as he said, kissing me fiercely and covering my breasts with his hands, kneading and tugging at my nipples until I wanted to scream.

“This pussy and every orgasm you have is mine; whether it’s on my fingers, my tongue, or my cock. It’s all mine.”

Finally, _finally,_ he slid back inside me and we both groaned. He stilled as soon as we were flush against each other, looking down at me.

“You and me, Bella,” he whispered, his hands trailing up down my side, hitching my legs around him. “Always you and me.”

I didn’t know whether I wanted to scream or cry when he finally started thrusting against me. I settled for burying my head in his neck, sucking on the soft skin above his collarbone and digging my nails into his back.

We moved like that for what felt like hours. It was never enough. I always needed more of him inside me, surrounding me, consuming me.

Life, especially the life we chose, was hard. It was dangerous and stressful and sometimes made it so I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, mainly in the last few months. I would be lying if I said Aiden’s issues hadn’t put the biggest strain on us that we had seen since we got married, and it still felt like we weren’t quite right sometimes.

This, we always got right, though. There was never a time when I felt scared or confused when Edward had his arms around me, or when it felt like he was so deep inside me we were the same person.

We had both reached the point of no return as Edward started thrusting harder, pounding me into the bed. He tangled his fingers in my hair, holding me to him and keeping our eyes locked.

My body felt like it was burning slowly from the inside out, when Edward whispered, “Come for me.” I had no control over my muscles as my legs shook and my nails dug deep into his back. My eyes squeezed shut and my mouth hung open in a silent scream as he collapsed on top of me.

I was no stranger to long hours or intense workouts, but I was fairly confident that my body and mind had never been quite as exhausted as they were in that moment. Edward somehow still had the energy to get us both situated in bed, under the covers and wrapped around each other again.

I sighed against him, pressing a lazy kiss to his chest as my eyes closed. “Love you,” I mumbled, because I felt like I hadn’t said it enough lately.

“I love you, Bella,” was the last thing I heard before I relaxed into sleep.


	33. Haunted Pt. 2

_Something’s gone terribly wrong, you’re all I wanted. Come on, come on, don’t leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out. Can’t breathe whenever you’re gone, can’t turn back now I’m haunted. ~ Taylor Swift, **Haunted**_

**BPOV**

It was no secret that the last year had been difficult, to put it lightly. Our son had found out things about Edward and I that I never wanted him to know. All of those things drove him to using illegal substances to cope with everything, leaving him with an addiction he would have to deal with for the rest of his life. The entire thing put more strain on my marriage than I was comfortable with.

Today felt like a fresh start. We were going to start finding our new normal, whatever that was. I wasn’t going to dwell on all of the shit that got us here in the first place, I was going to move on. It helped that it was finally my favorite holiday season. We were going to be bright and fucking merry if I had anything to do with it.

I had always liked the winter; blankets and sweaters and warm drinks were some of my favorite things, but it wasn’t until we had Aiden that my love for Christmas came around. I spent an ungodly amount of money on decorations and trees and presents every year, but we both loved it. Edward tolerated it because he loved us, but I heard the grumbles from the front door every night when the garland hanging around the frame got sparkles on him. He never complained, though.

Maybe it was the idea of decorating the house for the holidays, or maybe it was the mind-blowing orgasm from the night before that put me in such a good mood. Either way, I was going to enjoy it.

Edward was still sleeping as I got dressed. Comfortable red sweater. Worn jeans that were nearly as old as my son, but too comfortable to get rid of. Boots for the three inches of snow already on the ground. All winter ready.

It was early, the sun wasn’t even fully up yet, but I was on a mission. I knew exactly where our mountain of winter decorations was in the basement, and started bringing up all of the boxes I could myself.

“Do you need help?” Ben asked from the stairs.

“No,” I grunted, grabbing the box in the most awkward way possible and trying not to let him see how heavy it was.

“You’re going to hurt yourself,” he said, grabbing the box too easily from me.

“I don’t need you to –“

“Being mad at me doesn’t give you the excuse to hurt yourself,” was all he said before carrying the box upstairs.

It wasn’t so much that I was mad at him. I was more sad, I think. It was just coming out as anger. Because Ben had been a constant in my life since I was twenty-one, and last night he told Edward and I he was retiring. It was stupid to be this upset because I should have seen it coming. But I didn’t and, for lack of a better word, it sucked. A lot.

So, as per usual, I was going to ignore the issue and focus on something else. I was an hour into wrapping a garland around every banister for every set of stairs we had when Edward showed up.

“I thought we weren’t decorating this year?” he asked, smirking down at me from the top of our grand stairway. I saved the biggest for last.

In the middle of the whole debacle, around the beginning of November when I would usually slowly start to bring out decorations I was too impatient to wait to put up, I had said I didn’t want to decorate like I usually did when Edward asked about it. Things were different now, though. Better.

“I changed my mind,” I shrugged, focusing on the work in front of me.

“You know tonight we have dinner with –“

“I know,” I sighed. I wasn’t going to think about dinner right now. That was a whole new shit storm that I didn’t want to deal with.

So, I didn’t. I spent the day putting out every little holiday trinket we owned with my son and husband. We went and picked out a tree and set it up in the corner of our living room, covering it with every ornament we had collected through the years. It wasn’t one of those trees that looked perfect with everything in the right place. It was a bit of a chaotic mess, but it was our mess.

“Do you think you’ll ever release another album?” Aiden asked out of the blue as I made us some homemade hot chocolate once we were done for the day.

“Probably not,” I shrugged. Career questions were Aiden’s topic of choice the last few days. The subject changed every week or so. Sometimes he wanted more information on Edward and the Cullen legacy. Then there were days when he wanted to know more about the trial and what really happened back then. Now, I supposed we were moving on to my job.

“Even though you just bought the label? You could do whatever you wanted.”

“I made your father an album of songs just for him before you were born. And I just put together that soundtrack. I’ve always been able to do whatever I wanted,” I told him with a smirk, pouring three cups of hot chocolate and sliding his cup over to him.

“You made dad his _own_ album? Of what?”

“Of songs,” I said matter-of-factly as he followed me into the living room. We had just enough time to enjoy our hot chocolate before getting ready for the dinner from hell.

I handed Edward his cup and sat with my feet up on the table, smiling at the view. It looked like Christmas threw up in here and it was spectacular.

“Can I listen to it?”

“No,” Edward interrupted.

“Why not?”

“Because they’re mine.”

I rolled my eyes and tuned them out. Edward was oddly protective of the songs that he deemed just for him. I thought it was kind of cute.

_…Dark…_

Usually, I hated being late. It was something Edward liked to tease me about, because I tended to run about twenty minutes early compared to everyone around me. Tonight, though, I had no problem being late. Just before I was set to leave for dinner with Edward and Aiden I got a call from a record company executive that I had been trying to get in contact with for weeks. I was trying to poach him from his current job, and I had to take what I could get from him.

Edward insisted I take it and just meet them for dinner when I was done. The idea of never going to dinner sounded enticing, but when the call ended after a quick twenty-minute conversation, I knew I should bite the bullet and go.

I had been to more than a few business dinner’s with Edward, some for business I was involved in and some I wasn’t. It had become a specialty of mine to be able to survive the monotonous dinners, but this one was going to be a new level of hell, because it was with Esme and her new family.

Esme was married again. The ceremony was supposedly very simple and done on a whim, but we all knew that wasn’t her style. She just failed to invite her children to the wedding and was trying to mend the burned bridge now.

It would have been one thing if Esme’s new husband, Alexander, seemed like a good man, an improvement from Carlisle, but he didn’t. Based on the information Edward had on him, he was just as vain and selfish as she was. He was practically the same person Carlisle was without the mob ties. The real kicker was that he had kids. Kids that were part of the wedding while Esme’s children were informed about the whole thing after the fact. Kids that I knew were going to look at us like we were the scum of the earth.

There was his oldest daughter, Alexandria, who was a doctor and expected everyone to address her as such. I had spent a few too many nights in hospitals, and thankfully never came across a doctor as self-centered and conceited as she. She came by it honestly, though, because she was named after her father.

Then, there was his middle child, Ryan. He had followed his father in his business and been divorced twice because he didn’t quite understand the concept of monogamy.

His youngest daughter, Ellie, was a lawyer. Apparently, she had written a thesis about me in law school. It never failed to infuriate me that I was a hot topic in legal courses across the country, and I vowed to avoid her at all costs tonight.

I wasn’t sure whose idea tonight was. It was obvious Esme didn’t care about her Cullen beginning anymore, and none of us had any desire to see her with her new family either, but somehow we all ended up agreeing to a dinner to _get to know one another._

If there was one common trait that most of us in the Cullen family had, it was that we didn’t get along well with others. We were the dogs that were always locked up in a shelter because they snapped at everyone who tried to get close, the ones who couldn’t even trust the hand that fed them.

We were the skeletons in Esme’s closet that she hid away as long as possible, and now she expected us to accept her whole new family with open arms. The entire thing made my blood boil, so my tactic was to keep my mouth shut for the entire evening.

I stopped at the door of the private dining room I knew everyone was in, taking my coat off and handing it to Ben. I straightened out my dress, a black and red sequined piece that flowed mid-calf. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door to hell.

All eyes snapped to me as soon as I entered, but I focused only on walking to the empty seat between Edward and Aiden.

“Sorry I’m late,” I said, kissing Edward’s cheek as he stood and held out my chair. I couldn’t help but notice that every Cullen man stood as I sat down, but Alexander and his sons kept their seats.

“Everything go okay?” Edward asked me.

“As good as it could have. I’ll wear him down eventually.”

“Lovely to see you, Isabella. I trust you’re doing well?” Esme asked, her voice obviously strained. She probably hoped I ditched the dinner as much as I hoped I could have.

“Yes, thank you, Esme,” I replied, taking a sip of water to let her see the bracelet I was wearing, the one the original Aiden Cullen left to me. Yes, it was petty, but it was the only dig at her I was allowing myself.

There was a moment of awkward silence before the woman I assumed was Ellie spoke up. “Isabella, I’d love to talk to you about your trial. There are so many things that I’ve always wondered ever since I studied it. Jenks was a genius, being able to get you acquitted.”

“Are you insinuating that I was guilty?” I asked, taken aback at her forwardness.

“Well – “

“We won’t be discussing my wife’s trial,” Edward interrupted, squeezing my knee softly beneath the table.

“We’re here to get to know the family,” Alexander piped in. “It seems to be a big part of your family history.”

“The Chicago police department created a bogus case against me. They allowed me to be attacked by one of their officers and let someone sneak into the precinct to attack me –“

“See, that always seemed a little far-fetched to me. Your medical records don’t show any defensive wounds on you. You could have -”

“It’s hard to defend yourself when you’re handcuffed.”

Before anyone could reply, the door opened again.

“Oh, Sulpicia, so good to see you!” Esme gushed as Aro’s widow walked in, her daughter and another man with her.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I muttered under my breath, looking at Edward who looked just as frustrated.

“Fuck, fuck, _fuck,”_ Aiden muttered beside me.

I frowned at him. “It’s not that bad,” I said, thinking he was nervous about them being related to Aro. “They’ll just – “

“No, Mom, that’s – that’s Tony.”

Tony.

_Tony_.

My head snapped in the direction of the man I didn’t know. There was something familiar about him, but maybe he was just one of those people that had familiar faces. His hair was dark and ruffled, his eyes dark in the dim light. He was definitely years older than Aiden, but years younger than Edward and I. The way he smirked in Aiden’s direction made me nauseous.

“Edward –“ I croaked.

“Who’s this?” he asked Tanya as Sulpicia talked with Esme.

“This is my son, Anthony,” Tanya smirked, gripping Tony’s shoulder with her acrylic claws.

“You have a son?” I blurted out before I could stop. When I started approximating ages my blood went cold.

I stood from the table, pulling Aiden with me. “Go home with Alice and Rosalie,” I told him, gently pushing him in their direction.

“Hey, kid,” Tony said, smirking as Aiden walked past him. He tossed him something and Aiden reached a hand out to catch it. “For the road.”

I grabbed the tiny bag immediately, recognizing it all too well from the stashes of them I found in Aiden’s room months ago.

Somehow, Edward had Tony pressed into the wall, an arm twisted behind his back. He was saying something to him, but I couldn’t hear it. I pushed Aiden away from the commotion and toward Alice, Rosalie, and Delilah.

They were all nearly out of the room when the words I had been dreading were spoke. “What’s the issue… Dad?”

It wasn’t our son calling Edward dad, though.

It was Tony.

The crowd around us wasn’t important to me anymore. I watched as Edward’s grip on the man loosened and Tony pushed his way out of it. Tanya looked at me with a snide smirk, but my attention was focused on the man that was supposedly my husband’s child.

They had a few similar features, but weren’t as closely matched as Edward and Aiden. My heart stopped when I thought about how familiar he looked when he first walked in.

“When did you have him?” I asked Tanya, trying my best not to let my voice shake.

“About seven months after you came into the picture.”

_Fuck._

Edward was talking, but I wasn’t listening. An overwhelming feeling of helplessness washed over me as I looked at him, standing next to people that could have been his family. If Carlisle and Esme had ever found out that Tanya had his child, they would have forced them to get married, no doubt about it.

The little voice in the back of my head, the one that always told me my worst fears, told me things might have been better for him if that had happened.

My ears started ringing as I looked around the room at the faces surrounding us. Esme and her new family, staring with slacked jaws, looking at us like we were zoo animals.

“I… I should go,” I whispered, mostly to myself. I was out of the door before anyone noticed. I made it out of the restaurant, onto the cold Chicago street before Edward caught up to me.

“Bella,” he sighed, blocking me from walking forward anymore. I folded my arms across my chest, shivering as snow flurries started falling. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Ben holding out my coat, but I shook my head.

“You should go back inside, Edward.”

“I’ll fix everything, I promise.”

“I know you will,” I sighed. “I’m fine,” I lied. “I just need some fresh air.”

“No, you’re not.”

My lips pulled up in a sad smile. I took a step toward him, leaning up to press a kiss to my favorite spot, just on his jawline. “I love you, Edward Cullen.”

He finally let me walk past him. I knew he could feel it though, that the life we had fought so hard for was slowly crumbling around us. That was probably why he let me walk away.

I did my best not to think as I walked, but images that made me nauseous kept popping into my head.

Edward and Tanya.

Edward and Tony.

Edward without me and Aiden.

My feet stopped outside of a bar and I nodded to myself. Alcohol was a good way to forget my problems.

The place was practically empty, not surprising for late on a Wednesday night. I took a seat at the end of the bar and the bartender was in front of me instantly. He was young, probably in his early twenties, and smiled as he leaned over the bar toward me.

“What can I get you, sweetheart?”

I snorted, folding my left hand over my right in front of me. “You’ll get a much better tip from me if you don’t try to flirt with me.” He nodded, and his smile turned more genuine. “I want whatever is going to get me to forget the last hour the fastest.”

Ben shook his head when the bartender looked at him. I rolled my eyes. No matter what I said, he wouldn’t change his mind.

“I don’t know how to handle all of this anymore,” I admitted after finishing my first drink. In the past I had handled much worse, but now it seemed like every little thing that happened sent me into a tailspin.

Ben was quiet, but I could tell there was something he wanted to say. “Just spit it out.”

He waited another second before he finally did. “You got soft.” I frowned, spinning the straw around in my drink.

“It’s not a bad thing. It was good for you, I think. You were too… intense before. You worked too much and put a lot of pressure on yourself to survive in the Chicago lifestyle you were suddenly in.

“Like tonight. If someone had made the claim you were guilty years ago you would have gotten much more worked up about it.”

My mind sped through a million different scenarios; screaming fights with Esme and such. I was more confrontational when I was younger, but I thought I was just more level-headed now. I didn’t know if I liked the idea that I got _soft._

“It was after you had Aiden that I noticed it. You weren’t the same. You were cautious and put him ahead of everything else in your life. As long as he was happy, you didn’t care about anything else. You and Edward both did it.”

“That’s… what you’re supposed to do as a parent. Right?”

Ben laughed. “Hell if I know. My parents were about as fucked up as yours. Not everyone does that as a parent, though.”

We were quiet again and I sipped my drink as I thought. Maybe he was right. I had gotten soft. I let Esme visit my son even though I hated her. I let her new family talk to me like I was a criminal. Scenarios started coming at me and I couldn’t deny that I had gotten soft.

“Getting soft sucks,” I blurted out, too loud for a private conversation. The people still milling around the bar looked at me for a minute, then turned back to their conversations.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Ben repeated.

“Yeah, it is. When you’re soft, you’re a pushover. You let people say whatever shit they want to about you and just what… get over it? That man back there got my son addicted to drugs that could have _killed_ him and I just walked away from him.”

Too many thoughts and emotions started swirling around in my head. The bartender, who I now knew was named Josh, set another drink in front of me.

“Edward got soft, too,” I mumbled.

Ben nodded. “People grow up, Bella. They get more calm. It’s just how life is.”

I didn’t like the idea of a life like that.

It sounded boring.

_…Dark…_

“Shh,” I shushed Ben as he walked in behind me. It was dark and late and I was pretty sure that the table I had bumped into wasn’t there when I left earlier.

“Bella?” Rosalie and Emmett walked down the grand stairway, frowning at me.

_Right._ That table wasn’t there when I left home because I wasn’t at home.

“Did I wake you up? It’s not that,” I hiccupped and then laughed quietly at the odd sound. “That late.”

“What are you doing here?” Rose asked, following me as I stumbled toward their living room. There was a cart with alcohol somewhere in there.

Josh had kicked me out. Well, the bar closed, but I took it as being kicked out. I still left him the good tip I had promised, though, because he made me delicious drinks all night and left me alone.

_Alone_. I didn’t want to be alone. Not anymore.

I looked around in a circle, not seeing the cart of booze I knew was usually here. “Where’s your alcohol?”

“Are you drunk?” she asked, gently pushing me toward the couch.

“Yes, but it’s made me realize a lot of things. Like the uh, what was it, Ben? Oh, soft. I got soft and that fucked everything up. But don’t worry, I’m not going to be soft anymore.”

An idea popped into my head, and I looked at Rosalie with wide eyes and a smile. “You used to be friends with Tanya! Do you know where she lives now? I have to go kick her ass.”

Rose gently pushed me on the couch and I decided sitting for a few minutes would be a good way to conserve my energy before I found Tanya.

“Did you really like Tanya before, or was it one of those friendships where you were only friends because you kind of had to be?”

Before she could answer, I kept going. “Because I kind of hate the bitch. I hate a lot of people, really, but she’s pretty far up on the list.”

Rose sighed and sat next to me. “Did you talk to Edward about her and…”

“Tony,” I spat out. It infuriated me that she named him after Edward. Another reason why I hated her. “No. I left him at the restaurant.” I sighed. “You know what else I hate? The fact that Edward was a bit of a slut before we started dating.”

“Yes, he was,” Rose said with a small smile. I didn’t know what was worth smiling about, but she had a pretty smile.

“I also hate the look I get from women. I can tell, at all of these fuckin’ charity or whatever the fuck else functions we have to go to… there are these looks women give me and I figured out what it was. It’s the ‘I fucked your husband before you came along’ look and it makes me want to scream.

At least, it used to. Then, do you remember that whole thing I said before about getting soft? Yeah, then that happened, but I’m over it now.”

I sighed, grabbing the pillow from the other end of the couch and setting it in my lap. “What were we talking about?”

“Um…”

“Oh, right, Edward being a slut. Did you ever see him with other women? Did you know he’s killed a third of the other men I’ve slept with? That’s unfair. Unless… if I got rid of Tanya, the mother of his child...” My throat constricted when I said the words.

Emmett walked back in then, carrying a mug of something that looked promising. He handed it to me and I took a sip, grimacing as I swallowed. “There’s no alcohol in this.”

I set the cup down on the table in front of me, tracing the pattern of the pillow in my lap as a distraction.

“Edward will take care of the situation, Bella,” Rose said, grabbing my hand.

“I know he will, he always does. That’s the problem.”

“Why is that a problem?”

“Because… because he can do everything on his own. He doesn’t _need_ me.”

“Bella – “

“No, it’s true. He could do everything on his own, ever since I met him. He has more money than he needs, he takes care of himself and the entire family. The only thing I could give him that he couldn’t get for himself was Aiden. I mean, there was the whole issue with us thinking I couldn’t do that, you know? But it worked out. Kind of.”

I shook my head, getting rid of all of the random thoughts distracting me. “A baby was the one thing I could give him that he couldn’t get for himself and now he doesn’t need me anymore.”

Exhaustion clouded my head and I set the pillow down on Rosalie’s lap and laid down. A quick nap before finding Tanya would be fine.

“I miss Edward,” I sighed. Rose rubbed my back, but it wasn’t the same. Sometimes when he was working and I didn’t want to be alone I would lie down on the couch in Edward’s office. He would come sit by me and put my head in his lap, periodically running his fingers through my hair or down my arm.

“I miss Edward,” I repeated, letting my eyes drift closed.

Arms squeezed between me and the couch and suddenly I was in the air. “I’m right here, Bella.”

My eyes popped open and there he was, his pretty face just inches from mine. Somehow, I ended up in bed. Edward set me down and unzipped my dress, pulling my favorite t-shirt of his over my head.

I watched him as he worked, silent for the first time tonight. He ran a wipe over my face, getting rid of the makeup I had applied before going to the dinner from hell. He made me take two pills and told me I had to finish the glass of water beside me before I fell asleep.

“Why are you…?” I asked as he grabbed a pump of lotion I kept beside the bed and started rubbing it into one of my hands, then the other. Kind of like the massages manicurists gave you, but a little less coordinated.

“Your hands get dry and cracked in the winter if you don’t put lotion on every night,” he said, very matter-of-factly.

All of it; the dinner, the alcohol, and the way he took care of me… it all made me cry.

Edward grabbed my face in his hands, his thumbs rubbing the tears away. “I need you, Bella. More than you’ll ever know… I _need_ you.”


End file.
